Rewrite Redemption (24 page)

I was ready to explode.

The orderly was still sucking on his cigarette. He looked up with a scowl as I headed for the parking lot. A car screeched to a halt, and the driver cursed me as I thumped the hood and scurried past it.

I grasped frantically for my memory of where I’d left the car, pivoting one way and another, until I saw it parked crookedly a few lanes away. I slumped down into the driver’s seat with my arms against the steering wheel and my head on my arms. All the grief I’d collected and stored away for months came pouring out. I banged my fists against the dashboard.

Time crawled by, I don’t know how much. Eventually, I got in back and stretched out, sticking my long legs out the window. I just lay there, thinking of nothing but doom and gloom scenarios, and pounding my fist against the back of the front seat. Finally I sat up, my feet stomping on my dad’s gym bag.

I didn’t even question it. I tore into the bag, dragging out a sweatshirt, pulling it over my head. Then I locked the car and took off down the street at a brisk pace. I didn’t even stop to stretch or warm up. Within seconds I was running full bore, tearing down the road like a mad man. I kept it up nonstop, giving it every ounce of energy I had. A few minutes later, I found myself on her street.

The critic shouted for me to get back to the hospital. But the sound was turned off in my head, and all I had was a blurred picture of an open mouth calling me.

I ignored it.

I knew it was temporary. I knew it was an illusion. I knew it was messed-up. But I needed a few moments of relief. I needed it bad. I dropped to the ground by the maple, gasping for air, pulse racing. I yanked off the sweatshirt and used it to wipe off my dripping face. Then I balled it up, lay back, and stuck it behind my head.

I felt her without even reaching out. Her energy washed softly through me, and I felt my anger and grief dissipate into the cool, night air. My body shuddered and my muscles slowly released. Soon I was breathing normally. The uncut grass below me was soft, and I floated on the calm of her energy. I lay there with my eyes closed, just soaking it up, shoving all disasters and traumas to the back of my mind.

I knew I needed to get her to help me and then move on. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I replayed the scene from the hallway over and over. The only sound I let in was the gasp she made when I’d touched her cheek. I saw her amber eyes look into mine.

I know it was stupid. I know I shouldn’t have done it. I really do. But I was so hungry for her. I just…in a moment of weakness, I reached my energy out to hers. For a moment, I felt it answer. My heart jumped in my chest and I reached harder.

Then all I felt was panic—
her
panic. I bolted up, gasping for air. I jumped to my feet, ready to sprint to her rescue. Then the panic stopped and she was gone.

I was alone…Constantine the Destroyer.

What
had I done now?

I felt the tingle and rolled over, thinking I was dreaming. I felt it again, and I tried to shake it off, but it clung as tight as the sheet that wrapped around me in my narrow bunk. It didn’t go away. It got stronger. Suddenly, realization slammed into me, and I jerked, banging my elbow against the wall.

That woke me up. It woke me up fast.

Oh no…no, no, no…

I shot up, frantic, clutching air, grasping for my survival pack. All I got was a bed sheet. I shoved the mop of hair out of my face and crawled up on my knees, trying desperately to untangle my legs from the blankets. I struggled to make sense of the moment. But it was dark, and I was groggy and confused.

The tingle got stronger.

WTF?

No!

Adrenaline sent needle pricks down my torso, jerking me into action. I crashed out of my bunk, launching for shoes, grabbing everything in reach. I called out for Lex and Ipod. But before they could answer…

I was gone.

What
had I done? I reached out and touched her. Seconds later, she disappeared.

My bad! My frickin bad!

Had I knocked her into a jump? Could it have been a coincidence? Who knew with this chick? I’d never known a Shadow before. I knew nothing about her powers. I didn’t even know much about how melding affected things. But moments ago she was there, all peaceful and mellow. She was probably sleeping. Enter Constantine, the Destroyer. Suddenly, she was gone.

It
had
to be me.

I needed to fix this. What could I do, rap on the tree house door, and ask if A.J. had just disappeared? I’m sure
that
would go over well.

A light went on in the backyard. I snuck around to my spot, stepping up on the rock to see over the fence. Muffled voices came from the tree house. Shadows loomed against the window shades. Two figures moved back and forth, highlighted in the windows. I couldn’t feel her at all, but a faint trail of her energy hung over the yard like a mist.

Ipod came out and sat on the porch, rubbing his eyes. I found myself feeling sorry for him in spite of the jealousy. I couldn’t blame him for loving her. He was there first. I was just an intruder in their lives. I was the stalker. And now, apparently, I’d knocked A.J. to who knows when—
not
good. I didn’t belong there. 

Still, I didn’t leave.

A minute later, Lex emerged, patted Ipod on the head, and walked across the bridge with a flashlight. I wondered if she was going to get A.J.’s father, but she returned a few minutes later alone…bathroom, maybe. No lights had gone on in the house. I wondered if A.J.’s time travel was a secret from the dad.

At that moment, I was glad A.J. had them for friends, even Ipod. Lex sat for a minute beside him, talking softly. Then they went into the tree house and the light went off. Everything went silent. Using what I hoped was forethought; I reasoned that it would be a mistake to interfere at that point. What could I say? I was just in the neighborhood?

She’d come back. It was way easier to return than it was to leave. I told myself she’d be okay. I knew I needed to get back to the hospital, but I stood there for another hour, just waiting and hoping she’d return. She didn’t.

Finally, I left. I didn’t feel so good. I was sick with worry about her. I was sick with worry about Devon.

Maybe I was just sick.

I wanted to fall into a hospital bed myself and let someone else take care of me. I wanted to be drugged into oblivion. I wanted to have tubes, wires, and machines do all the work of living my life. For a moment, I thought I understood how Devon felt.

And that scared me.

It was a harsh awakening.

Pain hit first as I fought for consciousness. Panic followed, and I struggled to see in the glaring, noonday sun. I scrambled up, pain screeching through my head, stuff falling out of my arms, looking around frantically from between my fingers.

No one in sight.

My stupid hair was in my eyes and all crazy and tangled around me. I shoved what I could behind my shoulders and felt my head—a lump the size of a walnut made me wince. I searched for blood, but luckily my fingers came back dry. I wondered if I’d been out long. I sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly, trying to slow the pounding in my chest. But the throbbing in my head held my heart hostage, and it whacked against my chest like it was trying to escape.

 
I’m okay, I’m okay
, I lied to myself—because I was freakin not okay.

One minute I was sleeping. The next I was panicking. And the next I was somewhere else entirely…to say nothing of some
time
else.

Anger flooded my brain, pushing every cell in my body into a pulsing crescendo. It hurt so bad! I wanted to break something. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch Fate, or God, or whoever was pulling the strings and screwing with me like this. But there was nothing to break and no one around to blame for yanking me out of bed and tossing me out the window of my own reality. And screaming in an unknown location—not a survival strategy.

Son. Of. A. Bitch! 

I’d never,
ever
, jumped in the middle of the night before. I felt totally out of control and scared, to say nothing of being so dizzy and queasy I had to sit down. And my head…my head was stuck in a silent scream of agony.

My mouth tasted of copper. I swiped my hand across my lips. Red, great, I’d bitten my tongue when I fell. There’d been no time to get into position to cushion the fall. My head must have gone down hard. I hoped I didn’t have a concussion.

As soon as my eyes adjusted, I looked around cautiously, taking stock of my situation. There was no immediate danger—no lions or bears or psycho-ax-murders in sight. I crawled a few feet to find a little shade and then I lay down. The lump on the back of my head forced me to lie on my side, and I curled into a fetal position and moaned loudly.

Then it hit me that sound traveled really far with no buildings around to absorb it. I decided I’d better get a grip and stop being such a baby. But first, I needed my heart to stabilize, so my head would quit slamming against my eyes. It hurt so bad I could hardly see. I huddled there on the hard ground, holding absolutely still, trying desperately to gain control of my body.   

Trying to have this
not
be real.

In the back of my mind, I heard Lex say, “Shrink Four, ‘It’s either true or not true. What you want is irrelevant to the equation.”’ I clung to that, just to have a focus other than the relentless pain. She was right. I had to face reality…
immediately
.

Survival depended on it.

Lex wasn’t there and moaning hadn’t brought any super heroes to my rescue.
That meant it was up to me to figure out what to do. I took another deep breath and let it out slowly like Ipod taught me. I took another. Gradually my heart quit racing, and the throbbing in my head slowed to an annoying ache.

Luckily, nothing was broken, just a lump on the head and a cut tongue. It could have been worse. I pushed myself to a sitting position and looked around.

I recognized the terrain—not specifically, but in a general sense. It was typical for the Colorado Rockies. I was at the edge of an aspen grove, and there was a grassy valley off to one side. I spotted junipers, pines, and cottonwoods. The plants looked familiar, and there were mountain peaks in the distance. To my knowledge, I’d never gone anywhere except Colorado on my jumps. I was probably somewhere in the foothills above Boulder. That must be the where.