Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (37 page)

By early December, Hannah was showing signs of being with child. Emma and I were still without, and while Emma fretted about not being pregnant, I silently thanked the powers that be that I was not yet with child.

Was that wrong?

I knew Nathan wanted a family.

I knew that our way thrived on having large families. It was how we survived on such a large farm. But on nights when I watched Nathan fall away into bliss as he released into my body, as I felt my own passion explode within me, I wished for just a little longer in getting to know my husband before we took that next leap.

Perhaps it was God's way of allowing us that bit of pleasure.

Unencumbered.

Just husband and wife.

Perhaps it was meant to be.

We would still get by, even if our family was delayed a bit, just like Fannie and Jonah, and Nathan's parents. We would see a way through the spring and the following harvest.

Just Nathan and me.

The beginning of January came with the big storm everyone was dreading. A heavy wet snow that fell for three days, the first day marked with dark clouds and a cutting wind that nearly blew me to the ground when I tried to walk to the barn.

Nathan insisted I stay inside, so I hunkered down and tried to warm the house by cooking, and sealing the windows as best I could. The draft in the front room was especially bad on the first night; I finally tacked up a thick blanket to the window and pulled out a quilt from the closet to keep me warm on the sofa while I tried to finish knitting my long socks.

With the snowstorm came the inability to go to Sermon and to even walk to the Berger’s. We didn't mind so much, preferring to stay inside wrapped up in each other. I learned quickly that Nathan didn't mind leftovers if I made enough for a couple of days, and he could take care of the animals in the same amount of time it took me to make us a hearty breakfast. So after that first day with the wind and three feet of snow, Nathan didn't complain about following me back up to our bedroom and snuggling under our quilts.

On the morning of the third day of the snowstorm, Nathan woke early, whispering for me to stay in bed. I was exhausted from the night before, so I murmured in agreement and was soon fast asleep once more. It was only when I felt an icy nose in between my shoulder blades that I woke up fully and yelped. Nathan’s cold body snuggled into mine, my own fighting to keep from shivering.

"You're so cold!" I exclaimed and wriggled against him to try and create a little heat.

"It is freezing out there," he grumbled and tucked in tighter to my warmth.

His cold hands enveloped my breasts and I gasped at the shock of it.

And the incredibly intense feeling it offered.

He chuckled and brushed across my hard nipples playfully.

"That was quick," he teased and rolled his thumb over them, causing me to moan at their aching.

"Because you are like an ice cube!" I growled and took his hands and moved them down to my stomach, pushing further down.

One thing you learn in the wilds of California is that the warmest part of one's body is the lower abdomen. And perhaps in between one's legs.

He groaned and wiggled his fingers in between my thighs, the heat of me warming him and the movement making me hotter still. I giggled when he tried wiggling them closer to the heat. It wasn't like I didn’t know where we were heading. We had spent most of last night wrapped around one another. So as I turned around to face him, I knew instantly from his playful smile and wandering warmed hands, we'd be a while before venturing downstairs for left over breakfast casserole.

"I am cold in other places as well," he whispered before kissing me.

Oh yes, warming one another in the dead of winter was perhaps my favorite thing about the season.

I never wanted to leave the bed.

Unfortunately, our daily lives still included things like eating and taking care of our livestock, even if the rest of the time could be spent together. But as the nights grew colder, and the days grew shorter, I found myself wishing for the bed more and more, if only to sleep in the warmth Nathan provided.

I yawned over the stew I was making and shook my head to wake myself.

I didn't know why I was so tired. I had slept well the night before, Nathan taking pity on my sore body and simply snuggling with me all night. It was a little strange; I nodded off shortly after dinner for the last few days, and our nights of keeping warm by making love had left me in need of a day or two off to recuperate.

So when Nathan noticed I was dragging from fatigue, he showered me with gentle caresses and let me sleep. He took over the barn duties completely, worried I might catch a cold in the still bitter weather outside. I knew he worried about me getting sick, so I didn't argue.

And truth be told, the less I went out into the cold, the better I felt.

So I stayed inside and baked and cleaned and sorted out plans for the spring.

But the yawning needed to stop.

I heard the back door open and close, listening as Nathan stomped his feet in the mudroom before venturing into the kitchen.

"If it is possible, it is colder out there!" he called as he pulled off his coat and layers of clothes.

I shivered when I felt his arms wrap around me, his nose burying deep into the crook of my neck in what was becoming his favorite way of warming his face when he came inside.

"You are so warm," he hummed and took a deep breath. "And whatever you are making smells amazing."

I smiled and offered him a spoon to taste.

"I used to call this Hodge Podge at home," I said, smiling when he took another spoonful and nodded in approval.

"What is in it?" he asked, licking his lips clean.

"Anything you want to use to get rid of," I said smiling. "We had a few vegetables and ground beef I wanted to use up, as well as tomatoes, corn and noodles. It’s a hodge podge of goodness."

He pulled me close and kissed me sweetly, grinning down at me as his hands wandered.

"I will be fat like Magnus if you keep this up," he joked.

I shook the spoon at him and scowled.

"You better still be feeding Magnus my goodies. I promised him," I said warningly.

Nathan pulled in behind me and held me close while I stirred the pot once more.

"He is a horse, Kate. He will be fine with all I give him," he said and I simply shook my head.

Magnus was a lot more than simply a big, dumb plough horse.

I wasn't going to argue that with Nathan, though.

Especially when he was currently cupping my breasts and kissing my neck.

"You feel good against me," he groaned and cupped my breasts a little more firmly, making me jump at their sensitivity.

He pulled away and looked down at me worriedly.

"Did I hurt you?"

I shook my head and pulled him close again.

"No, I'm just a little sensitive today," I said and smiled. "I am probably close to my monthly."

He nodded and chewed on his lip at my mentioning the dreaded monthly event.

He was still a little unnerved by my moods when they came.

I was sure that was why I was so tired as well, as I thought on it.

I turned and plated up our supper, while Nathan cleaned up from his chores.

Supper was a quiet affair, Nathan watching me thoughtfully as I fought back a few yawns and picked at my meal. I wasn't especially hungry, having snacked on the pumpkin loaf I had made earlier. He didn't say anything about my appetite, but I could tell by his watchful gaze he worried about me. Again I assured him I was simply tired and we made our way early up to bed to snuggle and enjoy simply holding one another.

I slept hard and woke up feeling tired again the following day, and then the day after that as well.

Fannie and Jonah came over to have Sunday meal with us, the weather still too troublesome to go much farther than the neighbor's house to visit. We settled into our meal and caught up on how things were developing in the community. Jonah, being the healer, got out much more than anyone else.

"Benjamin has been staying with the Yoders," Jonah began, smiling.

"He is getting along better with his father, then?" Nathan asked as he speared a potato.

"It seems so. They have been busy with plans for the mill, and Benjamin has asked about the land across from yours. It seems he wants to settle down somewhere," Jonah replied simply.

I listened as the men continued to talk, feeling Fannie move in beside me with the rest of the dishes to help clean up. She was quiet, but I could tell in my periphery that she was watching me.

I finally turned to her and tilted my head in question.

She chuckled and shook her head.

"You look tired," she said. "But you glow as if happy. Has Nathan been keeping you up late?"

I blushed and turned back to the dishes.

"I've been a little tired the last week or so. I think it's the combination of being holed up in this house and my monthly coming," I said and frowned as I thought on that a little harder.

Fannie noticed my frown and cleared her throat, drawing my attention back to her.

"Winter does that, true," she murmured and smiled again.

She slipped into conversation about Hannah, and how she was showing signs of having twins. She had grown in size in just the last month, and when the road cleared, Jonah planned to take her to the clinic to have an ultrasound.

"You should come with us," Fannie suggested with a smile. "To get you out of the house."

I nodded and asked about Emma. I missed my sister.

"She and John are doing well. They should be at the house next week if the weather improves," she said and changed the subject to other events around town.

I knew she didn't want to discuss how worried Emma was about getting pregnant.

But I had faith that it was just a matter of time.

After all, I wasn't pregnant yet, either. And it was already late January.

Fannie and Jonah left after dessert, Fannie hugging me tightly and reminding me about joining them in town with Hannah in a couple of days. We waved them off and quickly hurried back inside to the warmth of our home, Nathan ushering me up the stairs when he noticed me yawning.

We collapsed into bed, Nathan propped up on his elbow as he traced his fingers over my skin. We had spent the last week or so simply enjoying one another’s touch rather than being more amorous. His hand lingered over one breast, his eyes enthralled when he cupped it lightly.

"You look beautiful right now," he whispered, leaning in to brush the top of my breast with his lips. "Your breasts look fuller tonight."

I scoffed at him and made to brush his hand away teasingly.

"I'm gaining weight from eating so much and not working," I retorted.

He let his hands move down my waist and lingered on my hips, his eyes growing darker as he took in my body before him.

"It is not a bad thing," he whispered. "There is more color in your skin, and heat."

He leaned down to kiss my hip, skirting his fingertips across my belly before he laid his head against the softness there, watching as his fingers as they glided across my thighs. I felt my body responding to him, the heat building as his fingers traced slowly upwards.

"Are you too tired?" he whispered, and I knew he was asking if he could make love to me.

"I would never deny you. I need you," I replied huskily and sighed when he moved against me, slow and tender.

He was gentle as he made love to me, whispering softly against my ear as he found me. My name tripped off his lips again and again as we moved against one another. When we finally needed more, he simply held me tighter and rocked against me with a little more enthusiasm, sighing into my ear when he felt me quiver beneath him. He curled up against me, one hand lazily thrown over my stomach as he relaxed afterwards. He was quiet for sometime, his mouth leaving soft kisses against my neck. His quiet voice broke me out of my reverie.

"It has been over a month. Is that typical?" he asked against my neck.

My hand stalled in his hair at his question.

"What do you mean?"

He lifted his head up and looked down at my body once more, a deeper love in his eyes than I had ever seen.

"Jonah said something tonight that made me think," he said, his brow creasing slightly.

"What?" I asked, growing a little anxious at his serious look.

"It has been over a month, Kate. And your body is fatigued. Jonah mentioned your color was more pronounced," he continued, tracing his fingers over my stomach once more.

My brain slowly clicked into place, at where he was going in the conversation.

His eyes travelled back up to meet mine, a tender smile on his face as he laid his had gently over my stomach.

"Perhaps," he whispered and leaned in to kiss me when my eyes grew wider at the thought as it popped into my head.

I was late.

I was tired.

I was glowing.

Nathan's smile seemed to confirm it. Like he could sense it.

I was pregnant.

Following that night of revelations, his demeanor changed in regard to everything I did. Every day he asked how I felt, and over and over again he denied me certain jobs around the house. Normal chores that I would have always done, he now took over for me. First it was too cold. I might get sick and that was bad. Then I couldn't carry the laundry down the stairs, I might fall. I couldn't carry it back up the stairs either, for I might hurt myself straining. Now it was the horse stalls.

"I will do that, you should not exert yourself."

I rolled my eyes and handed him the shovel roughly, too tired to fight him on whether or not I was too fragile to scoop up horse poop.

"Can I feed them while you do that then? Is that too strenuous?" I asked in an exasperated sigh, and I knew he would take it hard.

I didn't mean to be mean, but I was finding that all I could do lately was stand around. Maybe cook if it didn't involve carrying a heavy roast.

And I didn't want to think about the sex.

Nathan would get me all bothered by him touching me, tracing my skin and fondle my apparently bigger breasts, only to say he didn't want to hurt me and then tuck me firmly into his arms so I could rest.