Risk (It's Complicated Book 2) (26 page)

Her peripheral vision caught a movement.

She turned and saw him by the sliding glass doors with his hands on his hips and his feet braced wide. He had his back to her and the blinds open just enough for him to look outside.

The white glow of Christmas lights let her see he wore only baggy flannel pajama bottoms of some indeterminate dark color. No shirt, which meant she got an unobstructed view of his muscled perfection. Wide shoulders. Tight ass. The kind of toned back that looked like he spent his days chopping firewood or laying railroad tracks. Arms that were sculpted and powerful without being bulky. Gleaming skin.

Bottom line?

He looked like Zeus surveying the world from atop his perch on Mt. Olympus.

Turning his head slightly, he stared over his shoulder, waiting for her to speak.

As if she could when she was out of her mind with hormone poisoning.

“I—I just came to get some water, and I—”

“No you didn’t.”

His voice, low and dangerous, yet seductive, struck terror in her heart.

“No, really I—”

He made an indistinct sound of irritation, and even in the near dark she saw anger in his flashing eyes.

“It’s amazing to me,” he said quietly, “how you can be so brave when it comes to dealing with your sister’s death and taking care of Maya and cutting my father down to size—”

“Justus—”

“And such a lying little coward when it comes to dealing with me.”

Wow.

He’d sharpened up his truth and hurled it right into the center of her chest, where it hurt like hell.

She had no colorable defense—nothing she could say with a straight face, anyway—so it was offense for her.

“I don’t know what you think you’re talking about,” she snapped, heading back the way she’d come, “but I’m going back to bed.”

She made it all of two feet before he crossed the room in a flash of movement, blocking her from taking another step unless she wanted to walk directly into him.

Which she did
not
.

So she stopped cold, backing up a step.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said.

That was the shameful moment when her body began to tremble, although whether it was from lust or apprehension, she couldn’t say.

So here was the wolf again. As much a part of Justus as the solicitous and supportive friend. And there was her colossal stupidity again, leading her down the garden path. Why on earth had she allowed herself to think the wolf was gone just because he’d sewn himself such a fluffy sheep’s costume?

“We’ve talked about this,” she tried. “We still have Maya to raise, and we can’t just—”

“Nothing’s settled. You know that.”

If logic didn’t work, maybe begging would.

It was the only tool she had left in her pitiful arsenal.

“Please don’t to this, Justus,” she said softly, backing up a step.

He stared dispassionately at her, his face as immovable as the pyramids. “Come here.”

Angela stiffened, her feet attaching her to the floor like the roots of a banyan tree.

“Come
here
.” This time, he held out a hand, leaving her no doubt she could do it voluntarily or not, but either way she would stand by his side.

That got her moving. She made it to within three feet of him before he knees shut down like a balky mule.

But he seemed satisfied. When she stopped in front of him, his hot gaze roamed over her thin halter-style nightgown. It dawned on her that it was probably transparent since she was backlit by the tree. She certainly had his undivided attention. His eyes lingered on the deep valley between her breasts and on her dark nipples, which were pointy and aroused, as he could surely see.

If she needed further confirmation that his vision was working just fine, it came from his breath, which became steadily raspier.

Come to think of it, hers wasn’t all that steady at the moment, either.

His gaze, hungrier than before, flickered back to her face, and he curled the fingers of his outstretched hand. “Give me your hand.”

Angela shook her head. If they touched each other now, all her resolve would go up in flames. She knew it would.

Justus snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous, Duchess. I can control myself. All I want is your hand. If I wanted more than that I’d already have you flat on your back—voluntarily—on the sofa right now, and we both know it.”

“Oh, God,” she said on a shaky exhale.

He gave her a small smile, and that was a seduction in itself. “Give me your hand.”

Something hypnotic came over her, melting all her resistance. As if in a daze, she reached for him. Their hands connected. Electricity surged between them, as tangible as a lightning strike to a tree’s outstretched limb, and she immediately felt some of his frustrated tension leave his body.

“Justus?”

He seemed beyond hearing. She watched, enthralled, as he clasped her smaller hand between both of his larger ones. His eyes drifted closed as he raised her hand and pressed an urgent kiss to her palm.

She gasped with surprise.

His face twisted as if he were in pain—or ecstasy.

“Angela,” he murmured against her skin, his voice raw and reverent. “
Angela
.”

Her entire body melted into exquisite points of sensitivity that seemed to originate between her thighs. Her heart skittered. Her nipples ached.

In the entire universe, there was nothing she wanted more than for Justus to pull her down to the floor beneath him and make love to her until she died from ecstasy.

As she surely would.

She wanted him to touch her. Lick her. Bite her.

Fuck her.

Own her.

And yet the one functioning brain cell she had left stubbornly stood on the sidelines, waved its arms overhead, and threw a flag on the play.

Think, Angela
, it shouted. Think
, you stupid bitch.

She heard. And listened, trying to pull her hand free.

“You shouldn’t—” she began weakly.

Justus went rigid. His lids flicked open and he glared at her with a virulence bordering on hatred. “Don’t tell me not to touch you,” he warned. “Never again. Do you understand me?'

“Yes.”

He relaxed again, pressing his mouth to the tender skin on her wrist now.

She mewled with pleasure.

He nipped her with his sharp teeth, watching for her reaction.

She cried out, not certain how much longer her legs would support her.

“How long, Angela?” His lips nuzzled her wrist. “How long are you going to make me wait for you?”

He loosened his grip. For one terrible second her heart sank, and she feared he’d let her go. But then he turned her hand and pressed it against the center of his smooth chest, where his heart hammered powerfully and uncontrollably.

She stood there, stunned, unwilling to believe she could actually have this kind of effect on a man like Justus. That she had the power to make him beg.

“Will it be another month?” he continued. “Another ten years? I can wait, but I just need to know how long. Please, Angela,
please
. Tell me.”

“I’m scared,” she confessed before she could stop herself.

“
Why?
”

A thousand insecurities streamed through her mind, all too humiliating to share:

Because you’re so intense
;

Because you know me too well and there’s no place to hide when you look at me
;

Because you’re younger than me, and you’ll always have another Janet hovering on the periphery, waiting for her chance
; and

Because I think I’ll disappoint you in the end
.

“Because—because of Maya,” she said, the first acceptable excuse she could think of.

“That’s not it,” he said flatly, still pressing her hands to his heart. “Tell me the truth.”

“Because it’s too soon after Ronnie, and—”

His face twisted and she knew she’d gone too far by mentioning Ron and putting him between them.

“I can make you forget Ron,” he said roughly. “If you give me the chance.”

He already had. Oh, God, he already had.

“I don’t—” She let out a bewildered laugh. “I don’t understand you at all. You said I wasn’t your type—”

“I lied.”

“I mean...how can I trust you? You’ve been lying this whole time.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“No, you’re not! I can look at your face and see that you’re not!”

“I shouldn’t have come on so strong so early. I didn’t mean to scare you away. So I had to dial it back or you’d never have spent time with me like we’ve been doing. And isn’t that what we needed? To get to know each other better? To be friends
and
lovers?”

“It was all a manipulation, Justus.”

“Why are you determined to see it in the worst possible light?”

“Because you’ll say
anything
to get a woman into bed!”

“I’ll say anything to get
you
into bed,” he said.

“Yeah? And what about the woman after me? When’s the next Janet going to show up with her sky-high heels and skintight dresses?”

Unsmiling, he stared her in the face. “I don’t know if there’ll ever be another Janet. The Janets of the world have lost all their appeal to me. And if there is another Janet, I can’t see that far in the future.”

Angela frowned. Could that possibly be true? Would it matter? Probably not. A man like Justus loved women and needed women. He might think he could change, but in the end? He probably couldn’t.

“You only want me so much because you haven’t had me yet,” she said tiredly.

“
What?
” He snorted with disbelief. “Do you think I make this kind of effort to be friends with every woman? The way I have with you? Are you insane?”

“I don’t know! How would I know what you normally do?”

“I thought you knew everything about me,” he said bitterly. “You’re so quick to predict my future mating habits and all. You and my father, boy. You’re quite the pair.”

“Your
father
?” The comparison nearly made her keel over backward in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“The two of you can’t
wait
to predict the worst about me. Nothing I ever do will ever convince you otherwise. I wonder why I even try. Just stupid, I guess.”

“I don’t think the worst about you, Justus! Oh my God. I’m nothing like your father!”

“Bullshit. The two of you are so busy bracing for me to fuck up, you don’t bother to look around and notice that I’m doing the right thing.”

He’s right
, she thought, pressing a hand to her neck because the painful realization made her throat constrict down to the size of a coffee stirrer.

He’s right
.

“Having a little a-ha moment, there, Angela?”

She laughed shakily. “There’s nothing little about it. I never thought about it that way. I don’t even know what to say. Other than I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “Just give us a chance. See what happens.”

“It’s not that I’m expecting the worst from you. It’s that we’re so different and I have to protect myself, Justus. I’m not the casual sex type.”

His lip curled. “Well, let me help you out, so maybe you can understand me better. I’ve
never
invested this kind of time in a woman. I’ve
never
been this patient about sex in my entire life—”

“Why, Justus, I declare,” she said, adopting an exaggerated Southern accent, “you’ll sweep me clean off my feet with all your sweet talk.”

“Look. I’m trying to get the words right to tell you how I feel. You’re not like other women to me, okay? I don’t know how to say it all pretty for you, but this is real
to me
. Maybe I’m screwing it all up, but
this is not a joke
!”

“I know that!”

“Well, how can you look at me, and feel what I
know
you feel when we’re together—and don’t deny it; I can see it on your face and I felt it when I had you in my arms in the kitchen earlier—how can you
feel
it and then stand there and tell me
no
and not even give us a chance? How can you do that? Is this making you happy? The way things are right now? When you’re in your bedroom and
you
can’t sleep, and I’m out here, pacing like a goddamn panther in a cage, and
I
can’t sleep, and we could be together? Is this what you want?”

“Not even close,” she muttered, too exhausted now to even bother denying it.

“You want a white-collar guy that’ll make you proud at all your little firm cocktail parties?”

“What? No! Why would you even say something like that, Justus?”

“Are you trying to get over me, then? You’re putting me out of your mind? Is that it?”

If only it were that simple
, she thought bitterly, shaking her head and swiping away the single tear that dropped to her cheek.

“Then
how can you keep doing this
?” he shouted.

She shook her head again, wishing she had a good answer for him. “I don’t know.”

“You
don’t know
. Well, thanks for clearing up that mystery so I can sleep tonight.”

She crossed her arms and dropped her head, determined to hide her despair just long enough to make it out of the room without looking like a complete idiot.

And then, when she’d mastered her emotions and looked up again, they paused and watched each other warily, like boxers between rounds.

“I hope I live long enough to see the day when you realize this is not just about sex for me,” Justus said harshly, his expression murderous. He turned away to pace, thumping his fist against the wall as he went.

She jumped, stifling a cry.

With his back to her, he put his hands on his hips and hung his head. His shoulders heaved up and down for several charged seconds.

She watched his every move, frozen on the other side of the abyss between them.

After several seconds, he collected himself and faced her again. He seemed to have aged ten years, and the fierce light she knew so well was gone from his eyes.

“And maybe one day you’ll realize if you want anything worthwhile sometimes you have to take risks, Angela.”

Hot tears collected in her throat, nearly choking her in her effort to swallow them.