Return to Paradise (15 page)

I circle the campground five times, thinking the entire time about what Lenny said. Indecision replaces my anger. As I start walking faster and faster, crazy thoughts run through my head. Soon I start running. The faster I run, the more my mind races with thoughts of what was and what could be. No, I can't, I tell myself. But what ifI did?

I get back to my little piece of rented land and see Lenny lying there by himself, sleeping on the ground. It's like looking at myself from far away, and it's pathetic-I'm pathetic. I have tons of regrets, stemming from my fear of being rejected by people I care about.

I don't want to be alone. I don't want my family to think I gave up on them. I also don't want Maggie to think I gave up on us. My mouth goes dry and my heart is racing as I realize what I'm going to go.

I'm going back to Paradise.

I'm going home.

TWENTY-FOUR

Maggie

om, it was no big deal."

"How can you say that, Maggie? It's the biggest deal."

I've been sitting at our kitchen table for the past twenty minutes not being able to eat any of the lunch set in front of us because I'm too busy getting lectured by my mother about the dangers of being on the Re-START trip with Caleb. Last night she hardly talked to me. Now she's giving me a lecture.

"I'm appalled that the program coordinator allowed it to happen."

Mom-

"He could have hurt you."

Mom-

"If you think the Caleb Becker you saw on that trip is the same boy who lived next door to us when you were growing up, guess again.

Mom-

"How can I trust you to make the right choices when you're over four thousand miles away in Spain, Maggie? If you think it was okay to travel around the Midwest with that boy, what other irresponsible decisions are you going to make?" She picks up her fork and pokes her chicken breast. "To be honest, I hoped when he left, he was gone for good."

"He is gone for good, Mom," I tell her. "He didn't think he'd be welcome back in Paradise, and I told him he was wrong. I told him people would give him a chance and not judge him." I take my napkin off my lap and put it on the table. "I guess I was wrong."

"Why are you so rebellious all of a sudden?" she asks when I get up and grab my purse.

I sigh. "I'm not, Mom. I'm just frustrated. I love you, but sometimes you have to trust me."

"I can't. Not when it comes to Caleb. His family is still struggling to bounce back from the pain and suffering he caused all of us. You were the one physically hurt by his reckless stupidity. How can you protect him? Because he's a good-looking boy? There are plenty of them out there, honey. Trust me."

I can't listen anymore.

"I'll be back later," I say as I walk out of the kitchen. I turn around before I leave and say, "I love you, Mom. You know that, right?"

"I do. I love you, too."

"Then trust me. I don't stick up for Caleb because he's good-looking. I stick up for him because he doesn't deserve all the bad things that have happened to him." I hold my hand up when I think she's going to cut me off. "He made a mistake. Mom, we all make mistakes. Don't we all deserve a second chance?"

I head for Mrs. Reynolds' house in the Cadillac she gave me in her will. I miss her so much. She was the person who urged me to forgive Caleb, and she was right. I didn't want to at first. Just looking at Caleb when he came back from jail made my pulse race and my body shiver with anxiety.

But then we talked. A lot. Before I realized he wasn't the one who hit me, I forgave him. And fell for him.

I pull up to the house, expecting it to be vacant. Lou, Mrs. Reynolds' son and my mom's boyfriend, is standing out front watering the grass. There's a For Sale sign out front.

When he sees me pull up, he smiles. "Hiya, Maggie," he says. "What brings you to this side of town?"

"I just wanted to check the daffodils out back," I tell him.

"Some are still blooming. I've been trying to sell this place for months now, without a bite. Market is dead out here, so I'm probably not going to be able to sell it any time soon." He sighs. I know he grew up in this house and it has sentimental value. His mom, Mrs. Reynolds, is gone, but her spirit is still here. "Where's your mom?" he asks.

"At home." I guess I should let him know about the drama back home. "She got mad because I never told her Caleb had joined the Re-START trip."

"She called me about that a few hours ago," he tells me. "Care to talk about it?"

"I guess." We walk to the backyard, side by side. My dad never walked with me anywhere. He was too busy going out of town for work or watching television. He didn't have an interest in me, or my mom. I used to pray he'd come back. The last time we talked was months ago. He said he'd come see me graduate from high school, but he never did.

I didn't even get a congratulatory call on graduation day.

I stop thinking about my dad when I catch sight of the gardens in the backyard. I'm surprised to see the daffodils are still thriving, the bright rainbow of colors immediately raising my spirits. It's breathtaking.

If Mrs. Reynolds were alive, she'd love them. She gave me meticulous directions on how to plant each bulb even though she knew she was dying and would never see them come up to display themselves with such radiance and, strangely enough, pride. Each variety seems to have an attitude all its own.

I wish Caleb were here to see them. He made the gazebo while I planted the daffodil bulbs, both of us slaving away to please Mrs. Reynolds.

"My mom's mad that I didn't quit the trip when I found out Caleb was on it," I tell Lou.

"You have to admit she has reason to distrust him."

"I get it, but..." I don't know how much to tell him. If he finds out Caleb didn't hit me with the car, he'll have to tell my mom. If she knows, she'll try and find out who really did hit me. And the vicious cycle would repeat.

I don't want that to happen. Since Caleb won't be coming back to Paradise, it's not worth the havoc it would cause.

"It's not like he's coming back to Paradise. He's not."

Lou sits one of the rocking chairs his mother used to sit in. "How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know." I look over at Lou, rocking away. He reminds me of his mom. "We kinda got close on the trip. It was nice."

"Should I ask how close?"

"Probably not."

I sit in the rocking chair beside him. We rock for a while, neither of us talking. The fresh summer air is warm even as the sun moves lower in the sky.

Lou chuckles. "You know, my mother would be giving us a piece of her mind right now. She'd call us lazy, then she'd give us chores and wouldn't be satisfied until we were working and sweating our butts off."

"I loved her," I tell him. I try not to think about losing her too much, or I'll break down and cry. Mrs. Reynolds was a strong lady and wouldn't want me to cry for her. "Even when she made me work my butt off, I appreciated it. She was the first person after I got home from the hospital who didn't treat me as if I had a disability."

"She loved you, too. And I figure she liked Caleb," he says, gesturing toward the gazebo he knows Caleb built all by himself. He was assigned to work here to finish out his community service obligations. "My mom always said I shouldn't hold grudges. Said they'd ruin your life."

"I wish my mom felt the same way."

"Want me to talk to her about it?" he asks. "Maybe I can smooth the waters some."

I look at the guy who has not only been my mom's boss and the owner of Auntie Mae's diner, but also the only man who's made my mom smile again.

"That would be great."

"Your mom's a sweet woman. She's just protective of you.

"I know." I wipe away an invisible piece of lint as I look down at my jeans. I used to hate that Lou was dating my mom. But now I can't help but be thankful he's in her life. And mine. "I don't know if I've ever told you, but my mom's a new person since she started dating you. She needs you."

That makes him smile. He clears his throat and says, "I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now, but I didn't gather up enough nerve before you left for the ReSTART program and now that you're here..."

He clears his throat again.

"I'd like to ask your mother to marry me. Would that be okay with you, Maggie?"

TWENTY-FIVE

Caleb

walk toward my house, the biggest one on the entire block. Maggie's house, next door, is practically dwarfed by ours.

I follow the brick sidewalk that my dad and I laid three years ago up to the front door. My house looks familiar and yet ... in some ways totally foreign to me. I notice the paint peeling off of the wood trim. One of the gutters is falling off, and no flowers have been planted out front. My mom used to plant them every summer. She said it made our house look like a home.

She was right.

I take a deep breath and focus on the front door.

How do you come back home after running away? If I open the door and just walk in like I used to, they'll think I'm an intruder. A stranger.

Will they treat me like one once they take a look at me?

I look back down the street, wondering if I should retreat and forget coming home. I can just retrace my steps and disappear again. Nobody would know, and it would be easier than dealing with the drama about to unfold. But disappearing would be the coward's way out.

I'm not a coward.

Not anymore, at least.

I put my duffle down and ring the doorbell. My pulse is racing a billion times a second, like I just ran a marathon. Different scenarios about how my parents and sister will react are flying through my head.

I hear footsteps. Is it my mom, dad, or Leah? I don't have time to think about it too long because the door opens and my sister is standing in front of me.

My twin sister.

The one I went to jail for. She's still got dyed-black hair, light brown at the roots, but her clothes aren't as freaky as when I left. Instead of chains dripping off her jeans, she's wearing normal jeans. Her shirt is black to match her hair.

The last time I saw her she looked like death. Her hair was black, her nails were black, and her mood matched her black clothes. It freaked me out at first, but then it pissed me off. I was the one who went to jail so she'd live an easy life at home. How dare she become a recluse and change her appearance and attitude and live like the dead? She had no right ...

At least her nails aren't black, and she's not wearing black eyeliner and black lipstick. It's a big improvement.

My throat goes dry at the same time tears flood her eyes.

"Caleb," she squeaks out. "You came back."

"For a little while, at least," I manage to say.

When I came home from jail, Leah had catapulted herself into my arms and hugged me tight. Not this time. She's definitely keeping her distance. Does she think I'm a ghost or that I'll suddenly disappear if she gets close?

"Maggie said she was going to urge you to come home, but I didn't believe her." Her hands are stiff at her sides. "I can't believe you're here."

"Well, believe it." I crane my head to see if there's anyone else home. "Yeah, so, uh ... can I come in?"

She opens the door wider and steps back. "Yeah," she says slowly. "Umm, Dad's not home."

"Where is he?" I ask as I step into the foyer.

Leah starts biting on one of her fingernails nervously. "He went to visit Mom."

"Visit Mom? She's in rehab right now?" Oh, hell. Maybe it's worse than I thought.

"She's been there awhile. It's not her first time."

I let out a slow breath. "All right." I can deal with this, but... "Anything else I need to know about?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, Leah." I'm on edge and want answers. Will she give them to me? "Is Dad coping with things okay? What's your story these days?" Man, why did I say that? I don't want to confront her when I haven't even been back for five minutes. "Forget I asked that last part."

Leah opens her mouth to say something, then closes it.

"I invited a friend to stay over," I say.

"Who?"

"His name's Lenny. If a guy who needs a haircut and wears a green T-shirt that says I'm Your Daddy rings the doorbell, assume it's him." I couldn't leave Lenny out on the streets. When he isn't trying his best to be a complete asshole, he's not so repulsive. He even insisted on giving me a couple hours to get reacquainted with my family before he came in.

I take my duffle and head up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Leah asks, her voice clearly in a panic.

"To my room."

"Wait!" Leah yells, but it's too late.

I open the door to my room. Or what used to be my room. It's been turned into an office. No bed, no curtains, no closet full of clothes. Wow, they even got rid of my trophies. No sign of me anywhere.

In eight months all evidence of my life has been erased.

I have a feeling coming back here was the biggest mistake of my life.