Renegade Reject (14 page)

“What about your visit to the bathroom?  Just so you know, when you get paid for it, it makes you a whore.”

“What are you talking about?”

He ignores me and continues to rant.  “You fucking made yourself come on stage for everyone to watch.  If that’s not something a whore does, then I don’t know what is.”

His words sting, because they mirror my own thoughts.  I feel the tears fall down my face as I start to shake my head.  “I’m not a whore.”

He throws back his head and laughs.  The sound causes pain to shoot straight to my heart.  “Get out,” I say quietly, not looking away from his handsome face.

I stand up and try to walk across the room, hoping he will just leave.  Before I even get a few feet from my station, he grabs my arm.  Walking backwards, he pushes me toward the wall.  The power I thought I had over him earlier is thrown back in my face.

“If you want to be a whore, then I’ll treat you like one.  I’ll stick my dick in you right now, right here against the wall and fuck you like the whore you’re pretending to be.  Would you like that?  I would.  I would fuckin’ love to feel your tight, hot, wet pussy clenching around my dick, as you scream my name,” Preach says, caging me in.

I try to shove him away from me, but he doesn’t budge. “Leave me alone.”

“You don’t really want me to go, do you?  You know you want to feel my dick between your legs.  I can smell the heat on you.”

“Just leave me alone!” I scream at him, fear and excitement both pumping through my blood.

“I know you want me, and I want you too.  Let me inside. I’ll show you how good I can make you feel,” he says seductively.

“No, I don’t.  Please just stop,” I whimper out, knowing damn well that I do.  A sick part of me would like to feel Preach thrusting deep inside of me, just once, to see if it’s as mind blowing as I’ve imagined it to be all these years.

“Yeah, you do.  You want me every bit as bad as I want you.  You know you were thinking about me when you had your hand on your pussy.  You came, while everyone watched, just from thinking about my cock being inside you.”

Oh God, he’s right.  All of it was for him, because I do want him.  Common sense tells me that I should shove him away, hit him, or run screaming.  When I register the depth of lust in his eyes, my stupid brain can only think of one thing, though.  I love this man, and I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.  Even after everything he’s done, I still love him. 

He uses one hand to hold my arms above my head, while the other makes its way toward my breast.  “Fuck, baby.  You got the most beautiful tits in the whole damn world.  Every fuckin’ guy in there damn near shot his load when you took off your bra.”

He leans down and runs his tongue across my nipple, sending shockwaves straight through me.  My pussy clenches and weeps, causing me to moan a deep throaty sound.  I’ve held out for so long.  Can I really give up my virginity against a wall in a strip club?  My body is shouting ‘yes, I’m finally going to let Preach fuck me,’ but my brain is shouting, ‘no, Daisy, your first time should be special.’

A sound resolve, bathed in the love that I have for this man, makes my decision easy.  I decide to listen to my wanton body as well as my heart and begin to grind back into his rigid hardness.  When his lips move from my breast and barely touch my neck, I let out another throaty moan and move my head further to the side to give him better access to the sensitive flesh.  After a few more sloppy kisses are peppered across my neck, his hands move away from mine in their upright position, and I soon realize that he has unzipped his pants and is in the process of rolling a condom onto his engorged dick. When the job is done, I wrap my arms around the back of his neck while one of his hands goes to my ass to lift me up and around his body. His other hand is busy slowly circling his dick around my wet core.

“You want this, don’t you Flower?” he whispers into my ear before looking me dead in the eye.

“Yes,” I moan, assuring him that I’m not caught up in the moment and this is what I want, before leaning my head back and accepting my fate.

With my consent, he thrusts inside me, brutally tearing away my innocence in one stoke.  The pain is so overwhelming, I can’t hold in my scream when he finally plants himself fully.  Not knowing the reason for my wail, Preach slams his mouth over mine, cutting off my scream, and starts to stroke in and out of my wounded core. 

Eventually, his pace picks up.  He continues to stroke into me as tears of agony slide down my cheeks.  My back thuds against the wall with each thrust, and I realize that no pleasure will come from this for me.  It’s nothing but pain.  If I were honest with myself, I’d say that it hurts so bad that I’m not sure how much more I can take.  All I can do is silently pray that it’s over quickly. 

“Damn, so fuckin’ tight,” he says in a hoarse voice. 

He starts to shudder, and I realize that’s he’s finally finding his release.  I never found mine, never even came close.  In fact, I’ve never felt anything so painful.  I was always told that losing your virginity to someone you love is like a bee sting.  It hurts for a second, but once the initial pain goes away, it’s amazing because you’re sharing the most precious piece of your body with the person who owns your heart. But not for me, all my pleasure washed away the moment he entered me.  The more he kept going, the worse it got.  I never imagined that it would be like this.

Preach starts to the pull away, but stops to whisper in my ear, “I told you, Daisy.  You’re just like your mom.”

His cold words gut me.  Nothing he said could have hurt me worse, and he knows that.  My brain starts to shut down as I realize that I was wrong to listen to my heart.  I can’t believe I just threw it away.  I tossed my virginity at a douche bag for nothing.  After he pulls out, I keep quiet and sink to the floor. Silently, my tears fall.

“Fuck.” Preach shouts, panic blatantly clear in his voice. 

I look up and see the blood stained condom in his hand; a vivid reminder of something that I’ll never get back.  “You were a virgin still?” he says in a shocked voice.

I look up at the man I thought I truly loved, doing my best to deaden the last remnants of heartache I feel.  “Get out of here and never talk to me again.  Please, just go away.” I’m shutting down and preserving what little soul I have left in me.  It’s the only way I’ll ever be able to survive.

He stares at me for a long moment, seemingly in thought, with regret lurking in his eyes and whispers, “Sorry.”  Finally, he turns around and tosses the condom in the trash, then walks out the door without a single glance back.

I watch the door vibrate from his forceful slam before heaving out the first sob and curling into a ball on the cold tile floor.  I will get through this. I will get through this. I will...

I don’t think I can get through this.

PREACH

Slamming the door, I stomp out of The Kitty Kat.  I barely make it outside before totally losing my shit.  What did I do? What did I fuckin’ do?  Filled with anger, I slam my fist into the brick wall of the building.  As pain shoots through my hand, I brace myself against the wall and slide down.  I fucked up, and I fucked up huge.  If that shit with Leah hurt her, this has destroyed her.  I don’t know how the hell I’ll ever be able to fix this.

I didn’t think that anything could feel worse than seeing Daisy up on the fuckin’ stage, naked, dancing and touching herself in front of everyone.  It damn near gutted me to watch.  I wanted to kill every motherfucker in the damn room.  I wanted to scream that Daisy is mine,  to let them all know if they so much as even glanced her way.  I’d put a bullet in their brain, but that was nothing compared to this.  I just treated her worse than the lowest of club whores.  What the fuck did I do!?

How the hell do you make up for stealing the woman you love’s virginity?  The answer comes to me in a flash.  You don’t.  Slowly, I push off the ground and walk to my bike.  Right now, I need to get to the clubhouse, grab a bottle, and drink until I pass out. 

Ten minutes later, I pull into the compound.  Things are quiet here tonight. Only a few brothers are around.  Guess they’re all still at The Kitty Kat.  Good. I don’t need company to drink myself to oblivion.  I barely make it inside the clubhouse before Wayne comes rushing at me.  “You fuckin’ piece of shit!”

She must have called him as soon as I walked out.  “Brother, I know I got it coming, but not here.”

Without looking back, I turn and walk out of the clubhouse. If I’m gonna get my ass kicked, I don’t want to do it in front of the few brothers still hanging around.  As I walk toward the shed, I can hear more than one set of footsteps behind me.  Fuck!  This isn’t gonna be a beating.  It’s gonna be a beat down.  I shrug, knowing I deserve every bit of it.

I pull off my cut as soon as I step inside the shed.  I’ve only been in here twice before.  Both times were when someone had betrayed the club.  Daisy’s a part of this club, and shares blood with my brothers.  As far as I’m concerned, what I did to her was a betrayal not only to her, but also the brotherhood.

When I turn around, I only see Wayne and Holt.  I’m surprised more brothers didn’t join them.  I lift my chin to them as I lay my cut on one of the shelves lining the wall.  “Alright, have at it.”

Holt doesn’t need to be told twice.  He rushes toward me and sends his fist into my gut.  “You’re a piece of shit.”

“You put your fuckin’ hands on my granddaughter?” Wayne growls out as he steps up to punch me in the mouth. “Bloodied her face.”

It takes a second for his words to sink in.  I shake off the pain as I spit blood on the ground. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb, motherfucker.  She saw you hit Daisy, and only a pussy hits a woman,” he says before sending another swing my way.

I don’t mind getting my ass kicked for what I did, but I’ll be damned if I take a beating for something I didn’t do.  Swinging my arm, I land an upper cut to Wayne’s jaw.  The old fucker’s tougher than hell, but even he can’t keep to his feet after a hit like that.  Next comes Holt, and it takes a few more for him, but I finally get him down. 

I taste the blood as it pools in my mouth, and suck in a deep breath.  “What the hell are you talking about?  I’ve never hit Daisy.”

Wayne pushes his body off of the ground and glares at me.  “You can lie all you want, but Lula saw you.”

I shake my head at him.  “I know she’s your daughter, but you know how she is.  Lula lies as often as most people breathe.”

Holt finally makes it to his feet, clutching his side.  “I wouldn’t have believed Lula’s lying ass if I hadn’t seen the bruises myself. If it wasn’t you, then how the hell did she get the bruises and the busted lip?  Don’t try to tell me she fell.  I’m not that fuckin’ stupid.”

My conversation with Reese and Kidd flies through my head.  Just as suddenly, images of Daisy and me in the clubhouse hallway come to me.  Me screaming at her and pulling her down the hall.  It all comes back to me. 

I still don’t remember hitting her, but I can’t be sure that I didn’t.  Visions of Father beating Tabby, with blood running down her cheek, flash through my mind.  My God, I’ve become the man I hate the most in this world. 

“I don’t remember,” I mumble out, ashamed to even admit that I could’ve done it. 

Wayne looks at me for a minute before he nods to Holt.  “We’ve been talking.  You may be a bastard, but you’re a valuable member of the club.  If we tell Kidd about this, he could vote your ass out. We don’t want to see that happen. ”

Kidd doesn’t condone violence on women in any way.  If it’s a members’ old lady, there’s not much he can do but try to rein the man in.  Daisy’s not my old lady, so I think voting me out would be the least of my worries. 

“There are only a few members that would die for the club, and you’re one of them.  As much as we hate it, the Renegades can’t afford to lose you.” Holt explains. “If you’re lucky, he’d just have you punished, but that’s not a chance we’re willing to take.”

As far as being punished, I can deal with that.  I’ve only seen it happen a time or two.  It usually leads to a hospital stay, but at least I’d keep my cut.  I’m pretty damn sure that wouldn’t be the route our Pres would take. 

“We just want you to keep your ass away from Daisy.  She wasn’t built for this life.  She deserves better.”

I can do nothing but nod in agreement because I know he’s right.  Daisy deserves a hell of a lot better than anything I’ve given her, and right now, I can’t trust myself with her.  If I hit her, then I need to stay the hell away from her.

“If we catch you near her again, we’re going to Kidd and letting him know what you’ve done.  From here on out, my girl is off limits.  This is your last chance.  If you fuck it up, we’ll see that you lose your cut,” Wayne says, making sure that I know exactly what they mean. 

If they make it official, they’ve literally tied my hands.  If a member forbids a relationship with a member of their family, then the person is off limits.  You pursue that shit and you lose your patch.  It’s either Daisy or the club.  As much as I love her, the Renegade Sons are the only family I have.  The fact that I love her also helps me make the decision.  I can’t take the chance of doing to her what my father did to our family.

“Just let me tell her I’m sorry, and then I’ll stay clear of her.” Just saying the words sends a wave of pain through my body that damn near brings me to my knees. 

After a few moments of silence, Wayne starts to speak.  “We’ll give you that, but nothing more.”

Chapter Ten

PREACH

It’s been over a month since the night I fucked up my life for the second time.  Since then, I have spent more days drunk than sober.  I’m not sure if I’ve been drinking so much to try to avoid what I have to do, or if I’m trying to forget what I did.  It’s probably a little of both. 

I know I need to talk to her, at least to apologize.  I know I promised Wayne and Holt that I would stay away from her, even promised myself, but I have to tell her I’m sorry.  I’m just not sure what in the hell I’m supposed to say to her.  How can I say I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve done?  It’s not like Hallmark makes a fuckin’ ‘sorry I was an ass and took your virginity at a strip club while drunk’ card.