Rock Chick 08 Revolution (32 page)

I was sitting there thinking I would never get an answer to this
question at the same time I was thinking there was nothing for it. I had to go
in, even with Ren there. I needed clothes, and my clothes were in Ren’s house.
So even if he wasn’t going to be cool and let me get in and out without hassle,
I had to get my meager belongings.

But before I did that, I knew I had to make a clean getaway. Therefore
I had to have somewhere to get away to, and I’d made my decision on the drive
there where that was going to be.

I pulled out my phone, found the contact and hit go.

On ring three, Daisy answered, “Everything good, sugar?”

“I ended things with Ren and I need a place to stay,” I announced and
ignored her sharp gasp. “Can I crash with you and Marcus for a couple of days?”

Silence before she asked, “You ended things with Ren?”

My eyes got hot and my voice was husky when I requested, “Please,
Daisy. Not now.”

This bought me more silence, but it lasted a lot less time before she
said, “Absolutely, darlin’. I’ll go up and make sure one of our guest rooms is
ready for you and I’ll be doin’ that right now.”

I
so freaking
loved Daisy.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“No problem, baby,” she whispered back. “Now, you get here when you get
here and we’ll sort you out.”

“Okay, Daisy.”

“See you soon, sugar.”

“Right.”

I hung up before she could keep being sweet. I didn’t have a lot left
in me before I lost it, and Daisy had a lot of sweet and that would undo me. So
I had to cut that off. Pronto.

I twisted his key off my ring in order to be ready, angled out of my car
and hoofed it to Ren’s.

Get this done and get gone.

Done and gone.

I tried the door, found it unlocked and walked right in.

The TV was on and Ren was in jeans and a tee, lounging like the hot guy
he was on the couch, watching it. But the minute I entered, his eyes turned to
me.

My mouth filled with saliva.

I tore my eyes from him and made a beeline to his kitchen.

I heard the TV go off.

I didn’t take this as a good sign.

I dropped the key on his counter and moved out of the kitchen.

He caught me at the doorway. Arm hooking my waist, he shuffled me to
the side and closed in so I was back to the wall and Ren was pressed to me.

I looked up at him and his face was set to sweet.

Somebody.

Please.

Kill me.

“We need to talk this through, baby,” he said in a voice set the same
way.

But this time there was no way he was going to get to me through his
sweet.

“We haven’t talked about much in all the time we’ve been together,” I
replied. “Except this. And we never agreed. I’m thinking we never will. You’ve
got a life to lead, so do I. So I also think we should get on with doing that.”

His free hand came to my jaw and I fought swallowing because I didn’t
want him to get anything from me. He already had enough.

In fact, everything.

“You love someone, you compromise. We’ll find a way to compromise,” he
told me.

“What you mean is,
I’ll
find
a way to compromise,” I told him.

“Ally—”

I was losing it, so my voice was scratchy when I asked quickly, “Why
are you doing this?”

His fingers flexed into my flesh and his face got closer when he
answered, “Because I believe in us.”

“There is no us,” I returned.

“There’s always been an us, but I get you needed not to believe in that
and why. That said, you can’t deny there’s been an us the last three days,
honey.”

“That was all fantasy.”

He blinked and whispered, “What?”

“That Ren and that Ally don’t exist. That was just you and me wanting
to believe we could. But we couldn’t. We fight. We don’t agree on important things.
We want the same thing in different ways. We don’t work, but for those three
days, we pretended we do. We can’t pretend anymore, Ren. We have to be honest,
see this isn’t going anywhere and move on.”

“So you’re saying right now you’re going to get your shit and leave and
not sit down and see if we can work on finding a future we both believe in?” he
asked.

“What I’m saying right now is that I think all that’s been said has
said it all.”

“Right, then, you’re not in a space right now where you’re up for
talkin’ about this, so I’ll ask you don’t make any decisions. Stick with me,
sleep beside me, and tomorrow when we’re less raw, we give each other that
time.”

I shook my head. “Nothing’s going to change, Ren.”

“It won’t if you don’t give it a shot, Ally.”

I held his eyes and laid it out. “You don’t believe in me.”

His jaw got tight.

Yep.

He didn’t believe in me.

Fuck.

Again my fucking eyes got fucking hot, but
again
I powered right the fuck through to end this.

“Even if I could talk you around, I can’t live with a man who doesn’t
believe in me. And I can’t do what I have to do out there with half a mind to
wondering what you’ll think about this case or that decision or a client or how
you’ll react when I come home and tell you about my day. I wouldn’t have to
worry about any of that shit if you trusted me. Believed in me. But you don’t
and you won’t, because you don’t want this for me, or for you, or for our
future. So what is the
fucking point
of dragging this shit out now when it already hurts in a way that if we even
gave it days, it would
kill?
”

He took that as an in. I knew it when he pressed deeper and his face
got closer.

So I moved to end it.

“You’re not the man for me, Ren, and I’m not the woman for you. We’re
done and when I say that it is not a Rock Chick done where you can be badass or
cool or whatever and talk me into changing my mind. I mean that in an Ally
Nightingale way, where I know what I want and I’ve found the path that leads to
a future that’s exciting to me. So when I say we’re done, I mean
we’re done.
”

With that, I pulled away, sliding out from in front of him and walking
quickly up the stairs.

I had not had time to scatter my shit to the four corners of Ren’s
house.

Which was good.

It meant what I had to gather took little time.

But it didn’t matter.

Because I barely hit his bedroom before I heard the front door
slamming.

When I had it all gathered, I went to the window and looked down to see
the Jag was gone.

So the coast was clear.

Nevertheless, I wasted no time double checking that I had absolutely
everything.

And then I got the fuck out of there.

Chapter Seventeen

You’re Ally. And I’m Ren.

I opened my eyes and stared at the early morning light peeking through
Daisy’s curtains.

I knew I hadn’t slept long. This was because I cried most of the night.

Yes. Me.

But I did it in Daisy’s pillow so she nor Marcus would hear.

When I arrived the night before,
she took one look at me and gave me space. That was, she took me to a room,
asked my preference and brought me a glass and a bottle of tequila.

Then she touched my cheek and
whispered, “We’ll talk in the mornin’, sugar.”

She closed the door on her way out.

I didn’t take even a sip of her top
shelf tequila.

I’d never been heartbroken, not
like this, but I’d stood behind a bar countless times listening to those who
were. And I’d noted, repeatedly, imbibing didn’t much help. Although that had
been my preliminary plan, with the bottle and glass available to me, I instead
chose the pillow and giving myself the opportunity to let loose the shit
crawling inside me in an effort to get it out.

This didn’t much help either.

I’d had two calls in that time. One
from Indy, the other from Roxie.

This meant Daisy nor Hank and Lee
had shared with anybody, except my brothers told their wives. But Indy and
Roxie told nobody. If they had, my phone would never quit ringing and The
Castle (or Daisy’s house, which looked like a castle; no joke, complete with
moat), would be descended on by Rock Chicks.

I was grateful for that, so much
you wouldn’t believe. And I texted both Indy and Roxie to tell them I’d connect
with them later, I needed some time, and they texted back that they’d give that
to me.

By the way, Ren had not phoned. He
had also not scaled the wall and broken in the window in order to press his
suit.

This was not a surprise. I’d been
pretty inflexible with the way I ended things.

But this meant I definitely wasn’t
a
Rock Chick.
None of their men ever
gave up.

That wasn’t bitching. It was just
an observation that didn’t feel real great. Anyway, with the way I felt, I was
glad Ren didn’t do this. This was mostly because, when I had time to let myself
feel all the things I was feeling, I knew if he came back to me and pushed it,
I’d cave.

Again.

Yes. Me.

Ally
.

Caving.

That was how much I loved him.

So I told myself maybe it indicated
how much he loved me that he was going to let me go, which was the only way he
could give me what I needed.

And although this thought was cool
(kind of, in a rip your heart out way), it didn’t make me feel any better,
mostly because it ripped my heart out.

But now was now and I had a day to
face.

I also had money to make. I had to
find somewhere to live. And I had to find a way to get through Luke and Ava’s rehearsal
and dinner without totally losing it in front of everybody.

So I got up, got a shower, sorted
through my bags and got ready.

I did this being careful. Not
externally. Internally.

I was vulnerable. I knew this.

Yes, me.

Ally
.

But I was.

I’d been shown the life I wanted.
Tasted the fairytale. Then I let it slip away from me. I had doubts, second
thoughts, and carried pain you wouldn’t believe. Hell, I didn’t even believe
it.

So I had to forge ahead but handle
me with care.

And that was what I was going to be
doing.

My first trial was when I hit
Daisy’s huge kitchen to find Daisy at the counter beating something in a bowl
and Smithie and Shirleen sitting at Daisy’s kitchen table.

All eyes came to me and I knew they
knew.

Whatever.

“Yo,” I greeted, strolling in.

“Ally,” Smithie replied, eyes never
leaving me.

“Come sit by Shirleen, child,”
Shirleen called, also keeping her gaze locked on me.

“You want pancakes, sugar?” Daisy
asked as I moved toward the table.

I didn’t. The idea of food made me
want to hurl.

“Sure,” I said and walked right up
to Smithie.

Then I leaned in and kissed his
cheek, muttering a distracted, “Hey,” as I moved around him and did the same
with Shirleen.

After that, I sat down.

I looked out the window knowing
that these people were nuts, but they loved me and they’d be careful with me.
It’d be far easier to handle if they acted normally. But they were too kind to
even think of doing that.

Therefore, I was bracing.

And in bracing, I didn’t see Daisy,
Shirleen and Smithie giving each other wide-eyed looks.

“Uh… Ally,” Daisy called.

I tore my eyes away from the window
and my mind away from noting there were ducks in her moat and I looked at her.

“Yeah?”

“Know you had a tough night, honey
bunch, but Shirleen and Smithie are here for a reason,” she told me.

Fabulous.

I looked between them and asked,
“Which one first?”

“Me,” Shirleen said so I focused my
attention on her. When I did, she didn’t delay in declaring, “Your brother
declines cases.”

My head jerked.

I didn’t expect to hear this. Demands
to know what happened between Ren and me. Or how Ren wasn’t good enough for me.
Or alternately how I should maybe give it more than three days of together
together
before I ended us. Or just
kindness, and maybe sympathy.

Not a random detail about my
brother’s business.

“Okay,” I replied cautiously.

“He does what he does. In other
words, he makes decisions and doesn’t share why with me. But I see a pattern,”
she went on. “He declines when we have a full caseload and the boys are
stretched to the max. Usually, though, he declines if it isn’t enough of a
challenge for their badasses to bother with.”

Suddenly, what she was saying cut
through my melancholy.

I straightened in my chair.

“And?” I prompted.

“And part of my job is takin’ down
the preliminaries of a possible case and reporting those to him. If he’s going
to decline, usually he does it without a meet. That means he doesn’t decline, I
do.”