Risking It All (8 page)

She was scared if she couldn’t get a grip on what had happened and just forget about it, it was going to affect their friendship. She was already dodging his calls. This was all her doing, and she had to suck it up and face it. After all, it was going to be hard to avoid him if she was going to Alaska with him in just a few short days. She didn’t want their trip—a trip she’d been dreaming about for years, for which he was taking a pay cut just so she could join him—to be filled with tension and hostility.

Kennedy sighed and looked at her cell: seven missed calls and four unanswered texts from Memphis. Brooks had called almost as many times, but she was still too upset with him to even consider calling him back.

A gentle knock on her door snapped her out of her pity party. She narrowed her eyes at the sound. There were only two people who could get up to her apartment without having to be buzzed in, and she wasn’t overly eager to see either of them.

Another persistent knock earned a grumble from her as she left the couch and went to face whichever man waited for her on the opposite side of the door.

She slowly slid the chain from its latch and turned the lock. She opened the door and gave her visitor a small smile.

“Hi.”

Memphis cocked an eyebrow at her and his lips turned up into a smirk.

“I thought I’d stop by and see how you were. I’ve been calling, but I guess your phone is off. That’s the only reason I can think of as to why you’re not returning my calls,” he said dryly.

Kennedy flushed and dropped her eyes to the floor. Of course he would know.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“Can I come in?” he asked. She stepped aside to let him enter and closed the door, pressing her back against it as she kept her eyes on the floor.

“Christ, Kennedy, you can’t even look at me.”

Warily, she lifted her eyes to meet his. He looked hurt and angry.

“I’m not mad at you,” she told him. “And I can look at you.”

“Why are you ignoring my calls?”

Kennedy shrugged, pushed away from the door, and headed to the kitchen.

“I guess I was embarrassed,” she said, trying to think on the spot as she filled the kettle with water. “I feel like I took advantage of you because I was pissed off at Brooks.”

“I thought it had nothing to do with Brooks,” he reminded her.

Kennedy swallowed, grateful her back was to him so he couldn’t see the truth on her face.

“I didn’t think it did. I was wrong.” She placed the kettle on the stove and turned on the burner. “I’m sorry.”

“So that kiss was all about . . . Brooks?”

Kennedy nodded, and he stayed silent for a few minutes.

“Have you talked to him?” he finally asked.

“He’s called.”

Kennedy sensed his agitation. “Have you talked to him?”

“No.”

“Are you going to tell him what happened?”

“I don’t think . . .” She swallowed and then shook her head, knowing there was no point in lying to Memphis since he would know anyway. “No, I’m not.”

“About any of it?”

She frowned.

“The only thing that happened was the kiss.”

“I’m not just talking about the damn kiss,” he snapped. “More than just that kiss happened and you know it.”

Finally, she turned to face him.

“Nothing more than the kiss happened,” she said, denying the way her body had reacted to him. 

Memphis grumbled a string of curse words under his breath and looked away, shaking his head.

Kennedy folded her arms over her chest. “What’s your problem, Memphis?”

He looked back at her and glared.

“What’s my problem? Kennedy, what the hell is your problem?” His voice grew louder with each word. “What the fuck are you doing with him? He treats you like shit and you just sit back and fucking take it. You’re better than that; you’re not this person.” He waved his hand in her direction. “The woman I know wouldn’t let some man walk all over her and continue to break promises and make her feel like she wasn’t worth it.”

Kennedy’s eyes widened and her lips parted, but she made no sound. Memphis’s voice was so loud she was afraid the neighbors would come to investigate. She was at a loss for words. He had never raised his voice to her before, had never gotten angry at her in all the years they’d known each other. Yes, she had frustrated him in the past, and she was sure that pissed him off, but not once had he shown it.

His eyes met hers and the hard lines on his face softened.

“I’m sorry,” he said repentant. “I just hate that you let him treat you like a doormat.”

“Wow. You don’t have a very high opinion of me, do you, Memphis?” She turned to face the stove again so he wouldn’t see her tears, and removed the whistling kettle from the burner.

She knew he was right and she hated it. She hated it even more that Memphis saw her as
that
woman. It was one thing for her to know that she let Brooks get away with treating her like she didn’t matter; it was another for other people to realize it as well. 

“Kennedy.” He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his chin on top of her head. “You know that’s not true.”

She leaned against him, relishing in the feeling of his arms wrapped around her. Her head told her to step away—being in his arms, especially at that moment, was a very bad idea. But her body fit nicely against his and his arms had always been her safe place. She didn’t want to step away.

She placed her hands on his forearms, holding him the only way their position allowed.

“I know.”

“He has let you down too many times, babe. You deserve better.”

Kennedy closed her eyes and took a minute to gather her thoughts before pulling away from him. His hold dropped from around her waist, and she moved to the opposite side of the kitchen, putting some space between them.

She peered at him with accusing eyes. “It’s no secret you would love it if we broke up.”

“I would want you to break up with anyone who treated you like shit,” he said. “It’s not Brooks per se; it’s how he behaves toward you.”

“We’re not all like you, Memphis,” she said. “We can’t all turn off our emotions and not love, and just go through life one one-night stand at a time.” She watched more closely, knowing she was treading on a sensitive subject. She knew his childhood played a huge role in how he felt toward relationships and trusting people; she just didn’t know how or why. It was the only thing about his life that Memphis wouldn’t open up about. “Some of us want monogamy and commitment and quiet nights in, doing nothing with just that one person. Some of us like to be tied down, to know there’s someone waiting for us at home who will always be there, no matter what. That’s what love is.”

Memphis’s lips quirked into a sad smile and Kennedy suddenly felt like he pitied her.

“Brooks isn’t waiting at home for you, and he definitely isn’t there for you no matter what. If that’s what love is, Kennedy, then you’re a fool.”

Kennedy stood there, shocked into silence for the second time that night. She crossed her arms and attempted to ignore how small and contrite Memphis made her feel. Tears burned her eyes and she quickly tried to blink them away, but her bottom lip quivered, and he caught on.

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” he told her.

“Well, obviously you don’t have to try to succeed in it, then.”

“Ah, hell, Kennedy, this isn’t what I came here to do.” He scratched the back of his neck and looked at her sheepishly. “Look, I’m sorry I said anything. I just . . . I wanted to know why you were avoiding me. I thought maybe . . .”

Kennedy slowly turned and scrunched her brows.

“You thought what?”

Memphis inhaled deeply through his nose and blew it out loudly in a half sigh, half grumble.

“Forget it. It was all about Brooks anyway, right?”

Kennedy dropped her arms and shook her head.

“Memphis—”

“Do you need me to make you a list?” He changed the subject so fast Kennedy stared him in confusion.

“A list?”

“A shopping list. For clothes.”

Kennedy looked down at her baggy sweats and oversized T-shirt and grinned.

“Are you trying to tell me I need to dress more fashionably?”

He cracked a smile and shook his head.

“I’m telling you you’re going to need to dress more warmly for Alaska.”

“Oh. I think I can figure it out.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Kennedy laughed. “You want to come
shopping
with me?”

Memphis grimaced. “Not really, but I want to make sure you get everything you’re going to need.”

“I’m a big girl, Memphis. I think I can handle a little winter shopping. And no, I don’t want you to come with me.” She thought for a second. “I’ll take Vanessa. She’d probably like one last outing before the baby gets here and she’s too busy to eat, let alone socialize.”

“Okay.” He looked at her warily.

“I can manage. Besides, if I forget something, you’ll be there to keep me warm, right?”

As soon as the words were out she wanted to slap her hand over her mouth. She closed her eyes briefly and shook her head, grateful she was with Memphis, who would normally laugh off such a statement.

But when she opened her eyes again she didn’t see humor—she saw heat. Memphis stared at her, his eyes burning into hers so intensely it made her mouth go dry and her throat feel like it was closing. Her heart rate picked up and her stomach knotted in both pleasure and anxiety.

No, there was nothing humorous about the look Memphis was giving her right now.

“Be careful what you wish for, Kennedy.” His voice was thick and hoarse and laced with warning. “You might not be able to handle it if it were to come true.”

Kennedy’s quick intake of breath sounded like a gasp even to her own ears. She swallowed, trying to coat her dry throat so she wouldn’t sound all squeaky and awkward when she spoke. But he didn’t give her a chance.

“I better go. I’ll e-mail you a list just in case, okay? See you in a few days, beautiful.” He leaned in and quickly kissed her cheek, and then was gone, leaving Kennedy with only one thought.

What the hell did he mean by that?

~*~

Kennedy finally returned Brooks’s missed calls a couple of hours after Memphis left. Of course, her call went straight to voice mail, and she couldn’t keep the annoyance out of her voice as she left a very brief, and perhaps too sharp, message for him.

She called Vanessa after that, who was thrilled to go shopping with her. They set up a time and a place to meet the next day. By the time Kennedy straightened up around the apartment, replied to a few        e-mails from Ryder and one from Erin gushing about her new job, house and—fingers crossed—soon-to-be boyfriend, it was late and Brooks still hadn’t called.

The familiar feeling of anger toward him ran through her once again, and she snatched her cell from the nightstand and shut it off for the night. She was going to bed and to hell with him if he tried to call now.

But when she turned the phone back on in the morning there was only a text from Memphis.

Kennedy frowned at the little device, both curious and irritated as to why Brooks hadn’t called her back. She debated sending a text to him, letting him know that she would be out for most of the day, but decided against it. Why should she? She’d tossed the ball back into his court by returning his messages; it was his turn.

She quickly brushed her teeth and didn’t even bother to tame her unruly locks. She left her hair down and dressed in a pair of yoga pants and fitted T-shirt, grabbed a hoodie, slipped her feet into her sneakers, slid her sunglasses into place, and walked out the door.

She was excited to spend the day alone with a girlfriend. They hadn’t done anything together in a while—Kennedy was sure it would be even longer once the baby arrived. Her friend deserved to get out and have some “me” time before she was up to her elbows in dirty diapers and midnight feedings.

Kennedy felt a sudden pang at the thought. That could have been her in Vanessa’s place. If everything had gone right, she would have been celebrating her baby’s first birthday right about now.

She never let her mind wander down that road. It was too painful. It wasn’t fair her chance to be a mother to someone had been taken away. And it hurt even more that Brooks never wanted to talk about it, never wanted to acknowledge they made a little life, even if it had been taken away.

Maybe Mother Nature knew better.

Kennedy frowned at the little voice in her head and tried to push the depressing thought out of her mind as she drove the rest of the way to Vanessa’s house.

Vanessa and her husband, Joseph, lived in the suburbs of Mackenzie Heights. It was a neighborhood where they were far enough away from the chaos of downtown Vancouver, but still close enough for Joe to drive to work every day. Living in Yaletown herself, Kennedy couldn’t imagine leaving her downtown home, even for quiet, clean parks and good schools.

But then she wasn’t eight months’ pregnant and trying to give her unborn child the best start in life, she reminded herself as she watched her friend waddle down the front steps, a huge smile on her face.

Vanessa pulled open the door to Kennedy’s SUV and carefully hauled herself up. She stretched the seatbelt as far as she could before snapping it into place. Kennedy grinned, watching her friend maneuver around her huge belly.

“Hey!” Vanessa puffed a little from the short walk to the vehicle.

“Hey, yourself.” Kennedy reached over and rubbed her very round tummy. “And hello to you as well in there, little one.” She felt a soft thump against her hand and laughed. “Oh my God, I love when she does that.”

“Still convinced it’s a girl, huh?” Vanessa smiled.

“I hate calling her ‘it’. So unless you wanna share what gender you’re growing, she will be a she.”

She laughed.

“I don’t even know what gender I’m growing! I call baby ‘Peanut’ to keep from the ‘it’ name calling as well.”

“Okay. Well, I still think Peanut is a girl.” Kennedy winked and eased the car away from the curb.

“So what are we shopping for?” Vanessa asked, shifting in her seat to get more comfortable.