River's Return (River's End Series, #3) (11 page)

“Me?” she stopped dead in her perusal. “Are you for real? I affected you? I thought you were pretty clear cut in who you were and how you honor your code of life.”

He shrugged his massive shoulders. “Well, I was until you made some good points. I feel ashamed from when I belittled your serious and real efforts to help Charlie… and then from there, well, you know, the stuff with Celia and Jett, and now Erin. You’re just an impressive individual. I guess some of that rubbed off on me.”

It was perhaps the nicest compliment anyone had ever given her. “Thank you, Shane.” Her voice was serious and humble. She never expected to hear that from the cocky man she had first met.

“So… all this stuff? You know what to do with all of it?” she asked, changing the topic.

He shoved himself off the car fender. “Sure. Lots of it is just spare parts. I find a lot of random fixes from old parts, or get inspired with other ideas from them. Kind of all smelly and dirty for you, isn’t it?”

She shrugged. “Well, yes. Probably like you filling in to teach my class with no preparation. But also kind of fascinating. It’s nothing I know anything about. Neither did my dad or…”

“Ex-husband?” he asked, suddenly focusing his gaze on her face. She felt his interest and turned to sever it.

“Yes, even him.”

“What did he do anyway?”

“Who?”

Shane snorted. “Don’t play dumb, or obtuse, Allison. No one in the world would believe it of you, and especially me. You
always
know what I mean.”

Did she? She really couldn’t say for sure. Maybe, since she seemed to have a kind of surprising connection with Shane. They didn’t really agree on things, or see the world alike, but there was definitely something between them that made them more familiar with each other. Perhaps they just got each other, despite the odds and polarity. Maybe he was being honest when he said they were friends the other night. Maybe… yes, maybe, Shane Rydell was her friend.

“My ex was a college professor of literature at the University of Puget Sound. He never really got into car engines, or mechanics, or construction, or all those other traditionally male pursuits. He was more into reading obviously. He also spoke several foreign languages and wrote a weekly article for the college newspaper. My dad? He was kind of like that too. He was a high school math teacher for thirty years and my mom taught Special Ed. I came by this naturally,” she finished with a shrug.

So, the Rydell men were way beyond the scope of men Allison ever interacted with. The city she grew up in was large and diverse, without a lot of cowboys. She had never seen an area like this until she actually came here. Jack and Ian were still cowboys to her. Men who worked the land and took care of livestock animals were not a common part of her life experience. But Shane? All tatted up and long-haired, dressed in leather, and a real life, damn biker? No. Never. Even in college, she never had any association with men like Shane.

Shane nodded. “I could see you with someone like that. But what happened? How did you end up here? I have to tell you, I’ve wondered about it. You don’t seem like anyone from around here. You grew up in a city, for one. No doubt, there. But the whole academia thing, you seem to embody it in a way that’s far beyond any other elementary school teacher around here.”

She shrugged, looking embarrassed as she grabbed onto a large, metal structure that resembled a car lift or something. Shane said sharply, “Don’t lean on that, it’ll get you even dirtier.”

She immediately lifted her sleeve off as she jerked to attention. He seemed paranoid that she stay all clean and neat. Probably because she always appeared so damn prissy. She knew she did, and had no idea how to avoid it. She automatically put on skirts even though she lived in an area where jeans were considered dressed up. So why couldn’t she relax easier? But whatever she was, Shane didn’t miss the prudish, redheaded, unsexy,
academic
type she was. Until she arrived in River’s End, she wore that label with pride. That was exactly who and what she was. Not that she didn’t find it meaningful here. Most people were very nice to her and acted as though her opinions mattered and were worth listening to. Was it because she came off as being so damn prudish?

That thought depressed her. She noticed he was waiting expectantly for an answer. What was his question? “Here? How did you get here? Why would you choose to live in an area like this? We take rural to the extremes of laughable.”

“Yes. It is that kind of area. I honestly had no idea until I came here. I didn’t even know what it looked like. I applied for the job posting because I was desperately seeking a change. I guess I was hired because I had the most experience and education compared to the other applicants. It was a lifesaver at the time, and still is. It was so different from what I’d known before, that it allowed me to spend all my energy learning how to navigate and adjust to it.”

“Why did you need a change so badly? Because of your divorce?”

If only
. But it was so much more than that. “I was still married when I moved here and mostly fine by the time we got divorced. I just needed a major change in my life. A big one. So I came here.”

His expression was incredulous as he grinned while shaking his head. “Talk about a blow-off. There’s more to your story; I totally get that. You’re kind of fascinating, Allison Gray, because I don’t think you ever fully answer a question.”  

She snorted this time.
As if.
No one ever called her
fascinating
or
interesting
or even mildly
entertaining
. She was salt of the earth, responsible, well informed and articulate. But fascinating? Never. She also didn’t want to talk about why she came there. Not today. Not while this spark of life that she hadn’t felt in years, still burned.
So many years
.

Hearing Shane express what she could not was rather liberating. She could almost channel his exuberance and excitement. Being near him allowed her to feel and express everything she denied herself. Very little inspired her anymore.
Numb
. That was the only word she knew to describe how her life had become. Numb. Empty. Hollow. Nothing made her feel too bad, and never too good either. Each day became an exhausting and hopeless period of tedium and repetition. So yeah, Shane’s explosive interest in her, and hearing him express his feelings was much more than just engaging.

Allison was so far from being considered
fascinating.
She was more like a robot: cold and calculating. The motivation and inspiration she once felt about teaching were mostly gone. Every ambition that urged her to keep helping kids was now no more than an afterthought, a leftover reaction. With no other skills besides teaching, Allison used teaching to fill up her time. It made the days go by. And she was heading towards… what? She often wondered what. Where could her life possibly be headed now? The long, dark abyss in front of her seemed endless.

With Shane, however, at least it was more interesting.

“So this is quite a spot your family owns here. I’ve never been past the driveway and house.”

His expression changed. “Do you want to look around?”

She nodded. “If I’m not disturbing you?”

He snorted. “First time I’ve worked on a Sunday in many, many years. So, no, you’re not disturbing me. It’ll still be there later.”

She wished she could go through life with that kind of careless ease.
It’ll be there later?
That clashed with every urge that dictated her life. She
had
to finish her work, or chores, or errands, or favors for others, and her responsibilities always came first. She always finished her business issues before she ever did anything enjoyable, or fun, or relaxing, or fulfilling.

They were two very different kinds of people, but Allison longed to see a working horse ranch if only for the education it provided.

She followed Shane out of the shop and he walked her into the barn. It was a huge structure with endless stalls and the frequent, yet soothing, grunts and snorts and stomping of several horses. “Meet Erin and Jack’s babies.” He waved his hand out like
ta-da
.

She wandered around, petting a nose here, or combing a mane between her fingers there behind the stall doors. “You really have no interest in them? None at all?”

Shane stood with his legs spread and his hands on his hips. The leather vest he wore was about as uncowboy-like as her wearing a dress and heels. “I really do not.”

“That’s too bad. I’d love to ride one. I haven’t ridden since I was a girl.” She expressed a small flutter of interest.

“You can ride? And you like doing it?”

His voice sounded so full of reproach, she had to laugh before rubbing the long muzzle of a black horse. “Yes, I like it. And stop making it sound like I just confessed to being a porn star. As part owner in a horse farm, you should have more appreciation for them. They are beautiful, magnificent living creatures.”

“…That smell, and they crap everywhere. I mean, smell that?” He shuddered while plugging his nose.

“They are so beautiful. My uncle used to have horses when I was a teen. I spent some time out there riding. I miss it. I haven’t done it in years.”

Shane sighed as he dropped his arms to his sides and his shoulders sagged. “Well, I can ride the fuckers. Have been since I was five years old. Dad spent a good three years trying to break me of my aversion. I can ride ‘em just fine. I suppose I could take you out sometime. I know a lot of people really like riding horses. So I suppose we could.”

His expression looked more like she just suggested spending the afternoon at a high tea, or trying on bridal gowns. He looked resigned to a miserable afternoon. She was both surprised and shocked he even offered. Glancing at the horse next to her, she decided they were all gorgeous. Of course, she’d never call them
fuckers,
or refer to them with such disdain. It was almost a compliment that he was willing to suffer through it for her, just because she expressed some interest.

“Oh, look at my shoes. And you really don’t like them at all, so…”

He sighed. “That’s a real stupid reason for you not to enjoy ‘em. I’ll take you. It’s not that big of deal. I just don’t
love
it. I’ve never felt the need to eat, breath and sleep horse like my two brothers do. But I can spend a few hours without complaining. Your shoes, by the way, are fine. We’ll stay on easy trails.”

Allison  struggled with her temptation. It was so much stronger than usual. Her flat shoes were black leather, but that posed no huge problem.

“Well… I mean, I would like to, but…”

Shane was instantly turning before thumping around in the back of what she thought was the tack room. He brought out two saddles, precariously balanced on each shoulder, and dumped them on the ground at her feet. She winced. Jack would have, no doubt, had a conniption if he could see how offhandedly Shane was treating their gear. Shane disappeared again, and returned with halters and bridles. “Can you saddle both of them?”

Shane stopped, and his expression reflected complete reproach. “I
did
grow up on a horse farm. Geez, teacher, I’m not an imbecile. You never forget how to saddle a horse, especially after doing it for half your life.”

She bit her lips, suddenly contrite for insulting his intelligence, even if it were by accident. “I’m sorry. It’s been years for me, and I wouldn’t remember.”

He nodded. “Well, you shouldn’t. You probably haven’t done it a few hundred times.”

“I thought you said you never liked riding? A few
hundred
times?”

“Everyone believed if I rode often enough, eventually, I might learn to like it. They acted like I was missing some kind of gene, or was a changeling because I showed no interest in horses. Dad especially refused to believe me. So yeah, I had to do it at least a few hundred times.”

That would make a kid resentful
she thought. Maybe if they hadn’t shoved it down his throat so ceaselessly, Shane might have developed a passing, or mild interest. “Surely not every one of you were expected to be passionate about the ranch and horses.”

“Oh surely, every one of us
were
expected to be. I didn’t mind the chores, I just never had their drive or passion or whatever Jack and Ian and Dad all shared with horses. I just… didn’t care that much about them.”

She watched him go into a stall and halter a horse before leading it out and tying it to the hitching post. “Thank you, Shane, for doing this with me.”

He paused and glanced back at her serious, meaningful tone. She
was
really grateful. “
You
are welcome. I don’t mind riding with someone if you’re interested. It’s not like you’re making me do it.”

She smiled and he kind of blinked before slowly smiling back. “You have a real pretty smile, teacher. Anyone ever tell you that?”

Thank God, the barn was gloomy. The big doors weren’t open, and Allison was glad for that. She was blushing right down to the roots of her hair. Simply from his nice compliment about her smile. It was the husky, unusually quiet tone of voice Shane used that got to her. No. She couldn’t remember anyone telling her that, and certainly not in the suggestive way he just did. She grew hot and bothered by his attention and didn’t know how she should react.