Return to You (13 page)

James wasn't sure what to say. If what she was telling him was true, then he had wasted a large part of his life over a lie. But how was he ever going to be sure? How could he just blindly believe her? His mind was still reeling with all of this new information when Selena continued to speak.

“Coming back here was too painful. I knew that if I allowed myself the opportunity, no matter how many years had passed, I'd still look for you. I had no idea if it would do me any good, but I…I just needed to see you.” She nearly choked on the admission.

“Do you know why I became a cop?” he asked suddenly. Selena shook her head. “It was because of what happened that night. I was put in a position that wasn't fair and it wasn't right, and I vowed that I would never let that happen again. I left town the next morning, stayed with some other relatives in upstate New York. I worked my ass off to get my GED and joined the academy. I had to struggle and fight my way to get a job back in this area. Because, like you, I felt if I stayed here in the area, I'd be able to find you and prove you and your family wrong.”

She ignored the last part of that statement. “What about your plans for college? Your landscaping business?”

“What was the point?” he said. “I had to make sure I never felt like I did that night ever again.”

“So you gave up your dream?” Disbelief laced her tone.

James shrugged. “It was worth it. I have a job where I am respected, and now
I
have the authority.” His voice was hard, and Selena cringed. She had never seen this side of him. “I used to wish that I'd run into your father, that I'd pull him over for something and threaten him like he threatened me. The idea of seeing the look of fear on his face was something that kept me going through a lot of hard times.”

“And now?” she asked quietly.

“Now, he doesn't matter. What's done is done, and if you're not willing to make him admit that he lied, then we're at an impasse here.”

Selena balled her fists. “Seriously? You still think I'm the one who's lying? Why? Why would I even do that? Did this morning mean nothing to you? Do you think I'm the type of woman who just sleeps around? I have never given myself to another man the way I have to you! I could never!”

The thought of any man with his hands on Selena had James seeing red. “No,” he said through clenched teeth. “I don't think that, but maybe this was all about closure or maybe just passing the time while you're here. Or maybe, just maybe, you thought it would be fun to play with my head a little bit more for old time's sake.”

Shock hit Selena as if he had physically thrown a punch. “If that's what you think of me, then I guess you never really knew me at all. Maybe everything that happened back then was for the best, because if you think so little of me that I would do all of those horrible things, then you're not the man I believed you to be.” Tears began to form again, and she quickly swiped them away. Straightening her spine and doing her best to keep her voice steady, she faced him. “I think we're done here, and you should go.” Looking around the room, Selena found where his keys had landed earlier and went to pick them up. Walking over to James, she faced him and held them out for him.

They stared one another down for several minutes. The only sound in the room was their breathing. Finally James broke the silence. “It's not supposed to end like this.” His voice broke with emotion. “Not now.”

“It didn't,” she said with equal sadness. “It ended ten years ago, and it was so much worse.”

He stepped forward and winced when Selena took a step back. Stopping where he was, James dropped his hands to his sides in defeat. “I just don't know how I'm supposed to believe you.” But James was filling up with a sense of self-loathing; if she were right, then he had nothing else to hold on to. All of the anger, all of the years of self-discipline, were for nothing.

“I never lied to you, James, not once. I can apologize for the things my father said and did, but it won't change anything. Even if I picked up the phone right now and called him, would it change anything? Our baby is gone; ten years of our lives are gone.” She wiped away the last of her tears. “I can't keep living in the past; I've been there for too long.”

“I have too,” he admitted. “I don't know how to live any other way anymore.” This time when he took a step forward, she didn't move. He kept walking until he stood right in front of her. “If I don't have my anger, I don't know what I have.”

You
have
me.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, and yet Selena wasn't sure if she should say them. “I'm angry too,” she said quietly.

James knew that he couldn't hold back any longer; the need to reach out and touch her was too great. His hand came up and caressed her cheek. “Where do we go from here?”

“I can't force you to believe me; I can only tell you the truth. I've only ever told you the truth. Only you can decide whether you're going to believe me.”

“I want to, Selena; I really do. I just don't know how. For so long I've believed the things your father said to me. It's hard to believe that someone, even a distraught father, would make up such a hateful story.”

She snorted with disbelief. “Then you never really knew my father either.”

And that's when it hit him: he didn't. Selena's parents had formed their opinion of him right from the start, and James had done his best to steer clear of them while he and Selena had been dating. They'd made their feelings perfectly clear, and at the time, James hadn't been interested in trying to change their minds.

In the heat of the moment, at a specific point in time when emotions were running high, James had chosen to believe the words of a man who had never shown him anything but hatred. Why? How could he have let himself do that? At the time, he knew why he couldn't have fought the man; Jerry Ainsley held all the cards, and James knew without a doubt that the man wouldn't think twice about having him arrested. He had worked too hard to let that happen.

So he ran.

Back then, he didn't have a choice, but he could have come back when things settled down. He should have come back and at least confronted Selena then. He dropped his chin to his chest. He should have listened to his heart instead of being so damn stubborn and full of pride. Hadn't his own parents told him that it was his worst trait and that it would likely be the ruin of him? They were right, and it had.

It was a bitter pill to swallow.

“Don't make me leave,” he finally said over the lump in his throat as he raised his head, his brown eyes shining with unshed tears of his own.

It was more than Selena could bear. “I don't really want you to.” The last was a mere whisper as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. Together they wept for all they'd had and lost, grieving together like they were denied so long ago.

Minutes passed before they reluctantly pulled apart. Before she moved too far away, James put his arm around Selena and tucked her into his side as they walked over to the sofa and sat back down. When he was sure she was comfortable, he poured them each a glass of water.

“I'm so sorry,” she began, but James placed a finger over her lips to silence her.

“I'm the one who's sorry. I should have been there for you.”

“But you couldn't…”

“Maybe not right then and there, but I should have come back. I was so angry and hell-bent on proving everyone wrong that I completely lost sight of what was most important. And that was you.” Shoulder to shoulder, he leaned in and rested his head against hers.

“I missed you so much,” she said. “I always thought that if you had been there with me, it wouldn't have hurt so much, that the pain, the loss would almost be bearable.”

“You should have never had to go through that alone. I can never make that up to you…”

Selena shook her head. “You don't have to. You're here now, and that's what matters. As painful as this was, we needed it.”

He nodded. “I know you're right.”

Pulling back, Selena looked at him with wary disbelief. “Are you saying that you believe me?”

The answer wasn't as simple as he had hoped. “I never should have doubted you,” he said carefully. “I knew how your father felt about me. I can't believe that his words didn't raise more red flags. All I heard were the horrible things he was saying to me and the way he talked down to me; nothing made sense. I ran when I should have stayed and fought for you. For us.”

“At the time, it wouldn't have done any good. My father is a spiteful, hateful person. He would have made good on his threats and ruined your life.”

“He did anyway.”

Selena gasped. “No! Don't say that! Look at all you've done with your life, James. You have a wonderful career, and from what little I know about your life now, you seem happy. Don't let him ruin that for you.”

“I don't think I've been happy for a long time. I've been surviving. Every day, I strive to be better, more in control, but to what end? I don't know what I'm working toward anymore or if being a cop is even what I want to do.”

“You could always go back to school,” she suggested. “Actually have the career you dreamed of.” She caressed his cheek. “I used to love listening to you talk about the business you were going to start. You were so passionate about it, so excited. I used to wish I felt that way about something.”

“What about what you do now? The event planning?” How little he knew about her life pained him. James knew it would take a while for them to make up for lost time.

“Now I have a passion for it, but back then, you were an inspiration to me. There you were, working so hard to achieve your dreams. No one was helping you, and you were determined to make it on your own. I was humbled by you.” She smiled up at him. “Everyone I knew was going to college with the help of their parents, and there you were, living with your aunt and uncle, with no car, working to save every dime to buy a car and start your business, to live your dream.”

Shame filled him. For all that they had shared, James had never told Selena where he actually came from. He had sworn Kent to secrecy, and no one ever knew that James Montgomery actually came from a wealthy family; he was simply a spoiled rich kid looking to make his own way in this world rather than skate by on his family's name—or have to follow in the family footprints to a career he had no interest in—no matter how rich it made him.

“I wish my parents could have seen that and understood it,” Selena continued. “It takes great strength and character to do what you did. They should have admired you, like I did. I was always so proud of you.”

“Selena, I…”

“And I still am.”

She was killing him. Slowly and painfully, she was chipping away at the wall he'd had around his heart for so long. His parents called his lifestyle rebellious; they never understood his need to be his own person and not just another member of the Montgomery corporate machine. Outside of his family, no one knew James's real background, where he came from or who he really was. He'd watched many a person try to take advantage of one family member or another in an attempt to cash in on the Montgomery name. As long as James stayed away from that part of his life, he was always certain that people liked him and cared for him for who he was and not just because of his name.

Did he miss his family, his siblings? Yes. Did he wish that things could be different and that he could simply be accepted by them as the man he was now? Absolutely. But the truth of the matter was that so much time had gone by that James wasn't even sure how to relate to his family anymore. He saw them all at his cousin Mac's wedding, and with Ryder and Casey having a baby, there'd be more reasons to get together with them, but no matter what, James still felt like an outsider.

Hell, he was probably the only Montgomery in the bunch who wished he wasn't a damn Montgomery. But he couldn't even be certain of that. Maybe they could accept him now for who he was—just James.

There was no doubt now that Selena would, though he had a feeling she'd be hurt that he hadn't shared that part of his life with her back then, but he had his reasons. Hell, he still had his reasons for not telling her. They were still on shaky ground, and he had no idea where this was all going to lead. Until they were confident in where they both saw this relationship going, James was forced to keep his secret for a little bit longer.

He only hoped that keeping his identity a secret wasn't a mistake.

It was near midnight and Selena's eyes felt heavy. With her head resting on James's shoulder, she tried to focus on the ending of
The
Philadelphia
Story.
Back when they were dating, they used to enjoy watching classic movies, and finding one on the television seemed like the perfect way for them to relax after such an emotional evening.

James looked over at Selena and smiled to himself. If he could freeze this moment in time, he would. For years he had wondered if he'd ever find a woman he could come home to, with whom he could sit like this and simply relax. The woman half-asleep beside him was the only woman he wanted to fit that bill. The credits were beginning to roll, and he gently nudged her with his shoulder. “Hey,” he said softly, “are you still awake?”

“Mmm…barely,” she whispered and then yawned. As much as Selena knew that the bed would be a far more comfortable place to sleep, she didn't want to leave the security of James's side. She jumped when he shifted beside her to stand up. A wave of panic hit her as she prayed that he wasn't getting up to leave. Before she could even voice her concern, James turned off the television and then scooped her up into his arms. “Oh!”

“Don't get me wrong. I was completely enjoying being curled up with you on the sofa, but I had a feeling your neck was going to kill you tomorrow.” He walked through to the bedroom and carefully held her close as he pulled back the comforter and gently placed Selena down. Without a word, he walked back out to the living room and locked the door and turned out the lights before returning to her.

He didn't ask permission.

She didn't extend an invitation.

Neither seemed necessary.

Only a small lamp illuminated the room as James knelt on the floor in front of her and braced his large hands on her thighs. Selena covered his hands with hers and softly gasped when he leaned forward and kissed each of her fingers before moving his hands to her hips and holding her steady. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, questions he wanted to ask about her life, but right now, all he wanted to do was love her.

Rising slightly as he gently pulled Selena closer to the edge of the bed, James leaned forward and began to trail kisses along the slender column of her throat. Her head slowly dropped back as she let out a sigh. The scent of her perfume, the feel of her body so close to his was its own form of torture.

His hands traveled up from her hips to her rib cage before stopping and caressing her breasts. Selena let out a purr of delight as she moved her head to look at him. “Stop,” she whispered and carefully moved his hands. A protest was on the tip of his tongue when he saw that she was stopping him only so she could pull her T-shirt over her head. His heart nearly stopped at the sight of the barely there black lace bra against her creamy white skin. His sweet Selena had grown a naughty side, and he liked it.

Before Selena could do anything else, James captured her hands and held them down on the bed so that his mouth could taste what she just uncovered. He kissed and nipped and licked everywhere he could reach as Selena squirmed on the bed before him. The only thing he was certain of was that he needed to keep her hands pinned because if she touched him right now, no matter how innocently, he would lose his mind and his self-control.

It was everything and it wasn't enough at the same time. His need to possess her, to make her his again and again and again was too overwhelming. James released her hands as he stood and stepped back. “James?” she questioned, her voice shaky.

Pulling his shirt over his head at the same time as he kicked off his shoes, James smiled down at her. “I thought after all these years that I'd have a little more self-control.” He pulled his belt off. “But I don't.” His jeans and socks went next. “And I'm not ashamed of that one bit.”

Selena rose slowly to her feet and stood before James, who by now was just down to his dark boxer briefs. Leaning in close, she barely touched him with the tips of her breasts. “Self-control is highly overrated,” she said huskily. She teased him by moving in ever-so-slightly like she was going to kiss him but stepped back at the last minute. With a sexy grin, she reached for the waistband of her silky pants and pushed them over her hips and let them slide to the floor before kicking them aside.

If James thought the bra was heart-stopping, the black thong was going to kill him.

He dropped to his knees once again and placed his hands on her hips, relishing the feel of skin-on-skin contact. Leaning forward, he kissed her belly. Their eyes met as he looked up at her while she looked down, smiling at him. “If I'd known you had this on under your clothes, I would have skipped the movie.”

She gave a slight chuckle. “And miss out on some classic Cary Grant? That just doesn't seem right.”

“That's what Netflix is for,” he growled playfully as he stood and picked her up and tossed her on the bed. “I must say, I'm enjoying your taste in lingerie.”

Selena squirmed on the bed to get into a more comfortable position. “I thought you might.”

“Oh, I do. But I think I'll like it a whole lot more when it's on the floor.” He gave a wicked grin as he placed one knee on the bed and began to make his way up until they were face-to-face.

“I think I'm going to like that too,” she said.

Selena did her best to catch her breath before nodding her head. In a flash, lace flew across the room.

“Oh, yeah, definitely liking that.”

* * *

The sun was barely making its appearance in the sky when James pulled Selena close to him. Kissing her temple, he sighed with contentment and willed his heart rate to go back to normal. They had slept little throughout the night, and he wished that the morning hadn't arrived yet. “Do you have to check out of here today?”

“I'm supposed to. That was the original reservation. I'm supposed to call Jen today and head back over there when she's done with school.” James stayed quiet beside her. “Her place is great, but I think I'm going to miss this king-size bed. She's only got a double.” Still no response. Selena nudged him with her hip. “You awake over there?”

“Hmm? Yeah, I am,” he said sleepily. “King bed, Jen's got a double. Bummer.”

Selena chuckled. “Not big on early morning conversation, are you?”

“I would be if I had more than fifteen minutes of sleep last night.”

Now she elbowed him. “If memory serves, and I believe it does, I was more than happy to go to sleep several times; you were the one who kept waking me up!”

James shrugged. “I couldn't help it. Every time I closed my eyes I could see you standing there in that black lace underwear, and I'd get all worked up again. So really, it's your fault.”

“Oh, I see,” she said lightly. “I guess I should go back to basic white cotton if I want to get some sleep.”

Rolling onto his side and propping himself up on an elbow, James looked at her with a sleepy smile. “So…you're planning on sleeping with me some more?”

She blushed. They hadn't talked about seeing each other or what was going to happen after last night, or after the reunion, when she had to go back to North Carolina. All Selena knew was that she wasn't ready to stop seeing him or for their time together to end. If anyone asked, she'd probably have to admit that the thought of staying with Jen was all fine and well, but she'd secretly hoped James would invite her to stay with him at his place.

Or at least ask her to keep the hotel room.

Realizing that James was still intently watching her, Selena grinned. “I guess I could. I mean, if you don't mind the whole plain white cotton thing.”

She was pinned beneath him before she could even guess his intent. “I think I
would
mind,” he said huskily. “I like you in black lace, Selena. Hell, I like taking the black lace, or any lace for that matter, off you.” His mouth claimed hers in a scorching kiss. There was no finesse, no seduction—it was all heat and wild need. He raised his head for one brief second. “Actually, I prefer you in nothing at all,” he panted before diving in for another taste of her.

Her hands tangled in his dark hair as she did her best to keep him anchored to her. When he moved his mouth to her jaw before working his way down to her breasts, Selena wrapped her legs around his waist. “I have quite a collection of lace for you to help me with,” she purred.

His head snapped up and their eyes met. “You're playing with fire, Selena,” he warned.

“Oh, I'm not playing. I take my lingerie very seriously.” Arching her back, Selena did her best to keep herself pressed as closely as she could to James in hopes of him ending their conversation and moving on to what she craved.

One dark brow arched at her. “Believe me, sweetheart, I take your lingerie very seriously too.” He kissed her deeply once again before pulling back. “Don't go back to Jen's. She can get pissed at me if she wants but…I want us to spend more time together. I mean, if you want to.” His statement had started out filled with confidence, but by the time he got to his actual request, James wasn't so sure that he should be asking it. He hated feeling and sounding so vulnerable.

Reaching up, she stroked one side of his face, relishing the scratchy feel of the shadow on his chin. “I'd like that very much,” she said quietly. “I'll call the front desk and make arrangements.”

When she turned to reach for the phone, James put a hand over hers. “Later.” One word, that's all it took for her attention to be fully back on him and the way that he made her feel.

“Yes, later,” she sighed.

And it was. Much, much later.

* * *

“Do you have to work today?”

James shook his head. “I, um…I took a couple of days off.” In all of his years on the force, James had never asked for any personal time. Yesterday, however, while he was wondering how their conversation was going to go, he'd decided that it might not be a bad thing to ask for time off. His initial theory was that if things went bad, he was going to need some time to go off and lick his wounds and do his best to deal with losing Selena a second time.

Then he allowed himself a glimmer of hope and thought, if things went well, how nice it would be to have a couple of days together. They would finally have time to get caught up on each other's lives without the interruption of work and real life.

She smiled broadly. “I'm really glad that you did,” she finally said. “I'm not going to lie to you; I can't help but feel a little bit guilty that you're taking time off. You have such an important job and—”

“Selena…”

“No, no…I get it,” she said with a smile. “You deserve the time off, but I wanted you to know that I'm grateful you're doing it.”

He chuckled. “Grateful, huh?”

“Oh, stop it,” she said with a laugh of her own. “I'm glad that we'll have some time together, but you're going to have to deal with Jen.”

“Me? Why?”

“You have no idea the amount of guilt Jen threw my way to convince me to come up here for this reunion. She wanted me to stay with her and have time to hang out and visit and, well…” She shrugged. “It just hasn't really worked out quite the way we'd planned.”

James nodded. “Okay, if there's heat to be taken, I'll take it. Don't worry.” He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on the tip of her nose before resting his forehead against hers.

“Besides,” Selena said softly, “as much as I was looking forward to having the time to hang out with Jen, I'd much rather be here with you.”

No words had ever sounded sweeter. For the first time in far too long, James finally felt at peace.

* * *

James took Selena to lunch in the hotel restaurant, and it felt so natural, so…right. He remembered how they had never gone out to eat at any fancy restaurants; his budget wouldn't allow it, and pride wouldn't allow Selena to help pay. He had always wanted to take her someplace nice, someplace special, but he'd thought they had their entire futures ahead of them. It wasn't until right now that he realized all the things they had missed out on because he always thought they had a tomorrow.

Pushing those memories aside, he took a sip of his water and asked, “What do you have planned for today?”

Selena slowly finished her forkful of salad before answering. Since they'd talked last night, there was something on her mind that she felt compelled to share with James. “I have some calls to make to my office to get caught up on business, but that shouldn't take more than an hour and then…I'd like to show you something.”

His brows rose at her statement. “Oh, really?” he said silkily. The things she'd been showing him in the last twenty-four hours were enough to make him blush. He only hoped that she had more of it in mind.

Unable to help herself, Selena burst out laughing. “Not like that!” she said and playfully smacked his arm. “I think I've created a monster!” Her laughter died down and her tone turned serious. “There's somewhere I'd like to go, and it would mean a lot to me if you'd go with me. It's not too far from here, and it shouldn't take long. I mean, you don't have to if you don't want do. I just thought…” Her words trailed off as she met James's gaze and saw the smile on his face.

“If there's someplace you'd like to go with me, then I am more than happy to go.” Reaching across the table, he stroked a hand down her cheek. “You just tell me when you're ready to go.”

“Thank you.” She hoped he wasn't going to ask any more questions about their destination, so she went back to eating her salad. “The food here is really very good. I know it's not a real high-end hotel, but I've been very pleased with their menu.”

James knew a diversion when he heard one. She was being very cryptic, but it didn't matter; he was happy just to have this time with her today. “So, these calls you have to make after lunch, are they calls for reunion stuff or work stuff?”