Risking It All (11 page)

“It’ll go away. They always do.” Her fingers hit the exact right spot, the soft pulse at the base of his skull, where he carried all his tension and his head ached the most. He couldn’t stop the low groan that escaped him and dropped his chin to his chest in surrender. “God, that feels good. You have magic fingers.”

“Still, you should go.” Her voice lowered, softening with vulnerability. “I came over to apologize for getting so upset before. I didn’t mean to sound so ungrateful. That’s a very selfless offer to make.”

“It’s okay. And I told you. That’s what friends do.” He’d meant the words as a reassurance, the same way he had earlier, but just like then, the word
friends
made his chest ache. He had no idea what they were anymore. “We
are
still friends, aren’t we? Have I completely screwed this up?”

Silence ticked out, and tension rose between them. When a good thirty seconds passed, he forced himself to open his eyes. His body tensed, and his skull continued to throb as he waited for her to answer. “Ceci?”

Another blip of silence ticked out, but before he could draw his next breath, her arms came around him, her chin resting on his shoulder. The entire backyard shrank as his senses homed in on her. Her scent, of wildflowers, fresh air, and sunshine, swirled around his head. Her warm breath whispered across his neck, sending goose bumps shivering across the surface of his skin. Her small, pert breasts pressed into the backs of his shoulders.

“We’ll always be friends, Kyle. That’ll never change, but . . .”

The hesitancy in her voice caught him. When she straightened away from him, he twisted at the waist to peer back at her. “But what?”

For a moment, she stared, her eyes searching his, then she straightened her shoulders. “Why’d you kiss me?”

Panic curled through him, sending his pulse pounding into his rib cage. Damn. Why hadn’t he expected her to ask that? But he couldn’t answer it. To do so would be tempting fate. An intense need for distance seized him. Half afraid he’d lose his mind and do something else he’d regret, like pull her into his arms and show her why he’d kissed her, he shot to his feet.

He flashed her a smile he knew had to look as phony as it felt. “Headache’s better. Thanks.”

He didn’t wait for a response but strode toward the yard.

“I need to know, Kyle.”

Her words, the quiet determination in her voice, stopped him cold barely two steps away. His hands fisted at his sides. His answer sat on the tip of his tongue, but the voice of reason sounded in his head.
Don’t say it. Whatever you do, do not say it. Just keep walking.

Her soft footsteps sounded behind him. “You can’t just do something like that and walk away and expect me not to question it. You blow hot and cold, do you know that? I know desire when I see it, yet you just keep walking away.”

“Ever think maybe I wanted to kiss you?” The words left his mouth on a hoarse whisper, and God help him, a desperate need to see her eyes seized him. He turned to find her directly behind him. She stared for a fraction of a second too long, heat and curiosity blazing in her eyes. A heartbeat later, a light blush stole into her cheeks, but she didn’t move, didn’t say a word.

Everything inside of him ground to a halt, his mind twisting off in another direction.
I’ll be damned.
If ever he needed a confirmation, there it was. Whatever had happened between them was definitely not one-sided.

Evan appeared behind Ceci in the open doorway, the dinner cowbell in hand. The bell was Evan’s idea of humor. Their family got bigger and bigger ever year, to the point that Evan had begun calling them a herd. He held the bell in the air, shouting over the clanging, “Come and get it!”

Ceci broke the intense gaze first and turned, back stiff as she crossed the deck and moved down the steps into the yard. His gut knotted as he watched her go. He shouldn’t have told her that. He shouldn’t have kissed her, either.

Christ. He ducked his head and dragged a hand through his hair. He was in so much trouble. His resolve was cracking. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep his distance from her anymore.

Ten minutes later, he sat at the table set up in the center of the yard. Malia had seated Ceci on his right. It was where she always sat. Every Sunday dinner, she sat beside him. Now, she sat stiff and straight. She wasn’t exactly giving him the silent treatment, but tension hung between them. He’d wanted to smooth things between them but only managed to make them worse. She’d pushed, and his emotions had gotten the best of him.

He should never have said that to her. Now he had to backpedal his way out of the corner he’d gotten himself into. They needed to talk, but now, among his family, wasn’t the right time. He was waiting until they all went home for the night. Maybe, if he was lucky, she’d let him take her home.

At the left end of the table, Evan rose to his feet, clinking his fork against his glass. “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?”

The noisy crowd, all busy talking and laughing at the same time, quieted. All twelve turned their attention to Evan.

“All right, I know you’ve been waiting for this, so I’ll get right to the point.” Evan smiled at Malia, seated on his right, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders before turning back to the crowd. “You were all correct. Another Morgan will be joining our ranks, and we invited you here to help us celebrate.”

A round of congratulations erupted around the table.

“I knew it.” A self-satisfied but no less joyful grin spread across Becca’s face. “Congratulations, you two.”

“I believe Ceci might have something she’d like to share as well.” Malia peered across the table at Ceci, a knowing, secretive expression on her face. “Right, Ceci?”

Kyle didn’t know whether to laugh or groan in misery. Leave it to his family to let the proverbial cat out of the bag. All eyes turned to them, each face grinning. Despite her earlier upset, Ceci snatched his hand under the table, her fingers closing over his in a vise grip. When he turned to peer at her, she sat ramrod straight, her face pale, her eyes widened in fear.

He didn’t have to ask to know. He knew that look. It was a silent plea for support. Though he’d needed to hear her say the words, she was right earlier when she’d told him they’d always be friends. So, he gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. He leaned toward her, opened his mouth, but the words he intended to say lodged in his throat. He didn’t want her to tell them the truth. He wanted her to let them think the baby was his.

Making her that offer had been spur-of-the-moment, but how could he not? He hated the thought of her child growing up without a father, the way he had. His father hadn’t been any kind of a role model, but he’d missing having a father figure. A man to look up to. He and his siblings all had. It was a missing piece inside that would never really heal. He’d just gotten used to it over the years.

Yeah, claiming her baby as his would complicate matters between them. He’d have to be careful to redraw that boundary line with her. He wanted her. Christ, the urge to ask her to marry him hit him hard. That’s what she deserved. A man who’d stand by her.

If only it weren’t for this damn secret. He could never be with her as long as he lied to her, and there were things he could never tell her. But somebody needed to do the right thing by her and her baby. She needed and wanted the support, and if Jimmy wouldn’t, then he’d step up. Simply because it was the right thing to do, her child deserved a good father, and because Ceci deserved someone to stand by
her
. He’d give his life for her. And this? This was simple, a small thing he’d gladly do for her and her baby.

Ceci gave a hesitant nod and then turned to glance around the table. He didn’t miss the way her chest rose and fell at an increasingly rapid pace. His heart twisted. She was scared to death.

“Well?” Becca grinned like the Cheshire cat in
Alice in Wonderland
, never one to pass up a chance to tease him. “You two have something you’d like to share?”

He didn’t miss the way Becca included him. That was the thing with his family. They were close. Since they were kids, they’d relied on one another. Oh, they teased one another as easily as breathing, because nobody kept secrets. They didn’t need to. It had always been that way. They were tight, and everyone knew the teasing came from a place of love. Despite Becca’s grin, his sister’s happiness for the two of them shined in her eyes. She’d been telling him for years she wanted him to find someone who made him happy. Since her divorce from Jackson a couple of months ago, she’d urged him to settle down.
One of us ought to be happy, Ky.

Now, however, was one of those moments when he wished his family was a bit more . . . subtle. Ceci’s hand shook in his. Luckily for him, she’d been a part of his family for almost forever. He knew this wouldn’t come as a surprise to her. As expected, she didn’t falter. Her chest rose as she drew in a deep breath, and she smiled, even if it did wobble.

“I’m pregnant.” The words flew from her mouth with her expelled breath. Then she went still, her long nails biting into his fingers as her grip tightened.

With a soft laugh, he leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Honey, you’re hurting me.”

She shot him an apologetic smile and loosened her grip. “Sorry.”

A round of congratulations erupted around the table again. Every face grinned, shining with love and acceptance. Ceci’s shoulders slumped in relief, her body finally relaxing beside him.

“See.” He squeezed her fingers again. “Nothing to it.”

At that moment, every pair of eyes, alight with curiosity, riveted to him. Every single grinning face appeared to be waiting, most likely for some sort of announcement as to the status of their relationship. It wasn’t his call. It was Ceci’s. When they weren’t forthcoming, Becca, as usual, was the first to pipe up. He knew damn well she’d figured out his relationship with Ceci had changed.

“Soooo . . .” A slow smile eased across Becca’s face. “How long has this been going on?”

“Obviously long enough.” Lila nudged Becca with an elbow.

“All right, all right.” From the end of the table, his mother waved her hands. “Leave them be. I think you’ve tortured them enough.”

Kyle let his shoulders slump in relief but kept hold of Ceci’s hand. Somehow, he had to convince her letting his family continue to think the baby was his was the right thing to do.

Later that evening, Cecelia stared at the slope of Kyle’s back as he led her across the field behind her house. With a firm grip on her hand, he walked a couple of steps ahead of her, his strides long and determined. Experience told her he headed for the riverbank at the end of her property, but so far, he hadn’t told her why.

She’d left him at Malia and Evan’s barely an hour ago. The celebration died down after eight, as fatigue slowly seeped through the family. Turned out, Kyle was right. His family had accepted her announcement at face value. They’d been ecstatic, even, the women all gathering around her. Nobody asked for any information she didn’t willingly offer, though Becca’s comment at dinner told her they all hoped the baby was Kyle’s. Not that she was surprised.

Things between her and Kyle had relaxed a bit. Her apology eased the tension hanging between them. But neither had they gone completely back to normal. Being near him still set her pulse racing and temperature spiking. She must have massaged away headaches for him a thousand times over the last few years. Kyle worked too hard. He’d developed migraines, and as angry as she was with him at times, she never could resist the urge to help.

Tonight, she’d offered because it was an excuse to talk to him, out of the way of the prying ears of the family. The heat in his eyes during the dancing was too obvious. From Chase and Evan, she expected to see the flare of attraction as they watched their wives. Kyle watched
her
, and the arousal dilating his pupils sent tingles down her spine. This time she had to know, once and for all.

Except her mission failed miserably. All it did was bring more tension.

She’d been preparing for a warm shower, hoping it would relax the knot of indecision caught in her stomach, when he showed up at the back door. She’d barely greeted him before he grabbed her hand, mumbled, “Follow me, please,” and pulled her outside. He hadn’t spoken a word since.

Her grandmother’s house sat on an acre of land, most of it out back. Although barely a minute had passed as they walked, it felt like an eternity. The silence grated on her nerves. There had been entirely too much quietness between them in the last few days. It set her on edge, and butterflies tumbled in her stomach.

She tugged on his hand, hoping he’d slow down as she followed him out the back gate. She knew where he was headed. She just didn’t know why. “Kyle, why are we coming out here?”

“I want to talk to you.” He stopped at the edge of a small grove of pine trees lining the riverbank and looked back at her.

Despite the darkness, his gaze seared into her. His expression was half serious, half hidden, the way he was prone to be, but with an edge of something she couldn’t put her finger on.

He didn’t give her time to respond but turned back around and pushed through the thick foliage, following a familiar path that had long since overgrown.

She darted a glance at him as she ducked a branch he held aside. “We can talk in the house, you know.”

Being out here with him made her nerves scatter. This was a special place for them. They’d met on this riverbank. She couldn’t count the number of times over the years they’d come out here to sit and talk.

Kyle shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

The huskiness in his tone sent a shiver down her spine and told her she didn’t want to ask. Then he turned back to the river, holding aside one last low-hanging branch. As she stepped onto the rocky bank, the soothing peacefulness settled over her. A good quarter mile across and swift-moving, the river nestled next to a small mountainside. With the trees at her back, it was as if they’d stepped into another world. In front of her, the water swirled and gurgled. A slight breeze rustled the trees over their heads, sweeping strands of hair into her face. Somewhere off in the distance, frogs croaked out an evening song. It was paradise, and for a moment, her anxiousness became lost in the glory of simply being there.

“Over here.” Kyle tugged on her hand, leading her off to the right.

She spotted the familiar pine tree before they reached it, with the last available soft, dry spot along the riverbank. Once there, he released her hand long enough to sink to the ground and then patted the grassy spot between his knees.

The gesture was familiar. She’d sat between his knees in the circle of his embrace for years. Doing so was comfortable, soothing. It always gave her a sense of rightness, made her feel . . . connected to him. Now the thought made her pulse skip. She’d put off the wayward emotions as pregnancy hormones. She wasn’t herself at all these days. She cried at the drop of a hat, ate things she never would have three months ago. Like pickles. God, how she craved pickles. Just two nights ago she’d downed an entire jar while watching a late-night movie.

Now she couldn’t be sure what she felt anymore. Things between them had become complicated. The very thought of his arms around her had an entirely new sensation sweeping over her. Instead of the action relaxing her, the way it used to, it keyed her up.

“Sit with me, Ceci.”

His pleading tone melted her defenses. How could she resist the chance to reconnect with her best friend? So she sat, settling back against his chest. His arms closed around her, enveloping her in his solidness and warmth, but she couldn’t relax. Tingles of awareness swept over the surface of her skin. She couldn’t stop noticing the man. Little things like her backside nestled intimately between his thighs. Or the way his breaths caressed against the nape of her neck. His hands rested overtop hers at her waist, and his fingers stroked the length of hers in a lazy, mindless fashion. If she arched hers upward, his dipped in between. Every minuscule caress made her shiver with awareness. Being alone with him had taken on a whole new meaning.

She tipped her head back to peer at him, needing to see his eyes, for some confirmation she hadn’t lost her mind. He stared ahead, presumably at the river, his breathing slow and even.

“I actually brought you out here for a reason.” As if sensing her watching him, he glanced at her, bringing their faces, and their mouths, barely an inch apart. “I’ve decided something, and I’d like to discuss it with you.”

His close proximity had her breath catching in her throat, and her gaze focused on his mouth. The memory of his warm, soft lips moving over hers shuddered through her. A mere inch and she could taste him again.

Like yesterday, he didn’t react at all to her nearness. His expression remained blank, and he simply stared back at her the way he always used to. As if she were merely his best friend. Like he hadn’t kissed her. It confused the life out of her and brought up more of those insecure questions. Maybe it really was pregnancy hormones. Had she only imagined the heat in his eyes tonight, or the tender way he touched her?

She swallowed hard, forcing herself to focus on his words, and nodded. “Okay.”

“I’m upping my offer. I want to take responsibility for the baby. He or she needs a father, Ceci. I grew up knowing mine was out there somewhere but chose not to see us. I don’t want to let this baby grow up the same way. He or she deserves the benefit of two parents, a mother
and
a father, and it’s within my power to give it to him or her.” His hand slid over her stomach, his palm warm through the fabric of her leggings. At barely three months along, her pregnancy wasn’t showing yet, but his fingers caressed as if he could feel the kicks and squirms.

The tender way he rubbed her belly melted her defenses, and her thoughts shifted in another direction. He had a point. How could she turn him down when she wanted the same things for her child? How could she deny her baby what she’d spent her childhood longing for? She didn’t ever want to discount the love Gran had given her, but she wanted her baby to have what she hadn’t—the benefit of two parents. She wanted her child to have a loving father, and Kyle would make an excellent one.

She lifted her gaze. “I want that, too.”

“Then let me do this for you.”

Tears sprang out of nowhere, burning behind her eyelids. Hormones for sure, but it awed her that he’d make such a selfless offer. “Why would you do this for me? This is a lifetime decision. A child is a huge responsibility.”

“I’d do anything for you.” His thumb stroked down her cheek and over her chin, tender and affectionate, paused and then grazed her bottom lip with the sensuality of a familiar lover. “You should know that by now.”

A shudder of heat raked through her, weakening every muscle in her body. God, how she ached to lean into his touch. His quiet admission before dinner floated back to her.
Ever think maybe I wanted to kiss you?
He’d all but whispered the words, and there’d been an edge in his tone. He’d stood rigid, fists clenched. This time she had to know where they stood, what his true feelings for her were. Gran always taught her to face problems head-on, not to run from them. The only way they’d get over this awkwardness was to face it.

She pulled away and faced him, sat back on her heels, and drew a deep breath to calm her nerves. “I have to know why you kissed me.”

Alarm scattered across his features. He shot to his feet and paced several steps away from her. She followed. She had no intention of letting him put her off this time.

So far away from him now, she could no longer see his eyes, couldn’t read him the way she normally would. He was little more than a moving shadow beneath the soft light of the moon. A fact she could tell he counted on, because he kept the distance firmly between them. If she took a step forward, he took a step back. Like a dance.

Only she was tired of dancing around him. They needed to settle this, to clear the air and be done with it. Only then would she be able to move on. He was right. She wanted her baby to have a father, and she had to admit, his idea had merit. But if they were ever going to make it work, she needed her best friend back.

She dared a step toward him. “This is driving me crazy. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you, and I hate it. There’s so much distance between us, so much tension . . .”

“And you think somehow talking about it will help?” He turned and took a few steps away from her, dry leaves and grass rustling beneath his feet. “It was a mistake. Something I should never have done.”

She didn’t miss the finality in his tone. He was telling her in no uncertain terms he wouldn’t give her the answer she wanted. He was simply putting up walls. Up until two days ago, his tone would’ve warned her not to push, and she wouldn’t have, but things had changed. She wouldn’t back down. One way or another, she’d get the truth out of him. It was the only way she’d ever be able to set aside her insane attraction for him.

“Dammit, Kyle.” Holding tight to the irritation that rose within her, she strode forward and grabbed onto his arm, stopping his retreat. “I’m not blind. You think I can’t see the way you look at me?”

Keeping contact with him so he couldn’t escape again, she walked around in front of him and peered into his eyes. The heat of his gaze, despite the darkness, sent a shiver snaking through her. “You kissed me. Then just turned your back on me and walked away.”

He drew in a deep breath and blew it out, his tone calmer, more somber. “Because I saw the way you looked at me. I scared you.”

She gave a miserable shake of her head. “How else was I supposed to feel? We’ve known each other for twenty years. Every memory I have has you in there somewhere. To say you surprised the hell out of me would be a gross understatement.”

“Exactly my point.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned his back to her. “I think it’s best if we pretend it didn’t happen.”

She let out a low, frustrated growl. “You keep doing it. You pull me in and push me away, and I’m so confused I don’t know which end is up anymore. If your feelings for me have changed, I need to know. Don’t you think this is something we should discuss?”

Kyle stood silent and unmoving. Tension radiated from him. Even in the darkness, she could see the stiff way he held himself. He didn’t say a word, and she got the distinct impression he wasn’t going to. They’d come to a standoff.

Frustration sang through her. The only way to get rid of these unwanted feelings, these confusing, often irrational ideas, was to put them out there, talk them through the way they always did. Only now she was also driven by raging pregnancy hormones. One moment she wanted their friendship to continue, the next she wanted him beside her, on top of her, inside of her, and next to her when she woke up every morning.

She looked up at him, praying he couldn’t read her muddled thoughts. When had he come to mean so much? Or had her hormones simply ramped up her libido, making him the object of her affections?

Poor Kyle. If she told him what her hormones were whispering and humming through her bloodstream, he’d head for the hills and never look back, just like Jimmy had. No, if there was one thing she knew, Kyle was the one man who’d stick by her. Their twenty-year friendship had taught her that. But how did she convince him that talking was the only way they’d get through this? How did she convince a stubborn man?

Like a flash of lightning, the answer presented itself in the form of a song she’d heard once. The lyrics said the only way to know how a man truly felt about you was to kiss him. All the implications of
that
flooded her thoughts, and Cecelia bit her lower lip. God, could she do that? Could she kiss him, keep herself from wrapping herself around him, for the sake of getting her answer?

She had to. To plaster herself against him and seize his lips seemed insane, but if she didn’t, she’d never get the answers she needed. They’d never move past this. That kiss would forever hang over them like a black cloud. Every time he looked at her, every time she wanted to hug him, it would be there. If they were going to share parenting duties, that kiss would be an ugly wall that only added more distance between them. They had enough of that. And if this insane idea worked, it would open the lines of communication, force them to face whatever this was.

So they could finally move past it. And she needed to. She wouldn’t lose him over what amounted to muddled pregnancy hormones.