Risk (Gentry Boys #2) (24 page)

I should have known Creed Gentry wouldn’t be shocked by anything I could tell him.

“I want to be the kind of man who deserves you.”

“I want to deserve you too,” I said out loud in the darkness.  I swiped at my eyes, trying to get it together.  There shouldn’t be anything puzzling about this.  Creed was everything I’d long ago stopped hoping for.  He wasn’t perfect.  Neither was I. But we were far more than two bodies crashing together. 

My eyes were suddenly heavy.  I settled on top of the quilt and closed them, feeling more at ease than I had in a while.

I knew exactly what needed to be sorted out. 

CREED

Seventeen stitches.  Bruised ribs.  Sprained knee. 

I was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. 

Cord and Chase were intent on helping me.  They tried to half carry my ass through the door until I swatted them away with my crutches.  The dawn was just breaking as we left the hospital and drove home.  Saylor squeezed into the back row with me for the short drive. 

She leaned over.  “You sure you don’t want some of the pain meds?”

“No,” I said flatly.  “And Say, do like I asked and get rid of that shit.” 

She patted my shoulder.  “You got it.” 

Cord complained he was starving so he stopped at a McDonald’s drive thru.  He parked the truck and the four of us sat there opening up Egg McMuffins.  It was just about the best thing I’d ever eaten.

“So what now?”  Cord was looking at me in the rearview mirror. 

“I don’t know,” I shrugged.  I poked at my knee.  The doctor had said nothing was torn and surgery was unlikely but I wouldn’t be running marathons anytime soon.  “Guess I can kiss my security job goodbye.” 

“Ah,” Chase waved a hand.  “They’ll take you back when you can walk upright again.”  He balled up his sandwich wrapper and stuffed it in a bag.  “Can’t fucking believe you gave all that cash away.” 

I swallowed a bite.  “This shit needs to be over,
really
over.  That means blood money is off limits.”  I’d spent my whole life barely scraping by but I didn’t want any part of that kind of reward. 

“You could have at least kept enough for the hospital bill.” 

“It’ll be all right, Chase.” 

My brother swiveled around to look at me.  “I’m just being a dick.  It was nice, what you did.” 

“It was,” Saylor agreed quietly. 

I hadn’t been able to get Emilio out of my head.  He might not have been such a bad guy, just a man who got on the wrong side of life and couldn’t quite find his way back.  I’d asked Declan to use his resources to track Emilio’s family down and give them the cash Gabe had thrown at me.

When we got home I had to beat my brothers’ helping hands away again.  When I limped to the living room and sprawled on the couch Saylor actually tried to cover me with a blanket. 

“Seriously?”  I asked her. 

“Let her do it,” Chase argued.  “She’s nesting.” 

Saylor made a face at him and then gave me a serious look as Cord put his arm around her.  Her eyes were watery.  “Creed, I’m all jacked up with hormones but I’m damn happy your ornery ass is home.” 

“After all,” Cord chimed in, “we’ll be needing you to sing at the wedding.” 

“I’d be honored,” I said.  I meant it. 

Saylor was exhausted.  “You coming?” she asked Cord as she headed to their room.  

“Soon,” he told her. 

However his eyes were on me as Saylor closed the door to the bedroom.

I glanced pointedly over to where Chase was rooting around in the kitchen cabinets.  I nodded.  This couldn’t wait anymore. 

“Chasyn,” Cord called.  “Come on over here.” 

He slammed the cabinet.  “I thought we had some pretzels left.” 

“I ate ‘em all.  I’ll get you some more later.  Just come over here and sit with us a minute.” 

Chase sank slowly into the ratty armchair in the corner of the room.  Cord sat on the couch beside me.  Chase being Chase, twice as smart as either of us, could tell something was up.  He leaned forward in the chair and watched us warily. 

Cordero pulled something out of his pocket.  It was a glossy brochure.  “I did some asking around at the hospital.  There’s an outpatient program just down the road a ways for folks trying to kick a habit.” 

Chase’s eyes narrowed.  He wasn’t going to let us get away with being vague.  “What kind of habit, Cord?”

I decided to lay it all out.  “Addiction.”  I watched Chase blink and then shrink into the chair.  I had to force myself to continue.  “You’ve got a problem.  We all see it.  I’d bet the last dollar in my pocket that you see it too.”

“Would you now?” My brother was using the same quiet, deadly voice I’d heard the last time I tried to confront him. 

“Chase,” I tried again.  “You think I don’t know how you feel?   How many times have you picked me up after I fucked myself up so bad I couldn’t raise my head?” 

Chase closed his eyes and hung his head.  I grunted as I got my crutches and limped over to him. I wouldn’t let him be alone. 

“Look,” I said, “I know what it’s like to be desperate to take the edge off.  But the shitty blood in our veins doesn’t give us that luxury.  The Gentry trap is always waiting.”

My brother exhaled raggedly. “I went to see her.” 

“Who?” Cord asked. 

Chase raised his head and looked at us with anguished blue eyes.  “Mom.” 

“Shit,” Cord swore.  “
That’s
what you were doing in Emblem?”

“I didn’t plan it,” Chase said darkly.  “I had Saylor’s car so I ditched class on an impulse and drove down there.  You guys, sometimes I just sit around thinking about how it can’t possibly be as fucking bad as I remember.  I think maybe I made some of it up or it’s been exaggerated over time.”

“You didn’t,” I said shortly.  “It was every bit as bad and maybe even a hell of a lot worse.” 

Chase looked miserable.  “I know.”

Cord took a deep breath.  “Was
he
around?”

“Yeah,” Chase admitted with a bitter laugh.  “He answered the door.  He smiled.  The fucker
smiled
at me.  He asked me to come in and have a beer.” 

“Did you?”

“No.  I told him to take the bullet train straight to hell and that I was there to see my mother.” 

Cord glanced at me.  I could see him getting edgier by the second.  He hated any mention of Emblem or of our parents. 

I kept my voice gentle.  “Did you see her, Chase?”

He was frowning at the floor.  “I saw her.  She was sitting at that same old filthy table in the kitchen.  Her arm was hanging at her side and it was covered in so many tracks it looked like she had smallpox.  She was skinny as shit and she’s lost a lot of her hair.  I tried to get her to look at me and finally she did.  Fuck!”  Chase held his head in his hands and started to sob softly.  “There was nothing there you guys.  Nothing at all.  She was living and she was breathing.  She even muttered my name once but then she just got up and wandered to her room because she’d already forgotten I was there.  Then Benton laughed and told me to sit the hell down have a beer.  I ran out before I could do something to land my ass behind prison wire.  But you better believe I thought about it.  He’s old, fat.  He wouldn’t have had a chance.” 

Cord crept over and put a comforting hand on Chase’s head.  It was so hard to look at them. I saw them as the children they had been years ago when the three of us were all trapped together. 

My boys. 

“She’s long gone,” I told them sadly.  “Whoever she had been; an artist, a mother, it’s all been sucked away.  And even though Benton’s an evil shit, he didn’t do it all.  Mostly she did it to herself.  She crawled into the hole and never tried to get out.” 

I leaned over and touched Chase’s back.  I felt his shaky breathing as he tried to pull himself back together. 

“Don’t crawl into the hole, Chasyn,” I whispered.  “But even if you do we’re coming in after you.” 

“Every goddamn time,” Cord said, hugging our brother.  “Always.”

Chase reluctantly agreed to enroll in the program.  Then he admitted where he’d been stashing his pills. Cord went to go clean them out of his room. 

“Aren’t you tired?” Chase asked I lumbered back to the couch. 

“I could sleep,” I admitted.

But he shook his head ruefully.  “Not just today.  I mean in general.  Jesus, is shit ever gonna calm down?”

I set my crutches on the floor.   “Fuck calm.  Calm is boring.” 

Chase shrugged.  “You’re right.”  He gave me a mischievous grin.  “So will there be a double wedding ceremony?”

I tossed a cushion at him.  “Shut up.”

Chase dodged the cushion.  “No. I remember what you said just before the fight.  And I mean to torture you with it.”  He paused.  “Really though, she is a top tier chick. So did you tell her?”

I thought about the conversation in the hospital.   It bothered me that Truly thought a few skeletons in the closet would make me throw up my hands and walk away.  I wasn’t walking away.  And if
she
tried to walk away then I would run after her.   I would catch her and hold her tight until she believed that she was the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me. 

“I told her I wanted to deserve her.” 

Chase was impressed.  “Well that’s a big fat fucking first.” 

“No kidding.”

“Maybe we can have a double date.  You, me, Truly and that Stephanie girl.” 

“Stephanie?”  I scowled.  “What do you want to do that for?”

“She’s hot as shit and
damn
I love how she tries to hide it.” 

“She’s all right.  A little on the modest side for you.” 

He grinned.   “I think she likes me.” 

“I doubt it.  She doesn’t like anyone.” 

“Don’t tell me about women.  I can see right through the toughest of them.  That damn girl likes me.” 

“Fine.  She likes you.  She loves you.  I don’t give a fuck either way.” 

Chase laughed. He was still laughing when Cord walked into the room. 

“Done,” Cord said soberly. 

Chase stopped laughing.  “Thanks.” 

“We’ll go down to the place first thing tomorrow.  Well, today actually.  Next few days might be a little rough for you.”  Cord yawned.  “You know what?  Think I’ll go put in a few hours of sleep.” 

Chase sighed and stood up.  “Sleep sounds fabulous.”  He walked over to me and began making a show of covering me with the blanket. 

I snatched it out of his hands and threw it on the floor.  My brothers loomed over me, grinning.  People always said we looked most alike when we smiled.  As I looked at Cord and Chase I could see myself.  In that moment I more or less forgave Maggie Gentry.  She still had a thousand awful flaws but she had given me two brothers to face the world with.   Even though our father hated us and our hometown awaited confirmation that we were the same worthless trash as Benton, we would always have each other. 

My brothers went to their rooms and I stretched out on the couch, just because it was easier than making my way to my bedroom.   Suddenly I was so tired I could barely move.  It couldn’t have been more than a minute later that I fell asleep.  It was a wonderful feeling, to be able to sink so deeply and with no fear that I would awaken to a terrible sense of dread.  Instead when I awoke, sometime in the early afternoon, Truly was sitting on the couch watching me. 

“You’re cute when you drool,” she said and then gave me such an incredible smile I would have done anything on this sorry ass earth that she wanted. 

“What are you wearing?”  I yawned, reaching for her. 

She looked down at herself innocently.  “Don’t you remember this little number?  I seem to recall you getting acquainted with it once.” 

That’s all it took.  I was as hard as I was the night I got a good look at her from across the bar.  She was wearing the same blue dress.  “Come here,” I growled and tried to pull her on top of me. 

“Hey,” Saylor complained from the kitchen.  “You’ve got company in the room.”

“Well you can leave now,” I told her. 

Truly touched my swollen face.  She looked down at my bandaged knee.  “How are you?”

“Hurting.  I’ll feel better if you just lay here and take care of me for a while.” 

“Can’t,” she argued.  “We’ve got to get going.” 

“What are you talking about?  Going where?”

“Creed,” Truly whispered, her dark eyes regarding me solemnly.  “You still want to travel with me?”

“I’ll go anywhere you go, baby.  Especially if you’re wearing that.” 

She stood up, holding her purse.  “Good.   We’re going to Oklahoma then.”

“Oklahoma?  Couldn’t we find some place a little more exotic?  And you really want to leave right this minute?”

She frowned.  “There’s someone I have to see there.” 

“Family?”

“Yes.  I’ll tell you more on the way. I figure we can crash in Albuquerque for the night and we should be there by noon tomorrow.” 

It was a weird idea, dropping everything and driving a good thousand miles when I was all messed up and still trying to get used to the fact that there was no terrible fate hanging over my head anymore.   Truly was waiting for me with a shy look on her face.  Fuck it all; I couldn’t think of anything better than spending a few days alone with her. 

“Let me go shower first,” I said, struggling to get up. 

Truly took my arm.  “Can you manage?”