Resistance (25 page)

Chapter 37

Allie had so much sugar and excitement pumping through her that it took twice as long as normal to get the kid to just lay the hell down and go to sleep. I’d reached my critical patience
-almost-extinct point by the time the house was finally quiet. Most of this had to do with the fact that when Allie had brought the mail in when we got home, there was a letter from Pepper. I’d wanted to tear into it right then, but given the tone of her other letters, I didn't think it was a good idea to read it with Allie milling about. She’d no doubt want to be able to read it and that wasn't happening.

I listen for a moment to make sure there are no last minute sounds from Allie’s room. No more bathroom requests, water demands or
“I can’t sleep” complaints. Hearing nothing, I sit at the kitchen bar top and rip into the envelope.

“Sawyer,

I feel like my letters have been choppy and out of order. I’m sorry if they’ve concerned you. This whole experience has been really intense and I found it easy to just write down whatever popped into my mind
.

Your voice was the only sound I heard some days. You got under my skin. You kissed my scars. You held my hand. You proved your worth. You were a friend. You were steady, just...there. You let me cry. You let me be me, even if that version of me was awful. You kissed me with passion. You held me when I needed holding
.

I made myself unlovable, yet you tried. You saw beyond that. I knew I’d fall for you if I let my guard down. I didn’t want to burden you with that. With me. And, maybe you wouldn’t fall with me. My heart’s so fractured that if it breaks one. more. time. I’m done. Ruined. That scares the ever living shit out of me
.

It’s not right
, though. I need to prove myself to you. I need to give you a reason to want me. A real reason. I need to show you…and myself…that I’m worth loving, because I haven’t, not really. I haven’t let you know me. I’ve given you a version of myself that I thought would put you
off
me because I was put off by myself. I hope it’s not too late. I want to show you kiss by kiss, smile by smile, truth by truth, that I’m worthy of you, of love. Worthy of what you’ve given to me by not giving up on me.

I’ll be home next week. I’m nervous. I’m excited. I’m unsure how things will go. It’s unsettling, actually. Clara laughed when I told her all this. Said, ‘it’s natural, buck up.’ How did you live with her for so many years?! I love her to death but I’m not sure I could
live
with her. She and Dominic have been wonderful, though. I should get my phone back when I check out on Friday. If you’re up for seeing me, text me so I know when and where.

Have you had enough truths yet?

xx-Pepper”

I immediately grab my phone from the coffee table in the living room. My thumbs fly across the screen, typing out my response to her.

“
Your house. 7pm. Friday night.

PS. there are never enough truths.
”

My grin is enormous. It hurts my cheeks. My breathing
is rapid with excitement. Two full days and I get to see her gorgeous face again. How the hell am I going to wait out forty-eight hours sanely?

Chapter 38

Friday morning rolls in the same as any other day, except today I see Pepper. It’s ten a.m. I slept like crap last night. The anticipation of having her physically near me again made every muscle in my body tense up and my brain race. I groan and pull the blankets over my head, wishing for a solid hour of sleep.

Thirty minutes later I’m stalking down to the kitchen to put some coffee on for myself
.

“
Ughhhhhhh, suck,” I grumble. I’m out of coffee. While I contemplate my options, my phone vibrates from its charging port. A new text message from Pepper five hours ago.

“
Mornin’ handsome”

FIVE
hours ago! It was only ten thirty, who gets up at five a.m.?! I fire off a return message.

“
Up with the sun, I see. Morning. Whether it’s good or not is yet to be determined.”

My phone vibrates again
.

“
Whattsamatta?”

“
Outta coffee, and no sleep.”

I responded first, then scoured my pantry for old coffee. I can’t have really run out. I grab my phone, which is currently vibrating
, and shove my bare feet into sandals before tugging on a hoodie.

“
I was too excited to sleep too. Hence 5 am.”

Her message puts a wide, toothy grin on my face as I climb into the truck. It’s freaking freezing outside. We better not have an early winter. I hate winter. The sky is overcast and gray. There is a bitter chill in the air. If we’re getting rain, I need to remember to put the bike in the garage when I get back. I type out a quick response to Pepper letting her know that I’m excited to see her too and head out in search of caffeine
.

By the time I get back to the house it’s nearly one p
.m. and the sky is almost black with impending doom. A storm warning has been issued for our county. A freak snow storm. It’s like Mother Nature’s personal “fuck you” to me. I decided to pack an overnight bag and head to Pepper’s house early and wait for her. I don’t want the threat of snow to ruin my chances of seeing her. I’m not a hundred percent sure she will want me there before her, but I’m willing to take the gamble. My phone buzzes from the mattress.

“
Call me ASAP.”

Pepper. I dial her number and wait
.

“Hi
,” she answers on the first ring. Her voice sounds calm and light. I’ve wanted to hear it for so long that I almost forget to respond.

“
Pepper? What's up? Are you alright?” I ask concerned.

“I’m stranded on the side of the road. The car won’t start. Damn thing just puttered to a stop
,” she grumbles.

“Where are you?” I growl. I knew that car was a piece of shit
.

“Uh, 220 southbound, there’s a sign for Tinker Creek
,” she answers.

“Is there anything near you? A store?” I ask
.

“Not that I can see. I’ll walk a bit
, though, if you want.”

“No, it’s ok
ay. I’ll leave now. Should be less than an hour, hang tight.”

“Okay. Hey Sawyer...” she calls
.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry for being an inconvenience.”

“Shut up. You are the only thing that was on my schedule for today
,” I flirt.

“Oh?”

“Yes, but there is a storm coming, I need to get on the road now. Stay in your car.”

“Yes sir.”
She laughs before ending the call.

I slam my hands on the steering wheel in frustration. Of course her dilapidated car would cho
ose to break down in a freak snowstorm. I’m going as fast as I can. The visibility is slim to none and cars are off the road every mile or so. The blizzard we’re getting is worse by the second. What should have only taken me forty-five minutes has now reached fifty minutes and I’m still five miles from where I think she is. The sky is so dark that I had to turn on the headlights. It makes the thick snowflakes look like they are moving at warp speed in front of me even though I’m crawling along.

As I approach the turnoff for Tinker Creek I can't stop my heart from racing. I’m going to see her. Any second that crappy old car will appear in my line of sight and with it Pepper. I see lights flash. The old
junker is tilted at a funny angle to the road. I slow to a stop ten feet from her rear bumper. The snow falls rapidly around Pepper as she steps out of the car, teeth chattering. She’s not wearing a coat. She probably didn't pack one because who the hell could have predicted a freak snowstorm at this time of year? She starts walking toward the truck. I roll all the windows down and yell to her.

“Stop!”

She freezes in place, staring at me like I’m insane. Quick as I can, I hit play on the Thompson Twins’ “
If You Were Here
” track in my Spotify list and crank the truck’s volume full throttle. Then I exit the truck.

I mouth, movie moment, to her as I take a few steps closer. Her eyes light up, a mesmerizing smile takes over her face and she runs full tilt at me. I brace myself for
impact, boots barely visible in the deepening snow. Time pauses and I feel like I'm waiting for her to kiss me for the very first time.

Her hands reach out for me as I scoop her up and pull her to my chest. My heart jackhammers through me, drilling right out of my chest and crashing into Pepper’s chest. She stares at me
wide-eyed as my eyes roam her face, hair, and everything else I can see. Her arms are squeezing tightly, clinging to me. I cup her rear and squeeze back. Her hands palm my cheeks, drawing my face towards hers. Cold lips meet cold lips and I’m lost in the moment completely. Nothing stays cold for long. I lick her bottom lip before drawing it out.

Heat.
Firey heat.

I work my lips over hers, our tongues mingling. I’m painfully hard
.

All from a kiss
.

Her lips are divine. I’m not going to stop. She nips my bottom lip before smoothing it with her tongue. She plays with my lip ring, tugging on it playfully and I groan into her mouth
.

She’s fire
.

Finally we peel back from each other
.

“I’m-I’m underdressed
,” she stutters out.

I’m such a dick. I’ve got a coat on, but Pepper’s in a
t-shirt and jeans. I back up slowly, still carrying her, until we reach the truck. Placing Pepper in the front seat, I blast the heat and tell her to warm up while I grab her stuff out of her car.

Chapter 39

The small fire crackles in the fireplace, putting out meager warmth that we barely feel. Pepper shivers. I tighten my arm around her shoulders a little more. The fire’s down to embers, softly pulsing their red-orange glow. It pops and hisses, its orange tongues dancing. The bed and breakfast under normal conditions would be romantic I’m sure. But we’re here because it became too nasty out to drive any further. We’d checked in to Bailey’s, a tiny bed and breakfast along the creek and as soon as we made it to our room, the inn lost power. I don’t care, though. Nothing could ruin this night for me. Pepper’s snuggled into my side and the fire is at least helping keep us mildly warm. We have the down comforter from the bed pulled down around us as we sit on the floor in front of the fireplace. We pick at strawberries, melon balls, and grapes with some cheese that the owner brought up to us. We’ve barely talked in the last hour. Just a quiet word here or there. Soft touches, hand holding, and chaste kisses between “I missed yous” have taken up the time. It’s lazy and calm and comforting just being in her presence.

“What’s the biggest thing you took away from your month?” I ask
.

“That life doesn't make sense. It's pretty terrifying to think about. All these random events smashing into each other, playing off each other. Changing courses of action and futures. Whatever you thought you knew flies out the window and you can't figure it out. But, what I’m trying to say is, that’s all okay. It’s okay to just be part of the chaos. To survive it, enjoy it even.”

“That’s pretty deep,” I murmur into the shell of her ear. She tilts her face to mine.

“I missed you
, Sawyer. I missed what we’ve grown to have.”

“I missed you too.” I lean in and place light kisses on her face and in her hair as she rests her head on my shoulder, before shifting and moving my kisses further south. A
small gasp leaves her and the fire light dances on her skin. I need to feel her, all of her, now.

“Stop please
,” she whispers. I keep going. Her body responds to mine. She definitely doesn't want this to stop.

“Sawyer.”
Her voice is stern now. I halt all movements and look up to her face.

“We need to talk.” I sit up and scoot back a bit from her. She’s all business now and I’m terrified. “Part of my therapy is to take things slow. To build healthy relationships.”
She pauses, shaking her head and blowing out a breath. “What I’m trying to say is, fuck, I’m horny as hell and want to jump you
right now
, but I’m going to stick with my progress plan and say no. No sex yet. I want to date. You,” she says quickly as shock registers on my face. “Only you. But, I want to date you. Properly. I want a mini- do-over. I want to do this right because I’m this close,” she says timidly, holding up her thumb and index finger so they’re almost touching, “to saying three little words to you. Can you understand that?” Her eyes shift, looking at the fire instead of me. As if she’s scared of what my answer will be. Grabbing her hands in mine, I kiss the inside of each wrist.

“Pepper, I understand. It makes sense. I will show you what a gentleman is. I will woo you by taking you on proper dates and I will absolutely respect your therapy process and any promises you make to yourself because that’s how much I care.” Before the last word leaves my lips she’s diving head first at me, crushing her mouth to mine. I palm her shoulders and push back
, separating our lips.

“Uh...”

“Kissing isn’t sex, Mr. Crown. We can kiss all we want,” she smirks before her tongue darts out, running along my bottom lip.
Kissing it is, then
. I pull her close, devoted to the idea of making out with my woman, all night long.