Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (38 page)

I was ready to burst from need.

I didn't need more sleep. I really needed more of him.

Maybe I was feeling more now that I was pregnant.

Well, we thought I was pregnant.

The roads were clear enough so that we could take Hannah for her ultrasound. I would find out tomorrow for sure. But it had been six weeks now since my last period; I had finally marked it down. There was no denying it anymore.

I was most definitely pregnant and being treated like a piece of crystal.

Nathan hadn't said anything in response to my quip about feeding the horses, but when I went out to grab the feedbag, he was right behind me, hauling it over his shoulder so I didn't have to carry it.

I turned and left him in the barn.

It was obvious nothing in there was safe enough for me to do.

I made myself busy gathering eggs and taking them back to the house.

I'd just cook then.

And maybe mop the floors, for the tenth time in two days.

Men infuriated me.

And I really missed my passionate Nathan who liked having sex outside the bedroom now.

Well, not now.

That could hurt me.

At least the floors would be clean. And there was always baking.

I had enough loaves of bread in the freezer now to feed a small country.

Stupid overprotective men.

Even on the day of our trip, he seemed overprotective.

"Do you want me to go with you? I can go. You might need me."

Nathan had asked me so many times now I almost wanted to simply say yes so he would stop asking me.

"No," I said dismissively for the hundredth time. "I'm going with Fannie and Hannah. I'll be fine. And you have to meet up with Mark and John. I will be fine."

He frowned as he did every time he asked and held me a little closer when we knocked on the Berger’s door. I know he wanted to hear the news first. And in many ways I wanted him there with me, but I was also afraid that if the news was negative, he would have to hear it then, and I didn't want to see his disappointment with Hannah there. I would feel like a failure. I had spent the last few days being either immensely excited or terrified about the prospect that I was pregnant.

And now that we were heading to the clinic to get Hannah checked out, I knew that Fannie had intended to confirm what everyone suspected. Nathan stayed near me while we made arrangements to leave. Hannah quirked her eyebrow at me when he helped me into the buggy, but I ignored her silent question. I was nervous enough without having to explain his obsessive care of me.

Jonah was climbing into the buggy when we heard another rolling in beside us. I watched as John and Emma climbed out, John looking after Emma as she scrambled up, wedging herself into place beside Hannah and me.

"I thought we were picking you up at your home?" Jonah asked as he waved to the young men left behind and started us out.

"John wanted to come here. He said he had to speak with Mark and Nathan," she said quietly and looked back where we had come.

I glanced back to see all three of our husbands looking after us as we left, Mark the only one smiling as he pretended to punch Nathan in the shoulder. I shook my head to the thoughts milling around in there and turned to Emma.

She seemed deep in thought as we rode, her arms wrapped around herself as if cold. It was indeed cold as we travelled toward town, but I knew she had to be withdrawn by the circumstances of our town trip. I wrapped my arm around her and drew her to me, feeling her stiff body in my grasp.

Perhaps I was not the only one who was nervous for this visit.

Had Fannie asked Emma to come also? Could she possibly be pregnant?

I hoped Emma was pregnant. It would be exciting to go through this with someone close, and Hannah was so far along already, she’d have her babies before I was even showing. I glanced at Emma again and caught her looking at me.

Her stare caught me off guard. It was a little glazed as if she was daydreaming.

"What is it?" I whispered.

She blinked and looked down, blushing.

"I was thinking about what it would be like if you and I were with child," she replied softly and nodded toward Hannah.

"Look at how happy she is," she continued and I looked over my shoulder at Hannah, who was knitting as we rode. It looked like a small pair of booties in her hands. But her face was radiant and she wore a small smile on her face while she worked.

It was true.

Hannah was happy.

"You seem happy as well," Emma whispered, drawing my attention back to her.

I nodded and smiled.

"I am. Nathan makes me so. I have never been more happy," I replied and knew that was the truth. I had never been happier than I was living here.

Emma sighed and leaned into me, as if she had lost all her energy. It was worrisome how much she seemed defeated and forlorn suddenly. I held her close to me on the trip, knowing that when we got to the clinic, things would change.

We'd find out about Hannah.

And everyone would find out about me.

And instead of being overjoyed about it, I worried.

I worried that Emma would not get the same news.

So as I sat there in the exam room, I couldn’t help but listen to the conversation in the room beside me. The walls were extremely thin and I could hear the sound of the ultrasound beating away. I heard Hannah's laughter, followed by Fannie's, and knew that they had confirmed the possibility of twins.

Hannah was asking about whether they were boys or girls.

I was distracted from the answer by a knock on the door. I relaxed when I saw Jonah step in.

"How are you, daughter?" he asked softly and sat close beside me in the empty doctor's chair.

"Nervous," I said truthfully. "How is Emma?"

He looked down at his hands to hide the sad frown.

"She is getting changed and said she would meet us in the front," he replied quietly.

He didn't need to tell me what her little stick had said. I held mine in my shaking hand.

Definitely positive, the doctor had said brightly with a smile and a nod of congratulations. We were just waiting on the real test they did with my blood to confirm it.

"She'll be sad," I said, his head nodding for a moment before he sighed.

"She knows it will take time. She has been through much the last two seasons. It will take some time," he said and looked up at me with a soft smile.

He patted my knee and glanced at the stick in my hand.

"You and Nathan were expecting this answer?"

I nodded and swallowed.

I was still feeling some worry interlaced with happiness.

How did I act around Emma?

"It is good news, I know the family will be overjoyed."

I smiled down at my adoptive father's proud eyes and reached out to put my free hand over his. We heard the doctor finish up with Hannah, and a few moments later he came back in to speak with us. He glanced at Jonah with a broad smile and shook his hand.

"You will be a busy man this season! With the twins and then with your daughter here, I know Fannie is beside herself with preparations already!" the older man said as he settled in to the seat that Jonah had vacated.

"It will be a busy time that we will welcome," Jonah said and looked at me thoughtfully.

"Would you like me to stay?" he asked softly.

I blushed and shook my head.

I still had to get used to the idea that he would help deliver my baby. But I had questions I wanted to ask the doctor that I didn't really want my father hearing. He nodded and smirked before stepping out, leaving me alone with the doctor.

The doctor looked over my charts, his glasses falling down his nose many times before he finally looked up at me with cheerful blue eyes. He was grey and clean-shaven, which was a little odd to look at now that I had lived in the community for so many months, but he had a kind smile and was friendly as he spoke to me.

"The tests are positive," he said simply. "Probably about four weeks, if your last cycle was about six weeks ago."

I nodded and he continued.

"Jonah tells me you came from the outside world, so I assume you had some health classes that your sisters may not have?"

Again I nodded. I remembered the class in high school about childcare. I had hated that silly flour sack child we had taken care of. Now I had wished I had paid more attention in the class. And maybe not dropped the sack so many times. I was doomed to drop my child one or several times.

"Any questions you have that maybe you can't ask your father?" he asked gently.

"Um," I said, hesitating.

It was awkward even to speak with the doctor, knowing he knew Jonah.

"Is your husband excited about this?"

"Oh, yes. Very much so. He's been very careful with me this last week or so, since we suspected," I said quietly and felt the blush rise in my cheeks.

"Careful how?" he asked. "You know that the human body is fairly sturdy, and being pregnant doesn't necessarily precipitate needing to bubble wrap you."

I laughed at the image. It was a little like what Nathan had done all this week. It had been maddening.

"So I can still help out in shoveling out the barn and things like that?" I asked, smiling.

He laughed and nodded.

"I am always surprised by the Amish women, to tell you the truth. I see pregnant women out in the field beside their husbands up until they give birth, sometimes returning to the work with a newborn wrapped tightly against them," he said and leaned back. "But the young couples are usually very careful with their first time. The husband doesn't allow her to do more strenuous chores, or even have sex during the pregnancy. But it is perfectly safe for someone as healthy as you.”

I sat up a little straighter.

"So, I can work around the house as usual and still be intimate with my husband?"

I whispered, to which he laughed and nodded.

"With moderation, of course. Typical chores will actually help to keep you in shape and healthy. You should not overwork yourself. Nor should you be overly affectionate in your private activities. Perhaps different positions when it becomes difficult for you as you grow," he said and cleared his throat.

He looked at me intently, trying to clarify without using words as to what he meant.

I had a pretty good idea.

I simply nodded.

He let out a breath and looked back at my chart, moving on with his lecture. I supposed he wasn't used to an Amish wife asking about having sex with her husband. It wasn't something we talked about after all.

"Your iron levels are low, so I am giving you prenatal vitamins to take, you should be sure you are eating enough meat and vegetables too," he continued and went down the list of basic prenatal things a new mom needed to know.

I listened in a sort of daze, excited by this news even more, now that I knew I was not some fragile thing that Nathan feared I was. The last few days had been a challenge for me with him. I knew we'd be having a talk when we were alone.

I fully intended on taking back some of my duties.

Outside and in.

CHAPTER 24

Emma was quiet as we rode back, listening to me answer some of the questions and advice Hannah had for me. I felt uncomfortable talking to Hannah about what to expect, thinking again and again that it was something that Emma and Hannah should be sharing, not me. I distanced myself from conversation finally, holding onto Emma's hand in a quiet way to show her that I cared.

She squeezed my hand and offered me a tender smile, but stayed quiet for the rest of the ride.

It was more somber than it should have been.

Hannah was having twins, and I was with child.

The Berger home would be crawling with grandbabies before long.

But we knew talking about it would upset Emma.

So when we finally made it home, I hugged Emma as she made to leave with her husband. John seemed to know what the results would be. He quietly congratulated me and took his wife in his arms, spiriting her off as only John could. I saw the beginnings of a smile on her face, the first of the day, and knew that they would be working hard to catch up. That in itself made me smile.

Emma had a good husband in John. Always supportive and loving unconditionally.

I glanced at Nathan as I said my own goodbyes, his smile beaming while Mark slapped him on the back again. Hannah was neatly tucked into Mark's giant one-armed embrace, his eyes beaming down at his proud wife. We had all been amazingly lucky with our husbands. I felt a moment's guilt in thinking Nathan was being too protective of me. He had been only trying to take care of me.

My internal argument with him fizzled as we walked hand in hand back to the house, his shining smile reminding me again what he had said.

He would be there for me. No matter what, and he was.

We just needed to set some ground rules now that another person was involved.

He was quiet as I made a quick supper from leftovers. As I brought the food to the table he finally pulled me into a hug and held me hard.

"Are you still upset?"

I pulled away a little and looked up at him in question.

"What do you mean upset?" I asked.

He held me around the waist, looking down between us, his eyes bashful.

"For being so protective of you. Mark laughed at me for half the day when I told him what I did," he mumbled.

"Do you tell them everything?" I asked, a little irritated. I didn't tell my sisters everything.

His eyebrows shot up at my tone and he shook his head emphatically.

"No, really I do not," he said in a rush, relaxing some when I patted him on the cheek and pulled him down to sit.

"What did you say then to make Mark laugh at you?" I asked, my tone reassuring that I wasn’t upset with him.

He rubbed at the back of his neck and let out an embarrassed laugh.

"I told him you were upset with me for not letting you do the chores," he started and I nodded in agreement.

"I was upset with you, but we're going to fix that right now," I said, watching his eyes widen once more. I shook my head and put up my hand.