Reshaping It All (13 page)

While Val is training our children to be young athletes, he comes from a long line of athletes himself. His brother Pavel Bure, also a professional hockey player, has been named the Russian Rocket for his speed on the ice; and their father, Vladimir, was an Olympic swimmer (three-time medalist). Digging even farther back, we see that Grandpa Bure was a professional water polo player.

So how did I meet this amazing young athlete from Russia? Fellow
Full House
cast mate, Dave Coullier, pulled me over and introduced us at a charity hockey game.
Cute guy? Good hockey player? Thanks, Dave!
Since the Bure brothers had been watching
Full House
to learn English, he already knew DJ quite well. It was now just a matter of getting to know Candace, and I was all over that!

Like any marriage we've had our happy days and our growing pains (no pun intended), but it wasn't until nearly a decade into our marriage that I really began to understand the impact that my role as a wife could have in this union. With some changes of my own, I was excited to discover that an already good relationship could be transformed into a great one.

The first step I took was understanding that although marriage is an equal partnership where husband and wife are equally important, we aren't designed to share the same roles.

Holding the Bible, I read, "For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman: but the woman for the man" (1 Cor. 11:8–9 KJV).

Today's society had me believe that there should be no differences between a man and a woman. Society had it wrong. Val and I were created equally but differently, and so we have differing responsibilities in our marriage—mine being his helpmate. God created Adam, and when he saw that Adam was alone, he created Eve to be his helper.

Was this an important lesson in reshaping me? Very much so. Weight loss is as much about submission as it is about calories in and calories out. If we can learn to yield to the authority God has placed in our lives, in turn we learn that our flesh must yield to our Spirit. I can also put it this way:
your heart must yield to your head.

We come from a world where submission is a thing of the past. If something feels good, we do it, regardless of conscience; children are disobedient to parents, and employees have little regard for employers. Yet the Bible teaches us time and again that God has put a chain of command in place for our good, even within our own self.

Our culture is full of talk about "following your heart." It's a common understanding of doing what
feels
right to us. This sense of "heart" is in the Bible, too. It refers to our heart as the "wellspring of life." For this reason we need to guard and protect it by guarding and protecting our desires. Remember when we talked about the "flesh" and that sense of innate desire? It will often tell us that we need something when we definitely don't. We don't need to empty a bag of chips before bed or down a stack of cookies with milk, but our flesh will often tell us that we do. It will also tell us to give up trying when the going gets tough. It's ruled by feelings.

Pop culture would have us believe that by "following our heart" we can never go wrong. This is why it's so important that we dig into Scripture and keep digging. Because when we do, we discover that it is our job as stewards of this human vessel to guide ourselves with wisdom according to truth.

Jeremiah 17:9 warns us, saying, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Obviously not those who, with flattering lips, say, "Follow your heart, dear."

Follow wisdom, and only wisdom, according to the truth laid out in Scripture. When I do, I find that it often contradicts with my heart until I get to the point that even my desires begin to surrender to wisdom.

The daily renewing of our minds by the Spirit of truth is important to gaining this wisdom. Teaching our minds to listen and yield to the Spirit lays out our inner road map directing the paths by which we should go; couple that with self-discipline that brings our body into submission, and we're on the right path.

Begin to disciple your mind first, by feeding it well. Once that is on track, you are equipped to start leading yourself:

Listen. Gain wisdom. Guide.

The way that we guide is by training ourselves to yield to a Spirit-focused mind, a mind that is daily renewed through Scripture, meditation, and prayer with our Lord. When I lead my body to spiritual food, the desires of the world fade away.

"How sweet are your words to my taste,

sweeter than honey to my mouth!

I gain understanding from your precepts;

therefore I hate every wrong path.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."

(Ps. 119:103–105)

I don't always feel like biting my tongue when an argument erupts. I don't particularly enjoy getting out of a warm bed to go work out. And I'd rather eat carrot cake after every meal than reserve it for occasional treats. But each of the small steps I take in yielding my heart to my head brings fruit of health and happiness to my life. It's not about instant gratification; it's about long-term success that offers a life of freedom from strongholds that have gripped us for years.

Today we live in a pleasure-driven world where gluttony is the norm, and thus obesity is on the rise. Back in the 1940s America didn't have the weight problem it has today. Following World War II, food was in short supply, and the little we had was rationed among the people. Our ancestors learned to survive on enough. They didn't eat until they were full, but they were given enough to survive. Not only did the war get the U.S. out of depression; it propelled the country into prosperity.

Prosperity gives us the option for gluttony, a sin the Bible warns against. But many of us aren't sure where pleasure ends and gluttony begins, so let's take a closer look at Scripture.

Proverbs speaks against a gluttonous lifestyle saying: "Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags" (Prov. 23:20–21).

In the English language our word for
gluttony
is derived from the Latin word
gluttire,
meaning "to gulp down or swallow." The Old Testament often uses the Hebrew word,
saba,
which when used in a negative sense is defined as "to have in excess."

The modern definition of the word
gluttony
is "to habitually eat to excess." So what should we do about it? Proverbs 25:16 sums it up well by saying, "If you find honey, eat just enough."

When we look at Scripture, it doesn't sound a whole lot like God is telling us to "follow our heart." In fact, what we can derive from Scripture after Scripture is that it's our duty as believers to submit our desires and follow the Spirit.

An old native story describes how a young man was confused. Not knowing how to deal with his confusion, he approached an elder for some wisdom. Telling the elder that a lion and a bear constantly wrestled in his mind, the young man wondered which one would win.

The old man looked at him, put a hand on his shoulder, and wisely replied, "The one that you feed."

Which one do you feed? Do you feed your flesh by pampering it, giving in to every cry of the heart? Or do you feed your mind with the Word of God, which equips your spirit?

The reality is that when we submit our will to God's will and when we surrender our desires to delight ourselves in Him, He
will
give us the desires of our heart. Yet they will be desires that are in line with what is best for us because they have been guided by the wisdom of His Spirit.

The drive for some actors in Hollywood is status. The lure of riches and fame can be tempting. And for many it means giving up who they are in the process. For me, it's been different. I have given up who I am for the sake of Christ and Him alone.

Not to sound like a Hallmark card, but there is so much more to life than success and wealth, fame and riches. The draw for me is eternity. Life is short. Statistics show that ten out of ten will die. So the question becomes, Where do I want to spend eternity: heaven or hell?

Being a Christian who is trying to live a life that's pleasing to God doesn't mean life is a drag. I haven't lost out on anything; I've only gained perspective on life, peace, joy, fulfillment, and purpose.

God gives me all those things. That's something the world can never fulfill because it constantly begs me to get more, reach a higher status, and keep acquiring stuff. It never satisfies.

We are surrounded by advertisements that keep us focused on what we don't have, what we should have, and how we can get it. Everything to take our eyes off the fact that there is a Holy God to whom we'll be accountable.

The peace and joy in my life are not a result of my own perfect world. I still go through some of the same struggles I have in the past, and I experience new hardships. But the way I choose to deal with the anxiety has changed. When the old me got stressed, I turned to food for comfort. When trouble came my way, I'd mindlessly reach for that fix. But when I took it at face value, I realized that food wasn't a fix at all. It's a temporary high that masks the real fixing we need—peace with ourselves through the healing touch of the one true Comforter—the Holy Spirit.

We converse daily with the people around us, but the truth is that the majority of the conversations we have are internal dialogue with ourselves—thoughts. If we get discouraged, worried, annoyed, deflated, lonely, or sad, and we stay that way, it's only because we're feeding those thoughts and letting the lion win. In fact, we're probably agreeing with them if they're sticking around. If we tell ourselves that we're nothing all day, how can we ever look in the mirror and expect to see ourselves the way God sees us? If we tell ourselves that we won't succeed, how can we find the courage to be a success? We can't unless we start to change patterns in our thoughts.

Thinking is a choice we make minute by minute, day by day. In order to stay in the right frame of mind, so that we are equipped to overcome the enemy, we're instructed to train our thoughts. I train my body, and in the same way I've had to retrain my thoughts.

By thinking about things that are good, forming positive opinions of people, and keeping a good attitude when things start to look bleak, I keep my thoughts in check. Getting anxious or negative, and then letting thoughts like that fester, will lead to stress. Cast your cares on God the minute you feel them enter your mind. Look for the positive side of things when you can. And talk people up instead of cutting them down. When you are at your lowest, remember that you are always one thought away from happiness.

Peace is something that's hard to explain. It's a feeling that things will go well and that they in fact have already started to. Peace has the power to affect us both mentally and physically, lowering blood pressure and heart rate. It's a bandage for the heart and salve to the mind.

Our job starts by being alert. We need to interpret our thoughts wisely, divide the good from the bad, and with a little self-control (okay, maybe a lot) converse with our thoughts in a positive way. In other words, stop feeding the lions!

If life gives you lemons, you don't have to settle for lemonade. Did you know that one lemon could power a light? When attached to the right source, it can also power a motor. Imagine just for a moment what the lemons in your life could produce when God powers them! Poverty, sickness, addictions, and discouragement . . . the list is endless, but God's grace is not! Start turning those negative thoughts into powerful statements of faith by submitting your heart to your spirit today.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith. (1 Pet. 5:7–9)

Draw a line in the sand, submit your heart to your head, and have a good time getting through an incredibly difficult workout.

The Pantry

CHOCKED-FULL OF FOOD FOR THOUGHT

The Main Ingredient

We have learned that in order to be self-disciplined, our hearts must yield to our minds. But in order to equip our minds for the job, we need to keep that mind in the best shape we can. We do this by listening to the good and tuning out the bad messages in life. Focus provides us with the ability to improve our minds when that focus is fine tuned. Keeping our minds on track equips us to keep our bodies on track. That's what we need for success!

A Slice of Advice

Dear Candace,

I know that you often talk about self-discipline and how that relates to your life. I get that you turn down jobs if they don't line up with your faith, and you drag yourself out of bed when you don't necessarily feel like working out. Kudos to you!

I grew up watching you in front of the cameras, and I see that growing in God has made a difference in your life. You are such an inspiration to me.

My question to you is, how do you keep your mind on track? I get mine on track for a while, but then I keep slipping right back into old habits again.

—Donna

Dear Donna,

Thinking is a choice we make minute by minute, day by day. In order to stay in the right frame of mind, so that we are equipped to overcome temptation, we're instructed to train our thoughts. We train our bodies, don't we? So why not train our thoughts?

Start by being alert. Interpret your thoughts to divide the good from the bad. The Bible tells us to think about things that are noble, right, pure, lovely, praiseworthy, and admirable. If those thoughts are there, welcome them, nurture them, and allow them to grow; but if you have negative thoughts of any kind, try to recognize and eliminate them as soon as you can.

When we become anxious about things, we get stressed. Stress can tire us out, and it also gives us a reason to fall off the wagon. I eliminate stress by praying through it, working out, reading, or talking to Val. Find ways to eliminate stress and use what works for you before stress sets in.