Authors: Jessica Burkhart
Besides, you couldn't even call what we'd just done a “lesson.” It was more like a warm-up.
After figure eights, I stopped Charm and worked on my own posture. I dropped the reins around his neck and stretched my hands to the ceiling. I spent half an hour going through balance and strengthening exercises so Charm could rest. I twisted in the saddle and an incoming horse and rider made me stop in mid-twist.
Callie and Black Jack. Callie halted Jack, mounted, and then looked at me. Her glare made me shrink a little into my saddle. I was used to that look from Jasmine and Heatherânot Callie.
“You just finished a lesson, right?” Callie asked, her tone clipped.
“Yeah.”
“Then, do you mind?” But the way Callie said itâshe wasn't asking a question.
Charm shifted under me, feeling my nerves. “Of course you can ride in here too,” I said. “I don't care.”
I had to hold myself back from telling her that I
wanted
her in here with me, that I had to tell her what really happened, and that I missed her. But I didn't.
Callie laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “No. I meant, do you mind
leaving
? I want to practice inside. Alone.”
I paused. “Uh, sure. But you finished your lesson when I did, soâ”
“So what? I want to practice more.” Callie stared at me from under her helmet. “It's the least you can do, don't you think? I mean, after what you did.”
Her comment made me freeze. I didn't know what to even say. But I knew I had to keep up the facade that I didn't care about our friendship. She had to keep believing that I thought going after Jacob had been worth it.
“Callie, Iâ” I stopped when Heather walked into the arena. She led Aristocrat over and looked up at us. Of course she'd had the same idea to practice moreâwe all had. She'd probably gone to grab a soda or something.
“Are you
really
trying to kick her out, Callie?” Heather asked. She folded her arms. “That's not happening. We're riding in here too, so practice with us or go somewhere else.”
Callie's head jerked back a little. This felt surreal. It was suddenly Heather and me versus Callie.
“Wow, a turf war.” Jasmine, without Phoenix, walked into the arena and grinned at all of us.
“You're not riding at all, so you have no reason to
be in here,” Heather said to Jas. “Get out.”
Jas put a hand on her hip, her eyes flashing at Heather. “Whatever, Heather. Like I'm going to let you and Sasha force Callie out. I mean, I don't like any of you, but Sasha ⦔ Jas shook her head. “This is just wrong. You went after your BFF's boyfriend. All she did was ask you to leave the arena so she could practice and you run and get Heather to stand up for you?”
“I didn't get Heather to do anything,” I said, trying to keep my voice quiet. If I yelled, Mr. Conner would be in here in two seconds. “I was here first, then Callie showed up. I'm not leaving.”
“You're ridiculous,” Jas said. “You should have
offered
to leave. Everyone at school knows what you did. You're the girl who tried to steal a boyfriend from her best friend. You really should just resign from the YENT and go home. No one wants you here.”
I blinked back tears. I'd tried not to think about what anyone else had thought about me and my reputation on campus. And I wished I could believe that Jas was exaggerating, but I wasn't sure. Did everyone think that?
“Jasmine, shut up,” Heather said. “You have no idea. So don't pretend to know anything about what's going on around campus.”
Jas's face went pink. This had to stop. I wanted to practice, not fight.
“I'm staying on campus
and
in the arena,” I said. “So deal.”
Jas shrugged. “Fine. Stay and let everyone talk about you. More fun for me.” She turned and walked out of the arena.
Without a word, Heather mounted Aristocrat and trotted him to the far end of the arena and started riding him in large circles. I edged Charm toward the middle and went back to working on my stretches. Callie, as if deciding what to do, looked at the door, then turned Jack to the empty corner of the arena and began working on transitions.
I sneaked a glance at Callie. She looked focused and not at all as if she was thinking about what had just happened. Before the Jacob mess, if Jas had ever said anything like that to me, it would have been Callie defending meânot Heather.
It used to be Callie and me against the Trio. Now, Callie was looking at me as if I was on the opposite side.
OUT OF ALL THE ROOMS
I STAYED IN THE ARENA UNTIL I FELT CHARM'S
stride start to lag. I took extra good care of himâgiving him two carrots and grooming him until he was super shiny.
“You were perfect today,” I told him. I hugged him and he wandered right to his hay net. I latched his door, put away his grooming box, and picked up his tack.
I took his saddle and bridle into the tack room, filled a bucket with warm water, and got out a tin of saddle soap. I undid every buckle on his bridle and saddle, embarrassed that I'd let Charm's tack get so dirty. I scrubbed with the yellow soap until it caked under my fingernails and water ran down my elbows. My fingers got tired as I ran the sponge around every inch of leatherâtwiceâjust to make sure it was clean.
I dried everything and grabbed Charm's saddle pad to throw into the stable washing machine with a few other blankets that were inside. I'd pick it up tomorrow.
Satisfied with Charm's gleaming tack, I washed my hands and picked up my stuff. I walked back to my room feeling relaxed because I knew Paige was out. There wouldn't be any questions or looks.
After I showered and changed into jeans and an old, comfy T-shirt, our room felt tiny. I wanted to get out and study somewhere else. The Winchester common room would def be a mistake. Jas would probably be there, or at least someone else who thought I was a backstabbing boyfriend stealer. I wanted drama-free study time.
The media center seemed like a safe place. There were tons of rooms and I knew the least popular ones where none of my friendsâor, I guess, former friendsâwould go. I loaded my book bag and walked across campus, taking the shortest route to the center. I was tired after my lesson and I didn't feel like trekking all over campus.
Inside, I hurried through the main lobbyâignoring the clumps of people who were trying to decide whether or not to watch a movie or grab one of the many flat screens and watch TV or a DVD.
I walked down a few different hallways, turning so
many times that I'd probably need a GPS to get out, until I found one of the rooms in the back that had no TV and was strictly for studying. I pushed open the doorâglad to find it empty.
I spread my notebooks, homework assignment sheets, and pens on the table. I started with math and got through fifteen out of thirty problems before needing a break. My calendar was open in front of me and I started filling each slot with what I needed to do each day from school to homework to riding. Every space for the next week was fullâand I'd written in my tiniest handwriting. The squares were crowded with
Write paper
,
Do sci problems
,
Ride 1 hr
, and everything else that had to be done.
I checked the time on my phone. I'd spent an hour just
scheduling
my to-do list! I closed the calendar and shoved it to the side. I pulled out my syllabus for history, a class I was caught up in, and scanned the sheet for the next big assignment. We had an essay on the topic of our choice about European exploration. I flipped through my book for that chapter and started reading, determined to find an essay topic and get started early on the paper.
My phone buzzed.
When do u want the egg?
Jacob.
I wanted to text back
Never! U keep it!
But instead, I wrote,
2mrw @ hist class.
I shut off the phone and went back to studying. I turned a page and tried to block out the laughter that was coming down the hallway. The door opened and Eric, Rachel, and her friends, plus Ben, Julia, and Troy walked inside.
Rachel's eyes met mine for a second before she looked away. She was the only one to look at me except for Julia, who only glanced in my direction before sitting beside Ben.
Eric sat a few chairs away from me and Rachel took the seat next to him. Eric was wearing one of my fave shirtsâa blue cotton T-shirt that was snuggly whenever I'd leaned into him.
Thinking about him started to make me sad, but I pushed it away. He could sit with Rachel if he wanted. We weren't together.
No one said a wordâeveryone just started working. The silence in the room was deafening in that weird way and I wished I'd picked a room with a TV just to have some sort of background noise. I didn't want to sit here with themâthey were probably waiting for me to leave so they could talk about me. But if I got up and left now, it would look like they'd chased me out of the room. I had to keep pretending that I didn't care and was fine.
So I went back to work, forcing myself to stay. I still couldn't believe they'd picked
this
room. Out of every other room they could have chosenâit had to be this one. And the entire time, no one talkedâeveryone worked on homework. I kept sneaking glances at the wall clock.
Julia, sitting by Ben, looked over at me for a second and her mouth opened, then she closed it. And that was my cue to leave before she started grilling me about why I was here. I didn't look at anyone as I put away my stuff and slung my book bag over my shoulder. Troy was the only one to look up and give me a half smile.
I left and went down a side hallway. I walked by one of the TV rooms that was empty and had the door open. I halted mid-step and went back to look inside. This was
the
room. The couch. The TV. The place where Jacob and I had met for our first viewing of our documentary,
Horse Sense.
I'd been so nervous to sit next to Jacob on the couchâI'd almost jumped up when his arm had brushed mine. The memory made me smile.
When we'd filmed the movie at the stable, Jacob had acted weird the entire time. While I'd held Charm, Jacob had stayed as far away from me as possible. He'd left the second we'd finished filming and I'd been crushed. I'd thought it was because he'd stopped liking me or was
into someone else. I'd had
no
idea it was because he was afraid of horses. Jacob had gone along with my idea for
me
because he knew how much I loved horses
.
It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. I stood in the doorway for a long, long time thinking about good memories and how quickly things can change.
THE NEW BAD GIRL
WHEN I GOT BACK TO WINCHESTER, I WAITED
for the feeling of security, of being in my own dorm and away from everyone, to wash over me. But it didn't. Instead, I just felt annoyed at seeing Homecoming posters every five feet.
“Sasha?” Livvie, my dorm monitor, called. She stepped outside her office and I turned back to face her.
“Yeah?”
“Come in here a sec. I want to chat.” Livvie waved her arm in front of her, motioning for me to walk into her office.
I did and she closed the door behind us.
“Sit, sit,” Livvie said. She brushed her long brown hair back and sat behind her giant wooden desk. It was
freakishly organized. Like, down to the paper clip collection. But that was Livvie.
I sat, trying to think if I was in trouble. My grades were fineâgreat, actually. I hadn't missed a class and I couldn't think of one reason for Livvie to call me in here.
Livvie smiled. “You're not in trouble,” she said, as if reading my mind.
“Phew,” I said. “I thought something was wrong.”
Livvie looked down at her desktop calendar, then back at me. “Well, I'm hoping there isn't. Sash, Paige mentioned to me that you broke up with Eric. She said that you and Callie are going through a rough time. I'm sorry to hear that and please know that Paige only told me because she's worried about you.”