Rock Chick 08 Revolution (31 page)

Just that he was sitting there, unmoving except for upending his phone,
eyes on me, totally calm and saying this shit to me, which for all intents and
purposes was ripping my heart out and tearing it to shreds.

So my voice was strange in a way I’d never heard it be, not even in all
the emotional ups and downs with Ren Zano I’d experienced for over a year, when
I asked, “In all the time we’ve been together, have you paid even the slightest
attention to me?”

I knew it was my tone that made his face turn guarded as he
straightened out of the couch, keeping his eyes locked on me and starting,
“Ally—”

I interrupted him. “This is me.”

“Honey—”

“This has always been me and you are one of a very select few who have
always known it.”

“Yes, I have,” he agreed. “Not that you shared that with me openly.
Just that I found that shit out.”

This was true, but at this juncture, it also didn’t matter.

“What I’m sayin’ is,” he continued. “For us and our future, it’s
important to me to know you’re safe, but more, to know me and our future plans
are important enough to you that you yourself do what you can to
stay
safe.”

I shook my head. “No, Ren, what you’re saying is, to be with you, I
have to prove you’re important enough to me to change everything about me.”

He took a step toward me.

I took a step back and he stopped.

“Ally—” he started again.

I cut him off again. “You don’t want me.”

He shook his head and I saw his eyes flash with irritation when he
clipped, “Baby, that’s just not true.”

“Really? Am I having a conversation in a different dimension than the
one you’re in?” I asked sarcastically. “Because the Ren in my dimension is
telling me I can’t be me and instead, to be with him, I have to be someone who
is so, so, so, so,
so not me.
”

I knew it would happen. It was actually a shock he’d kept his shit
tight for as long as he had. And me switching to sarcasm didn’t help.

But at my words, the Italian hothead badass broke through and he lost
it.

And this made his voice loud and his eyes cold when he chose a tone
like he was talking to a small child, and one who was not all that bright to
boot.

“What I’m trying to impress on you, Ally, is that I understand this is
important to you, very important. But we’re talkin’ about you showing me that
our future
is important enough for you
to do something as simple as havin’ a job where you’re
safe
and stay
healthy
and
don’t bring shit into our lives that’s
uncontrolled.
”

“I’m not some maverick with a death wish, Ren. I always do everything I
can to stay safe and healthy, and it’s part of my job to keep shit
controlled.
I’ve been doing this
for two years
and none of this has
leaked back into my life.”

That was when he really lost it.

“For fuck’s sake, Ally!” he shouted, “Your apartment exploded!”

Fuck.

I had to give that to him, and unfortunately it was a biggie.

“Rosie was a one-off. He was never a client, but I’ll admit he’s a
wildcard.”

“Babe, the people you will connect with day to day in that business are
all gonna be wildcards,” he returned.

He was right about that, too.

But it also wasn’t the point.

“Okay, Ren. You’re correct. That’s true. That said, what I’d ask from
you is to trust me to know what I’m doing.”

“Since I don’t, that’s a problem,” he bit out, and I felt each word
like he’d landed a blow.

So it came out breathless, and not the good kind, when I whispered,
“Right.”

“Ally—”

“No.”

His chin jerked on that one word and I knew why.

Because it was quiet and filled with so much pain, it permeated the
air, threatening to choke me.

I powered through that because I was Ally. That’s what I did.

And I had no choice.

I took in another deep breath and told him, “The reason our date was
off was that Mom and Dad called a family meeting. I was going to talk to you to
see how you felt about coming. Obviously, that isn’t an issue anymore.”

“Baby—” he took a step toward me, but I again stepped back.

He stopped moving and I kept talking.

“Still, they want to talk and I need to listen, so I have to go. I’ll
be back later to get my stuff.”

“Honey—”

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way and it would be really cool if you
weren’t here when I got back. I’ll leave the key in the kitchen.”

“Ally, don’t—”

“There’s nowhere to go with this,” I hissed, and he shut his mouth.
“We’ve been around this and around it and it leads nowhere. I have no
fucking
clue why you worked so hard to
get in there with me when you didn’t want
me
.
But you did. Now, you need to move on. Because I’m me. And if you can’t accept
me as I am, then we’re done.”

After that, I moved slowly to the door, through it and to my car.

Ren didn’t follow me.

* * * * *

I walked up to my childhood home in Bonnie Brae and walked right
through the front door without knocking (seeing as it was my childhood home,
this wasn’t rude; and anyway, they were expecting me).

Lee’s Crossfire and Hank’s 4Runner were at the curb, so I knew the gang
was all there.

When I got inside, I found they were all hanging in the living room.

Dad, Hank and Lee had beers. Mom had, what looked to my practiced eye,
a margarita in a regular glass.

I could use a margarita,
sans
the margarita mix, of course.

But I didn’t have time to ask. I wanted this done. I wanted to get back
to Ren’s. I wanted to get my shit. Then I wanted to get somewhere no one could
see me and have a complete mental collapse.

It didn’t escape me when I walked in that no one with two eyes in their
heads would not click that we were a family. We all had the same hair, even Mom
and Dad. Hank and I had whisky-colored eyes while Lee had chocolate brown, but
other than that we were all tall and lean. The men had more bulk, but we all
had the same frames.

I’d always liked this. Even as a kid. Belonging to this family.
Belonging to these people. And knowing no one could mistake that they were a
part of me.

And also knowing what I knew was in them when their eyes turned to me.

Whatever this was going to be changed the instant every single one of
them got a look at me.

They knew.

They knew inside I was bleeding.

“Honey, are you—?” Mom started, and I straightened my shoulders.

“I suspect,” I cut her off to start, “that part of the reason I’m here
is because you’re not happy I’m with Ren Zano. So, in order not to waste
anybody’s time, I’ll let you know that doesn’t factor anymore because before I
came over here, I ended things with him.”

“Jesus,” Hank muttered, studying me closely.

“Ally—” Lee started.

Dad and Mom just stared at me.

As for me, I kept talking.

“The rest, so you can target your comments, I got fired from Brother’s
two days ago and decided to start a private investigations agency. This is why
Ren and I are no longer together. He’s violently opposed to that idea and wants
me to consider a career as a barista before I move into my tenure as a
stay-at-home mom.”

Dad’s eyes moved to Lee and Hank.

Mom’s mouth got tight.

I kept speaking.

“I’m not down with that. He’s unwilling to see my point of view. So
that’s done. What’s not done is the fact that Daisy is looking for office space
to rent and I’ve tentatively taken her on as my receptionist.” I looked to
Hank. “And you may or may not know, but Roxie has started designing a website
for me.” I looked to Mom. “And Ava is mocking up logos. So it’s all a go. I’ll
be sitting down with Daisy after Luke and Ava’s wedding to organize a business
plan, and shortly after we’ll be actively recruiting clients.”

I took in a breath and kept going.

“I intend to get licensed eventually, and Darius is approaching Sylvie
Bissenette so I can work with her and acquire the hours I need to approach the
Licensing Board. Until that all takes off, I’ll continue to work at Fortnum’s
with Indy.”

I threw out a hand and moved to my conclusion.

“If I’m willing to lose Ren for this, the man I love, the man who loves
me, the man I fell in love with the first night we met, then I’m willing to do
anything for this. In other words, you won’t talk me out of it. But because I love
you all and respect you, I’ll listen to what you have to say.”

After that, I shut up.

Dad looked at Mom.

Mom only had eyes for me.

“Maybe you and me can go into the kitchen, get you a drink and have a
chat,” Mom suggested gently.

This meant she wanted to ascertain just how cut up I was about ending
things with Ren.

I had no intention of going there. Not until I was alone with a bottle
of tequila.

“I have things to do tonight, so thanks Mom, but that’s gonna be a no,”
I replied.

“I’m thinkin’ we should delay this meeting until you’re in a better
state of mind, honey.” This came from Hank and it was also suggested gently.

I looked to him and saw his expression was just as gentle.

My brother was awesome. Both of them were.

Still, I shook my head. “I’m thinking we should get this over with.”

“You, Hank and me, we’re going to The Hornet,” Lee stated and I looked
at him. “And I’m calling Indy.”

This meant he was worried about me and didn’t want to discuss my career
path, but wanted to call in reinforcements (namely Indy) who could see to my
broken heart while he and Hank paid for tequila shooters.

See?

Awesome.

“Thanks, bro, but that’s also a no,” I whispered.

“Sweetheart—” Dad started, and my eyes got instantly hot just hearing
that word.

When you’re a kid and a girl, dads had superpowers. They could heal any
hurt, usually with a word said just like that one. Or, if shit was extreme, if
he added a hug, it would all go away.

My dad’s superpowers were finely honed.

But they didn’t extend to this kind of healing.

“No, Dad,” I whispered. I looked through my family and requested, “Can
we please just get this done?”

“We’ll talk Monday,” Hank declared. “You come to Lee’s office. We’ll
all be there.”

“Hank, we’re here. Why can’t we just do this now?” I asked.

“Because we’re not doing it now,” Lee said. “We’re doing it Monday.
Five thirty. My office.”

I looked from one brother to the other.

Fuck.

“Fine,” I snapped. “Now I gotta go.” I looked through my brothers again
and finished, “I’ll see you tomorrow at the rehearsal.”

“Ally, why don’t you stay and eat dinner with your dad and me?” Mom
asked, and I looked to her.

“You’re cool with it, I’ll come over for dinner on Sunday,” I offered
an alternate, which might appease her even if it would not do it totally.

At least it was something.

She looked to Dad then back at me and nodded.

“Later,” I murmured, turning and giving them a low wave.

“Allyson,” Dad called, and I sucked in breath and turned back. When I
caught his eyes, he said softly, “You’re loved, sweetheart.”

I pressed my lips together and nodded, keeping my eyes to Dad because I
knew I couldn’t cope with them all at once showing me Dad’s words were true
through the expressions on their faces.

I then turned again and got the fuck out of there.

* * * * *

I clenched my teeth as I sat in my Mustang outside Ren’s house.

This was because, regardless of the fact that I texted him before I
drove away from Mom and Dad’s, Ren’s Jag was at the curb.

During our Not-Really-Fuck-Buddies phase, I’d always wondered but never
asked why he didn’t park in the two car garage he had out back. It was in good
repair and had a kickass wooden garage door with these interesting windows at
the top.

I figured it was because the front was closer and had easier access to
the house since his backyard was long. Some of it was terraced so he had a
boatload of steps to climb up. That wouldn’t be all that fun for lugging in
groceries, even if you were a tall, strong, fit hot guy.

Then again, the front required, without fail, parallel parking, which
was something I, like only three point two seven percent of the population (my
estimation, not based on a study or anything), had the skills to do. Still,
that didn’t mean it didn’t suck having to do it.