Resist (13 page)

My metabolism was faster than it should have been. I had a lot of nervous energy anyway yet living with Blaine and becoming intimate with him hadn’t helped my situation. It actually made it worse. I had to eat that much more just to maintain my weight lest I waste away entirely.

“How rude of me,” the young woman began again. “I’m Jocelyn Avery. My parents have known Zavi, Zed and Blaine’s parents since we were kids.”

“As in Sir Blake Avery and his wife, Dame Olivia MacMullen-Avery?” I questioned and tried my best not to lose my shit.

Jocelyn was not only the “woman Blaine refused to talk about,” she was also the daughter of a talented director and one of the first men of color in the UK to become a Sir, ordained by the Queen herself, and her mother was a talented actress—she’d been nominated for an Oscar more than ten times and had won three for best actress. She and Meryl Streep held a tie for women with the most Best Actress Oscars.

Her parents made a stunning couple since her father was British of Jamaican descent with skin a warm brown, the color of varnished oak while her mother was Scottish with alabaster-white skin, strawberry blonde hair and ice blue eyes.

Jocelyn had an older brother, Blake MacMullen, who refused to become famous off his father’s name and used his mother’s maiden name instead. He was handsome and lusted after on this continent as well as across the pond. He currently dated an English actress, young sensation Lauren Ward, who’d starred in a popular children’s collection of novels and was now an adult at the ripe age of twenty-three.

“So, are you here for the summer?” I found my voice and felt embarrassed I knew so much about this young woman and yet I didn’t know
her
.

All I understood was she owned Blaine’s heart in its entirety but with her being British, her firm austerity and pride refused a rekindling of their relationship. I had nothing to fear from her but that didn’t mean I had to
like
her.

“Nope. I just came by to spend some time with Zavi and for us to catch up for old time’s sake. Well, that’s putting it a bit dramatically but what do you expect from the daughter of two show-biz parents? Forgive my stiff formality. It’s my proper upbringing in me coming out.

“Zavi and me—well, we desperately needed to be reacquainted with each other again, full stop. I’m afraid it’s been a couple months since we’ve spent any time together.”

 
last ‘Though raised partly in America and partly in UK, her English accent—by way of being a London Sloane Ranger and a posh, upper class Brit—was pronounced on purpose to make her seem more refined than us regular Americans who bore no accent yet were born to immigrant parents just the same.

I spoke fluent French and Danish along with English but one would have never known it except for my frequent use of enunciating most words and only falling into the habit of “lazy English”—albeit on rare occasions.

“Zavi . . . not Blaine. Even though he has a girlfriend sitting over there next to Zed?” I wondered as I pointed out Brigitte who lay on a lounger side-by-side with Zed.

They were both looking bored by way of being too stoned; they probably couldn’t remember their own names.

“Is that your subtle way of reminding me I can’t visit mates I’ve known my whole life?” She smirked before her hazel-green eyes narrowed. “You’re Blaine’s new piece, aren’t ya? Where’s he hiding anyway? Don’t tell me he’s frightened of seeing little ole me again.”

“I think he’s terrified. From what I know, you broke his heart and he can’t move on past you and what you two shared together—”

“That’s enough, Vie.”

Jocelyn looked downright annoyed as she gazed past me and her eyes met Blaine’s. I turned toward him, an imposing figure in a pair of black board shorts and nothing else; both his tattoos on display. It was only after the fact I realized Zed had copied him and gotten a tattoo in the same spot as his older brother. Blaine’s just happened to be that of a broken heart. A little over the top maybe but it was designed as a mosaic of sorts.

“You told your girlfriend
I
broke
your
heart?” she questioned incredulously.

“No,” Blaine began as she shook his head. “Actually, I
implied
you were
dead
. But to be perfectly frank since we’re ‘sharing’ our feelings, yeah, you did fucking break my heart you black-hearted bitch.”

She laughed out loud. “I broke your heart? Blaine, let’s be honest here—you don’t have a heart to break. You never did. And even if you lay all the blame at my feet, our relationship ended because you couldn’t keep it in your pants and you would never admit you loved me. How could I break a heart of the man who never once told me I meant anything at all to him? You ever ask yourself that? I left because I might be British but I’m not
dead
and I needed more than man with a stiff dick and a pulse. I needed a man with a bit of . . .
heart
. Someone who could verbally articulate their emotions toward me.”

Blaine turned away from her and strode to the outside bar where he poured a generous helping of expensive vodka in a tumbler and knocked it back. “What are you doing here, Jocelyn?”

“I’m here because Zavi and Zed invited me and . . . Zavi and I are engaged.”

My heart almost lurched to a painful stop as the tumbler in Blaine’s hand fell from his hand to the ground where it shattered on impact.

“What?” I questioned out loud. “How is that possible? Brigitte is his . . . his girlfriend.”

Jocelyn smirked again. “Yes, I heard you the first time. But she wasn’t his
proper
girlfriend—she couldn’t be when I was here in New York waiting for him to arrive so I could leave with him after Labor Day. We just closed escrow on a house in Bel Air. It was Mum and Dad’s gift to us—well, and also, his family already paid for the wedding so everything’s already set in motion. We will be married in less than three months, before I start to show.”

“But you just said the reason why you left Blaine was because he couldn’t keep it in his pants.”

“Right but Zavi and Brigitte had a ‘friends with benefits’ type of thing going on and I understood that. I wasn’t there and a man has certain needs. I’m not an idiot. Besides, he already confessed to his improprieties when we spoke on the phone. There are no secrets between us.

“Now that I’m going back to L.A. with him, it’ll stop and he will become a fiancé respectful of my condition. He will also be a proper husband once we tie the knot. You see, I’m two months pregnant with our child so let him get his philandering out of the way now. Better than when the kiddies come.”

She walked over to Xavier and kissed him as he wrapped his arms around her protectively. “I’ll be at Mum and Dad’s. Come on by for dinner. That way when they start to party hard, you won’t give in to temptation.”

“I’ll be there by six—”

“Make that five-thirty—you know dinner
starts
at six, you silly muppet.” They kissed again before she pulled on a pretty sundress cover up and flounced through the house without a care in the world.

I don’t know if I was prepared for the scene that was bound to go down. Not because Blaine looked heartbroken while Brigitte seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She’d woken up and knew the truth. She would never land a Pascal-Baasch brother because he’d already become engaged to another woman in their “circle of friends”—or rather their parents’ society friends.

I felt a tiny bit of pity for her but most of all I couldn’t believe she would be so stupid. How could she ever think she had a chance when men like the Pascal-Baasch’s didn’t marry women like her? Hell, they barely married women like me and that was only because my parents came from money even if they treated it with a dislike bordering on criminal and hoarded it like there was a goddamn U-Haul they could use to drive it to heaven with them.

“All this time . . . you two had a courtship and yet you didn’t bother to tell me?” Blaine questioned Zavi coldly.

“What difference does it make? After you made her abort the baby, she was devastated. She broke your heart, brother? What about the fact you broke hers first? She really, really wanted that baby and when she tried to refuse you, you froze her out—turned ice cold. You’ll run every good woman away from you if you keep acting the way you do. And just to think, all this time, Zed and I have worshipped you and looked up to you when . . . truth be told, there’s really nothing all that special to admire about you.”

“Wait—”

“No. I’m packing my shit and I’m spending the rest of the holiday weekend with Jocelyn’s family.”

“You motherfucker—you can’t just toss me to the side with no explanation!” Brigitte shouted as Zed tried to calm her down.

She was shouting to the wind—Xavier had already gone back inside and disappeared from view.

“I
can’t believe that Judas prick! All this time, leading me to believe he would never do that to me.” Blaine swigged from his vodka as we sat next to one another by the pool and a sun that was beginning its descent from the sky.

I’d had two glasses of Pinot Gris and was feeling no pain except for heartburn as it bubbled up and filled my chest with that burning feeling like my insides had caught fire. What would become of Blaine and I now that he knew the truth about Jocelyn? Would he forgive Xavier? They were brothers after all.

“Well, perhaps he had his reasons.” I turned toward him in my lounge chair. “Surely you must have known Brigitte wasn’t his one and only?”

“Of course I knew but I just assumed he was being promiscuous like I was—using different women for his own needs and coming home to her because she wouldn’t
leave
.”

I bit my lip before I sipped from my wine; meanwhile, he continued, “Well, now it isn’t her choice and it doesn’t matter whether she wants to stick around or not. With Xavier gone, she’ll need to find her own place. She’s got money and soon, she’ll be a big star. It’s not like she’s destitute. It’s time for her to make her own way.”

“What if she won’t go? She was pretty distraught earlier.”

Blaine shook his shoulders apathetically. “I really don’t care. Now that Zavi isn’t here, there’s no further need for her to stick around. And furthermore, I’m sick and tired of looking at her miserable face. No way is she going to ruin my Labor Day weekend.”

I watched my lover as he downed his tumbler of vodka and studied the soft ripples in the pool. I’d grounded myself to the sidelines long enough. It was time to step up, grow a backbone and actually
do
something.

Chapter 11

Zed

Z
ed really wasn’t one to encourage dramatics but in Brigitte’s case, he could understand and for one night, she wasn’t completely annoying as she broke down on his shoulder and cried her eyes out.

“What the fuck is wrong with you people? How can you be so cruel? I gave your brother everything and this is my thanks? I’m thrown out with not even a kind word. Just left on my own with no one here to help me?”

He squeezed her shoulder as she dabbled balled up tissue at her raccoon eyes. “Honey, I don’t know everything about Xavier and Blaine. They are my brothers but that doesn’t mean shit. We don’t get together for deep, insightful talks about what’s goin’ on in our lives. From Blaine’s reaction alone, it’s obvious he was just as much in the dark about them as you and me. What did you expect would happen? He’d ride off into the sunset with you?”

“Well . . . yeah, why not? I mean, what’s
wrong
with me?” Brigitte wailed.

“You’re just some middle-class immigrant from a country our grandmothers came from—do you think that makes you
special
? Xavier landed the golden goose. His future wife comes from both British and Hollywood royalty.

“Both her parents have been bestowed with the highest honors a commoner can have in the UK. Not to mention they’re loaded and she’s a good fit for him. Our parents have been orchestrating the match for
years
,” Zed said as began to roll a joint.

“Why?” Brigitte grabbed it from him when it was done, stuck it in her mouth and lit it with a Zippo.

“He’s . . . calm around her. She seems to bring out the best in him and that’s what’s most important about Xavier. He needs a stabilizing presence or he doesn’t do well. Unfortunately, you’re an enabler and you let him get away with shit I’m guessing Jocelyn doesn’t. If she could handle Blaine for almost four years, Zavi will be a walk in the park.”

“She’s enabler too if she knew about me and let him get away with it—”

“She didn’t know about you! Don’t you get it? Vie kept throwing it in her face and she was caught unawares in a very awful situation but she is also in a precarious condition.” Zed stood and began to pace the sitting room.

His head hurt, he was tired and had done way too much pot that day. All he wanted to do was chill out and watch some television, not cater to this needy, whiny bitch that couldn’t accept his twin had left her. How could she be so fucking dense to think Xavier didn’t have a way out? He rarely put up with anything he didn’t want to face and was actually stronger in that area than him.

He and Blaine had always been ultra competitive, therefore it didn’t surprise him he’d ended up with the love of their older brother’s life. He’d probably planned the whole situation from the beginning and what a pickle he’d left for Zed. He didn’t want to console his twin’s ex-girlfriend—hell, he didn’t even like her and although he’d initially felt sorry for her, his patience was beginning to wear thin.

Vie chose that moment to stroll into the room. She cleared her throat before she said, “Zed, can I speak to you?”

He rolled his eyes before he stood and followed her out to the veranda.

Several maids had taken the food away after it’d gone untouched for more than fifteen minutes. Everyone left in the wake of the carnage dumped on them by Jocelyn and Xavier preferred drink—or something stronger—rather than food at the moment.

“What is it? Is Blaine all right?” he questioned in a hushed voice.

She looked away from him before she shook her head but her eyes remained dry. “This is something I fear he is going to have to get through on his own and I can’t help him. At the same time, you must know what happens when he gets this way—I have never seen him in . . . a depressive state. If this is the beginning of one then you have to find a way to get rid of Brigitte. He doesn’t want her to be here now that Xavier is gone. And he also wants her to move out the Hollywood Hills estate too.”

Zed looked back at Brigitte. She leaned over the table, snorting a couple lines of cocaine as she started to take on that look of becoming completely numb. He turned back to Vie who stared at her with distant, cool eyes. “What does he expect us to do with her? Just toss her out because she’s become an
inconvenience
?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Vie looked around while wringing her hands in a way that meant she didn’t want to deal with the situation any more than he did.

However he knew from the determined look on her face she felt similar to Blaine. She wanted Brigitte gone too. Like Jocelyn, she was nothing more than a painful reminder of deception, of life that they once lived before she entered the picture.

Everyone had a past—even Vie—but she didn’t want to be reminded of Blaine’s, especially the day before a major holiday. This was supposed to be a getaway from life’s intolerable issues and problems. A time a fun and relaxation. Unfortunately, it had turned into a clusterfuck of epic proportions and no one wanted to deal with it, not even him.

“Listen, I don’t know about you but I don’t want to deal with this right now. I’m going upstairs to watch some television.”

“Oh?” Zed’s eyes rested on her again. She still wore a cover up over her bathing suit and no longer had any desire to swim, or so it seemed. “What are you going to watch?”

“
American Horror Story
. I finally started
Asylum
. You’re welcome to come along if you want.”

“What about Blaine?”

“What about him? He’s a grown man, Zed. He absolutely hates for me to invade his privacy unless he’s asked me to do so. He’ll come up when he’s ready and I’ve accepted that. Well . . . I’m not sure if accepted is the right word but it sounds better than to merely
tolerate
a situation, don’t you think?”

Their coupling finally became clear to him and he realized he was an idiot for not figuring it out sooner.

Vie’s gradual withdrawal from his life and the amount of time she spent with Blaine. The way his brother had selfishly taken her away.

They’d obviously consummated their relationship.

Blaine had won and he’d lost but at what cost? He knew how much it hurt emotionally but would he truly be able to recover and be satisfied with only being her friend? It was a tough decision but one he wouldn’t have to make at that moment.

“You know, I think I’ll join you for some episodes of
Asylum
after all. With the way things are going in this place, it kind of feels like we’re in a real life asylum at the moment.”

Vie smiled. “I don’t know about that—unless you’re aware of funny farms that have the best alcohol and dope on hand then this particular set of unfortunate circumstances doesn’t feel anything like a nut house. It’s just another weekend with the rich and depraved as far as I’m concerned.”

Zed laughed out loud as they walked back into the house together. “Yeah, that too.”

Z
ed and Vie sat on the chaise lounge and devoured episode after episode of
Asylum
. They had started their third episode in a row and enjoyed the silence between the two of them.

“So, when did you two start having sex with each other?”

Vie looked at him though he continued to look at the television, embarrassed he’d brought up the subject at all. “It happened the night of the dinner at The Polo Lounge. The reason why we were there . . . it wasn’t a date but Blaine failed to mention that to you. I met David and Jamie, two studio execs who are over the
WAGs
project and the reason why Blaine has a financial distributor for the film. He was upset about how they plan to cut the most explicit scenes so they can get the movie released with an R-rating. He felt his artistic integrity was being compromised and it upset him deeply.”

Zed stared at her and tried to remain neutral and calm about the situation. “What happened? Did he say he needed to get rid of you so he could go blow off some steam or something cheesy and similar in meaning?”

“What are you trying to say? He faked his emotions so he could fuck me?” She glared at him with cold gray eyes. “I’m not stupid, or do you not remember I have a Master’s Degree—”

“—in abnormal psychology, yes, I know or so you have stated ad nauseam.” He rolled his eyes to emphasize the point he wanted to make. “The fact remains
if
you’re so brilliant then why didn’t you have me figured out from the word ‘Go?’ Why did Blaine have to tell you I was a
little
cuckoo?”

“I don’t like to psychoanalyze my friends, no matter how fucked up they may be,” Vie replied in a harsh whisper. “Besides, Blaine only told me about the specifics of your illness. I don’t need to be Dr. Phil to know you’re totally fucked in the head but what you do on your own time is none of my business. There are no cameras rolling here so you can stop acting.”

“Having a sex addiction doesn’t mean I’m fucked in the head . . . I merely enjoy sex to the point where I am obsessed and addicted to it. Did I want to have sex with you? Yes. Did Blaine and I have a little pissing contest about who would bust that cherry of yours first? Yes! Looks like he won though. I always liked you though—as a person. I was hoping we might remain friends,” Zed explained quietly, the characters on television almost as loud as their conversation.

She looked away, her gray eyes teary before she wiped them away harshly and pulled herself together. “Of course we can be friends, sweetie. Perhaps today would serve as a valuable lesson for both you and Blaine.”

“How’s that?”

“Well . . . you shouldn’t play your stupid, adolescent games. You see, women are so much more cunning than men. We will always out think you, and statistically speaking, we outlast you, too. Blaine has played games with women his whole life and look what it cost him? The ultimate love of his life.”

Zed laughed out loud. “You can’t possibly be serious. Either you’re extremely naïve or supremely blind if you can’t see what my brother feels for you outweigh any emotions he ever had for Jocelyn. That’s why he’s drinking downstairs. Not because of her but because of what he feels for you and he hates himself for loving any piece of you but he does.”

“That’s sweet.” Vie glanced at him and smiled as she stood. “I know men think all women care about is fashion, beauty, glamour and finding a man that loves them but I’m not that kind of woman. Do you honestly believe filling my head with bullshit about your brother feeling even an ounce of sympathy for my wellbeing will make me gloat all the sudden with smug triumph?

“You wanna know what drives my relationship with your brother? Fear . . . of disappointment.” She closed her eyes and breathed in and out before she began to pace. “I’m not frightened of him—believe me when I tell you there’s no Stockholm syndrome at play here. He simply hasn’t been that cruel yet for me to love him out of obligation or pity. But he knows what a perfectionist I am and he uses it against me. I want to be exactly what he wants and needs but not so much for him but for me. It gives me great pleasure to be the best at everything I do and that doesn’t just mean in the bedroom.”