Remember the Dreams (14 page)

Toni was touched at Kyle's concern. What caused her heart to take a funny lurch, though, wasn't that concern. It was the odd note she had detected in his voice when he'd mentioned Jana's daughter.

Kyle's expression remained quite unremarkable as he continued, now going on about transferring some of Jana's accounts to the other brokers so she wouldn't have to make after-hours appointments. That distracting note was gone, but it had brought a question to Toni's mind that she couldn't ignore.

Did Kyle have a child somewhere?

That question prompted others. About his ex-wife who might have taken that child from him. About whether that loss was the reason he had always had such a dismissive attitude toward kids. She remembered the way he had acted around Todd's son, the obvious affection and the quick disinterest. Then she shoved those thoughts to the back of her mind to be dealt with later. She couldn't think about them now anyway. Todd had just spoken her name. Again.

"I'm sorry." She smiled apologetically. "I got sidetracked. What did you say?"

"I asked what you thought about Kyle's comment. You used to have some . . . well . . . let's just call them firm opinions."

Kyle repeated himself at her expectant expression. "I was just saying that I didn't think that Jana was in any danger of this happening, but that some women get pretty wrapped up in some romantic notion about riding off into the sunset with their knight in shining armor . . . and when he falls off his horse, they wind up taking their frustrations out by hiding in their work and a bunch of empty affairs."

The teasing light in his eyes masked any provocation. Toni couldn't see anything pointed in his remarks anyway. She'd never had an empty affair in her life. She'd never had an affair, period!

"I can see where that might happen," she returned comfortably. "Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our dreams that we find it easier to run away than face the fact that what we want just isn't there." She wasn't talking about herself. Her approach was strictly philosophical. Cocktail conversation had a tendency to edge in that direction sometimes. "An extremely idealistic person might find cold reality a little difficult to face and, in trying to cope with that reality, might go overboard and wind up abandoning the attitudes that got them into their predicament in the first place."

"Psychology 101," Todd taunted good-naturedly. "I think I had a professor that talked like that."

Jana piped in. "There's nothing wrong with being a little idealistic. It can't ever hurt to keep the dreams in mind even though we've found 'cold reality' to be a little disillusioning."

Toni couldn't help but think that Jana was talking about her failed marriage. Something in Kyle's guarded expression told her that he was thinking of something quite specific, too.

"Oh, yes," he replied, crushing out his cigarette. "We must remember the dreams. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be where we are now . . . whether or not they ever came true."

There was no reason for Toni to think that Kyle was doing anything other than adding his two cents' worth to the conversation. Still, she couldn't help wondering if, somewhere beneath his casual words, there wasn't a little zinger trying to find its mark. He used to get a kick out of pulling her into a discussion, setting her up with innocuous statements, and then landing the line that would leave her rumbling for a defense. There was nothing malicious about it. They had become friends baiting each other that way. It had taken Toni a while to catch on to his tactics. Once the lesson had been learned though, she'd had her share of verbal victories.

She didn't even realize that he had already delivered the punchline. He had buried it in his remark about the "empty affairs" and was marveling at how she hadn't even batted an eye.

Jana and Todd were carrying the conversational ball now, and Kyle leaned toward her. The smooth wool of his jacket felt surprisingly rough against her bare arm, the pressure of his harder one sensitizing her skin. "I think I'll leave you in charge of this little discussion."

It wasn't until he touched her that she realized how hard it had been to maintain her casual air. His words were anything but intimate. Still, the rapid darkening in his eyes as they fell to her mouth made it evident that her presence was taking its toll on him, too.

Despite the quick tightening in her throat, she managed lightly, "Think I can handle it?"

His jaw clenched beautifully. "I'm not sure if I can." He stepped behind her, his breath tickling her hair as he leaned to whisper in her ear. "Don't plan on going to bed right after everyone leaves. You and I have something to talk about."

The shudder of anticipation at his husky command was echoed again when she felt his hand brush her back. She swung around, wanting to see if his expression revealed what she had heard in his voice. All she saw was his back before he was swallowed up by the crowd inside.

It was probably just as well that she hadn't seen his expression just then. She was nervous enough for the remainder of the evening without having to puzzle over why he had looked so angry.

She never did see that anger. Kyle buried it. And it joined all the other emotions he told himself he wasn't feeling. Jealousy. Protective-ness. And something else he didn't want to name.

As the evening wore on, Toni found herself plagued with a previously unacknowledged set of anxieties. Ones she adamantly refused to think about. She laughed at Todd's sick jokes— wondering why she actually found some of them funny. Heard all about Carol Gray's new job in Denver—it sounded quite .familiar and Toni offered her sympathies. Endured a heated debate over the future of the American Football League —boring. And tried not to think about Kyle.

He was ignoring her. Quite pointedly.

Her mental powers of denial finally crumbled somewhere between her second glass of soda water and someone's offer of a Swedish meatball. She refused the latter. The knot in her stomach wouldn't allow room for anything else.

Kyle had said he wanted to talk. What if he said something she didn't want to hear? What if he was going to tell her that last night had been a mistake and that they could never be more than just friends? Why did he look away from her every time she met his eyes?

Dwelling on questions that couldn't be answered at the moment was fruitless, so she dove into the conversation she'd been listening to.

The only thing threatening about the discussion of mutual funds was the fact that Kyle's eyes on her back kept making her forget what she was talking about.

It seemed like forever before the last guest finally left. In another way, it seemed like everyone left too soon.

K
yle leaned against the door, his dark eyes fixed on Toni's carefully controlled features. Anyone who didn't know her would think that her self-assured expression held a wealth of confidence.

Kyle knew better. She was playing with her pearl. One of these days he'd ask her why she always wore it.

Toni could see a question forming in Kyle's narrowed gaze, and she steeled herself against it. She didn't want to be on the defensive, but she couldn't help it. Being ignored for most of the evening had had a distinctly adverse effect. Though she'd always thought that the female ego was stronger than the male's, it was hardly indestructible.

She watched quietly when he crossed his arms and moved to where she was standing by the stairs leading into the living room.

"What are you trying to do to yourself, Toni?"

The flatness in his voice didn't puzzle her anywhere near as much as his question did, and her brow dropped sharply. "What do you mean?"

His cool gray eyes took a deliberately slow journey from her neck to her knees and back up to meet the pulse skipping at the base of her throat. There had been nothing impersonal about his look, yet when his eyes met hers again, there was nothing there but accusation.

"For starters," he returned pointedly. "I'd like to know what happened that made you lose sight of all the things that were so important to you. You used to enjoy your work, but you were never so obsessed with it."

Work? Two seconds ago he was mentally disrobing her and now he wanted to talk about work? The man was impossible!

"I'm hardly obsessed, Kyle," she declared. She gave her pearl a flick, then crossed her arms complacently. There was nothing to be nervous about now. Disappointed. Maybe even relieved. But not nervous. "I think 'obsessed' was a word invented to describe you a few years ago. I never have driven myself into the ground the way you did, and work is hardly my whole life." Not anymore anyway.

"I had my reasons for doing what I did. But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you." The spark in his eyes spoke clearly of challenge. "It's not just how you bury yourself in your job either. The woman I used to know would never have a string of men who ..."

She had wanted to know what his reasons were, and to ask what had happened to make him so different now. His last words sliced cleanly through that intended interruption though and primed another one. "Wait a minute! What men? What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything. And I'm not accusing you either. God knows I've never espoused celibacy, but I hate seeing what you're doing to yourself." His tone wasn't exactly altruistic, though it was obvious he was trying to make it sound that way. "I've been there, Collins. And you've got too much going for you to turn into some bitter old woman who winds up with nothing but the memory of a rat-race job and a hundred empty affairs to keep heri company in her old age."

Disbelief vied with incomprehension. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"All right," he sighed, assuming a less revealing tone. "You want to do this like we used to? Lay everything out point by point?"

She nodded sharply, refusing to be placated by his more reasonable approach. Anytime Kyle turned reasonable on her in the middle of a discussion, she knew that he had an ace up his sleeve.

"One." He held up a finger. Toni scowled at it. "You spent the day with Greg. Right?"

Oh, Lord, she moaned to herself. "Part of it, but. . ."

"Two." He added another finger. "Last week you were asking me how to get some other guy to notice you. Right?"

So much for her subtle inquiries. "Yes, but. . ."

"Three." Another finger joined the others. "You almost wound up in bed with me last night. Right?"

That was stating it rather bluntly. Toni swallowed hard. "Yes."

She waited for him to present another point. He said nothing though. He just held her eyes steadily, waiting.

"Can I have my turn now?"

His nod was deferential, but Toni saw his hands ball into fists as he crossed his arms. Her own nails were digging into her palms.

"For a reasonably intelligent man," she began, not bothering to temper her terseness, "you've drawn some pretty erroneous conclusions, Donovan." She thought it best to let his remark about her winding up in bed with him slide for the moment. "First of all, there isn't any 'guy.' And as for my becoming an embittered old woman, that's something I have absolutely no intention of letting happen. I'm still the same person I always was and I don't have any deep, dark secrets to reveal." Being in love with you doesn't count, she mentally justified.

Kyle didn't look like he was buying any of this, but the fractional hardening in his eyes told her that he had just homed in on some point she'd made, or tried to make. "What did you say?"

"About what?" Exasperation tinged her tone. "I said a lot of things!"

He took a step closer, struggling against the conclusions he'd drawn and her refuting words.

If she'd meant what he thought she had . . . "About there not being any guy."

"I said that there isn't anyone else."

That's what he thought she'd said. "Meaning?"

"Oh, for cripe sake, Donovan! You're giving new meaning to the word thick-headed! Meaning that I'm not interested in any other man. Certainly not in Greg. And there isn't any mythical, magical male out there that I'm trying to get my claws into!" How much clearer could she get?

"If that's the case, then would you mind explaining what last night was all about?"

Toni saw only the antagonism in his expression. She was too agitated, too exasperated, to notice the devious hint of teasing in his tone. "I was trying to get you to notice me!"

"Notice you?" he repeated incredulously. "You've got to be joking! There's not a damn thing about you that I don't notice!"

"Then why have you been making things so 'damn' difficult? If you don't want me, just say so, and I'll stop making a fool of myself!"

Tossing him what she hoped was a challenging glare—she'd pulled some pretty aggressive stunts before, but this one topped the list—she turned away before that feigned confidence could terminate. She didn't feel confident at all. Being aggressive in business didn't hold the same threat as being that way with a man.

She hadn't taken two steps before she felt Kyle's hand gripping the bare skin of her upper arm. A moment later he had stepped in front of her and was watching the uncertainty play over her flustered features. He'd never seen her look that way before.

Kyle stared down at her. And the seconds ticked away one by one.

With each passing second, she could see the strain melting from his face, the beginnings of a smile softening the hard line of his lips.

The pressure of his hand on her arm increased almost imperceptibly, repeating the frisson of tremors that had raced to the tips of her fingers only moments before. His hand raised slowly, her throat tightening when his knuckles grazed her cheek. Mesmerized by the transformation taking place before her, she had to make a concerted effort to breathe when his thumb smoothed the tension from her mouth.

"Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me to keep my hands off of you?" He inched closer. "How many times I've wanted to take you in my arms in the morning and kiss the sleep from your eyes? To just be able to feel you against me?" The tip of his finger pressed to her bottom lip, coaxing it to part, and he continued tracing its inviting texture. "I kept telling myself that we'd be better off to just leave things the way they are. That there was no sense in complicating what we've got. I can't fight both of us anymore, princess. And after last night..."

He didn't need to say anything else. It was all there in his eyes.

She could feel his breath on her forehead, its rhythm heavy. Almost as erratic as her own. "It won't complicate anything," she promised, loving the feel of his fingers as they wended through her hair. "We'll just make it better."

His thumbs stroked her temples. "It's already better."

His words were a verbal caress, as seductive as the feel of his hands as he gently pulled the pins from her hair and smoothed the long, flaxen tresses over her back.

"I do want you, Toni," he breathed, his hand delving beneath the white gold veil to press into the small of her back. "I do want you."

His last words were spoken against her lips, their faint vibration lost in the hunger that burst through him in a quiet explosion of need. There was nothing now but the feel of her body, warm and pliant and trembling against his own.

And the feel of his bodyr hard and demanding against hers. Toni clung to him, needing his strength to stabilize the spinning in her head, the weakness in her legs.

She followed his lead. Her tongue imitating his motions when it flicked over the slick membrane behind his lower lip. Plunging again to taste his warmth. Gently nipping at his tongue before giving up that teasing play to seek more urgently.

Toni's soft moan was suppressed against his chest as he bent forward to lift her. His hand slid beneath the hem of her dress, his palm hot against her thigh. Then his arm was under her knees and his other tightened around her back. She could hear the strong thud of his heart beating twice for every step he took while he carried her down the hall.

She was floating. Lost in a misty world of longing that held only enough room for her and the man whose kisses turned her blood into warm, thick honey. The man who was going to have to teach her how to create that same drugging sensation in him.

Kyle's lips followed the path of his hands, and her dress fell to the floor. Wanting, needing, to touch him as he had her, she repeated his actions. Tremulous kisses were rained over his chest as she removed his shirt, and the rest of his clothes joined hers on the floor.

Driven nearly beyond control by the beautiful, natural way she sought to entice him as he had her, he pushed her down to his circular bed. He tasted the pouting tips of her breasts, the smooth skin of her stomach, the firm flesh of her thighs. Toni rolled him over, returning his caresses, his kisses, with her own.

To Kyle, she was making an erotic game of their lovemaking. A sensual game of follow the leader. Her hands felt like satin. Her lips like hot silk. She was a nymph who toyed with him, taunted him with her sometimes tentative, sometimes bold touches. A woman who knew how to please.

A woman who was being led by her heart. And the man she loved.

Kyle pinned her back to the soft blue sheets and began nibbling moist kisses down her throat, seeking the gentle swell of her breast. As he teased the hard nipple with his teeth, his tongue, she felt his hand moving down to stroke the inside of her legs. Every sensation he had evoked last night paled next to those he was eliciting now. His hand cupped the curls between her thighs, his fingers gently probing. She stiffened involuntarily, her fingers digging into his back.

"You're so tight, honey," he rasped, soothing her with slow, deliberate motions. "So tight and so ready for me."

"Please, Kyle." Her words were a faint whisper. If he didn't stop this exquisite torture soon, she would die with wanting him. "Please," she repeated, and his lips claimed hers again.

Still he didn't stop. She shifted restlessly, gripping the tensed muscles in his shoulders. She wanted to feel his weight on her. To have him teach her where this odd, escalating heat-throbbing where he stroked so boldly would lead.

Kyle knew that she was close. And he couldn't wait any longer.

Sliding his hand beneath her hips, he moved over her. She felt his knees nudging her legs apart as he aligned her feminity to him. She arched upward, instinct guiding her where experience could not, and he sought to fulfill the desires raging within them.

Her gasp was muffled against his mouth. She had tried to silence it, but Kyle heard it anyway. And he knew that it wasn't a groan of pleasure. His body grew rigid, his mind not wanting to comprehend what had suddenly become quite apparent. She had felt tight. Too tight. And now . . .

He started to pull back.

Both his own desires and Toni's hands stopped him.

"No," she pleaded. "Don't stop. Not now."

This time it was Kyle who moaned.

He couldn't have stopped if he'd wanted to. Clamping his mouth over hers in an effort to drink the pain he knew she was feeling, he broke that last resistance and buried himself in her warmth.

He forced himself not to move. To try and ignore the insistent demands of his body. "Are you all right?" There was more than concern revealed in his deep velvet voice.

She nodded. Already the pain was subsiding, giving way to infinitely more pleasurable feelings. "Help me, Kyle?"

The innocence in her question was astounding. Just as incredible as the gift of innocence she had just given him.

"I will, princess," he promised. He kissed her cheek, her eyes. "I will." His hand slid down to her hip. "Wrap your legs around mine, and move with me. That's it. Easy. Nice and . . . easy."

Gently he coaxed her. Guided her. And through the night he taught her the wonderful mysteries of her body. The perfect oneness that is created in that inexplicable moment when conscious thought gives way to an implosion of feeling so intense that nothing else exists. And she learned how to please him.