River: A Novel (32 page)

 “We should
head back?”

 I nodded. ”Danny
will be at the apartment just after dawn.”

 Asher glanced
at his watch before blowing out the lantern’s warm light. “That’s in three hours.
We’ll be back in plenty of time if we just walk.”

 “Sounds good,”
I sighed, feeling suddenly drained.

 “We’ll have
to run when we get closer to the boundary. Are you okay with that?”

 I felt my
eyebrow quirk. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 His hands
were on my shoulders while his eyes scrutinized me. “It’s harder than you think
to go back through.”

 I thought
of Danny, Petra, and Gwen. “I know I can do it.”

 Opening the
door, Asher handed his gloves over after watching me shiver at the shock of the
cold breeze. I took them gratefully. The chill had made me feel less lightheaded,
even as my muscles turned rigid from it. Watching as he secured the latch to
our little hut and proceeded to walk toward the woods beyond the lake, I then gazed
back longingly at the camp, resigned to leaving. When I turned, Asher was
already halfway around the lake, so I had to jog to catch up to him. In the process
I slipped and knocked the edge of his arm. Instead of just ignoring my blunder,
he hooked his arm around mine, slowly taking my hand.

 It took him
a couple of tries. Grasping my fingers gingerly, he would then let go, as if
giving me an out. My hand seemed willing, however, and combed through his on
its own accord. I was unsure of what was going on. Maybe the anti-Lull was
causing me to hallucinate that we had become… something. Surely no one had done
any tests on the serum for neurological damage associated with the stuff. Asher’s
grip tightened. As though confirming my scientific findings, my own hand responded.

 My first
impression was that I was having an out of body experience. This couldn’t be
happening, could it?
Of course it would
happen on our highly probable
last night
on the planet
, I thought, shaking my head. Asher glanced
at me just then, though said nothing when I met his eyes. I would’ve thought
his shadows to become darker in the middle of the night, but under the cover of
moonlight he absolutely glowed. No doubt another side-effect of the anti-Lull,
and yet, I couldn’t stop staring.

 We reached
the end of the tree line sooner than I’d expected, as I had been lost in
thought. Asher must have been as well, for he hadn’t said a word the entire
time. A warm fluidity rushed through my body when we held hands, and I found
myself smiling slightly without thinking about it. This felt so right, so
possible, that my surprise had turned to comfort during our walk. I had the
strangest feeling that what I’d always seen of my future was dissolving,
shifting, turning into something else. In my life so far, I’d been the only
person I could rely on, and the past week had certainly changed that outlook. A
new future had resolved itself in my mind in between waking up nearly tied to a
chair and walking next to Asher, one of hope and love instead of just bearing
the minutes, hours, and days.

 Asher let
go of me at the edge of a snow drift, and I felt cold and rigid again. Nervous.
Looking at his face made me feel better—he made this trip nightly. There was
nothing to worry about. I knew this, but was still frozen. My feet were icy blocks
of concrete. Yanking on the too-big gloves, I wondered what exactly Asher had
meant when he’d said the return trip would be harder.

 He turned,
placed his arms on my shoulders and wrapped his hands around the back of my
head to hold my attention, pulling me close. “This is going to feel like
swimming against the current again, only worse. Once you get through, and you
will, that feeling will disappear, and you have to run. Follow me as closely as
you can.” He bent down to my level, night-gray eyes holding mine. “You can do
this, Elodie,” he whispered severely, just inches away.

 I tried not
to hyperventilate; unclear if it was in reaction to Asher’s proximity, or the
fear that I wouldn’t be able to force myself back through the boundary. It was
already like a force-field of doom, keeping everything living out of River. It
seemed the anti-Lull worked very differently, depending on which side of the
boundary you were crossing. This was revelatory to me. Dan had probably known,
but I tried to make a mental note to ask him in my overcrowded brain. My
thoughts were darting around like fireflies, and I was having a hard time
concentrating.

 After
nodding solemnly, I leaned my head into his arm. “How do you know about
swimming against currents?” Was there an ocean nearby?

 He chuckled
once and dropped his arms, glancing at the invisible boundary line, then back
to me. “Ready?”

 “Let’s go,”
I barely whispered, shaking my head
no
simultaneously.

We sprinted
a few yards, holding hands. Actually, I was gripping Asher for dear life while
mentally preparing myself. The cozy little hut we had been in less than an hour
ago seemed so far away. Returning to River was unappealing to me even without all
the weird reactions and premeditated torture. But Dan was there. Gwen and her
son were there with an entire population starved for a life outside invisible
walls. 

 We will
all be out in less than twenty-four hours
, I thought to reassure myself.

 Asher let
go of my hand. My eyes widened, and I sucked in a breath. This must be it. There
were no markers, only sparse vegetation and a break in the trees. 

 Without
warning, my vision swam, and the reasoning behind Asher dropping my hand became
clear. Though I was still moving forward, the ground appeared to slant severely.
I instinctively threw my arms out, only to find nothing but air. My legs became
weighed down, and I heard myself grunt from the pressure. The warped sense of gravity
wasn’t the worst of it. My ears heard nothing but static, and when I opened my
mouth to try to make them pop back to normal, they rang at a tinny decibel. Focusing
ahead, I could make out Asher’s form; he was much farther and looking back at
me. I had only moved a couple of feet.

 It was then
that I started to panic.

 Why is
this happening
? My
mind screamed through the haze. Hadn’t I gone through the Lulling the first day
I’d arrived? Hadn’t I just gone through it a couple of hours ago? It had been
disorienting, but nothing like this. Forcing myself to move, I pushed my legs
out, blindly running in slow motion. The air felt thicker than mud, and the static
feedback in my ears became piercing.
It’s just the Lulling, it will go away
once I’m through
, I told myself as my eyes began to water. My head began
throbbing as well, and I had to throw my weight for my legs to move.
Do not
fall.
There was no way I would give in and crumple to the ground. Not after
all I’d been through this past week. Not after finding Asher.

 Without
seeing in any direction, my vision blurred in spinning streaks, and I had to
squeeze my eyes shut. My body pressed against a vortex that sucked me in as it
pushed me out. To my relief and horror, I felt tightening around my forearm as
I was pulled through. A little whimper escaped my lips. Opening my eyes, all I
could do was pray that it wasn’t a Speaker. 

 A desperate
whisper came from Asher. “Now we have to run.”

 Taking my
hand again, he tugged me until I could command my legs forward. My head cleared
as the anti-Lull worked normally again, albeit with less potency. I ran in time
with Asher, struggling to stay vertical while almost falling down the steep hill
that was the entryway to town. We sprinted through the recesses to reach the
first buildings. Steam from the street grates made apparitions in the glacial
air, and I sighed
. Back in the cage
. Freedom was well worth whatever we
were going to go through, but it seemed very distant.

 We
approached the apartment building silently, and Asher gestured for me to climb
the fire escape ahead of him. I tried to be as quiet as possible while scaling
the metal stairs, and finally, we slid open the window and clambered through. Once
safely inside, I dropped to the floor. 

 “What was
that about?” I panted. Taking off the gloves and two of the three shirts I had
on, I realized I was covered in sweat, and my glasses were foggy.
Lovely.
I took off the redundant lenses and placed them on the floor.

 Asher was
only somewhat out of breath. “The Lulling is not stronger, exactly, just
different coming back into it. I think it’s our brain’s method of warning us to
stay away. It’s why there aren’t any animals around.” He lowered himself next
to me. “And it’s why I had to let go of your hand. I had a hard time, too.”

 I dropped
my head, gasping a short laugh. “I forgive you.”

 “Do you?”

 Feeling his
eyes on me, I lifted mine while taking a settling breath. The bedroom was mostly
dark, but strips of faint lamplight filtered in, crossing the floor. “Of
course.” I could hear the confusion in my voice. I hadn’t expected him to hold
my hand at all, let alone during the tumultuous re-entry.

 “Will you
forgive me for something else?” 

 “Anything,”
I said without thinking twice. His face was an inch from mine.

 “I wanted
to leave you out there.” 

 A moment
passed while this registered. “Out in the camp?” My heart fell. 

 “Yes.”

 I was
speechless. Had he really thought I was that
dangerous
? If so, then what
was all the hand holding about? He truly wanted to torture me.

 “Say
something, please Elodie.”

 “Why?” I
rasped, trying to swallow and hold back tears at the same time. “Do you really
not trust me?” 

 “I’m still thinking
about it.” He sounded as though he was trying not to laugh. What kind of joke
was this? My disbelieving gape snapped back to him from the black floor I had
been staring at, humiliated tears escaping.

 Taking me
in, Asher’s expression changed. “Whoa, Elodie, what’s wrong?” He automatically
grabbed my freezing hands in his. I hadn’t realized how cold they’d become
without the gloves. “Are you all right?”

 “How can
you ask me that?” I retorted thickly. My words had no volume, and my limp arms
didn’t have the strength to pull away.

 “I’m so
sorry. I just… well I don’t want to put you in more danger.”

 “Danger?” I
didn’t understand him, not at all.

 “You looked
as if you were happy. I didn’t want you to have to come back to River; to have
to go through everything tomorrow, and then who knows what will happen later. I
just want you to be away from here and safe.” The joking tone was gone from his
voice. He was completely serious.

 “So you
do
trust me?” I whispered dubiously.

 “I told you
I was thinking about it.”

 I laughed
without humor and looked away from him. Staring out the window to the leafless
trees tracing through the weak light, I began to ramble. “Well, if you think
you can leave without me… it’s just not going to happen. And I
am
going
to perform and help with the rebellion. And there will be danger. But I’m not
the important one here, Asher, you are. You need to get everybody out—” My
little rant was cut short by fingers on my lips.

 “Volume?” I
mumbled as he nodded, brushing my bottom lip slowly.

 His fingers
moved to wrap around the side of my face. A fine haze settled around us. Holding
my breath, I closed my eyes. My cheek resting against his hand, he promised
quietly, “I will try to get everyone out. Though, it’s
imperative
to me
that you are included.
You
are the important one.” 

 I started
to tell him otherwise again, but I lost any thoughts and words when I felt his
lips on mine. Suddenly, there were no enemies, there was no River. I was lost
in an exquisite, unbelievable moment.

 “Agreed?” His
voice was a rough whisper.

 I nodded
and tried hopelessly to steady myself as he lightly kissed my forehead. I still
hadn’t opened my eyes, wanting to stay in this place.

 “Dawn will
come eventually,” he murmured, pulling me in. My entire body was tired and
buzzing at the same time. “Do you want Dan to see me here?” I detected a smile
in his question.

 “I would
have a
lot
of explaining to do,” I said into his shirt, feeling dizzy at
the thought.

 He laughed quietly
while I fell into him a little bit, becoming more comfortable as the seconds
ticked by. The anti-Lull had burned out of my system, and I could’ve fallen
asleep right there if I hadn’t been so confused. I didn’t want Asher to leave. I
chuckled, thinking of how Dan didn’t even know that I knew of Asher. Of this
whole other society inside a place that was completely foreign to me. Dan only
barely knew them, and he had been born in River. I felt a tiny bit superior
through my exhilarated exhaustion. Sure, I’d been kidnapped and convinced there
would be torture, yet my burgeoning spy skills had truly been something to behold
when I’d turned the tables on my captors, and a plethora of Intel was gifted to
me. Another way to look at it was my deep undercover work had resulted in
Stockholm syndrome, but still.