Rewrite Redemption (52 page)

 He just stared at her, and then he looked at A.J., who nodded.

“Well, kinda-sorta, but way more complicated than that,” she said, laughing.

Lex got off Ipod’s lap and sat sideways on the sofa. She was facing him with her back to me.

“Okaaaay,” Ipod said, pushing up his glasses, “obviously, I’m missing massive data here. Lex, I just saw you a couple hours ago at lunch. We were figuring out a plan…you know…” He trailed off and glanced around Lex at me.

“It’s all right, he knows,” Lex said, turning and winking at me. She looked back at Ipod and grinned. “You aren’t going to believe all that’s gone down. Ha! There’s even a little string theory in it for you.”

I got up and walked into the kitchen. The sofa was getting a little crowded and I felt like the odd man out. To have something to do, I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged half of it down. Then I just stood there, watching them, feeling seriously awkward.

 “Lex was right,” A.J. said. “He’s like me.” She sat down coffee table across from him—their knees were touching. “Wait, you guys have never actually met, have you? Ipod, this is Constantine.” She turned and gestured to me. “Constantine, this is Ipod.”

“Nice to finally meet you,” Ipod said, nodding his head at me.

“Likewise,” I said, from across the room. Nicer if you weren’t A.J.’s boyfriend, I thought.

The three of them jumped right back into their conversation, laughing, and talking over each other. At that point, it was obvious. They were a unit, and I was an intruder. I still needed her help, unfortunately. But right then, I wanted to vacate, at least until they caught Ipod up. Majorly bummed, I walked to the door.

A.J. saw me and stood up. “Constantine, are you leaving?” She walked over and put her hand on my arm. I felt the warmth of her energy, but it was mellow. She knew how to handle it better now.

“You guys have a lot to talk about to bring Ipod up to speed,” I said. “I need to run an errand. Still on for the second trip?”

She nodded. “Absolutely.” She bit her bottom lip and then she glanced back at Lex and Ipod. The two of them were focused on each other, paying no attention to us. A.J. put her hands against my chest and stood on tiptoe. I guessed to kiss me on the cheek. I leaned down so she could reach me. Her lips were velvet soft against my skin. “Constantine, thank you for bringing him back,” she whispered in my ear. “Thank you for everything.”

“I’m just glad it all worked out,” I told her. I meant it. Her wish was my command—even if I got totally screwed in the process. The scent of her hair made me dizzy. I held my arms at my sides, woodenly, determined to keep from throwing them around her and holding her against me.

She stepped back and looked up at me with her head tilted to the side. She fumbled with the key around her neck.
Are you okay?
She mindspoke. I felt a little wave of calm come with the words.

Yeah,
I mindspoke back. But I lied. I was losing it. I was absolutely falling apart. Here we were, talking, and no one else could hear us. Who else could do that? We belonged together. Why couldn’t she see that?

She gave me a little smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
We’re going to fix it. All the bad stuff will disappear
.

I know.
And so would she from my life. I couldn’t take any more. I needed to get out of there before I did or said something stupid. I spoke out loud this time. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

When I turned to climb down the ladder, she was still standing there watching me. I felt a knife in my gut. I thought I’d never seen anything so beautiful as A.J. Jones standing there in the doorway of the tree house. All I wanted to do was go back to her. To hold her.

To be with her forever.

As I walked through the yard, I heard Lex shout, “New Guy, bring back a pizza! Pepperoni and mushroom. I’ll pay!”

Ipod couldn’t believe all that had gone down. He was grateful to Constantine for all he’d done. He was impressed with the confrontation with the Chihuahua. But mostly, he was blown away by the fact he’d gotten beaten up again by the Hammer—yet there he was, no bruises and no memory of it. He’d be buzzed on that one for days.

I left Lex and Ipod, completely immersed in talking about all that had happened. I crossed the bridge to the big house and walked out on the landing to see where Sam was. I hadn’t been around the last few days. Lex had covered for me. But still, I didn’t want Sam checking on me in the next couple hours, considering what we were doing. My dad didn’t come to the tree house often, but he did make an appearance once in a while.

Lex had said he’d played the piano pretty much nonstop while I was gone. The house was silent now. I called his name—no answer. When I got downstairs, I was relieved to see that his bedroom door was closed. That meant he was sleeping. Hopefully, he’d stay that way till we got back.

I wanted to grab a quick shower and change while Constantine was gone. All that time we spent in the past, I had been wearing my stupid SpongeBob pajamas and Ipod’s hoodie. If this was goodbye, I wanted his last vision of me to be—I don’t know—at least as a girl…maybe even pretty.

I put on a skirt, a short one, and a soft blouse of Lex’s that had colors that matched my eyes. Along with my key, I added Hosa’s necklace and a bunch of bracelets. I even used a tiny bit of Lex’s Dolce and Gabbana perfume. I grabbed one of Lex’s jackets since it would be November in Seattle. Con said it would be cooler, maybe even raining.

When I was finished, I thought I looked okay…well, for me. I certainly looked the best he’d ever seen me. Not that seeing me seemed to be too high on his list at that moment.

Still…

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, stroking my key, struggling to get a handle on my feelings. Suddenly the truth of it overwhelmed me with its cruel, frigid reality. What was I doing, getting all dressed up, worrying about his last vision of me? It could be my last vision of
him
! What did it matter what I looked like? He wouldn’t remember!

It was
so
not fair!

I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees. I rocked back and forth on the bathroom rug, determined not to cry. It was hard. The guy who took a bullet for me, the guy whose life I saved…he was just going to disappear. I didn’t care that there would be another version of him somewhere in Seattle. I wanted the guy who raced across the meadow with me. I wanted the guy who laughed at my SpongeBob pajamas. I wanted the guy who almost died in my arms.

I guess I just wanted too much.

If I’d learned anything in my sixteen years of life, it was that you don’t always get what you want. If Fate had taught me anything, it was that. Once we made the change, Constantine would have his life back. Ipod was home where he belonged. I didn’t die in the olden days, and I didn’t lose my V-card to a couple of Neanderthals. I knew how to control my time travel, and I didn’t have to worry about being invisible anymore.

Those were
good
things.

Fate was cutting me some slack. I shouldn’t expect to get everything. Lex and Ipod were happy. I should be happy too. But that fault line down my heart was beginning to crack again.

And it hurt.

I slammed the car door shut and gunned the engine. I lied about the errand, but I had to get out of there. I was glad the guy was safe, but I couldn’t watch one more second of that touching reunion. A reunion, I might add, that left me out altogether. I knew I was thinking like a jerk, but hey, their gain…my pain.

Having absolutely nothing to do, I drove to Abo’s on the hill, and ordered a large with pepperoni and mushrooms. Then I sat in the car, waiting for it, trying to figure things out. I had two options, both of them grim. One, I could stand clear of the tree when they took the past me my message. I’d end up in Seattle, in my old life, with absolutely no memory of anything that happened there in Colorado. I’d forget A.J. Jones.

The feeling of dread that washed over me at that thought was enough to make me moan out loud. How could I possibly do that? I banged my fist on the steering wheel and leaned back with my eyes closed. The whole situation sucked!

The best moments of my life had all been with her. Some were in the midst of total madness, sure. Some of the moments were fleeting. But they were still my most amazing moments. But if I’d never
known
them, I couldn’t miss them.

Sure, I felt like shit, knowing I was going to lose her. But as soon as they made the change, I’d be totally fine. If a tree falls in the forest and there’s nobody to hear, does it make a sound? If a memory happens on a different timeline, and you don’t remember, did it really happen? Not for the me in Seattle.

Ignorance is bliss.

I’d also delete all the memories of my brother’s suffering, my parent’s collapse, and the horror that went with the accident. I delete the whole DeMille nightmare, because none of it would have happened to the me in Seattle. I wouldn’t be on the Guild’s blacklist. I’d no longer be Constantine the Destroyer. I’d have my redwood back.

My life would make sense again. 

The second choice was to hold on to the timeline. I’d still end up in Seattle, but I’d remember. I’d be this me, slowly incorporating the Seattle memories of the last seven months. I’d remember the accident.

And I’d remember A.J. Jones.

I’d remember everything: how her hair gleamed in the moonlight, her amber eyes. God, A.J. twirling on the bridge in the white dress against the dark night sky. That seemed like so long ago. Drowning in her eyes in the hallway at school. Watching her heal Hosa. The exhilaration of racing bareback across the meadow with her behind me, holding me tight. Lying with her in my arms all night, waking up with my face in her silky hair. God, how could I give up those memories?

The question was, could I live with the memories and not have
her
?

I had no idea how much the melding affected how I felt. At that point, I didn’t care. I loved
who
she was. Lex said that A.J. just wanted to be normal. The way we connected—so profound, so deep—normal just wouldn’t do it for me anymore. Normal would be like being with a mannequin.

I knew she was with Ipod. But deep inside, I figured, eventually she’d get over him. We were a perfect fit. I’d thought that once she got to know me better she’d see that. But that wouldn’t happen if I lived fourteen hundred miles away. He
lived
with her.

Sure, I could see her from time to time. I’d have my travel privileges back. But the relay station wasn’t going to give me unlimited travel passes just to see some girl. The Guild frowned on that. How could I compete if I was hardly ever in the picture?

Forethought was no help at all. Was it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Who the heck came up with that? Should I take a risk for the chance that I’d have her in the end? Could I stand the pain of being without her until then? Or did I do the logical thing; just go back to my previous life, clueless as to her existence?

Screw forethought!

I was tired of hurting. I was tired of all the confusion, of trying to have forethought. I was tired of trying to do the right thing but having no good options. I’d walk through fire for that girl, but losing her would kill me.

The hardest thing was that if I kept the memories, I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her. What would become of me? Would I end up scamming travel passes and camping out at night on her lawn just to be near her? Would I become a stalker? I couldn’t chance that. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her or make her hate me. I didn’t trust myself to hold on to the memories and stay away from her. That left only one choice.