Rock Me Gently (22 page)

“What’s wrong with him?” Lainey had a sneaking suspicion it was drug related and that he was in a rehab center.

Jason closed the door and leaned against the counter, waiting.

“Mom, I think it’s bad. The guy who called said something about Post-Concussion Syndrome. It isn’t steroids at all. Mama, I think he has brain damage.”

She’d never discussed her concerns about steroids with Jill.

Lainey felt dizzy for a moment. It would be much easier to deal with knowing that Thad’s sudden change in behavior was drug induced but not this. There was a serious concussion problem going on in several of the major league sports divisions recently. It was all over the news. Hockey and football being hit the worst with this type of serious head injury. Was she to believe that none of this was Thad’s fault?

“Mom!”

“Yes, I’m here, Jilly.”

“Please. Will you come? I’ve talked to him. He needs you. He’s asking for you.” Her daughter sniffed back tears.

“Jill. I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t help him. It’s not my place anymore.”

“What do you mean? It wasn’t his fault, Mom! Don’t you see? All those awful things he did weren’t his fault. He’s sick! You have to! Please. For me? If you won’t come for him, please, I need you. I don’t know what to do.”

Lainey looked up at Jason. His expression was impassive.

“Mom!”

“I’ll be there first thing in the morning, Jill.”

Her daughter dissolved into inconsolable tears after that, then there was a dial tone.

Lainey walked over and hit the speaker button a second time, cutting off the grating noise.

“You’re seriously going to go to him?” Jason asked.

“I’m going for my daughter.”

“Then I guess this isn’t important to you?”

“About as important as it was to you.”

“What’s changed since this morning? I mean really? What’s different? So you know what I used to do for a living, which, in all actuality, I told you. So what? The things that have happened between you and I haven’t changed.”

“Everything has changed. You lied to me. You can’t begin a relationship built on lies. I’ll always be waiting and wondering what’s next? Just like I did with Thad.”

“For one thing, I’m not Thad. But you’re running back to Thad anyway. You must love having your heart stomped on.”

“Clearly.”

“Then I’ll get out of your way.” He turned for the door. “But let me leave you with one thing that you need to think about while you’re off saving Thad. I love you, Lainey, and that’s God’s honest truth.”

He stared at her a good thirty seconds before he walked out.

The horrible truth was she loved him too.

* * * *

Lainey landed at the airport and was greeted by several of Thad’s teammates—men who had been to their home in happier times.

“Hi, Kelly,” Lainey greeted. “Ben. Doug.”

Kelly gave her a quick hug. “I’m really sorry that we have to see each other again under such dire circumstances, Lainey.”

They escorted her to the treatment facility where Thad was being cared for. Jill was there. She embraced Lainey. “Thank you,” she sobbed.

Lainey stroked her hair as she turned to face Thad. He was sitting up in the hospital bed. He watched her stoically.

“Come on, Jill, let’s go find you something to eat, while your mom and dad talk.” Kelly took Jill by the shoulders.

Thad spoke first. “Thanks for coming. I didn’t think you would.”

“I didn’t come for you.”

Lips pursed, he nodded slightly.

“I’m sorry, Lainey. For everything that I did.”

“Sorry doesn’t take it all back, Thad.”

“I know.”

“And I’m sorry that you are going through what you are, but it doesn’t change what you did.”

“I know that too.”

“Or the things you’ve done since. I don’t believe for one second that you didn’t have lucid moments, Thad, where you knew exactly what you were doing.”

“You’d be right.”

Lainey looked up at the ceiling. What the fuck was she doing here?

“So why am I here, Thad?”

“I needed to apologize, in person. I will regret for the rest of my life what I threw away, Lain.” She could almost believe he meant it.

“We had it all. Now, I’ve got nothing. I’ve lost you. My career is over. I’ll never play ball again. Everything we always wanted. I had it and let it slip right out of my grasp.” He covered his face. Lainey sat down in a chair by the bed.

Thad uncovered his tear-streaked face. His obvious pain and sorrow hit Lainey squarely in the chest. “I still love you, Lain. Can you ever forgive me?”

“How can you ask me that?”

“Because I need to know.”

She was afraid to answer. She hadn’t even spoken to the doctors yet. She had no idea how bad his condition was or what the prognosis might be. What if she said the wrong thing and he hurt himself?

“No. I can’t,” she answered, quietly.

He gnawed on his lip for a moment. “Jill said you were seeing someone.”

“Yes, I was.”

“Is it serious?”

“It’s too soon to tell.” She had no intention of discussing Jason with Thad.

“I never thought you’d see other guys.”

“I never thought you’d see other women. But I didn’t come here to rehash all that. What do the doctors say?”

“I’m supposed to have an MRI on Monday and a CT scan to check on the severity of the damage. They’ll go from there.”

She nodded. “We’ll go from there.”

* * * *

Jason walked into class Monday morning after passing a lousy weekend, surprised to see Jill in her seat.

“Good morning, Jill. How’s your dad doing?”

“He’s okay, thanks. He has some tests scheduled for today, then I guess we’ll know more.”

“When did you and your mom get back in?”

“I got in late last night. My mom stayed with my dad,” Jill finished, looking down at her desktop and not at him.

Well, that just put everything into perspective and made the knot of dread in his belly ten times worse.

* * * *

Lainey waited in Thad’s room while he had his tests and read through the mounds of material the medical staff had left for Thad. The long-term effects of what Thad might be facing were staggering. Post-Concussion Syndrome ran the gamut of symptoms, including headaches, depression, anxiety, irritability, mood swings, vertigo,
cognitive problems involving memory, concentration, and thinking,
change in behavior, and in some of the more severe cases, the onset of early dementia, and even suicide.

“Hey, you’re still here.” He seemed happy to see her. “Isn’t she great?” Thad said to the nurse pushing his wheelchair. “That’s my wife.”

“Very nice, Mr Markham.”

“Mrs Markham,” the nurse acknowledged. Lainey nodded in greeting while helping Thad back into bed. Thad had been playing this game all weekend, using his illness to try to wheedle his way back into her good graces.

“It’s Clarkson. Mr Markham and I are one signature shy of divorce.”

“Ohh, I’m sorry to hear that,” she backtracked.

“Come on, Lain. We’ve had a great weekend together with Jill, like we were a real family again.”

“But we’re not. You saw to that.”

“The doctor will be in to see you shortly.” The nurse left quickly.

Lainey stared out of the window.

“Are you in love with him?” Thad asked.

“With who?”

“The guy you’re seeing?”

“I don’t know.”

“You must be because I don’t see the love in your eyes that I used to see when you looked at me.”

“Regardless of what I feel for someone else, you still wouldn’t see love in my eyes when I look at you, Thad. You successfully squashed that over and over again. The only thing I feel for you now is pity.”

“Ouch! I want you back, Lain. I want you by my side while I fight this thing. There’s no one but you that can see me through this.”

“I’ll help you all I can, Thad, but that’s all there is to it. You hurt me. Don’t you get it? I hate what you did to us. Those two little teenagers that hated the world but loved each other, do you remember them? They had hopes and dreams and once we achieved them, you left me.”

“Then go. I don’t need you. Go back to your house and your stupid little store. I’ll take it all away from you. Just like you’re doing to me.”

“What am I taking from you?”

“You’re taking you away from me!”

“You’re not even making sense.”

All of a sudden he batted the container of water from the table in front of him. “Get the fuck out. Go! Go back to your boyfriend, you fuckin’ slut!”

“Oh, so I’m the slut,” Lainey retorted, picking up the jug. “You go off and do half the town, but I’m the bad guy.”

Crossing his arms like a little kid that had just been reprimanded, Thad turned his face away and refused to look at her.

“I love your version of things, Thad.” Lainey mopped up some of the liquid with some rough brown paper towelettes from the dispenser. “You don’t even make sense.”

“I don’t have to make sense, my brain is scrambled. Remember?”

“Oh, so is that going to be your new crutch? Blame all your bad behavior on your illness instead of me?”

“Why are you being such a bitch?”

“I’m out. See ya tomorrow. Maybe.” Lainey grabbed her purse and made for the door when another object flew across the room and hit the wall just ahead of her.

Lainey turned and leveled her ex with a look. “Good thing you weren’t the QB, ya jack wagon!” she yelled childishly before ducking out, then colliding with Thad’s doctor.

“Hey, what’s all this?” he asked, taking Lainey by the shoulders, worry etched on his kind face.

“Thad is having a little fit.”

“I can see that. What set him off?” the physician asked.

“Are you sure about all this, doctor? I mean did you guys do toxicology tests when you took his blood?”

“That’s what I was about to tell him. I have the results back.” He gestured for her to go back into the room.

Reluctantly, she did.

“Lainey, I’m sorry,” Thad apologized as soon as she re-entered the room. When Lainey didn’t respond he turned his attention to the physician. “What’s the word, doc?”

“Well, Thad,” he began, sitting down. “You are both right. You do have a brain injury. Brain scarring actually.”

Thad turned and gave Lainey a smug look.

“From a concussion?” Lainey asked.

“From several, in my opinion. Recurring.”

Lainey sighed.

“And your wife is also correct. Thad, you have been using performance enhancing drugs. And by the look of things, for a good long while too.”

Lainey bit her tongue lightly so she wouldn’t stick it out at him.

“I have not. You’re lying!”

The doctor gave him an impatient look. “Blood tests don’t lie, Thad. They are not like people.”

“So what happens next, doctor?” Lainey asked hoping she could go home soon.

“Well, the good news about the brain scarring is we don’t have to operate, but we do want to use a fairly new and very promising procedure called nanotechnology. This treatment not only gets rid of the scar tissue but also encourages brain nerve growth, which can over time repair a good bit of the damage so that you can lead a fairly normal life, Thad.”

“What good is that if I can’t play ball?” He pouted.

“Then you’ll coach, or become a broadcaster, Thad.” Lainey tried to get through to him. “Your career was winding down anyway. You’re not that young anymore, Thad, face it. You’ll just have to find some other way to contribute to the sport you love. With that face and big mouth, I see commentator all over.”

When he turned to look at her, Lainey’s stomach did a flip. The Thad she had once loved more than anything in the world looked back at her. “And what about us?” he whispered, his eyes filling up.

Cursing herself, Lainey’s did too, in response. But she shook her head.

Closing his eyes, he bowed his head and nodded. It was over and they’d both finally accepted it.

“I’m glad to see you’re coming to terms with things, Thad,” the physician said.

“So when do we start this treatment?” Thad asked.

“That’s up to you. You need to commit yourself to a rehab clinic and get yourself cleaned up from the drugs you’ve been pumping into your body first. When you are rehabilitated, or at least clean, we will begin. I have people waiting right now, if you want to begin right away. Which I strongly suggest you do. Don’t fool around with this, Thad. It won’t stay like this forever. We have a small window of opportunity to take care of this while you are not permanently impaired. Don’t let it close, or we might not be able to help you.”

Thad inhaled deeply and looked at Lainey. Shakily, he reached for her. She took his hand. “I should go,” he said to her.

She nodded. “You get better for yourself. And Jilly.”

“Okay, Doc, I’m ready.”

Chapter Fourteen

Lainey stayed with Thad until he was settled in the rehab center then she flew back home. But not before he had signed the divorce papers right in front of her.

When she reached the house it was in darkness. She let herself in and unpacked her things, wondering where Jilly was, until she found the flyer for the talent show.

Sighing, Lainey sat down on a kitchen stool, exhausted. The last thing she wanted to do was go out. But she should be there to support Jill. What she really wanted to do was crawl into a nice hot bubble bath with a glass of wine. And why did that make her think of Jason? Unfortunately, everything made her think of Jason.