River: A Novel (43 page)

 “Elodie,
James is my first name.” He looked at me then. There was pain in his eyes.

 I didn’t
know what to say at first, but then again, who was I to judge duplicity? I
simply nodded. We began moving again, our feet crunching the icy, dead leaves.

 “Asher is
my name as well, only my surname. James was my father’s name. After he died
because of me… well, I don’t deserve to use it.” He hung his head as I stared
at him.

 Why didn’t
he see what I did?

 I stopped
us until he looked at me, his expression grave with self-loathing.

 “Your
father,” I began carefully. “I know he’s gone, but if he were here…,” I paused,
he’d looked away again. “Asher.” He held my eyes reluctantly. “James—he would
be incredibly proud of you.”

 Asher
nodded slightly while taking in my words, even smiling a little as we trekked
faster.

..................

The anti-Lull
was in full effect by the time we reached the tunnel. I had assumed most of the
terrain surrounding River was the same, bleak and flat, but the Domain was at a
higher elevation. For a short while just after the hedge-maze, we’d jogged at
the top of what I could only call a canyon, a giant, endless black hole in its
distance to the bottom. I’d glanced back at the Domain only once, nearly
stopping in my tracks. There were no chain links, but the sight was eerily
similar to the nightmares I’d been having on and off ever since arriving in
River; the differences only in the sheer size of the Domain and time of day. Shivering
with déjà vu, I was sure that if I were to venture close enough to the rim in
daylight, it would be a huge rocky crevasse.

 I paused at
the entrance to the tunnel, keeping quiet about my nightmare turned reality. With
Asher at my side, I wouldn’t be going over the edge of a cliff any time soon.

 “Do we
really have to go this way?” I asked, breathless and wincing from the sharp, stabbing
pain still in my rib.

 “It’s the
quickest route.” Asher looked at me ruefully, probably just assuming that I was
weary of pitch-black scenery. That was it exactly. “If we go around and down
through the canyon it will take hours.”

 I peered
into the empty passageway, my mouth pulling to a frown. Granted, it was better
than my nightmare method of jumping off the side, but I still didn’t like the
idea of blindness once again. “You’re sure you didn’t stash a flashlight in one
of those pockets?”

 “Sorry, Elodie,”
he tried to joke. “I’ll remember next time.” Taking both my hands, he attempted
to ease my fear. “I promise it will go by quickly, and there are no hidden
traps or guards or anything,” he continued after registering my skepticism. “The
Speakers have become increasingly lazy with the invention of the Lulling
perimeter. They don’t expect anyone to ever get through to travel here on foot,
and they only use the tram.” He waited patiently for me to muster up a measly
bit of courage.

 The tram had
moved so fast on the way to the Domain that I hadn’t even known we had been in
a tunnel part of the time. “How long will we be in there?”

 “By then,
we’ll be over halfway to River, more or less.” He took a deep breath, but only
because he was apologetic, again. “Ten minutes?”

 Pulling my
hands out of his grasp, I retrieved my bulky thermos. “I need a pick me up,” I
explained, smiling doubtfully and fighting the lid. Asher touched my shoulder
and pulled me near, which was good because it had turned colder, and I only
felt safe in the face of utter darkness when he was close. I offered some to
him first. After he declined, I gulped the rest of the coffee right out of the container
before sadly placing it in a bleak shadow of the tunnel’s entrance. Reaching
for his hand, I stared him straight in the eye. “Even if Mace himself pops up
and grabs you, do not let go of my hand.” He nodded solemnly, slowly gripping
the back of my neck and kissing me once.

 “Never,” he
said against my lips.

 We waited briefly
as I regained my composure. Unable to come up with a convincing argument in my
state, I swallowed hard and whispered, “Let’s go.”

 Asher led
me into the tunnel. I tried to recall the warm feeling I’d just had to
overpower the fear until the dim light behind us faded, and we were shrouded in
darkness. I’d always been a fan of nighttime, but impenetrable blindness was
different. While my eyes waited for reprieve, I tried to push the memory-dream of
Mace in the nightmare Dark Room away, yet it slithered through my mind, and I
gasped a little at the alarm it ensued. Only Asher’s hand kept me from complete
panic.

 “We’re
almost through.” Either Asher had heard me whimper, or he’d noticed my nails
dig into his hand. He picked up our pace past a jog.

 Exhausted,
even after all the coffee and anti-Lull, I didn’t complain. The situation could
have been much, much worse—my body was merely breaking down. My legs were
beginning to cramp from the cold, and we were moving too fast for him to talk,
to comfort my fear away, so I pushed forward by emptying my mind and forcing
sheer willpower to propel my body. I felt acute relief when faint light stirred
into the tunnel. The icy snow that had begun to fall made the night brighter.

 I had to
stop when we reached the end, my head spinning. Asher turned just as I fell
against him, out of breath and dizzy.

 “You did
it,” he murmured into my hair while holding me up, smoothing tangled locks out
of my eyes, and then pulling my hood over my frozen ears. “I promise, Elodie,
if you are ever in darkness again it will be in a safe place with my arms
around you.” Unable to speak yet, tears crept from my eyes, though the frigid air
brought them to a standstill. 

 I collected
myself after he brushed his lips lightly across my brow, melting the snowflakes
that had gathered there. “And a nightlight?” I mumbled to make light of my
juvenile fear as my cheeks warmed. His presence along with exhaustion was
making me woozy.

 “Anything
you want. We’ll sleep by candlelight if necessary.” He still had to hold on to
me even as he pulled out another vial of anti-Lull from his sock. A warm jolt
leaped through my veins, and I really didn’t mind the fatigue and cold just
then, imagining his arms around me in a candlelit room.

 “How many
of those do you have?” I chuckled wearily at his never-ending supply.

 “This is
the last one.” He grimaced, adding, “Sorry I don’t have anything to cut the
taste.”

 I took the
vial and shrugged. My taste buds were the least of our problems. “I’m just
grateful you have this to help keep me upright.” I unscrewed the lid as my head
swirled. Careful to drink only half, I gagged at the battery-acid aftertaste,
sucking in icy air to numb my mouth and erase the flavor. “Besides,” I said,
handing him the vial, “we won’t need this after tonight.” Asher finished it
off. He hid it well, but I knew he was nearly as tired and apprehensive as I
was. We trekked swiftly hand in hand toward River.

 “Are we
okay on time?” I asked after a bit of just listening to our quick footsteps
crunch over the concrete-like snow. Somehow the ground was colder than the sub-freezing
air, and I pulled my jacket closer with my free hand. 

 “Dan should
have had the Lulling turned off about thirty minutes ago. When we’re back in
River, we’ll only have just over an hour to help get the remaining people out
before he turns it back on. Gwen will arrive by then with the Speakers and
lackeys in tow, and we’ll make sure they are securely locked in before we leave
for good.” Asher narrowed his eyes before completing the thought under his
breath, “Assuming she leaves them alive.”

 “Do you
think she will… kill them?” I whispered, suddenly visualizing a startling image:
Gwen trancing the Speakers and minions to kill each other, or themselves. There
was a part of me that couldn’t deny it could happen, as merciless as she’d
appeared earlier. There was a smaller part of me that would have been relieved
to have Speakers off the planet, but I closed that thought as quickly as it had
come. As much as I hated them, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I could
condone murder.

 “No,” he answered
firmly and took a deep breath, shaking it off. We seemed to have been thinking
the same thing. “Gwen is the strongest person I know, she won’t give in to that.”
He became confident in his assumption that Gwen would stick to the plan. “Besides,
I know she wants to make an example of Mace… and be an example for Colin. Unless
she is forced, there will be no violence.

 “That’s
Speaker territory, and none of us will go there.” Asher gave me a sidelong
glance. “We only torture those we love.”

 “You will
pay for that one of these days,” I scowled at him breathlessly until he put his
arm around me.

 “I will
take any recourse to atone for my mistake.”

 I rolled my
eyes. “Yeah, it was really horrible—being fake tied-up and taken to a party
afterward.”

 He smiled
at that with the dim light filling his eyes, and then something flashed over
him. Turning to face me, he halted our steps abruptly. His expression made me
catch my breath. “Elodie, I thought you were the enemy. And I treated you as
one—I am unbearably sorry.” He mashed his lips into a flat line before he
practically begged, “Will you give me the rest of my days to make that mistake up
to you?”

 I slouched
and shook my head. How could he think I was even remotely mad about that? The condemned-man
remorse he obviously felt was heartbreaking, so I reached up and took his face
in my hands for a change, my icy fingertips lightly brushing his strong
cheekbones to his temples. “Please stop punishing yourself for just being
careful about protecting the people you love. It was… kind of fun.” He raised
an eyebrow. Just then, the second vial of anti-Lull kicked in, giving me what Old
Nanette would’ve called
gumption
. I ran my thumb from his bottom lip,
down his chin, to the base of his throat, softening his severe features. Although
the temperature was beyond glacial, I knew neither of us noticed the bitter
cold.

 “Tell you
what,” I said, leaning closer to him. “If you feel the need to make anything up
to me, you can let
me
tie
you
up someday.” I patted his cheek lightly
just before his eyes became round as saucers. Letting him go, I sauntered off a
bit, a little smirk on my lips. I couldn’t help it; that anti-Lull was
hazardous material. “We’d better hurry,” I called over my shoulder. In my
peripheral vision I watched him unfreeze, blinking rapidly, to follow me.

 We walked hastily,
feeling the time passing, anxious to get this over with. Asher was quiet after
he took my hand again, which wasn’t unusual, but every few minutes I would
catch him glimpsing at me as though I were going to disappear if he didn’t keep
checking. I just smiled. Through the disbelief of what I’d said, along with the
uncertainty that it had really come from
me
, I was fairly sure that I’d
never felt anything like this before: being wanted. 

 After about
ten minutes, Asher stopped and tucked us behind a dense group of trees. 

 “Something’s
wrong,” he said after a tense moment, almost as if making sure his statement
was true before alarming me. Of course, any feeling of contentment was gone the
instant I registered his face. Stoic and dangerous had replaced stoic and
thoughtful.

 “What is
it?” I sputtered out, my weaker sight scanning the lifeless forest.

 “When we
left the tunnel, River would’ve been a good distance before we could see the
lights again. But… we should be able to see them by now.” His whispers hushed
at the end, which worried me more than anything. 

 I strained
my eyes, but without my glasses, even on anti-Lull, I couldn’t see distance well
enough to be of any use. “Should we move closer?” I asked quietly while staring
at the horizon. “Wait, Asher, does the sky look… different somehow? Over to the
south?”

 “I think
that’s smoke,” he choked out after a long pause. His eyes didn’t blink as they
locked on the dense, swirling cloud.

 “Do you
think…?” 

 “I don’t
know what’s happening,” he replied in a flat, hollow tone, his eyes shifting
from the smoky sky to me. “But I have to find out. “

 “I’m going
with you.” 

 He frowned
at me.

 “If
anything happens to you…,” he whispered with severity as he placed his hands on
my shoulders.

 “Asher,
there is no
way
you are going there without me.” 

  After a second
of staring into my eyes, he must’ve detected my obstinate streak because he let
go except for my hand, pulling his other down his chin in exasperation. Over
the situation or my stubbornness, I did not know. Loosening his jaw, he gave
in. “We’ll move closer. If there is any kind of danger we’ll run to the huts.
And by ‘we’ I mean
you
.”

 I nodded,
having absolutely no intention of leaving him, before he led us toward the
unknown.

 We ran
almost in a crouched position, moving swiftly through the slick roots and
fallen boughs. Something
was
wrong; I could feel it in the too-still air.
We should never have split up
. I imagined that Asher was thinking the
same thing. I didn’t want to assume the worst of what could be, but the lights
were off, and there were now several clouds of smoke visible. Danny and Petra
were still at the Domain, and I considered that maybe we should go back to them,
desperately needing reassurance that they were okay.