Role Play (44 page)

“You should have told me the truth,”
I said to both Lola and Vic.

Vic was nodding. “Yes.”

But Lola jerked her chin. “It’s not easy to tell you the truth, Sierra. You expect things to be a certain way. It’s hard to live up to what you want.”

I
realized that Lola could be speaking for Vic. It was true, I had closed my eyes to the signs of discord between Lola and Dick, because I liked having help taking care of her. And Vic was right that in the very beginning, I had judged him as “Jersey” and dismissed him before I saw him. I did talk to him because Monica said he was rich and successful. I was enchanted by his view and seduced by the idea of his wealthy lifestyle, and that’s why I completely lost control and we had wild sex that first time.

I
must have looked terribly downcast because Lola came towards me. “I’m sorry, Sierra. It’s sucked big time this past year. There’s been a giant wall between us, until I feel like I can’t even talk to you anymore. I know how mad you are. So when Dick threatened to tell you that I always knew he wasn’t a cop if I didn’t pay him back… I didn’t want to have to deal with it. I thought I’d pay him back and put it in the past so we could finally move on.”

From behind
me, Martin said quietly, “The only way you can move on is to confess, like you just did. And make atonement.”

Lola looked over at Martin. “What do you
think I should do?”

“I think that’s for Sierra to say.”

Lola turned back to me. “I hope you can forgive me. What can I do to make it up to you?”

I
felt something break in my heart to hear her take responsibility for what she had done. I had wanted to see her do that for so long.

I
put out my arms to my sister. “Just start talking to me again! I miss texting you and hanging out together.”

Lola hugged
me back, and for a moment I felt like we were kids again, comforting each other through something difficult. We had always been there for each other.

Suddenly it felt like
I had my sister back.

Over Lola’s shoulder,
I could see Vic, standing guard over Dick who was looking sick. His last hold on Lola was gone. And he knew it. And Vic was still watching over us to make sure Dick didn’t try to pull something now that his hopes were gone. What more could I ever ask for in a man?

It sent a flush through
me and made my eyes shine brighter at Vic. Maybe forgiveness all around was in order.

Chapter
45

Vic

I was almost hoping Dick would make a dick move because then I could bust him one. But it only took one hard jab to the diaphragm and Dick’s fight went out of him. True, I had nearly broken his arm the last time we tangled, so Dick was being smarter than his usual self. But it was something more—once Lola confessed to Sierra, his last hold on her sister was gone.

I
still wanted to bust him one. Imagine blackmailing a girl into having sex. It was a new low I had never seen before.

To give her credit, Lola bounced over to Dick and snapped her fingers in his face. “Fuck off, dude! If I see you hanging around my place again, I’m calling the cops.”

Sierra stalked past Dick without a word or a look, as if he was beneath her notice. Those girls were tough, and I knew what kind of pressure you had to go through to get that tough. It made me feel for them, and want to help.

Martin stepped up close to Dick, staring him
down. There was something about the appraising glint in Martin’s eyes. I got the distinct feeling that Martin knew how to settle a score or two.

In a low voice, Martin told Dick, “You go near her again and I’ll cut your balls off.”

Then Martin grinned, showing his missing teeth. There was something ominous about it. Like he was on the edge and had nothing left to lose.

I
wouldn’t want to tangle with the guy. Clearly Dick didn’t either.

Since
I couldn’t improve on that, I saluted him with my baton and whistled on my way out. I didn’t think we would be seeing Dick again.

When
I reached the elevator, Sierra was asking, “What does Dick really do?”

Lola made a face. “He
drives for a limocar service. Bor-ring!” But as soon as Lola caught the expression on Martin’s face, she clammed right up.

I
was glad. Lola had gotten her sister into this mess, so she needed to take it seriously. If Dick had been a more desperate character, something bad could have gone down with Sierra in the room. I was going to make sure Lola didn’t do anything to hurt Sierra.

Chapter 46

Sierra

After Lola’s first burst of emotion towards me, she
went quiet. She kept her eye on Martin, and took her cue from his stern expression. As we got into the van, Lola asked Martin in a small voice, “Are you mad at me?”

Martin gave her a look,
then put the van into gear. “Lola, if you don’t want this kind of relationship, I’m fine with that. We can work together without having this dynamic. Maybe that’s for the best.”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Lola
asked, her voice higher.

“I’m accepting the fact that I have no
say in who you have sex with.” He gave her a meaningful look. “So that means I’m not going to be sexual with you. I like more honesty in my life than what you’ve got going on.”

Lola’s mouth fell open. Mine did, too. Finally a man my little sister couldn’t manipulate!

“What if I promise I’ll do what you say from now on?” Lola asked.

“I’ve seen today that you’re not a woman of your word. You’ve been lying to your sister, and to me, about what’s going on. Why didn’t you come to me? I could have helped you with this.
I could have helped put everything right, if you trusted me.”

Lola stiffened and looked out the window. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but I knew exactly why Lola hadn’t asked for help. She hated “help” even though she relied on everyone around her. She
always had to have it on her own terms, or she made a stink about it.

Now Lola asked, “Are you really breaking up with me?”

“I need time to think about it,” Martin said.

F
or once in her life, Lola didn’t nag or whine until she got what she wanted. She sat there nervously chewing the inside of her mouth, glancing over at Martin every now and again. Occasionally she looked back and gave me an apologetic half-smile. I could tell she wanted to talk to me about what had happened with Dick, but she was more worried about getting Martin’s forgiveness right now.

It hurt
a little to be second on her list of concerns. But I had already accepted weeks ago that Lola had moved on.

Sitting o
n the bench seat in the back, Vic put his arm around my shoulders. I was glad to lean into him, feeling how warm and safe it felt to be in his arms. My eyes closed. There was nowhere else I wanted to be.

Martin drove
us to Greenpoint without asking. It was a silent ride in the darkness, with the street lights flashing through the front windows of the van.

With my head
against Vic’s shoulder, I watched Lola watch Martin. Lola opened her mouth a few times to say something. But my sister managed to restrain herself. I had never seen her make such an effort to do something she didn’t want to do.

When
we arrived at my graffiti-covered place in Greenpoint, Martin came around to open the sliding door of the van. Vic took my hand to help me out.

Then
Martin opened up the passenger door for Lola. “Get out,” Martin told Lola.

I
winced in sympathy, as my sister slowly got out of the van. Lola stood in front of Martin, oddly passive and silent, looking up at him. I was reminded of the night at the Chamber when I saw Lola standing in front of Martin, listening so intently to him.

I
held my breath. Their relationship was on the line over this. But I had to admire Martin for how he was dealing with it. He wasn’t yelling or angry, even though Lola must have had sex with Dick a few different ways to pay off $600 of what she “owed” him.

“I’ll take the consequences,” Lola said
bravely. “Whatever you want. I don’t want to lose you over this.”

Martin
shook his head sadly. “I do adore you, my spunky girl. But you’re the one who asked for this. You wanted to be stronger. To learn the discipline you need over yourself. Your impulsive, selfish ways are fine if that’s what you choose. But that’s not for me.”

Lola jerked as if he had slapped her. “
I want you. I want our relationship. I’ve never been so happy.”

“Good, otherwise I wouldn’t let you come home with me.”

“So you’re not kicking me out?” she asked.

“We live together, girl. I’m not kicking you out just because I’m not having sex with you.
”

“But I want more… than working together. I know I deserve to be punished.”

Martin finally smiled. “If you want to be punished, I can do that. Get in the van.”

Lola
let out her breath in a relieved sigh. At the last second she turned and gave me a hug. It felt so good! Then my sister climbed into the van.

I
worried about Lola. “What are you going to do to her?” I asked Martin.

“Enough so she doesn’t forget this,” he said flatly. Then he smiled at
me. “No more than she deserves.”

I
smiled faintly in return. As Martin got into the van with a wave, I asked Vic, “Is Lola going to be okay?”

“She needs
boundaries. Martin gives her that. No wonder she’s happy with him.”

“
I’m starting to understand,” I agreed. “He can give her what I couldn’t. Maybe I took care of her too well. I didn’t give her a chance to learn how to take care of herself.”

“Sometimes letting someone fail is the best way to help them,” Vic agreed.

As Martin drove off, that left me with alone with Vic. Not Victor. Not my master, but the man who had rushed to save me again, and saved my sister, too.

What to do about Vic?

While I was ready to reconsider everything, I couldn’t do that in a flash standing here on the sidewalk. I wanted to be with him, without a doubt. But my head was already reeling from finding out that Lola had been lying to me for over a year.

I
stood there silently, not ready to say good-bye but not ready to move forward, either.

Chapter 47

Vic

I
almost suggested that we go up to the roof—I could hear music coming from up there. She had said she wanted to show it to me. We could hang out together, feel more comfortable together, and start to put our past in the past.

More than anything,
I wanted to put my arm around her again, like she let me in the van, and hold her so she knew she wasn’t alone. So I would know that I wasn’t alone. Even if it was only for those precious seconds that slipped by too quickly.

Maybe someday
that feeling would last.

I
wanted it so badly that I smiled at Sierra in the way that usually worked with women.

And then
I stopped. I remembered I wasn’t playing a role with Sierra. I wasn’t trying to manipulate her into doing what I wanted, to get what I wanted.

“Are you okay?” Sierra asked, seeing
my smile falter.

I
nodded, smiling for real this time, albeit with a little sadness. It was tough to change, tough to be the man she needed me to be. “I don’t want to go, but it’s that time.”

She looked torn. “I’d like to talk, but I’m not sure I can handle anything
else right now.”

“I get it. A lot has happened tonight.”
I reached out to clasp her hand, lacing my fingers in hers. “We have plenty of time to talk. I hope a very long time. There’s no rush.”

I
brushed her cheek with my fingers, and leaned into kiss her. For me, it was a chaste kiss. I wasn’t trying to seduce her into taking me upstairs. She was soft and pliable in my arms, the way I loved her. No longer afraid or resisting me. Open and vulnerable.

Now her eyes were shining like they did when she cried, only she was glowing with pleasure.

We separated slowly, and I began to back away to leave. Neither of us said a word, not wanting to break the spell.

Until
I was far enough way that her hand finally dropped from mine.

I
swallowed at the sudden chill it gave me. But I had to do it. I turned to walk away.