Resilience (34 page)

Made it into a powder, I guess.”

Gabe was gonna hurl. “Are you…urk.” He slapped a hand over his mouth.

Marcus rubbed at the corner of his lips, as if chasing away a smile as Gabe tried not to upchuck. “Yeah, so Spiegel’s family kept this medicine, if you will, made from a dead guy.

They used it only in emergencies, pouring a bit of powder in a cup of tea or adding liquid to it and pouring it straight into a patient’s mouth. But they used it sparingly. So sparingly, in fact, that the original tale was lost. Spiegel was cleaning out his great grandfather’s shed when he found the box of it along with the notes about it. He hadn’t used it, but then Maarten,” Marcus tipped his chin at him, “ordered him to find a way to fix Adam sooner, if that were possible. Spiegel was simply trying to do his job and please his alpha.”

“Shit like this is why I make a lousy alpha,” Maarten said. “I didn’t ask him what he was going to do, just figured he would do something. And here I spent all morning yelling at him, accusing him of reprehensible things.”

“He could have told you,” Gabe pointed out. “He could have said, ‘Hey Maarten, I might have fucked Adam up.’”

“He could have,” Maarten acknowledged. “But I am not a true alpha, and so I think he refused to tell me anything because of that. He didn’t stop talking to Marcus until he’d given his entire life story from birth to now.”

Gabe felt a bit gobsmacked. “So Adam took a pill or drank some tea and it had dead

guy in it, dead shifter, and it changed him? How the hell—”

“Because the dead guy was a direct descendant from Matamesius, although Spiegel postulated, and I have to wonder if he isn’t right, that the man was actually Matamesius himself and Spiegel’s relative was his mate. A jealous would-be lover killed Matamesius, perhaps. We don’t know. But if Spiegel truly has a centuries-old corpse ground up, and it has the ability to heal or change a human into a shifter, it’s dangerous shit. Very dangerous shit.”

Todd could hear Adam in his head, calling for him, crying out Todd’s name. It drove

Todd up from unconsciousness, his pulse racing as Adam’s fear and need flooded his veins and filled his head.

“Adam,” Todd rasped, his voice breaking and fading over the short name. He’d been

terrified, and, as images of Adam shifting into a horrific mix of man and beast flitted through Todd’s mind, he shoved away the fear. This was Adam, whom he loved. Adam, who loved

him in return, who even now ached with a physical pain because he wasn’t allowed near Todd. How he knew that, Todd couldn’t explain, although Gabe and Mika had a weird

psychic bond thing going as mates. Was he Adam’s mate now? Todd couldn’t think about that—he just needed Adam, needed Adam to stop panicking and worrying. The guilt Adam was feeling was almost suffocating, as well.

“Adam,” Todd managed more clearly. He blinked his eyes open and found a stranger

peering down at him. She smiled and tucked a lank of hair behind her ear.

“Hi, Todd. I’m Shania, Marcus Criswell’s personal physician.” She paused and Todd

figured he was supposed to be impressed but he didn’t really care. He just wanted Adam. “I know, you want your mate. Do you remember what happened?” She sat in the chair beside the bed and took his wrist in her hands. Todd assumed she was checking his pulse.

“Yes,” he rasped, then he touched his throat. It hurt, inside and out, very badly.

“That’s the mating mark he left on you. It’s very deep.” She held his wrist in one hand while reaching for a glass of water on the nightstand. “Drink,” Shania told him.

Todd did, almost crying with relief as the liquid trickled into his mouth. It wasn’t cold by any means, but the water soothed his parched tissues. Swallowing hurt like a mother, though, and Todd didn’t drink more than he needed to in order to speak.

“I need Adam.” And Adam needed him, fiercely. Todd had to touch Adam, make sure

he wasn’t in the agony he’d been in when Todd had reached to try to help him. Todd knew it was his own fault he’d got hurt. He knew better than to step close to a hurting animal, be it man or beast, who was in such obvious pain that he or she was out of their mind with it. All Adam had done was flail, which he’d been doing before, screaming and howling.

“You do know he’s been changed?”

Todd rolled his eyes towards Shania. Even that hurt. “Yes. How?”

Shania shook her head. “I don’t know. That’s what Marcus is here to find out. There

was screaming and thumping coming from an office I walked by. I didn’t hang around to listen.”

Right now, Todd didn’t care about the why, but he firmly believed Adam hadn’t known

or wanted to be turned into a shifter. They would deal with that aspect later. Right now, they just needed each other.

“Please,” Todd begged. He hurt so badly, and Adam was hurting too, and he could feel it, the combination of their physical pain and emotional pain. It was too much. He needed Adam, now.

“I want to check Adam over then I will insist he be brought to you.” Shania stood and walked over to a bag where she took out some things. “Let me re-dress your wounds first and give you another shot of antibiotics. It will do neither of you any good if you get an infection.” She came back and without warning pulled his blankets off, exposing his naked body. “I’ve seen it all before. I inspected your wounds earlier. You slept right through me pulling the bandages off. Now, on your side so I can give you this shot in the hip.”

Rolling over was impossible with the way he hurt, but Todd managed to turn his hip

slightly. The sting of the needle was of no consequence. Shania was a quick and effective doctor, her hands gentle and her bedside manner easy. In short order Todd was bandaged and Shania patted his hand. “Now, let me make sure Adam isn’t in need of my skills, then I will bring him to you personally. It is cruel to keep mates separated when they are in such need of one another.”

Todd trusted her. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, but Adam’s anxiety was too strong. Then something occurred to Todd, and he tried sharing every loving thought he had for Adam, every bit of compassion and understanding and sorrow for Adam’s pain and fear.

Todd didn’t know how it would work, but, if he was hearing Adam, then surely Adam could hear him back?

A warm rush of love enveloped Todd. There was so much relief, so much need, that

Todd believed his attempt had worked. And, when Shania returned with Zane, Adam

supported between them, clearly wobbly and doped-up if the look in his eyes was anything to go by, Todd knew they’d be okay. There would be many things to work through, but, for now, all he needed was Adam.

Adam’s eyes lit up and he shook with eager anticipation as he was brought closer.

Todd, though it hurt him horribly, raised his arms in welcome.

“Not on the bed, Todd, Adam,” Shania said. “But Adam, you can sit here beside Todd

and hold his hand, and remember what Zane and I have told you about shifting. Don’t fight it, don’t panic. Accept that it has happened, and concentrate on loving your mate.”

And as Adam took his hand, tears streaming down Adam’s cheeks, Todd vowed he’d do the very same thing. He’d make sure loving Adam was always his priority.

He was done with this. Though it felt like betraying Jameson somehow, Adam couldn’t keep Todd here. Todd needed to be home, and needed to heal—there were too many dangers in this place, too many people he couldn’t trust. Granted, they wouldn’t be going back to Shasta right away. Marcus was insisting they return to his home in Santa Fe so Shania could continue to treat Todd. Adam wasn’t going to argue. They couldn’t very well take Todd to a hospital and explain what had happened.

Added to his help with Todd’s medical care, Marcus had promised to assist with the

search for Jameson and Luuk, and at this point, Adam was going to have to trust him and hope Marcus would have more success than Maarten. If nothing else, perhaps Marcus’

people, his guards, wouldn’t be persecuted by Luther. That would almost certainly cause an all-out shifter war between the North American pack and the fragmented one Luther led.

Once Todd was fully recovered, and when they could take off from their jobs again,

they could return here if necessary, to help look for Jameson and Luuk. Adam was hoping his friend and Luuk would be found before then, not because he didn’t want to help or come back, but because it hurt to think of Jameson running, scared for his and his mate’s lives.

Adam wanted them both safe.

And Adam had so much to work out in his head. He’d been turned into something he’d never in his life thought of being. Didn’t think he wanted to be a shifter, but he hadn’t had a choice. He understood Spiegel hadn’t known what would happen to him, and that was

precisely the number one reason the doctor shouldn’t have given him—Adam shuddered and bile burbled up to his throat—ground-up shifter.

“He just wanted to help,” Todd said, his voice little more than a whisper. Adam cocked his head at him. “The link.” Todd rolled his eyes up as if trying to see the top of his head.

“Oh. Right.” Something else to adjust to, being able to communicate mentally. It was…weird, but not unpleasant. It was actually a form of intimacy Adam appreciated. He’d thought he’d drown in guilt, but feeling Todd’s love, his lack of blame, his desire for Adam to not let guilt tear him to pieces, well, Todd was an amazing person. Adam knew now he was even more beautiful on the inside than Adam had ever known.

“I love you, Todd. I am so sorry I hurt you. No—” Adam held up a hand when Todd

opened his mouth to protest. “Just, just let me say it, okay? I know you don’t blame me, you don’t even blame Spiegel. You are the kindest, most loving person I’ve ever known, and I hope to live up to deserving that. Because, no matter what you say, I’m not as good a person as you are. I can only strive to be the man you deserve, and I will cherish being able to do even that.”

Todd’s eyes gleamed and Adam had to kiss him, had to feel those smiling lips beneath his own. He kept it light, kept his heart and mind open, bathing Todd in all the adoration he had for the man. When Adam sat back up, his heart was racing, and he felt at peace in a way he hadn’t since this whole nightmare had begun.

“You calmed it, you know, this thing inside me.” Adam touched his own chest. “I couldn’t. Shania thinks it’s because of how I was…changed, that I was too busy freaking out to let my, um, spirit or whatever merge with the shifter one. Our consciences or whatever. It was only hearing you, seeing you, touching you that has made me able to accept what has happened to me. I didn’t want this wolf in me, knowing what I’d done to you because of it.”

Todd shook his head, just once, slowly. “Wasn’t intentional. On either part.”

On Adam’s or the wolf’s, he knew Todd meant, and that was true enough. Although

there was the bite when they’d been having sex…

“Don’t.” Todd squeezed his hand and placed it over his heart. “’S’ mating bite. Claiming.”

It was, and Adam’s stupid cock tried to firm up when he thought of that, but he

wouldn’t let himself hurt Todd again. “We’ve claimed each other for years, so there was no need—”

Todd, obviously hurting from trying to talk, cut Adam off with a thought that both

thrilled and terrified him. “But you’re gonna have to change me, too, Adam, because I won’t let you do this alone. We do it together, and we’ll claim each other, do what a couple of shifter mates do. So don’t keep kicking yourself over this bite on my shoulder. I plan on making you mine in the same way if that’s what we’re supposed to do when you change me.”

Then Todd closed his eyes and sank into sleep with a suddenness that would have

scared Adam had he not known it was a healing sleep. Todd was exhausted, and he trusted Adam to stay by his side and keep him safe.

Shania came in later and checked on Todd. She seemed pleased with what she found,

though she scolded Adam about not resting himself. Adam was on the verge of dozing

lightly when the bedroom door creaked open. His heart stuttered in his chest but a wave of power thrummed through him and he knew Marcus had entered the room.

Adam didn’t like the whole being a subordinate wolf part of this shit, because he’d

never been a subordinate anything. So, if he glared a little hostilely at Marcus, who could blame him?

Marcus arched a brow but merely looked very amused. “I can smell the attitude,” he

said quietly, “and understand it,” he added before Adam could get a full-on mad going. “I know you don’t know me at all, really, and I hope that will change during your and Todd’s stay with us.”

It was only then Adam noticed Nathan behind Marcus. He’d been so focused on not

cowing to the more powerful wolf he’d ignored Nathan.

“I don’t do the whole follow the alpha thing or whatever,” Adam growled softly,

glancing at Todd. “I only ever let one man have power over me.”

“That’s fine, that’s all I wanted you to know, Adam.”

Oh, but, damn it, he couldn’t not look when Marcus addressed him. It was almost like a pain in his gut to refuse, and Adam didn’t see the harm in giving in. Marcus smiled and suddenly he seemed to be just a man. A big, muscular man, but just a man.

“I don’t make anyone follow me, but I would very much like for all of us to be friends.”

Marcus held out his hand and Adam shook it, then shook Nathan’s as well. “I am sorry for how you came to be one of us—against your will, unaware of it—but am glad to have you be a shifter, if that makes sense.”

It kind of did. Adam nodded and some of his tension eased. For the first time since he’d thought he was being ripped open from the inside out, he thought it just might be…well, not okay, exactly, but not hell, either. And if he and Todd got to run through the forest together, got to experience a freedom neither had ever thought to have, then their life together might be even better than okay.

Talk about feeling like the odd one out. Todd didn’t particularly look different—in general—from most of the people gathered in the big dining hall. Anyone unaware of the fact wouldn’t be able to pick him out as the sole human amongst the shifters. He’d heard there’d been another human here a while back, some Harley guy, but not now.