RodeHard (11 page)

“Here’s as good as anyplace.” She wasn’t from New York for
nothing. She’d be damned if she’d back down just because someone might
overhear.

“Fine.” He adjusted his hat and pulled the brim down, still
not meeting her eyes. “You were right. The whole group thing was a bad idea.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No.”

She snorted. “Unbelievable. So it turns out that activity is
better with a buckle bunny after all?”

“No, it just turns out you’re more of a buckle bunny than
I’d thought.”

Ouch.
“Fuck you,” she gritted out between clenched
teeth. Turning on her heel, she stormed away from him.

Pain lanced through her chest and she forced herself to keep
moving. There was no way she was going to break down in front of all these
cowboys.

In hindsight, having the discussion in the open was a bad
idea. Jesus, who was she kidding? The conversation would have hurt no matter
where they had it. She pushed open the door to the house and raced up the
stairs. Slamming her bedroom door, she slumped onto the floor and let the tears
fall.

How could she have been such an idiot? She’d honestly
believed him when he’d said it wouldn’t change things. Fuck, how stupid could
she be? Of course he saw her as a slut. She’d spent the night fucking three men
at the same time. She’d known it was a bad idea even when he’d made the offer,
but somehow she’d thought the connection between them was strong enough to
withstand any uncomfortable morning-after stuff.

Hell, he’d shared women before with those guys. He should
have known what that made him think of the women who did that. She wiped a tear
from her cheek and laughed mirthlessly. He did know what he thought of those
women, he just now thought she was like that too.

She wrapped her arms around her legs and dropped her head
onto her knees and let the tears fall. God, how stupid could she be? How many
times had she been hit on by professional athletes? She knew what they were
like. Knew they weren’t worth fucking up her job for but she’d been sucked in
by that goddamn cowboy charm. She’d thought Justin was different. Hell, she’d
fallen for the loser. Even been spinning around the possibility of seeing if
they couldn’t possibly continue long distance. That’s why she’d tossed out the
idea of him coming to New York. What an idiot.

How the hell was she supposed to spend the next three weeks
here? When everything reminded her of him, of them? Not only had she lost him
but because of her choices she might have ruined her career as well. Would he
even be willing to continue on with the interview? What if he sent her packing?

“Jesus,” she sobbed. Things couldn’t get much worse.

Chapter Twelve

Head pounding, she glanced up at the bedside clock. The
little red numbers read 10:23 a.m. She’d been sitting here crying for over an
hour. Pathetic.

A knock sounded on the door, shaking the wood against her
back.

“Kat?” Denise’s voice tentatively called through the oak.

She wiped her arm across her eyes and nose and stood. Taking
a deep breath, she pulled the door open.

“Hey.” Denise smiled sadly. “You okay?”

“Sure,” she mumbled and rubbed her hand against her nose
again. “Allergies.”

Denise tipped her head, a look of understanding passed
across her face. “Look, I’m heading to Phoenix to deliver a horse today, why
don’t you come with me? We’ll stay a couple of nights, meet up with some
friends of mine and come back on Thursday.” Denise squeezed her shoulder.
“It’ll give you a chance to forget about things with my idiot brother for a
little bit.

Kat rubbed her hand across her face. God, how pathetic was
she that Denise knew exactly what her problem was? The other woman had warned
her, but did she listen? Of course not. She thought she could handle things.
Hell, it had made her feel powerful to know three men wanted her. She sure didn’t
feel powerful now. She felt broken.

“Come on, it’ll be great. Besides, you’ve been here for
nearly a month and you haven’t had a chance to have any fun.”

She’d been having a lot of fun until Justin started acting
like an idiot. But maybe getting away for a couple of days was a good idea.
Hopefully when she came back she’d have a handle on her emotions. The thought
of working side by side with him for the next three weeks made her cringe,
assuming she still had a job. She’d known it was a bad idea to get involved
with him, but she’d been swayed by that cowboy charm and those damn blue eyes.
She glanced back at Denise who watched her expectantly.

“Sure, that’d be good, thanks.” Happy that Denise and she
were still friends, Kat forced herself to smile at the other woman.

“Great. Now pack a bag and let’s get out of here.”

* * * * *

Justin dropped down onto the porch swing. He slapped his hat
against his leg, sending dust flying, then wiped his arm across his forehead.
Today had been a bitch. The sound of the screen door opening had him lifting
his head. Duncan walked across the porch with two beers in hand.

“Make yourself at home,” Justin muttered.

Duncan raised his eyebrow at the belligerent tone. He handed
Justin one beer and leaned against the porch railing.

“So what the hell’s your problem, man?” Duncan asked.

“Nothing.” Justin rubbed his hand across his face. Just what
he needed—Duncan wanting to talk.

His friend’s snorted laugh made him scowl. “What?”

“I think our definitions of nothing are a bit different
there, Jus.” Duncan took a pull on his beer. “Okay, so if nothing’s going on,
then how come you’ve been such a douche since the other morning?”

Sitting up straighter in his chair, he glared at his friend.
“I haven’t been a douche.”

Duncan raised his eyebrow. “Yeah, you have.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Justin looked everywhere but
at his best friend. How the hell did he explain this to him? To avoid meeting
Duncan’s eyes, he started to peel the damp label off his beer bottle.

“Right, I get it,” Dunc snapped. The simple words were laced
with so much anger it bit deep into Justin’s gut.

“You get what?” Justin growled. How the hell could Dunc get
it when he didn’t know what the hell his own problem was?

Duncan stared at him then shook his head sadly. “Look, man,
it’s cool. I know it’s not your thing and honestly it wasn’t really fair for us
to do that to you.”

Justin stopped mid-peel, the bottle lay limp in his hand as
he looked at his oldest friend. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Come on, Jus, I know how it creeps you out that Kase and I
fuck.”

Where the hell did that come from? He hadn’t had a problem
with them being together, hell, he’d seen them up close and personal multiple
times throughout the weekend. “It doesn’t creep me out.”

“Yeah right, that’s why you haven’t been able to look at me
all week.”

What a mess this had all turned into. He stood and walked to
the edge of the porch, looking out across the land that had been in his family
for generations. Gripping the handrail, he muttered, “It has nothing to do with
you and Kase. Well, not really.”

“Right, ’cause watching me pound Kasey’s ass while he fucked
your girl was cool.”

Justin laughed. “Very eloquent, Dunc.”

“Fuck that. Come on, man, I’m sorry. I know you’re cool with
everything between Kase and I in theory but seeing it is a whole other thing.”

Rubbing his hand over his eyes, Justin sighed. “Honestly,
bro, that has nothing to do with it.” He shifted his shoulders, this was really
not a conversation he’d ever pictured himself having. “It’s not my thing, but
seriously it doesn’t bother me. I mean, shit, it’s not like I didn’t know you
were touching each other when we were all together, and as long as your hands
don’t stray to me, why the hell should I care?”

Duncan stared at him. “Then what the hell’s your problem?”

“Ugh,” he groaned. “I don’t know, man. It’s not that you and
Kasey were together. Hell, I wouldn’t have cared if you fucked him while I was
there the whole time. Shit,” he grunted and rubbed his hand over his head. “It
was not being there that fucked me up.”

Duncan’s brows knit together in confusion.

“I don’t know how to explain it. Walking in and seeing you
guys with Kat alone, it just kind of fucked me up.”

Duncan burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Justin growled.

“The big bad Justin Shaw has finally fallen.” Duncan grinned
like an idiot. “I never thought I’d see the day. And knocked to your knees by a
little spitfire too.”

He bristled at the statement and scowled. “I haven’t fallen
for anything.”

“Yeah right, ’cause you get jealous enough to pout like a
little girl all the time.”

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks. I already told you, Kasey’s more my taste.”
Duncan snickered. “So what are you going to do about it?”

Ruin everything, apparently. “Nothing, I ended things.”

“Man, you’re an even bigger douche than I thought. You can’t
be serious.”

“Dead serious.” Justin lifted his bottle to his lips and
took a pull of the yeasty brew as he looked out toward the paddock. It was
better this way. Duncan was right. He was acting like a little girl already.
Fuck, if this kept up he’d be crying like some pansy ass by the time she left.

“Jus, I’ve never seen you like this over a woman before.
Don’t screw that up.”

He laughed without humor. “Too late.”

Duncan groaned. “What did you do?”

“I, umm…I kind of said she was more of a buckle bunny than
I’d expected.”

Duncan covered his mouth with his hand. “Oh Jesus, tell me
you didn’t say that.”

He sipped deeply on the bottle, draining the last of the
beer, then he set it on the rail. “I did.”

Dunc winced. “Damn, you know how she feels about those
women.”

“I know.” He rubbed the back of his neck again, feeling the
knots forming beneath his fingers. “It was just…” He paused, trying to find the
right way to explain it without sounding like a big sap. “Seeing her with you
guys. Knowing she wanted you both without me there, it just…” He exhaled
audibly. “I don’t know, it pissed me off.”

Duncan’s hand clasped down on his shoulder. “I get it,
buddy. That green-eyed monster is a bitch.”

Justin leaned his elbows onto the railing and dropped his
head. “It’s more than that though.” He shook his head.

Duncan’s hand squeezed down. “I know, and for what it’s
worth, I’m sorry. Honestly, it never occurred to me that you’d care. I mean
shit, how many women have we shared? Once you invited us into the room I
figured it was business as usual.”

He looked down at the ground as the knowledge sank in. “I
know. It shocked the hell out of me too.”

Dunc dropped his arm and started to walk away then turned
back. “So you were cool sharing her when you were in the room but when you
weren’t it was a deal breaker?”

“Something like that.” What kind of perv was he that he’d
liked sharing her with his friends? Hell, if he was as crazy about her as it
seemed shouldn’t that part have bothered him too? What a mess.

Duncan laughed. “Good to know for future reference. Don’t
fuck Kat unless Justin is in the room.”

Without raising his head, Justin growled and flipped Duncan
the finger.

“Talk to her, man,” Duncan called as he jumped down the
front steps and walked toward the bunkhouse.

Justin stood rooted to his spot at the railing as the sun
set on the horizon. The pinks and oranges swept across the plains, blanketing
the dusty terrain. As the sun dipped behind the Rincon Mountains, Justin was no
closer to figuring out what the hell he wanted to do about Kat. But things were
far from over. He grabbed his empty beer bottle and made his way inside.

Chapter Thirteen

Denise pulled the big dually to a stop in front of the
sprawling ranch house. Kat looked up at the wide porch and white picket rails
and took a deep breath. God, she was going to miss this place. She’d only been
here a few short weeks and already it felt like home. She hadn’t realized how
restless she’d been in New York. She eyed the porch swing. Memories of her
evening make-out sessions with Justin immediately swarmed her senses. She
frowned. At least she had her memories since even those stolen kisses were now
a thing of the past.

Pushing open the passenger door, she jumped down from the
cab of the truck. She grabbed her bag from behind the seat and slung it over
her shoulder. Her head still pounded from the two-day bender they’d gone on.

Rounding the front of the truck, she smiled at Denise.
“Thanks for letting me tag along. I had a great time.”

“Me too. But, lord, you East Coast girls can tie one on.”
Placing a hand on her stomach, Denise groaned. “If I never see another Irish
car bomb in my life it will be too soon.”

Kat giggled. Yeah, they had drank more than their fair share
of those but they were so much better than Dr Pepper, which is what Denise’s
friends wanted to drink.

“I’ll have to come up with something different for next
time.” The moment the words were out of her mouth, she grimaced. Would there be
a next time? How many people hung out with the sisters of their ex? Not many.

She pressed her lips tightly together as a wave of sadness
swept through her. Damn it. Why had she let Justin talk her into inviting his
friends into the bedroom? Everything had been great until then. Screw that. He’d
invited them. If anyone was to blame for how this played out it was
him
.

As they made their way up the porch steps, the screen door
squeaked open and Justin stepped out. He nodded to his sister then nervously
looked at Kat and gave her a slight smile. “Hey, you’re back.”

“We are,” Denise replied. She grabbed Justin’s forearm as
she walked past and said something too quietly for Kat to hear. Justin smiled
weakly in reply.

As Justin talked to his sister Kat allowed herself the
pleasure of drinking in the sight of him. Wow, he looked good. His forearms
bunched beneath the rolled-up sleeves of his chambray shirt. His worn jeans
wrapped tightly around his powerful thighs as he stepped forward.

Raising her face to meet his eyes, she inhaled deeply. He
stared back at her, taking in every detail of her face. Damn him and those
piercing blue eyes that seemed to see right into her.

She lowered her stare, not wanting to let him know exactly
how hard it was to be near him and not be allowed to touch him.

“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.

Kat set her bag down on the porch and took a deep breath,
steeling herself for the upcoming conversation. Denise had already assured her
that as part owner of the ranch she had as much say as Justin in whether Kat
stayed or not, so she knew her job was secure but would Justin be okay with her
staying?

Justin took her hand and pulled her over to the swing.

Memories crashed over her as she sat down. The way she’d
rested her head on his shoulder as they looked across the landscape as dusk
fell. The feel of his lips on hers as he coaxed her into surrendering to him.
The way his breath felt against her neck mixed in with the night air. Damn. Kat
took a deep breath and exhaled slowly then turned to Justin.

“So what did you want to talk about?” she asked.

Justin raised his head and watched her. “Look, about the
umm…the other day.” He rubbed the back of his neck and winced. “I was a jerk.”

Kat snorted. That was an understatement. “You think?” she
scoffed.

The wind blew softly, sending the wind chimes on the corner
of the house into song. Kat glanced over and watched the metal flow back and
forth.

“Kat, I don’t really know what to say about my behavior. Can
we maybe blame it on heat stroke?”

God, even now he was making excuses. He probably thought she
was going to make things difficult for him for the rest of her stay. Well, she
wouldn’t, but that didn’t mean she had to sit here and listen to him make
excuses about why he wanted out.

Kat pushed herself up from the swing and glanced down at Justin.
“We done here?”

As she took a step away from him, Justin grabbed her arm.
“No, we’re not. Sit.”

Bristling at the command, she squared her shoulders and
stared back at him.

Justin sighed. “Please.”

“Fine,” Kat grumbled and dropped back onto the seat.

Justin eased his grip from her forearm and slid his hand
down to her palm. He looked at their hands, not making eye contact with her as
he absently ran his fingertip across her palm, tracing a little pattern. The
delicate touch sent a shiver through her body.

Justin took a deep breath and raised his head. “All right,
here goes nothing. I’m sorry, Kat. I panicked. I don’t really have an excuse, I
just…” He exhaled. “When I walked in and saw you with Kasey and Duncan, I was
jealous, plain and simple.”

Confusion etched across her face. “Jealous, why?”

“What do you mean why? You were fucking them.”

“I know but I’d already fucked them both a couple of times
with you.”

“Yeah. With me.”

“What? What’s the difference?”

“What do you mean what’s the difference? When I walked in,
you were fucking them and it really didn’t matter to you that I hadn’t been
there.”

Kat spun in her seat to face him directly. “What do you mean
it didn’t matter to me? Of course it did. Do you think I wouldn’t have
preferred if you were there? You took off just like you always do in the
morning. I was feeling vulnerable and more than a little wigged-out about what
happened. Duncan and Kasey knew that and they—”

She paused, looking for the right way to explain what had
happened. “They made me feel less ashamed of what we’d done. I don’t how to
explain this to you properly but somehow having them trust me enough to be
with
them made me realize how special what they have is. It stupidly made me
hopeful.” Tears welled up behind her eyes and she blinked them back.

“What do you mean hopeful?”

“Nothing. Forget it,” she mumbled. Unable to look at him,
she glanced back over at the wind chimes happily blowing in the breeze.

“Do you want to be with them?” Justin asked.

She jerked at the question and shot her attention back to
him. “What? No, of course not.”

“Hopeful about what then?”

She flicked her attention away from him, afraid he would be
able to see exactly how she felt about him if she didn’t. “Forget it.”

“No, I’m not going to forget about it. If being with them
like that made you realize you wanted to be with them instead of me I’m a big
boy, I’ll handle it. So why don’t you just tell me what you were so hopeful
about.”

“Us, you idiot.”

Justin’s eyes widened. “Us?” A smile slid across his face.
“What do you mean us?”

“I mean us, you and me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed being
with Duncan and Kasey but it was nothing like when you were with us. Nothing
like it is when it’s just the two of us. It was sex with them.”

“And with me?”

“Come on, Jus, please, haven’t I humiliated myself enough
here?” She sighed.

He slid closer to her on the seat. “How have you humiliated
yourself? I’m the one who got all jealous asshole.”

She laughed. “That’s true.”

He took her hand in his again and looked at her intently.
The flecks in his eyes radiated with emotion. “What was different when I was
there?”

Kat stared at him, afraid to open up and tell him exactly
what she felt for him.

“Come on, Kat, talk to me.”

She breathed in deeply and exhaled, then finally looked at
him again. “Fine. I don’t know, umm…being with them without you felt empty. It
was sex for me. For them it was deeper. Maybe that sounds weird but watching
them together was beautiful. And for them, having me there didn’t change what
they felt for each other. I don’t know, I was kind of like a toy they used to
enhance what they had, you know?”

Justin nodded. “I think so.” He rubbed his hand across his
face. “Weirdly enough I totally get that.”

“Really?” God, she hoped so. She’d really enjoyed having
Duncan and Kasey join them in bed, but what she’d realized was it was soooo
much better when Justin was there too. Without him it had felt wrong somehow.
Maybe the fact that he’d gotten so jealous meant he felt it too.

“Yeah, really. Oddly enough I didn’t mind sharing you with
them when I was there, but somehow you guys getting together without me kind of
freaked me out.”

Hope sprang in her chest at the admission. “Why?”

“I got scared you’d want to be with them instead.”

She grabbed his thigh with her hand. “Oh my god, no. If
anything I realized how much I needed you there with me.”

“Honestly?”

“Yes. God, Justin. I’m crazy about you, you have to know
that.” She licked her lips. “Hell, I would never have allowed Kasey and Duncan
into our bed if I wasn’t.”

“What?” His brow wrinkled in confusion. “You’re going to
have to explain that one to me.”

“I feel safe with you in a way I never have with anyone
else. Safe enough to admit my fantasies. Safe enough to not be ashamed of them.
Or at least I did until you called me a buckle bunny.”

He winced. “Yeah about that, I’m sorry. That was completely
uncalled for. I was an asshole.”

“Yeah, you were.”

“I don’t really know how to apologize.” He paused and made
an odd sound as if it was difficult to get the words to slide across his
tongue. “I was jealous and hurt and I lashed out at you. I know it’s no excuse
but there it is.”

Hearing how much the admission cost him helped to ease the
pain of what he’d said. She understood more than most how things could be said
in the heat of the moment that you wish you could take back. And if he could
share his feelings with her she owed it to him to do the same. “I can’t imagine
having been willing to try that without you there.” She glanced down at her
hand on his thigh.

Justin placed his fingers under her chin and forced her to
look at him. “Kat, you are safe with me, and I’m glad you trusted me enough to
tell me what you wanted.”

“But?” she asked when he hesitated.

“But I have to admit, I’m not man enough to stand back and
let you go fuck whoever you want without me there.”

“You’re not man enough?”

He shook his head. “Nope, I can’t handle it. I’m cool with
us having Kase and Dunc join us again in bed, ’cause I’d be lying if I said
that wasn’t hotter than hell. But honestly, I’m not cool with you being with
them without me.”

The hope that had been blossoming in her chest throughout
this conversation sprang free and a smile spread across her face. “So what are
you saying?”

“I’m saying I fucked up letting you go, and I want to make
that right. I want to be the guy you tell your fantasies to. I want to be the
person you explore them with.”

“Yeah?”

He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled
her head toward him. “Oh yeah,” he said against her mouth a moment before his
lips crashed down on hers.

“Show me,” she whispered and kissed him.

With a groan, he swept her up into his arms and stalked
across the deck. He threw open the front door and walked right past an amused
Denise, who stood in the kitchen doorway with a huge smile on her face. Kat
grinned at the other woman when she gave her two thumbs up.

Justin carried her past the doorway to the guest bedroom and
continued down the hall to his room. Taking her there for the first time. He
laid her on his bed and followed her down, positioning himself on top of her.

His blue eyes stormed with arousal as he looked at her. His
nostrils flared as his eyes raked over her body and she sighed. Damn, she loved
when he looked at her like that, as if she were everything he’d ever wanted.

Justin kissed her, softly at first, the kind of kisses that
said he could gladly do this all day.
Well she couldn’t.
Kat threaded
her fingers through his hair, pressed her tongue into his mouth and ran it
along the inside until his tangled with hers.

Strong, sure hands slowly pushed her shirt up as his
calloused palms teased across her belly. Her stomach muscles quivered beneath
his touch. How was it possible to have missed him so much in just a couple of
days? The reverent way he touched her body spoke of how strongly the moment touched
him too.

He pushed her shirt up, baring her breasts. “Damn, Kat,” he
groaned when he saw the black lace demi-cup bra. The fabric barely covered the
tips of her nipples, teasing. By the way his nostrils flared as he looked at
her, the little bit of fabric was doing its job.

Justin flicked the bra down, exposing one breast then the
other. He licked his lips then bent and sucked her nipple into his mouth. Moist
heat engulfed the tip and she held his head there. He chuckled and sucked the
peak into his mouth, hard, pressing it against the roof of his mouth. Her back
arched off the bed of its own volition.

His tongue swirled around her other nipple then he kissed
and licked his way down her body. He trailed his finger around the waistband of
her jeans and carefully undid the button.

Anticipation coiled through her stomach. He worshipped her
body, paying special attention to each little spot he discovered along the way.
Damn it, she just wanted him to hurry already. This slow, torturous teasing was
driving her crazy. She was so wet, with one little flick on her clit she would
come undone. Her entire body trembled with need. She lifted her hips to
encourage him to touch her.

He chuckled again. “Patience, darlin’,” he said. He rubbed
the heel of his hand against the seam of her jeans, pressing the firm fabric
against her clit. Her entire body shuddered.