Rocked on the Road (3 page)

"So, we have a busy day planned," Ryan told Joe. "I'll go over the list in a minute. But first there's something I need to talk to both of you about."

I dumped a huge heap of sugar in my coffee and raised my eyebrows. Ryan had barely spared a word for me since we'd met and I couldn't imagine what he'd possibly want to speak to me about now.

"What is it," Joe asked, squeezing my knee under the table.

"I don't have a problem with you having Melissa on the road with you for a little while. But there are ground rules."

"We have been through this, Ryan. Three times."

"Well I have some new ones."

Joe groaned and slouched down in his chair. "Fine. What now?"

"Joseph, this is serious. You are on the cusp of getting everything I promised you. For the sake of all of us I'm not going to let you fuck it up."

Joe's hand tightened on my knee and I patted him reassuringly.

"Look, I know this is all fun and exciting but we're here to work."

"Man, I know that. I'm busting my ass every show."

"This isn't about just shows anymore. You've got a public image and it matters. I know, I know. You're all about the music. That's cute when you're playing dive bars and selling albums through your website. You're in the big leagues now, Joseph, and that means more press, more stress and more attention."

"It is way too early for this shit." Joe was sitting up now, leaning forward at Ryan, his voice growing louder. "Will you just come out with it?"

"Fine. Your friend here is welcome on the bus and backstage, but you will not be photographed together. She will not be interviewed, or mentioned in your interviews. The band is what matters. Nothing else. The world is going to get to know your work and your personality. Not whatever girl you're banging that week."

I tensed up and bit down on my lip. Honestly, I'd never thought about doing interviews or anything like that. I was here to be with Joe, not become a celebrity. But the way Ryan announced it to Joe like I wasn't even there was cold. And rude. Was it me? I bet if Joe had met a six foot tall supermodel she'd be paraded around like a trophy. But me, the chubby and frizzy-haired regular girl? Not good for the image, I guess. And damn him for reminding me how fleeting this experience could be. Joe and I were still getting to know each other and it felt like there could be a future between us, but I wasn't naïve.

While I was musing, Joe was getting angry.

"Fuck you, Ryan. You don't tell me what to say or who to stand next to. I'm not a fucking product for you to market."

"Keep your voice down," his manager seethed. "You are a product. A talented, pain the ass product. When will you get it through your thick skull? I'm not trying to control you; I'm trying to help you. Don't you want this? Bigger records, bigger tours?"

"Of course."

"Then you have to let me do my job."

"Not if your job means being a dick to my girlfriend."

His what? My mouth fell open and I almost dropped my coffee. Joe was calling me his girlfriend? I was half excited and half annoyed that the first I heard if it was during this stupid argument. I decided not to address that little slip and just be happy about it.

"Um, sorry to interrupt, but since you're talking about me and I'm sitting right here, I figure I can participate a little."

Joe grinned at me, eyes twinkling.

"What is it," Ryan asked, clearly irritated at both of us.

"I understand what both of you are saying, but it doesn't matter. I have no desire to be in the public eye. As far as anyone except us knows I'm just a member of the entourage. That's fine with me. In fact, I prefer it."

Ryan shrugged. "Great. Then it's settled.

"You sure, babe?"

"Yup. You be the rock star. I'll be the invisible woman."

Joe kissed me on the cheek. "You're amazing."

"I know," I said, laughing.

With a grunt that I guess was supposed to be goodbye Ryan stood, dropped a copy of the day's schedule in front of Joe and left the table. I finished my coffee and nibbled on a piece of fruit that tasted of nothing. The first cracks were appearing in this perfect adventure and I worried what was next.

That night was my first show with Joe and I was excited and nervous at the same time. I spent two hours getting ready while Joe met with the rest of the band about something, and was barely dressed when he came back to tell me it was time to head over to the club.

"Oh babe, you look good enough to eat," he said, taking in my low v-neck top and skirt. They highlighted my cleavage and calves, and hid my stomach, hips and thighs.

I was suddenly happy I'd let Kelly help me pack. She'd basically shoved all my sexiest clothes in my suitcase and called it a day. It had been a long time since I'd gone out enough to need a lot of cute outfits and figured I'd need to do some shopping while we were on the road. Maybe even get some things that looked like they belonged with the dark denim and leather that the band wore like uniforms.

"Thanks. But quit looking at me like that or we'll never leave this room."

Joe shrugged and came over to wrap his arms around my waist. "Works for me. Show cancelled due to an unplanned night of wild sex. The crowd will understand."

I squirmed away as he was starting to kiss my neck, and put the bed between us. "They might, but Ryan won't. Now go. I'm heading downstairs. Beth wanted to chat about something before we leave."

"Fine, fine. But it's all your fault I'm going to spend the whole night with a raging boner."

I laughed, grabbed my purse and headed for the door. "And how is that different from every night?"

I was out in the hallway before he could answer, and smiling. In my very small relationship history I'd never felt so comfortable with a guy. Joe and I could go from teasing each other to kissing passionately and it always felt right. Thinking about how good he made me feel raised my spirits. So what if this tour and some of the people on it weren't perfect. It was a million times better than my real life and we'd only just begun.

When I got downstairs Beth was, as usual, on her phone. She'd changed into a really tight tiny dress that showed off her long limbs and almost boyish figure. I looked down at my own curves and smoothed down my skirt nervously. But when she spotted me her bright, open smile snapped me out of it and I headed over.

"Hey. You look great."

"You too, Liss. Thanks for meeting me. I thought it might be good if I gave you an overview of the night so there are no surprises."

"That would be great. I was backstage once before but it's all a blur."

"I totally understand. Things get hectic. Let's go sit down."

We picked a set of delicate armchairs and moved them closer together. Beth flicked through a list on her tablet and walked me through the itinerary.

"The boys have a quick interview before the show that we'll do on the bus. So once we get to the club you'll go inside with the rest of the team. Someone will show you to Joe's dressing room and you can hang out there until he's done.

"Assuming everything is close to on time, which it never is, you'll have about an hour to do whatever before the show starts." She bent close and lowered her voice. "He gets changed fast so you have plenty of alone time." With that she looked away, her short shiny hair covering her eyes.

"Beth, we're not bunnies. I think Joe and I can manage to keep our hands to ourselves until after the show."

She smiled. "You say that now, but…things get intense. There's a lot of energy going through the backstage area and everything is heightened."

There was a strange wistfulness in her voice and I wondered if she was speaking from experience. I hadn't sensed any vibes between her and the band but maybe she'd dated a guy from another group before. It would explain why she'd been so nice, and understood how foreign all of this was to me.

"Well, whatever happens I'm not going to get in Joe's way or distract him from work."

She recrossed her long legs and patted my hand. "I know that. Look, I heard Ryan talked to you and was his usual blunt self. Don't take it personally."

"I'll try not to."

"Good. Joe is happier than I've ever seen him with you. Happy and focused which is all any of us wants. Nothing like…" She glanced down at her phone. "Hold on, I need to take this." She stood up and walked a few steps away.

I wondered briefly what she was about to say when she called out to me. "Sorry, Liss. I need to take care of something. I'll see you on the bus, okay?"

"Sure," I said and stood up, not sure what to do with myself.

I wandered across the lobby towards the hotel bar that was beginning to fill up. A pair of girls was standing by the entrance. They were clearly underage and the giggling and primping made me feel old. Which, considering I was only a few years their senior, was kind of depressing. They were dressed almost identically in dark leggings and long tank tops. Both had the same shade of fake red hair and I smiled, thinking about how my friends and I used to do the same thing, going out for the night like twins. Of course, I was never skinny enough to look like anyone's twin but it was still fun. I sauntered closer to listen to their conversation, keeping my eye on the lobby to make sure I didn't miss my ride to the club.

"…I saw them. I'm telling you. The big guy drummer and the sweet looking one.

The other girl grinned and grabbed her friend's arm. "Oh wow. I would die. Did you say anything?"

"No. But I would have if
he
had been there."

"You would have fainted."

"In his arms, maybe."

"Oh, that would be heaven."

"No kidding! Can you image? Him looking down at you with those amazing blue eyes."

I smiled to myself and stifled a snort. They were talking about Joe. My Joe. It was still staggering to think he wanted me, but as we'd grown closer I'd started to accept it. And he was Joe to me, not just the dreamy front man of Dream Defiled.

Part of my wanted to be a teenager again, gossiping with these girls and telling them my secret, that I was the one in Joe's arms. But I wouldn't really do it. Talk to strangers about my life or brag about the man I was growing to care for deeply.

But the girls inspired me and I held on to what mattered. The giddy excitement of being with there, and let go of the rest of the nonsense. The bullshit that surrounded him, as Joe put it.

I checked my hair and makeup in a mirror and walked over to the front of the lobby to wait for everyone else. They arrived, sending the space buzzing with activity and conversation. I thought I recognized voices the teen girls from before, high with excitement as the band strode towards the front door. I was swept up in their wake and we all boarded the bus together.

As Beth had explained, once we got to the club I climbed off with most of the crew while the band and Ryan stayed behind. Beth stood outside, waiting for whatever local journalist was coming to chat with the guys.

I got my "All Access" pass and entered the club. People rushed around purposefully and I was happy to retreat to the quiet of a small dressing room. There was a tray of food and a refrigerator filled with beer and water. I flipped through a couple of magazines idly and time passed quickly. I heard music and guessed it was the guys doing their rehearsal. I knew from what Beth had explained that the person interviewing the band would be sitting on that and taking photographs. Wait, it wasn't called a rehearsal. They referred to it as a sound check. The fact that I knew that term made me laugh and I called my friend Kelly to tell her what an expert on the live music scene I was becoming.

She squealed when she answered the phone and ordered me to tell her every single detail of my trip so far. I managed to keep a few facts to myself but gave enough information to satisfy her. It was petty, I know, but deep down I liked the bit of envy in her voice.

For the past few years I'd been the one at home, bored and tired of the same old thing while Kelly regaled me with tales of her new life and friends in college. Now it was my turn. And certainly touring with a rock band, even for just a few weeks was a lot more exciting and interesting than going to the local university where seventy-five percent of our graduating class ended up. I was the one embracing everything the world had to offer, and to her credit, Kelly was excited for me. Hell, without her prodding I probably never would have made it down here.

My phone beeped, telling me the battery was low and I realized we'd been on for a long time. I promised to call soon and told Kelly goodbye. I sat there for a moment, missing her but happy with the choice I made.

The quiet moment was lost when I heard some kind of commotion outside and peeked out to see what was going on. I caught sight of Dex laughing loudly and walking into a room down the hall. Figuring that meant they were done with the pre-show work, I followed.

By the time I got to the doorway everyone was in there. Joe was doing shots of something dark with a guy I didn't recognize. The rest of the band was scattered around the room with at least a dozen people I'd never seen before.

Instead of joining them I just watched for a while. No one was looking in my direction so I could observe them unnoticed. Joe was getting a bit drunk. I could tell by the way his body slouched and the volume of his voice grew louder.

"Tired of those questions, you know? I'm just a dumb rock guy. I don't have some tortured soul to bare for them. I just wanna play music."

I knew that wasn't true. There was a soft, sensitive side to him that came out when no one was looking. And when they were sometimes, even if he didn't realize it. The song he'd written for me and shared with the world without thinking. That sweet lopsided grin that meant real happiness.

But, as I was coming to understand, Joe didn't want his innermost thoughts and feelings public. He projected the image of simple fun guy to protect himself, keep something private from the world. It must be hard to hide a part of you like that and not lose it altogether, I thought.

It kind of made my heart hurt to think about, but I was spotted before I could get sappy about it.