Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (9 page)

I turned away from the map and let my eyes roam over his large, steamer trunk that acted as a coffee table. In a corner of the room sat an antique globe on a bronze pedestal and beside it sat a record player on a table made of dark wood. My eyes locked on the stack upon stack of vinyl records that were stored on a shelf below the record player.

Ben’s home made me want to sit back, kick my feet up, and just breathe. In fact, I felt better breathing in his air than any other place since I arrived home. I would be lying if I said it was the blow job and not the man himself who made me relax. There was something so calming about being in Ben’s presence, like nothing and no one would hurt me. I’d found that comfort in only a handful of people during my short lifetime and it concerned me that I found it with him so easily. He was practically a stranger to me.

Ben’s calm demeanor contradicted the controlling words and voice he used on me to keep me here while he changed. Maybe it wasn’t a contradiction at all and his calmness and control went hand in hand. Damien used many unpleasant tactics to control me and get what he wanted from me. I’d spent more than two years under Damien’s abusive thumbs, so why didn’t Ben’s dominant attitude alarm me? Why was Ben able to calm me where Damien only scared me? It didn’t really matter, because I had already decided that I wouldn’t allow myself to spend much time around Ben. He was just another addiction waiting to happen.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Ben said softly behind me. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t hear him come down the steps and enter his living room behind me. He must be able to move like a jungle cat stalking his prey. “You look like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders,” he said when I turned to face him. “I’m a good listener and anything you tell me will stay between us. I promise not to go running to Ellie."

I nervously rubbed the back of my neck while searching for a response. “I appreciate that, Ben, I really do. These are things I just need to work through on my own.” He had no idea how tempted I was to curl up on his couch and tell him the sordid pieces of my past and the only thing that held me back was fear of seeing disgust in his eyes. No, I needed to fix myself this time. “You’re right about us needing to talk about what just happened and I do owe you a huge fucking apology.”

“Do you want something to drink before your grovel?”

“No thanks,” I replied around a grin. Ben gestured with his hand for me to have a seat on his couch and I complied. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions and accused you of getting my sister pregnant,” I told him when he sat beside me.

“And, casting her aside. Don’t forget about that part.”

“Yes, I apologize for that too.”

“How about saying you’re sorry for thinking I was straight?” The words
straight
was said with so much disgust that it almost made me laugh. The expression on his face matched his tone and I was afraid I really had offended him.

“I . . .”

“That’s almost as bad as you accusing me of casting Ellie aside, Xavier.”

“Ben . . .” I knew my voice was bordering on being exasperated, but I was cut off before I could say more.

“I’m very gay. I think I just showed you how gay I am, but if you need another demonstration . . .”

I held up my hand to stop him when he leaned toward me like he was going to kiss me. “This thing that happened between us tonight can’t happen again.”

“It can’t?” Ben’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“No.”

“Can I ask why? You seemed to really enjoy yourself and I know I enjoyed it.”

“It was fine, Ben.” I waved off his line of questioning, hoping to move on so I could get out of there and go home.

“
Fine?
It was
fine
?” Ben’s voice rose to a girly pitch and his eyes were bugging out as if he were about to experience an apoplectic attack.

“Nice,” I responded in exasperation.

“N
ice,”
Ben said, using air quotes, “isn’t good either. Fuck!” He threw his hands up in the air out of frustration. “I thought I gave you great head, but apparently I have delusions of grandeur. Jesus, I better start working on my skills. Are you sure this can’t happen again? I can do better, Xavier.” His gray eyes implored me to give in to him.

I would have been mortified by that point if I hadn’t caught the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. I realized it had been too long since I laughed and joked with someone and I missed it. I wanted to play along with Ben, but feared that playing with words would lead to playing with each other’s cocks. I needed to keep my cock to myself and I selfishly wanted Ben to do the same.

“I’m certain it can’t happen again. It’s not you . . .”

“Don’t finish that sentence. Holy shit! You’re killing me tonight, X.” Ben dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed his face briefly before looking back at me. “Were you seriously going use ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ just now?”

“Yes. No. I . . . maybe.” I let out a frustrated growl, because Ben had me flustered and stuttering all over myself from the moment he came down the steps. I wanted to say what I needed to say and get the fuck out of there, before I made an even bigger fool of myself. “Look, Ben, your blow job skills don’t need fine tuning, because they’re fantastic. Your performance is not
my
problem.
I
am my problem and I need to spend all of my energy fixing
me
right now.”

Ben took a deep breath and nodded his head slowly. “I respect that, Xavier, but let me just remind you that you aren’t alone. You are surrounded by people who would do anything you need them to do in order to help you, including me. You don’t know me very well,
yet
, but you can trust me.”

I instinctively knew that I could trust him. “Thank you for that, Ben. I do know that I am a very lucky man with a wonderful support system, but I’ve leaned on them all my life and it’s time I stood up on my own.”

“Okay.”

We stared at each other for a few minutes longer before I broke eye contact. I had to look away, because those quicksilver eyes of his pulled me in and didn’t want to let go. I could have easily allowed myself to get lost in him, but what I told him was true. I needed to fight this battle on my own. “I am sorry for the way I barged into your house and accused of you of terrible things though.”

“Like being straight?” Ben’s wry grin told me he had forgiven me.

I felt a genuine smile spread across my face for the first time in a long time. “Yes, that too.”

“You’re forgiven, Xavier.” Ben answered with a smile of his own. “You were just looking out for your sister and that is something to be admired.” I looked away from him again, because I didn’t believe there was much inside of me to be admired. “I didn’t even know she was seeing anyone, Xavier. I’m shocked she didn’t tell me, because I thought she told me everything. Why wouldn’t she tell me she was dating someone?”

The confusion in his voice pulled my eyes back to him. “She didn’t say his name. She just kept repeating that she thought he loved her and she was different from the rest of them. She’s really beating herself up over this and she’s not feeling good at all. I’m really worried about her, Ben. Will you please let her be the one to tell you? ”

“Hey,” he said softly while placing his warm, strong hand on my shoulder. “I will wait for her to tell me about the pregnancy no matter how bad I want to demand who this mofo is so I can beat his ass. Ellie has us and we won’t let her down, Xavier.”

“Thank you,” I rose to my feet, “for everything.”

“Do you mean the
fine
or
nice
blow job?” He asked, standing up beside me.

“Quit fishing for compliments, Ben. It’s wreaks of desperation.” I wasn’t sure how to say goodbye to him after what we just shared. Fist bump with an atta boy? Awkward pat on the back? Ben followed me to the front door and even opened it for me like a gentlemen. “Well, it’s been real.” I nearly cringed at my lame attempt at goodbye.

“Xavier.” There was that calm, but captivating voice again that had me stopping in my tracks. Ben pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. The next thing I knew I was resting my forehead against his shoulder and allowing him to hug me tight and give me comfort. “You’re a lot stronger than you realize and I know that you’ll overcome the demons you’re fighting. I’m here if you want to talk, yell, or practice
your
blow job skills on me. I’m altruistic like that.”

I pulled back from his embrace feeling a thousand times better than before I arrived on his front porch. “You’ll be the first guy I call if I decide I need to practice.” I shot him a playful wink and walked away from his house. I pretended he was moaning over my parting words and not my beautiful car that was parked in his driveway. I drove home knowing I’d be thinking of that blow job and the comfort I found in Ben’s presence, no matter how much I wished I could forget.

“ARE YOU JUST
going to pretend you don’t know what’s going on with me?”

Ellie had snuck in behind me as I entered my office and asked the question just as I took a sip of hot coffee. The liquid went down the wrong way causing me to cough and sputter for a few minutes before I could speak. I shut the door so my personal assistant, Ian Kidd, couldn’t overhear our conversation. “Damn, you scared the hell out of me, El.” I finally turned to face her.

She just stood there with her arms crossed over her chest, tapping her foot. My tiny friend looked tired, but a little better today. Maybe telling someone about the pregnancy relieved some of her tension. “Xavier told me that he went running over to your house and accused you of getting me pregnant.” Her lip twitched slightly indicating that she wasn’t as annoyed as she pretended to be.

“He just volunteered that information?” I knew that he didn’t. I raised a brow skeptically, which was met with an arrogant lift of her brow in return.

“Of course not,” she said with a proud wave of her hand. “I know how to get the truth out of him after all of these years. He came home dragging his tail between his legs and I knew he’d done something he wasn’t proud of.” Her words pierced my heart, because I knew which part he regretted and it wasn’t the accusations he made. “He admitted to storming over to your house, but he didn’t tell me what happened after he got there. Obviously, you set him straight about
not being
straight and that you’re not my baby’s daddy. Then what?”

“Xavier and I are both adults, Ellie.” I kept my tone calm and neutral, not wanting her to know just how bad her earlier comment hurt.

“That’s debatable, Ben,” she threw back at me. “He was too mellow for nothing to have happened, so don’t even go there with me. I thought we agreed that you’d take things slow with him. What happened to subtle?” She narrowed her eyes and watched me closely as she waited for my reply.

It flew right out the door he shoved open.
I walked to her and placed my hands gently on her shoulders. “El, I’m not discussing with you the private things that, may or may not have, happened between Xavier and me. It wouldn’t be right.” She blew out a frustrated breath and then pinched her lips together. “He’s much stronger than you know, stronger than any of you give him credit for and he’ll prove it to you.”

“Xavier’s strength has never been a concern. I just feel that he was into something very unhealthy for him and he needs time to heal and pull himself back together.” I heard the pleading for my understanding in her voice. Her eyes teared up with concern over her brother.

“Which is exactly what he told me last night, El.” I gave her a quick hug and sat down at my desk. I pointed to the chair in front of my desk, letting her know this conversation wasn’t over – not by a long shot. “I appreciate you deflecting the attention onto Xavier and me, but that’s not going to fly. I believe there is something you want to tell me and let’s start with the name of the man I’m about to fuck up.”