Riotous Retirement (5 page)

The Taxi Service

The “Fun Police” have stolen our fun
Said
NO
to innocent things we’ve done
Necessity - the mother of invention
Alex’s taxi for Bill was his intention
Innocent initiative has had its run

The Pink Dog

Gabriel and Brenda Bovary bought the most expensive villa ever sold at the Burnside Retirement Village. They had a choice of two or three villas at the time of purchase but Gabriel’s perception of himself as the wealthy retiree precluded him from even considering any of the villas offered at a lower price. 

“Now you were concerned about the price of the villa, Mr. Bovary so I have worked out a very special deal just for you.”

“No no, not at all, I’m not concerned about cost,” Gabriel responded as Helga knew he would, “and look, please call me Gabriel, would you—Helga?”

“Well I always try to please our future residents, so if you insist —Gabriel,” Helga smiled and her hand went to her hair. “What if we offer you and your wife air-conditioning in the bedrooms in addition to your previous request about changing the decor in the living area and a gate at the side to keep the doggie in. A Maltese wasn’t it?”

And before Gabriel knew it, he and Brenda were signing the preliminary contract at well above the minimum price that Helga’s boss had said was the bottom line for this villa.

Brenda was over the moon. She had a feeling that Helga had railroaded them to some degree but that was not her concern. What she knew was that Gabriel had agreed to live in a retirement village and he thought he had struck a great bargain with the price of the villa. That was good enough for Brenda. She was really looking forward to making many friends. Indeed since being invited to a residents’ dinner by Helga, before deciding to buy this villa, Brenda had already met a few of the village women. She felt sure that she could make friends here so long as Gabriel managed to behave himself. Oh lord please don’t let him embarrass me, she thought.

Gabriel had bored some of their table companions at the dinner they attended by going on at length about his ancestors’ connection to France, but since Brenda had scared the living daylights out of him, by making him shop on his own and threatening to never again entertain his friends, Gabriel had become a little more amenable. In addition, a firm kick on the shins under the table also worked wonders. Brenda judged that, on the whole, the dinner had gone really well. Gabriel only had two bruises for the entire evening!

Life went very well for the first few months at the village. Brenda joined the craft group and Gabriel signed up for the carpet bowls—which gave him the chance to spread the word about his ancestry, and not only that, but the bowls team also played away games, and this gave Gabriel the chance to increase the total number of people on the planet who were able to appreciate his connection to sixteenth century France.

“I heard this morning that more villas are to be built on the land adjacent to the creek,” said Gabriel returning from his morning game of carpet bowls. “Probably won’t be up to the standard of this place though.”

“What makes you think that?” Brenda asked.

“Well you know we bought the very best villa when we moved here and I just feel that management probably think they went over the score a bit with the quality.”

“Oh!” said Brenda, and she thought to herself, what the hell is he worried about now?

“You know what I mean, the Corian benchtops, the double-drawer dishwasher, the floor coverings, and so on. Especially since I was able to beat them down so far from their asking price.”

“So you’re saying that management are not going to build any more houses of this quality because they would have difficulty selling them?”

“Exactly,” said Gabriel.

“Well I’m not so sure about that,” said Brenda, and she knew immediately what Gabriel’s worry was, “but as usual you are probably right, dear.” She had learned over the years that it was much better to agree and ignore than to argue with Gabriel on matters that didn’t really affect her.

Over the next few months the building of the new villas progressed steadily. They were of varying styles and size, some two bedrooms and some three bedrooms. All the conversations Helga had with Gabriel these days always seemed to be about the progress of the new buildings.

“Are the appliances in the new villas all of European manufacture?” was Gabriel’s latest question to Helga. He had ambushed her as she walked past the carpet bowls game.

“Gabriel, as I explained before, we want this to be a surprise to everyone. We want potential residents to be excited about our new stock of villas and we are trying to keep everything under wraps until open day.”

“I was just interested as a resident,” Gabriel responded, “and of course I have considerable experience of fitting out the houses that Brenda and I have built in the past.”

“Yes we all know about your past experiences Gabriel, and your kind offer is appreciated, but the architect of our new villas also has experts and we are paying him to do it his way!”

But Gabriel had felt the touch of sarcasm and the finality of Helga’s statement and knew he would have to satisfy his curiosity by some other means—and satisfy it he would. He returned to his bowls game but it was only getting half his attention as he kept thinking about how he could find out more about the new villas.

On his way back home that morning Gabriel went via the site of the new villas. It was fenced off, or more correctly was marked off, as an indication to passers-by, mostly village residents, not to come any closer. As he approached Gabriel saw a group of three or four young men. They were relaxed, one was smoking and the clothes of two of their number marked them out as painters. They were sitting next to a large rubbish skip, some on upturned paint buckets and some on small piles of left over bricks.

“Just finished lunch?” asked Gabriel of them all by way of introduction.

There was little response, one or more of them did return the greeting but Gabriel was unable to interpret it.

“So would any of you fellows be a carpenter?” Gabriel continued.

“Yeah that’s Brycie here,” said one of the painters. “You’re a brilliant carpenter, aren’t you Brycie? Damned near took his finger off with the cross-cut last month though!”

“A bloody sight better carpenter than you are a painter, mate,” Bryce responded, more for the benefit of his mates than for Gabriel. 

“Great,” said Gabriel directly to Bryce. “Would you be interested in fixing up a wall cabinet for me, after you’ve finished here today perhaps?”

So Gabriel told Bryce where he lived and arrangements were made for Bryce to visit that very afternoon.

In due course over a couple of afternoons Gabriel had his new cabinet attached to the wall in his office above his computer. Bryce had proved to be very skilled and obliging—even bothering to collect the correct fittings required to mount the cabinet—and all in all provided a very professional service. Bryce was no doubt expecting to be compensated for his work but the expression of amazement on his face when Gabriel paid him showed he was more than satisfied with the arrangement.

“That’s a great job you have done for me Bryce, and Brenda and I probably have a few other small jobs around the place that need your skills in the near future—if you’re interested that is?”

“Sure anytime, Mr. Bovary.” Bryce smiled broadly.

“That’s great,” and here Gabriel lowered his voice slightly, even though they were almost out the door as Bryce took his leave. “I wonder if you could just arrange  for me to have a look inside one of the new three bedroom villas that are almost complete?”

“Oh, I’m not so sure about that. We aren’t supposed to let anyone inside and they’re all locked up at night because of the risk of theft of the appliances. There’s been quite a bit of that lately, you know.”

But Gabriel’s persuasion and bribery prevailed and he was a hundred per cent sure that the following evening in the dark, when he walked the dog, he would find a particular back door to one of the larger new villas unlocked. That woman’s not going to stop me having a bloody good look around Gabriel thought to himself.

“Just taking the dog for a walk love,” Gabriel shouted the following night, to his wife in the kitchen as he attached the little dog’s lead at the front door.

“It’s a bit wet out there isn’t it?” Brenda responded. “Can’t you just let her out into the back yard tonight?”

“We’ll be okay—she loves her walkies, don’t you Daisy?” And then louder to Brenda—“Don’t worry we’ll be back in half an hour or so.” And with that Gabriel grabbed his large powerful torch from the hallway table and went out into the darkness with his dog.

Gabriel was quite perceptive in some ways and he knew that Brenda would be asking herself why he was so keen to go out with the dog on a wet night. He would have to think up a good story to put her off the scent of where he had actually been. Yes, best she never knows, he thought!

He reached the construction site in about five minutes, lifted the barrier tape and entered the area. Three houses from the end, Bryce had said. He stumbled a couple of times as he picked his way over the site. It was still raining lightly and pitch black. There were puddles, the odd plank of timber and bricks, of course, just the right size to trip over in the dark. Gabriel was using the torch as little as possible just in case anyone might be looking in his direction. He reached the back door of the house, tried the handle and it opened as promised. “Good lad,” Gabriel said quietly to himself.

In the living area of the house he was immediately drawn to the kitchen benchtops, which looked like granite. Cheap imitation and tacky into the bargain, Gabriel thought. The kitchen benches in Gabriel and Brenda’s house were all Corian by Du Pont (French you know) and very expensive, resistant to staining, no joins, and very hygienic.

Gabriel had dropped the dog’s lead and was feeling under the edge of the benchtop when his heart almost missed a beat. He could not feel the timber top under the laminate. This was no imitation—it was real bloody granite. He used his torch and inspected it more carefully. And as he looked around further, he saw all the appliances were of first quality. All were of European manufacture except for the dishwasher, which was a two drawer Fisher and Paykel. Gabriel regarded himself as a bit of an expert on dishwashers since Brenda had instructed him on how to use one. This was not a cheaply fitted-out house. This was a house with the very best equipment. How much will they be asking for this? he wondered. And immediately Gabriel felt regret that they had so recently bought their home. Why had he not been informed of the imminent construction of these villas before he bought his?

Okay, a quick look around at the rest and then off home he thought. He opened a bedroom door and went in. Yes there was the ensuite, so this must be the master bedroom, and there the deep piled light carpet, and there a wet red coloured mark—for God’s sake!

Gabriel immediately knew it was off his own feet and not only his feet but the dog’s feet also. Paw marks and huge footmarks everywhere on this great light-coloured bedroom carpet. He rushed to the kitchen sink in a panic. There was a cloth there. He grabbed it, wet it under the tap and wrung it out. Suddenly he became aware that he was still leaving large footprints everywhere. He kicked off his shoes and as he returned to the bedroom noticed more paw marks leading off further down the hall and through an open door into a second bedroom. There was Daisy sitting in the middle of another light-coloured carpet surrounded by red clay paw prints. She had been everywhere. He got onto his knees, torch in one hand, cloth in the other, and started at the door to rub the carpet with the cloth. In complete panic mode, he knew well that this was hopeless but he had to take some action. About two seconds later as he gazed at the now large red area on the bedroom floor, he quickly realised he would be no better off even if he stayed here all night cleaning! Okay just get out and deny everything—the only possible thing to do.

“Leave your shoes outside Gabriel and make sure that dog is dry before you let her in here,” Gabriel heard as soon as he opened his own front door.

He did as he was told and dried Daisy’s coat paying particular attention to her paws before letting her go to run into the lounge area to join Brenda.

“And just where have you been?” exclaimed Brenda as soon as she saw the dog, which by the time Gabriel had dried her was an even shade of pink all over, and then to Gabriel, “Where have you two been? I didn’t think we had red mud around here.”