Rhonda+Nelson+-+The+Soldier (16 page)

“I didn’t think I was going to need them,” she said, lifting him out of his shorts. Adam scooted

the seat back, lowered it a bit, then managed to get his shorts out of the way enough to

accommodate her impatient hands.

Two seconds later she was sinking onto him and his world narrowed into finer focus, one that

only included her.

Winnie’s mouth opened in a soft sigh of pleasure, as though her very life depended on this

connection, as though nothing gave her more happiness than feeling him inside her.

The caveman urge to beat his chest threatened again and Adam prevented it by loosening the

rest of her buttons on the front of her shirt and popping the front clasp on her lacy bra. The fabric

sagged, clinging to her pert nipples. The sight of those perfect orbs barely covered with the

decadent see-through material made a low hiss of satisfaction rumble from his throat.

He nudged the bra aside and drew a pouting nipple into his mouth.

“I love it when you do that,” Winnie confessed, lifting up and sinking onto him once more. “I

feel it here,” she said, tightening around him and rocking forward.”

He thumbed the other nipple, lest it feel neglected and suckled harder, aroused by her candor.

She made another little mewl of pleasure, rode him harder, tightened again and again squeezing,

tugging, her sweet little body slowly but surely pushing him toward the point of no return.

Winnie took his head in her hands once more, dragging him away from her breasts and kissed

him, leaning him further back against the seat. She tangled her tongue around his, sucked him

deep into her mouth, then sampled the smooth flesh of his bottom lip. With every skilled swipe

of her tongue, every mimicking movement of sex with their mouths, she rode him harder.

He shaped his hands around her ass, urging her on. Winnie wrapped her hands around the back

of the headrest, holding on but effectively trapping him, and slid up and down his dick until he

was certain that his balls were going to burst or he was going to die. Frankly, neither scenario

mattered to him so long as she kept doing it.

Adam bucked wildly beneath her, desperately meeting her thrust for thrust, he shaped his hands

over her ass, then wrapped them tightly around her waist and pounded into her, pushed harder

and deeper, pistoning in and out of her with every bit of strength he possessed.

Winnie’s breasts bounced on her chest, absorbing his frenzied thrusts and her sweet nipples

raked against his own.

It was desperate and frantic and sweet and all-consuming and he never wanted it to end, but

couldn’t wait to come. He’d surely die if he didn’t.

Come into me, she’d said, the most erotic invitation he’d ever heard.

This was the last time he’d ever come into her, Adam thought and the idea made him all the

more possessed. He pushed into her again, angling higher and he felt her convulse around him,

heralding his own impending release.

Winnie’s hands were back on his face, her thumbs sliding gently over his cheeks in a gesture

that almost made him lose complete control because it was so heartfelt and tender in the midst of

the most desperately depraved sex he’d ever had. Tender and frantic, mindless and raw.

His heart gave a little jolt and with a rush of emotion so sweet and so pure, Adam finally

realized why this time with her was so special, so perfect, so beyond the scope of his

imagination.

Because he loved her.

He’d known it, of course, but he’d never had the courage to admit it to himself. If he didn’t

admit it, then he could ignore it.

But the emotion battering against his heart, being driven home by every undulation of her hips

would not be denied.

He loved her.

Which was going to make leaving all the more difficult.

The thought was no sooner recognized than abandoned as Winnie suddenly spasmed around

him, her hot little body rhythmically tightening against his own.

She kissed him again, deeply, and he came.

Hard.

The orgasm burst from his loins, bathing the back of her channel and her own release continued

to pulse around him, sending little aftershocks of pleasure through him.

Breathing hard, Winnie drew back and kissed each of his eyelids, the tip of his nose, the soft

patch of skin beneath his right eye, and then ultimately his mouth.

Every brush her lips rang with

the word neither of them wanted to face.

Goodbye.

Adam rested his forehead against hers, wishing things could be different, that he could be

different. The truth that he’d been avoiding for months, the inescapable certainty of his own

reality suddenly bore down on him, blasting through all of his carefully constructed defenses.

He’d been tamping down his feelings for months, skirting around them in his own mind, refusing

to fully acknowledge what he’d been ultimately afraid of because if he didn’t dwell on it, if he

merely knew it but didn’t think about it, then maybe it wouldn’t be true. Maybe it wouldn’t be

real.

He couldn’t have her because he was damaged goods, Adam realized.

Broken.

Adam could never remember a time when he doubted himself.

He’d always been confident in

his abilities, never questioned his limits and never entertained the idea that he couldn’t do

something. “Can’t” had never been a part of his vocabulary.

He never tried—he did.

Trying was a noble effort, but doing accomplished something.

He was more of a doer.

Unfortunately, that inherent unshakable confidence he’d always taken for granted had been

blown all to hell and back right along with his leg, he realized now. He’d been trying for months

to pull both back together again—pretending, even, that he had—

ut was finally ready to admit

that his life was never going to be the same. It couldn’t be.

Because he was different.

And with those differences came limitations. His future, regardless of what he tried to tell

himself, was going to be different. But with that admission came a cache of other truths, ones he

didn’t want to claim, but had to deal with anyway.

Unfortunately, damn it all to hell, he had to deal with them now.

Adam had known from the instant that he’d awoken from surgery that his life was never going

to be the same, had even considered the ways that it would be different. But knowing it—even

peripherally—and truly grasping the concept were two completely different things.

He swallowed hard and passed a hand over his face, preparing to face the unhappy truth that had

been haunting him from day one, the miserable fact that he’d never feel secure enough in his

own body to ever marry or have children. To have any sort of life outside his career. And he’d

almost blown that, as well.

Would he have minded so much if he hadn’t realized that he wanted Winnie? Adam wondered.

Would he have mourned the way he was grieving now for that lost future? Would the idea of her

continuing her life with someone else—an image of a smirking Mark Holbrook loomed large in

his mind and he mentally removed the self-satisfied smile with a strategic right hook—be so

unbearable?

Honestly, who knew?

He only knew that he’d never inflict his disability on anyone else

—it wasn’t fair—and most

particularly on someone as vibrant and active as his Winnie.

His Winnie.

DID HE BELIEVE THAThe could ultimately have his career back? Yes. He was a damned fine

soldier and he knew it. He was absolutely certain that when he walked into Colonel Marks’

office tomorrow he would walk out with orders to return to Iraq.

But what he couldn’t have—what he suddenly realized he wanted more than his next breath—

was a real life with Winnie.

But if wishes were horses, then beggers would ride. And he didn’t plan to be the begger in this

relationship.

ADAM CAREFULLY STEEREDWinnie’s car into his parents’

drive, shifted into park and

killed the engine. Though she’d known this moment was coming, Winnie nevertheless wasn’t

prepared to face it.

She hadn’t truly expected Adam to come to his senses tonight, to change his mind, but that

didn’t make their parting any less painful. Furthermore, though she didn’t know what had gone

on in that brilliant mind of his, Adam had changed tonight. The weariness she’d noted before

was more pronounced and there was a shadow of sadness around him that he didn’t seem to be

able to shake. She wanted to comfort him, to help him, but she wasn’t exactly sure how. For

whatever reason, she got the impression that the demons he’d been running from had finally

caught up with him.

Winnie cleared her throat and tried to find the words she needed to get through his final few

minutes. “Thank you,” she said, her voice sounding a bit strangled to her own ears. “I know you

probably think it’s silly, but you made more than a decade of dreaming come true tonight.”

And he had. It had been purely magical, an evening she would never forget. Aside from the

wonderful, frantic, poignant sex they’d had, they’d sat on the hood of her car, leaned against the

windshield, stared out over the ocean and talked for hours. Books and movies, likes and dislikes,

quirks and foibles, they’d shared it all. Done anything they could to prolong the evening, to

avoid this very scenario.

Though Winnie had originally planned to make this very difficult for him, when push came to

shove, she simply didn’t have the heart. Adam was about to go back to war—to living hell on

earth, by all accounts—and she would not, even though she selfishly wanted him for herself, do

anything that was going to make that journey the least bit more difficult for him.

She couldn’t.

Yes, she was a fighter, but this was a battle that could wait for another time. She wasn’t giving

up—she would never give up. She was merely retreating for his own good.

He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to thank me, Winnie. It was my pleasure.” The softest

smile played over his wickedly sensual mouth. “Quite literally.”

She chuckled, despite herself. “What time do you leave in the morning?”

“Six,” he said. “The Colonel likes to beat the traffic.”

She inclined her head. “Can I ask you something, Adam?”

He looked away, but not before she glimpsed the self-loathing beginning in his eyes. She ached

to comfort him, to say anything that would make him understand.

But at this point, she had no

idea what combination of words would do just that. This was something Adam was going to

have to realize on his own, in his own time, in his own way.

As for time…she had plenty of it.

“Are you even the least little bit afraid? Of going back, I mean?”

He blinked, as though that wasn’t the question he’d been expecting. His expression cleared and

he studied her for a moment, his gaze searching hers. “Yes,” he said. “It’s war. I’d be a fool if I

wasn’t a little bit afraid.” He leaned closer and the intensity, the passion behind his eyes punched

into her. “But it’s what I was born to do, Winnie. I’m a soldier.

I’ve always been a soldier.” He

looked away. “I don’t know how to be anything else.”

She swallowed. The desperation in his voice cut her to the quick.

Made her ache to soothe him.

“So you’ll return to your unit, to your former position?”

“I think so. I’ll have to take extra precautions, but otherwise I don’t think this—” He smacked

his leg. “—is going to make any difference at all, you know?” He shook his head. “I could be

fooling myself, but I don’t think so.”

She smiled and shot him an indulgent look. “Adam McPherson, there has never been a single

thing in your life that you have not been able to achieve when you’ve set your mind to it. You’re

not fooling yourself.” She nodded at him. “You’re ready.”

“Thanks to you,” he said. Adam swallowed. “I owe it all to you.”

“Nah, you just needed a little kick in the ass.” She shrugged. “I’m always good for that.”

“Seriously, Winnie, thank you.” His fervent gaze bored into hers.

“I don’t know what I would

have done these past couple of weeks without you. I’d like to think that I’d have crawled out of

my room eventually, but…I don’t know.” He shook his head and drummed his thumb absently

against the steering wheel. “I got stuck in my head and couldn’t find my way out.”

She swallowed and her throat tightened. “You’d been through a lot and hadn’t had a moment to

yourself to think. You were entitled to a bit of a funk,” she said.

“But when you looked like you

might not snap out of it, I’ll admit I had to act.” She laughed, remembering. “You sure as hell

didn’t make it easy. I don’t know exactly what it is you do in your job, but if it involves evading

the enemy, then I’ll bet you’re damned good at it.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “You’re close. I’m a strategist. I plan our tactics, review exit

strategies, and make contingency plans for every scenario.”

She nodded, impressed. “Then I have every confidence that things will go the way you want

them to in the morning.” She looked at the clock on the dashboard. “Or rather this morning.” Her

eyes widened. “I didn’t realize it was so late. Sorry.”

He waved off her concern. “Time doesn’t seem to matter when I’m with you.”

Her gaze tangled with his at the unexpected compliment. “I, uh…I know that feeling, as well.”