Rites of Passage (18 page)

“Buck up, McKenna,” Matthews says, appearing to my right. “If you don't want to be the laughingstock of the DMA, you'd better not trip again. Everything they said is what we're all feeling, but you're the one intent on being here, so show us why you think you belong.”

I nod just slightly, keeping my eyes straight ahead. I refuse to screw up again today.

 

Once the pomp and circumstance is through with, we come to a halt behind our barracks. Standing at attention, we wait for the order to go be with our families. I kind of wish everyone would have to stay until lights-out tonight.

“Alpha Company, you made yourselves proud today despite a few screw-ups,” Drill says, his eyes falling on me.

The heat comes to my face before I have a chance to gather my wits. His words hurt but I won't let him see how much it kills me to let the company down like that.

“The cadet colonel has announced that you will be released from recruit protocol at 1700 this evening until you must report back at 1700 Sunday evening, except for those of you marching tours this weekend.” His eyes stay on me. “Even when on campus, you may walk at ease with your families. If you leave campus, however, you must be in your dress blues at all times and carry yourselves as a proud recruit of this fine academy. Understood?”

“Drill Sergeant Stamm, yes, Drill Sergeant Stamm!”

“Very well. Enjoy your weekend. Remember: if we hear of anyone going against the rules, you will all pay the price Sunday evening. Now, everyone but McKenna, get lost!”

A cheer goes up and my recruit buddies scatter in every direction, running to catch up to their families. Even Kelly vanishes, too excited to see his family to wait for me. I stand, unmoving, until the area empties.

“At ease, McKenna.”

I take a deep breath. I'm not sure I can take getting yelled at again, especially by him. “Drill Sergeant Stamm, this recruit is sorry—”

“I said ‘at ease.' Take a break.” He takes a few steps toward me, his eyes scanning the area.

I do the same. We're alone. “Yes, Drill Sergeant.”

“You've done a really good job here.”

I have to force myself to sound happy. “Thank you, Drill Sergeant.”

“What?” he asks. “You don't think you have?”

“I tripped during the parade. Earlier today you had to call Matthews off me. At the smoke show the other night . . .” I clear my throat and stop talking. I've got to be strong for five more minutes.

“McKenna, I'm not calling him off because I think you're weak.”

“Then why?”

He opens his mouth to answer, then lets out a sigh instead. “Just be careful this weekend, okay?”

His words don't sound like they're coming from someone ranked above me. It sounds like he actually cares. “Of course, Drill Sergeant.”

He bends down a little so we're eye to eye. “Your recruit buddies aren't going to be on campus to keep an eye on you. I'm not going to be here either . . .” For a second, his eyes drop from mine and he's looking at my lips, but it happens so fast I think I must have imagined it. Even still, my heart thunders in my chest until Drill clears his throat like he's getting back into character.

The clock tower chimes 1700, 5:00 p.m. Freedom.

“Dismissed, Mac.” A little red creeping into his cheeks at the slip—he'd called me what my recruit buddies call me. “Recruit McKenna.”

I walk away slowly, glancing back once to see him standing there, his eyes following me. He looks kind of sad but that doesn't make any sense. He's getting ready to go home for the weekend. If anyone should be looking sad, it's me—stuck here by myself, with ten hours of marching and remembering the few seconds Drill and I spent alone the only things I get to look forward to.

I make my way up onto the PG, taking deep breaths and steeling myself for the walk to the chapel. Almost everyone is gone, whisked away by their families to spend a weekend being pampered. The only people left are a group of older men circled around Matthews. I hang back at the edge of the PG, standing near a tree.

They don't notice me and their voices carry easily.

“You've done a fine job so far this year, Corporal. Even with all the ruckus and the threats against our fine academy you are holding your own. Removing the problem will secure your position in the Society.”

I promised Rev I'd be at the chapel right after the parade, but he's just going to have to wait.

“I understand, sir,” Matthews replies.

“Do you?”

I move behind the tree so they won't see me if they look this way.

One of the guys turns and puts his arm around Matthews, but it's not a friendly hug. The man holding him in place, baring his teeth as he talks, has two stars on his shoulder and a Purple Heart on his uniform. “Of course he understands. He's done as ordered and has already laid the groundwork.”

“But he's got a hard task ahead of him, General Matthews.”

My corporal's father has pulled out all the stops for today.

“I don't think it will be so hard after this weekend. Her mom's not coming; she's marching tours. The recruits that went home will be strengthened in their resolve to survive. She'll be all alone come Sunday evening,” General Matthews reports.

Corporal Matthews can't keep the grin off his face.

“Then I think we can go,” the older man says. The general's assurance is enough for him.

The men stand straighter and each man puts a fisted hand over his heart before turning toward the mess hall. Matthews is the last to make the motion, but he does it just the same, and then leads the way, laughing with one of the older men. I'm left alone on the PG.

Once I'm sure I won't be seen, I hurry to the chapel, the whole reason I was up on the PG in the first place. “Okay.” I start talking the second I open the door. “I know I'm late, but I told you I'd come. Here I am.”

“Sam— Oh, of course,” Rev says, looking shocked when I come into his office without knocking.

Sitting in the chair where I usually sit is a guy in jeans and a polo shirt. When he turns to look at me, I realize I know him, though I never thought I'd see him again. “Tim?”

Amos's Army roommate stands up, a sad smile on his face. The last time we were together was at Amos's funeral. “It's good to see you, Sam.” He reaches out, his arms pulling me in for a hug I'm not expecting and am not ready for. I don't squeeze back and, when his arms slacken, I take a quick step away from him. Being close to him . . . well, it's bad.

“What . . . what are you doing here?” I glance at Rev for an answer.

“Tim's been keeping up with your progress here—he lives in town. He's heard about your KB trouble.”

“You said you wouldn't tell anyone,” I whisper, retreating toward the door. “You promised.”

Rev walks out from behind his desk and reaches for me. “Tim is a friend, Sam. We can trust him.”

Dad had promised me Rev was one of the good guys, and less than a day after I tell him something private, he's shared it with someone I barely even know. Sure, Amos trusted him, but Amos is dead.

“I promise I'm on your side, Sam. I'd do anything for Amos, and he'd want me to look out for you.”

I look between the two men—Rev, who I've grown to trust, and Tim, the guy Amos used to talk about all the time, his best friend. After a long, tense moment, I reach into my back pocket.

Rev and Tim exchange a look. “Sit back down, Tim.” It's not an order, but it's close enough. Tim sits and I scoot by him to hand Rev the book.

“I need it back by Sunday evening, seventeen hundred hours.”

“I'll make sure you get it.”

I glance once more at the KB that's caused me so much trouble, knowing I shouldn't be letting it out of my hands again.

“I'll take care of it, Sam. I promise.” Rev slides the book into the pocket of his uniform.

“Sam, I meant what I said,” Tim says. With my hand on the door, I turn to look at him. He hands a piece of paper to me. His address is written on it. “I'm here for you, okay? I live about two miles from campus. You're welcome anytime. I cared a lot about Amos. I want to help.”

After a minute, I nod. “Thank you.” I pull the door closed on my way out and slide Tim's address into my pocket.

Once back in the barracks, I change into sweats, tying my tennis shoes and getting ready to go for a run. I've got to find something to keep me busy for the next few hours or all I'm going to see is the blue tint of Amos's face when I opened the door and saw him hanging.

EIGHTEEN

WHEN THE CLOCK FINALLY HITS 0130, I PULL THE HOOD OF MY
sweatshirt up and walk out of the barracks. The night air is cool and I tuck a stray bit of hair behind my ear. I'm watching the shadows, the trees that move in the breeze, for any sign of life. There's nothing. The campus is dead silent.

By the bell tower, a weeping willow's branches sway, brushing the ground with long fingers. I slip beneath them and secure a hiding place in the dark, where no one can see, and wait. Boots thud on the pavement and I try to calm my racing heart. She's in camouflage again, a cover pulled down low over her face, and smaller than I remember. When she gets close I step out.

Jax doesn't jump or anything, just jerks her head up in acknowledgment and keeps on walking, leading me out the western gate of the school and across the road to the football field. Beneath the bleachers she finally stops and turns toward me.

“I'm surprised you came.” She puts a cigarette in her mouth and lights it.

“I'm not sure I'm staying.” After Rev's betrayal and the mysterious Society I keep hearing about, I've got to be sure Jax is on my side. “I need to know I can trust you. Who are you?”

“I'm Jax.”

That doesn't tell me anything. “Does Kelly know you're talking to me?”

“No, he doesn't. And I'd like to keep it that way, if you're okay with that.”

I'm not sure how I feel about keeping this from him, but I agree. “So why the emails? The weird meeting on movie night?”

“It's a long story.”

“I've got all night,” I say, crossing my arms and going toe-to-toe with her. “But this is our last meeting if you're not going to be honest with me.”

She sighs, taking a long drag before talking. “You know there were supposed to be five females, right?”

“Yeah . . .” I'd forgotten all about the girl who never showed up.

“I was number five. I was supposed to be here with you.”

“Why didn't you come?”

She takes another drag, exhaling a big cloud of smoke. “Look at me. I'm five-foot-nothing and am way better with computers than I am with getting yelled at. I probably would have punched one of those assholes in the face the first time they yelled at me.”

I can't help but laugh. “It's crossed my mind a time or two.”

“But the difference is, you wouldn't do it.”

She's right. Asshole or not, Matthews still outranks me. One thing you grow up with in a military family is a healthy respect for the chain of command.

“So why enroll in the first place?”

She looks at the ground before taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders. “I don't really fit in around here. Kelly was the only one who ever saw me as anything but a freak. The rednecks don't really like goths. When he decided to come here, I couldn't imagine doing anything but following him. It turns out I'd much rather be at my computer hacking into the DMA than actually attending.”

“What do you mean?”

She tosses the cigarette on the ground and crushes it with her combat boot. “I knew there was going to be crap because of the whole female thing, so I thought, since I wasn't going, I'd at least try to keep an eye out for you. I started watching emails, flagging things that stood out.”

“Bekah and Katie haven't said anything about emails from you.”

“Your roommate's days are numbered. Everyone knew that during Hell Week. And Bekah, it's weird. It's like she's got a free pass for being in track.”

We're going after her another way
. It's what Matthews had said in the library. Not a free pass at all. “How do you know all this?”

“They say lots of things in emails.”

“They?”

“I can't nail down all the players but some of them were on that list I gave you. They're bad news, Sam.”

I scrub a hand across my face. “It's just a bunch of guys blowing off steam. We're threatening their good old boy system and they don't like it.”

“I don't think so,” she says. “They think you marching tours this weekend will be enough to break you. If you aren't out by Christmas, it's going to get bad. You've got their panties in a twist, I'll tell you that. They didn't think any of you would last this long.”

The sound of boots on the cobblestones makes us both jump. She grabs my hand and pulls me farther into the shadows. The footsteps get closer.

We're under the bleachers, but we weren't being quiet at all. I close my eyes and wait to be discovered. Me out of bed in the middle of the night, free weekend or not . . . no way is this going to end well.

As soon as the footsteps recede, we both let out our breath. “You'd better get back. But listen. Matthews, one of your corporals, is definitely in the inner circle of whatever is happening.” Her voice is quieter now.

“That's not a surprise. He's definitely got it out for me.” I want to tell her about my KB and the Society, but I'm not ready to give that to someone outside the DMA yet.

“Is there
anyone
on campus you trust?”

“Kelly and my drill sergeant,” I say without hesitation.

“Good old Liam,” she says fondly, and I feel a weird, possessive twinge. I want to ask more, but she looks at her watch. “Liam's okay. I'll check out Stamm to be sure he's safe.”