Remember the Dreams (15 page)

❧

Toni fought the return of consciousness and snuggled into the warm curve of Kyle's arm. She didn't want to wake up yet. This was a wonderful dream.

"You going to sleep all day?"

"Mmmm," she murmured, curling her fingers against his chest. His chest? Her eyes flew open and she focused on the dark curls visible between her fingers. She wasn't dreaming!

Memories of the beautiful night they had shared shattered her lassitude. Everything was very real. Kyle was here, holding her. She could feel the strong beat of his heart beneath her hand. The feel of denim against her legs.

Denim? Maybe she wasn't quite awake yet.

"If any of your employees could see you now, I think they'd be hard pressed to ever take you seriously." He chuckled and dropped a kiss to her sleep-warmed mouth. "You look like a little kid," he continued, his hand roaming over her rib cage and settling on her hip. "You don't feel like a little kid, but you sure do look like one."

The little shocks darting inward from where he was kneading the curve of her hip told her that she was most definitely awake now. Being conscious was one thing. Being articulate when she first woke up was another. So she couldn't tell him that she felt exactly like a child—one who had just received the present she'd been waiting for all of her life on Christmas morning.

She moved her head to rest it on his arm and blinked the sleep from her eyes. Kyle was smiling down at her.

He propped himself up on his elbow and pushed her hair back from her face. "Sunday mornings are great for sleeping in, but it's almost eleven. Aren't you hungry?"

She shook her head. "Coffee."

"It's already on." A rakish grin split his handsome features. "While you've been playing Sleeping Beauty, I've been reading the paper. I've taken a shower. Shaved." He ran his hand over his smooth jaw. "And I think it's time you got up so we can start prowling car lots. I can think of things I'd rather do"—his hand slid between her legs.—"but you need to take care of your rental car and look for one to buy."

"Kyle!"

"What?"

"Don't!"

"Still limited to one word responses in the morning, huh?"

His hand feathered along the inside of her thigh again.

"That tickles!"

"Two words. Very good. And it's not supposed to tickle."

Despite his suggestive tone, she knew from the teasing in his eyes that that was exactly what it was supposed to do. She tried to scoot away.

Her attempt met with a mock-heavy sigh. "You're right," he conceded, rolling over to sit on the edge of the bed. "We'd better take it easy. How do you feel?"

Why did he sound so serious all of a sudden?

He stood up and she blinked at the pair of well-worn jeans stretched over his lean hips. "I feel fine."

"You might want to wait until you're on your feet to answer that." He held out his hand. "It's possible that you may change your mind."

She hadn't taken his hand, and Kyle smiled at her hesitation. Picking up his robe from the chair, he draped it over her shoulders and pulled her up.

Toni was telling herself that it was silly to worry about modesty now—and silently thanking Kyle for being so understanding—when her feet hit the floor. "Ohh," she groaned, knowing now what had prompted his concern. She ached in places she'd never . . .

"That's what I thought," he mumbled knowingly. Taking her by the arms, he guided her toward his bathroom. "Pardon me for putting this so indelicately, but it's a little like riding a horse. The first few times leave you a little sore, but after that ..." His words trailed off as she ducked her head. He nudged her chin up with his finger, a tender smile clinging to his mouth. "I don't think I've ever seen you do that before."

"Do what?"

"Blush."

"Oh, stop grinning like that and get out of here so I can get a shower."

"Want company?"

"You said you already took one."

His hand slid beneath the robe. "I'll take another."

"I thought you said we were going to take it easy." She couldn't help the breathy note in her voice any more than she could help the response his provocative caress was eliciting.

Negating any unwillingness he may have detected in her reminder, she curved her arms around his neck.

The robe fell to the floor.

"We will," he breathed against her lips. Cupping her breasts, he trailed a line of hot kisses down her throat. "We will."

❧

I love you, Kyle.
Those words had been swallowed back more times than Toni cared to count during the next three days. They were always there, wanting to be spoken. Making her heart feel like it would burst if she didn't give it that release. Oddly enough, it wasn't during their lovemaking that she found it so difficult to keep those words to herself. Then, she could silence them against his lips and transfer those feelings into physical form. It was all the other times in between.

She had choked them back with a gulp of coffee when he'd teased her about forgetting to put cream in it Monday morning. Buried them in the lapel of his jacket when he'd come home Tuesday. Literally bitten her tongue not to say them when they'd come home Sunday afternoon with her new white Audi.

Kyle wasn't ready to hear those words. And she knew that the new bond developing between them was too fragile to withstand that test.

Time,
she told herself, negotiating the curve at the top of the hill.
All we need is time.
She pulled her Audi into the drive, and a wide smile broke across her face. Kyle's car was there, and that meant he was home.

Fairly flying up the steps, she assumed a more sedate pace when she reached the entry and headed down the steps into the living room. Kyle was sitting on the sofa. In front of him a stack of files leaned in a lopsided tower on the coffee table.

She bent from behind him, wrapping her arms across his chest, and brushed his cheek with her lips. "I thought you said you'd be late tonight," she said, relishing the freedom she felt at being able to greet him like this.

He pulled forward and her arms fell away. She thought he'd turn around, but he didn't. "I changed my mind." He tapped the end of his pen against the file in his lap. "After you said you had a dinner appointment, I decided to bring these home. I've got to be in New York next week, so I won't have time to revamp the seminar outline I need for the Denver conference unless I do it now. What time is it?"

Though an uncomfortable knot had just formed in her throat, she managed to sound casual. "Almost ten. When's the Denver conference?"

"A week from Wednesday."

Skirting the sofa, she leaned against its arm and hoped that she had only imagined the distance in his voice. One look at him told her that she hadn't.

The giveaway muscle in his jaw was bunched, and he glanced at her only long enough to give her a strained smile. "How'd your appointment go?"

Wasn't he going to kiss her? Take her in bis arms and . . . "Ok, I guess. Did the New York trip just come up?" He hadn't mentioned it before.

"A couple of days ago." Something indefinable flickered through the tension in his features. Then, as if he had been debating his action, he reached up and curled his fingers around the back of her neck. "This is going to take a couple more hours, so you'd better go to bed without me." Pulling her head toward him, he brushed a cool kiss to her lips.

The distress in her eyes was barely masked by her faltering smile. "Don't stay up too late," she cautioned, wondering if that smile looked as mechanical as it felt. Something was wrong, and she didn't think it had anything to do with seminars or conferences. She lifted herself to her feet. "See you in the morning."

"Toni." Kyle's arm shot out, and his hand clamped around her wrist. One quick tug brought her back to the arm of the sofa. A second later, his mouth covered hers.

It was the kiss she had been aching for all day. The tender seduction of her senses that left her head reeling and her body craving more. But she wasn't going to get anything more than that debilitating taste of what only he could give her. A breathless moment later he had let her go.

"Good night, Toni," he said, his tone as remote as the look in his eyes.

She could only nod.

When she glanced back just before she started down the hall, she saw his hand cover his face and his shoulders fall with his heavily expelled breath.

For the first time in four nights, Toni slept in her own bed. And for the first time, she had come face to face with the wall Kyle had built around his heart.

❧

Kyle stood in front of the night-blackened window in the living room and turned away from the indecision revealed in his reflection.

You taught me almost everything I know. And I wanted you to be the one to teach me how to love.

He wished he'd never asked the question that had prompted those words. But he had been too stunned after discovering that he had taken her virginity to realize how haunting her response would be.

His neat analysis of why Toni had become the woman she had appeared to be had been completely shattered. He had been convinced that she was rebelling against some hidden pain. That she was denying that pain the same way he had. He knew now that he was wrong. Toni only worked as hard as she did because she was the type of person who put everything she had into her efforts. Just as she had given herself so completely to him.

He didn't want to ask her why she had done that. He already suspected the reason. And that reason was something he didn't want to hear.

He wanted her. More than he'd ever wanted any woman in his life. But he was feeling threatened. Not by Toni. By that part of him that had resigned itself to acceptance of what could never be.

That part of him that was again wanting the impossible.

❧

Kyle was gone when Toni awoke the next morning. At first, she wondered if he'd even gone to bed. His rumpled sheets indicated that he had—and that his sleep had been as restless as hers.

All day long she tried to tell herself that there was nothing to worry about. That he'd just needed to be alone to get his work done. Her logical mind wasn't buying that argument and forced her heart to acknowledge another reason.

Kyle ran from commitment like everyone else ran from fire. She didn't think she had said or done anything to make him feel that way, but it was quite possible that he was beginning to feel pressured. That was the last thing she wanted.

She shoved the lasagna Madeline had made last Saturday into the oven. Hunger was one thing she wasn't feeling. She didn't even know if Kyle would be home for dinner. It was just that the routine of preparing a meal gave her something to do besides pace. That's what she'd been doing for the past hour while searching her memory to see if she had said something.

She hadn't been able to think of a thing.

"What's the frown for?"

The sound of Kyle's voice sent her heart skidding to a halt. She hadn't heard him come in, and she jerked around so quickly that she nearly knocked the empty salad bowl off the counter.

Kyle grabbed for it and shoved it aside.

"Hey," he chuckled, reaching for her. "I didn't mean to startle you." He pulled her against his chest and drew his knuckles down her cheek. "Are you ok?"

Her shuddering sigh was nothing more than relief. He was holding her, and the thoughtful scowl on his face was the most wonderful thing she had ever seen.

"Of course I'm ok." Maybe he'd think that the faint tremor in her voice was just the result of their closeness. Or the crazy reaction she always had to the scent of his aftershave as he dropped a quick kiss to her lips.

Kyle looked skeptical. "You sure? You're not usually so jumpy." He drew her fingers away from where they clutched his lapels and pressed them between his. "And your hands are shaking."

"Too much coffee, I guess." A lame reason was better than the real one. After all the thoughts that had been plaguing her, she didn't think it would be wise to tell him that she was almost a basket case over the thought of losing him.

He accepted her response with a knowing grin and stepped back to loosen his tie. "Want some help with dinner?"

Toni shook her head. "It's almost ready. I just have to make a salad. Do you want me to fix you a drink?"

"I'll get it." The tie came off and he started working at the buttons of his shirt. "You remember the TaiCom deal I was telling you about?" he started, heading out of the kitchen to the wet bar. "Well, we had a meeting with the principals of the parent corporation today and ..." His words were muffled by the wall, but he didn't seem to care as he continued.

Toni sank against the counter and closed her eyes. Kyle was acting like nothing had happened. Not that anything really had, she reminded herself. He just had work to do last night. And she had mentally overreacted.

She couldn't help but wonder if being in love just naturally made a person insecure.

❧