Risking it All (25 page)

didn’t

die

alone.
So unfair
, he

remembered thinking. After the close

calls and scrapes they’d been in, she

wouldn’t even get the chance to fight.

All

of

it,

all

these

individual

catastrophes, took place within his mind

in one second. The longest second of his

life.

Until tonight.

He hated the feeling of fear. It

slithered like a living thing through his

veins, trying to shut him down. Out of

self-preservation, he allowed the fear to

close himself off to anything but burning,

festering anger. He welcomed it. Let it

become comfortable and focused on it.

Anything that would block out the image

of Sera being choked, feet dangling in

the air, hands clawing at her neck. If he

let himself dwell on it, he knew with

100 percent certainty his world would

implode.

The anger had a few different shapes,

the first of which was directed at

himself. He shouldn’t have left her

alone, knowing she would take any

opportunity to further her investigation.

It had been a poor decision and he’d

nearly paid for it the worst way

possible. Losing—

No. Don’t think about it. Stay

focused.

Anger. Anger at
Sera
. If he let himself

feel it, maybe he could battle this need to

pull the car over and drag her into his

lap. Rock her. Smell her hair. Tell her

what a crazy, stupid, maddening,

beautiful girl she was. Shout at her. Kiss

her. Shake her. Demand she hold him

until this block of ice inside him melted

and he stopped feeling shaky.

He wouldn’t let himself, though. It

was vital he keep his rage, hold on to it

like a precious gift. Whenever she

touched him, he lost the grip on his

darker self. The self that had finally

made an appearance tonight, much to the

delight of his crew of assholes. Even

Wayne had been smugly satisfied to see

him promising violence and retribution.

While Bowen might regret giving the

man what he wanted tomorrow, tonight

he couldn’t give a shit. This hot,

pumping anger needed an outlet and it

would be unleashed on the man who’d

put his hands on Sera.

At the reminder of what he’d seen as

he walked out of the restaurant, his grip

tightened on the wheel, making the car

swerve. In the seat beside him, Sera’s

hand flew to her throat. That’s when he

noticed the red marks. Just over her

windpipe, five fingerprints that had to

have been digging into her hard, for a

good while, to leave those kinds of

marks behind. He stared at them, letting

them fuel his anger, ignoring the brown

eyes trying to get his attention. If he

looked into her eyes, knowing he’d

almost lost the chance to ever do so

again, he would lose it. He would

fucking
lose it. After what felt like an

hour-long drive, but in reality had only

been three minutes, he pulled up in front

of his building. He took a moment as he

rounded the car to scan the block for

Connor’s car, but didn’t see him.

Dammit
, there were too many threats.

Too many ways she could get hurt. As

soon as he took care of business tonight,

he was calling this shit off. Either the

cops came and got her the hell out of

Brooklyn tomorrow or he would get her

out himself. He didn’t know how he

would accomplish it when she would

fight him every step of the way, but it

would be done. Pain lanced his stomach

at the realization he wouldn’t see her

again once they took her. God, he

wanted to keep her. Wanted to lock them

both in his apartment and never leave,

except maybe for church. Whatever it

took to keep her happy. But he knew his

stupid fantasy would never come true. It

couldn’t, because of who they were and

the damn countdown clock hovering

over their heads. Trying to make it come

true would be selfish and could get her

killed.

Making sure not to look directly at

Sera, he helped her from the passenger

seat and hustled her toward the building.

They were inside his apartment in under

a minute, safe inside four walls, but he

rejected the feeling of calm. If he

narrowed his concentration down into

one neat funnel, he could get out of there

without touching her to reassure himself

she was all right. If he let that happen, he

didn’t know if he could stop.

Leaving her standing just inside the

locked door, he flew around the

apartment checking and double-checking

no one had broken in. Her gaze stayed

with him the entire time. It drew him,

tempted him to lose himself inside it, but

he staunchly refused. Once he’d checked

every square inch of the apartment, he

took her arm and led her into his

bedroom. He wanted to watch her, gauge

her reaction to his private space.

Instead, he went to his closet and

crouched down, so he could punch in the

combination to his safe.

“Do you know how to use a gun?” he

asked, trying to keep the sarcasm out of

his voice. Of course she did, but he

wanted her to lie. He wanted to throw

fuel onto his fire. Another deception

from her would do the trick.

“Yes.”

His hand froze in the action of

removing his Glock from the safe,

something

warm

and

unwanted

expanding in his chest. That single

truthful word doused his desire for her

to lie.
Tell me everything, baby. Please,

no more hiding.
“Really. Care to tell me

how?”

“Bowen, please. Will you just look at

me?”

He could feel her standing behind him.

“You will stay in this room, with the

door locked, until I come back. Anyone

tries to get in that isn’t me, you shoot

them, Sera. Tell me you understand. Tell

me you’ll
listen
this time.”

When he stood to face her, she was

entirely too close. Close enough to grab.

To taste. His bed was only a few short

steps away, covers still rumpled and

unmade from this morning. The mural

depicting death and destruction on the

wall behind his bed outlined her body,

hitting home just how much danger

existed around her. His danger. His

world.

Bowen kept his gaze glued firmly

above her head, pretending fascination

with some invisible spot that didn’t

exist. “I’m waiting for an answer.” He

heard her deep intake of breath. She

moved closer and everything inside him

seized. “
Don’t
.” Don’t what? He had no

idea what he was asking her not to do,

only knew it would break him.

Obviously deciding to ignore his

request, she laid a hand on his chest,

immediately making him shudder from

head to toe. He closed his eyes

defensively as her hand traced over his

chest, up his neck and into his hair. Oh,

God, he wanted to fall at her feet.

Frantically, he searched in the darkness

for his anger and gripped it like a

lifeline.

When she laid her lips against his

neck, that lifeline was ripped from his

hands. “Please, don’t leave me. Please

stay.” Unable to speak, he shook his

head, but it only caused her lips to drag

along the heated skin of his neck. A

groan left him before he could stop it.

The battle to remain detached growing

weak with the sound of her voice. “I’m

scared. Stay with me.”

No. Oh, Jesus. She’d said the one

thing that could topple the reinforced

steel barrier he’d built. At that moment,

the only thing that kept it standing was

the chance she could be playing him.

Was she really scared or did she just

want him to stay? He made the mistake

of finally looking into her addictive

brown eyes and felt irreparable cracks

forming in his wall. Fear. She
was

scared. With the acknowledgment of that

came the need to protect. To erase the

fear. He tried to hold it back, to

remember what needed to be done

tonight. Retribution. Payback. He needed

to punish the men responsible for the

fear.

Her lips brushed over his, once,

twice. She disentangled the hand she’d

twined in his hair, letting it coast down

his body and linger at his belt buckle.

His body felt ready to snap with the

tension, the anticipation of something he

didn’t have the right to want.

“I have to
go
, Sera.”

Her breath raced past her lips.

“Where are you going?”

“You know where I’m going. Don’t

make me say it.”
Fuck
. Her eyes were

wet. It stripped him bare. The emotions

he’d been holding at bay came rushing in

from all sides and he fell back a step,

reaching deep to find his determination

and coming up empty. Frustration welled

in its place, laced with the helplessness

he’d felt earlier. “You have any idea

what could have happened to you?” He

was shouting but couldn’t find the will to

care. “What if I hadn’t gotten to you in

time? If I’d been one minute later, Sera.

One fucking minute
!”

“I know, I—”

“You would have been
gone
. I

wouldn’t have known where to look. By

the time I found you—” He broke off, not

able to put the horrifying images into

words. “Goddammit, I’m so mad at you.

I’m so
mad
, but all I can think about is

how bad I need to fuck you sideways.”

Admitting it out loud sent blood

rushing to his groin. As if he’d made

taking her inevitable just by vocalizing

the suppressed need. It shouldn’t happen,

couldn’t
happen, not when he had this

much chaos knocking around inside him

looking for a way out. Her glazed-over

expression, the parting of those damp,

pink lips, did nothing to ease the

growing ache, however. Nor did it help

matters when she stepped closer, sexual

intention plain in her every movement.

“The first night we met, you said you

didn’t fuck around with virgins.”

He’d never heard her curse before and

that tiny corruption shouldn’t have turned

him on, but it did. All the resisting he’d

done since meeting her had caused a

painful buildup of hot, surging desire

and hearing the word “fuck” falling from

her sexy mouth made him want to do just

that.
No, you can’t. Don’t do it.
“I did

say that, baby. And I meant it.”

When she curled her fingers in the hem

of her dress and drew it up over her

head, revealing her sweet, supple body

covered by two scraps of fabric, every

ounce of self-control within him

vanished. “Good, Bowen. Then let’s

stop fucking around.”

Sera felt bold.

Bowen’s gaze raked over her,

lingering at the tops of her thighs, the

place where they met between her legs.

His chest rose and fell with accelerated

breaths, hands fisting and releasing at his

sides.

Color

appeared

in

his

cheekbones,

making

him

appear

feverish. She almost had him. While this

might have started as a desperate attempt

to keep him from leaving and doing

something he would regret, saving him

from himself, it had turned into intense

physical need. A need to be joined with

him, connected in that final way. To

reach where they’d been headed since

the beginning.

Determination

humming

in

her

bloodstream, she unhooked her bra and

dropped it to the floor. His mouth

worked as he devoured the sight of her

exposed breasts, teeth sinking into his