Remember Me - Regency Brides 03 (13 page)

Helen could only stare at North with marked disbelief as he moved his hand from her chin to run it through his hair in a gesture of perplexity. It wasn't so much what he said but
how
he said it. It was like someone trying to make a case for himself

What
did
that mean? Did he once grapple with the same feelings-go through the same situation? Helen could barely think it, although she couldn't help but hope for it. Had he been in love with her after al ? But another thought fol owed directly after that one-if he
had
been in

love, he hadn't acted on his feelings. In fact, he'd even started seeking her out less and less at gatherings.

What did
that
mean?

Final y she voiced part of her musings. "You speak as though you have struggled with this dilemma yourself. Did you remember something?"

She held her breath until she saw him shake his head no. "It's odd, real y. I feel as though I've made the same argument before, but where? Had you once told me this? Is that what I'm remembering?"

Helen shook her head. "No, I've never told anyone except my best friend, Christina." And she had always tried to discourage Helen from letting her attraction to North grow, for she feared Helen would be hurt.

North looked so confused and seemed to be trying hard to remember something that would make sense to him. It compel ed Helen to reach out spontaneously to hold his hand. The gesture seemed to freeze North for a moment, as his eyes focused on their hands.

Uh-oh.
She was being too familiar. Too forward. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean ... ," she began to ramble as she tried to pul her hand away, but he held fast and interrupted her.

"No! Please . . . ," he cried softly as he looked directly into her eyes, his own searching as if trying to decipher her thoughts. "I like it that you feel so comfortable with me."

She smiled shyly, aware of the change of mood between them-of how important this particular moment seemed to be. Her feelings were so overwhelming to her that she had to remind herself even to breathe.

"I just need to ask you one thing," he said softly, pul ing her closer to him.

' Are you stil in love with the nobleman?"

Now that is a tricky question,
Helen thought, panicking for a brief instant. But as she thought of the man she knew in England versus the man she knew him to be here in America, she knew she could answer truthful y. "No, my feelings are not what they were."

North emitted a breath of relief as he looked down for a moment and took her other hand, bringing both of them to his lips. "Helen, you must know of the growing feelings I have for you." She nodded jerkily, stil having a hard time comprehending she was standing so close to North. "I would like to openly begin cal ing on you," he explained. "That would mean everyone would know you and I have an affection for one another, and that includes the congregation. You might come under some scrutiny, so I wanted to warn you before ha-"

Helen stopped him by putting her fingers over his lips. "Yes," she gushed excitedly, unable to contain her joy.

He took hold of her hand again. ' Are you sure?”

She nodded, and they stared into one another's eyes again. Helen forgot that almost everything about their relationship was built on a lie. She forgot the guilt she'd been under and the fear of what might happen in the future. For this one moment, she was going to revel in the love she had carried for so long for this man and remember it when she was old and alone with nothing but memories to get her through.

North leaned forward to brush a stray hair that had blown across her cheek, and when Helen turned to see what he was doing, they found themselves nose to nose.

North paused and looked at her searchingly. And whatever he'd been looking for, he must have found, for he gently pressed a kiss to her lips.

Helen held tight to his hand as his mouth gently caressed hers. Her heart was beating madly, and her mind was swirling, trying to reconcile her old emotions with the brand-new feelings she was experiencing. All the romance and gothic books she had ever read had not even been close to describing the feeling of being in his arms and being kissed by him.

Perhaps God felt sorry for her a little bit, and since He knew she would probably never live down the scandal of what she'd done to North and therefore never find a man who would want to marry her, He was giving her this little bit of bliss to live the rest of her life on.

Helen almost protested when he final y drew his head back and smiled at her.

But the wonder in his eyes fil ed her heart with gladness as he gazed at her one last time before stepping away.

Helen suspected that North must have kissed a half-dozen or more women in his lifetime. But he didn't remember any of them, and kissing her was like his first time.

"I can't wait to tel Mama you kissed him!" Josie exclaimed, causing them to jump farther apart and guiltily look at the young girl. Helen swal owed and threw North a nervous glance. "Uh, Josie, it might not be a good idea to tel your mother about this." Josie frowned. "Oh, why not? I have to tel somebody!" She smiled, apparently coming up with a better idea. "I know! I'l tel Sam!" ,

"No!" Both Helen and North yel ed out to her at the same time.

' You don't want to hurt his feelings, do you?" Helen tried to reason in a softer tone. "Wel , what good is it for me to know if I can't brag about knowing something that no one else knows?" Helen sighed, rubbing her temples, wondering if the child could ever be tamed. "Josie, later we shal discuss the merits of guarding our tongues."

"Why don't the two of you get the milk and eggs from the barn, and I'l get the bacon from the urns," North suggested, as he must have known Helen was growing weary of dealing with the young girl.

He knew her so wel . "Yes, let's do that!" she agreed, eager to take everyone's mind off the kiss they had just shared. Wel , maybe not everyone should forget.

Helen certainly could never forget it, and she had a feeling North wouldn't, either.

Now if only Josie
would!
The two of them took North's food into the kitchen, and she began to prepare the skil et over the fire. A knock sounded at the door. Josie ran to open it. "Hi, Mrs. Chauvin!" she greeted, and Helen could hear a female voice tel ing her something from outside. Helen got up and walked to the door to find Marie Chauvin standing there, holding what looked to be a letter. "Oh! Hel o, Helen," Marie greeted, surprised at finding Helen in the preacher's house. "Is the reverend here?"

Helen wondered what Marie was thinking. The middle-aged French woman, who was petite in stature and a little plump, was the wife of the area blacksmith and one of the nicest ladies Helen had met in the area. She was the perfect person to handle everyone's mail because she was not a gossip or nosey by any means.

She knew the woman would not draw false conclusions and think the worst.

However, Helen wanted to make it clear why she was here at North's house.

"He is around back, I believe. Josie and I were sent by Mrs. Baumgartner to make sure Reverend Campbel had breakfast. Pierre is sick and unable to help him today."

Marie smiled at the explanation, seeming to accept it at face value. "Ah, yes. I know my husband would not be able to do one thing for himself if! were not there to do it for him. He'd probably starve."

Helen chuckled. "It was the same with my father," she told her. She looked down at the paper Marie was holding. "Did you need to tel him something? I know that he should be back any minute."

Marie smiled and waved the note in front of her face. "No, no. I'l just leave this with you, and you can pass it on to the reverend. I believe it's a letter from his sister, judging by the name and the postmark from Scotland. I remember my husband tel ing me he'd mentioned living with his sister in some of the correspondence we had with him."

It took everything in Helen to hide the dismay she was feeling as she reached out and took the letter. , She and Marie exchanged a little more smal talk, which she could barely remember later; then Marie left.

For a moment she found herself just staring down at the letter with the scratchy penmanship addressed to Hamish Campbel . She couldn't help but feel sorrow for his sister and the fact that somehow she had to be told her brother was missing or most probably dead.

But how could Helen do that without North trying to write her back?

The web of deceit and the problems it was causing were growing thicker and more intricate every single day. When she got one thing under control, something else would pop up that made the situation worse.

"How come he never mentions his sister?" Josie asked. Helen could tel she was dying to read it.

So was Helen.

"Perhaps it makes him sad to talk about her since she is so far away," Helen prevaricated, She noticed how easily false excuses just rol ed off her tongue.

That definitely wasn't a talent to be proud of. She then realized she had to give the letter to North when they were alone so he didn't make a slip and say he didn't know he had a sister or something equal y as tel ing. Helen truly wished she could just hide the letter from him and write one back to the woman, giving her the bad news.

But Marie might ask him about receiving it. Then Helen would be in even more trouble.

What a calamity!

"Josie, would you see to the fire while I go and show this to North?"

In typical fashion, Josie made a face of protest but did as she was asked. The younger girl was obedient for the most part, even though she was extremely vocal about her opinions.

North was just coming up the side steps of the porch when Helen met him. He smiled at her in a way that let Helen know he was stil thinking about their kiss and the new commitment they'd made to one another.

It was such a thril ing feeling to know he liked her so much.

It was just too bad their relationship was built on nothing but deceit.

"North, Marie Chauvin came by to give you this. I wanted to make sure Josie wasn't around so you wouldn't be surprised to know that it is probably from your sister."

North looked at the letter she was holding out without even trying to take it from her. In fact, he looked at it as if he didn't want to open it at al .

His eyes flew back to hers, questioning. "I have a sister?"

Helen scrambled to find the right thing to say. "I didn't know," she explained, going with the truth. "I've never heard you mention a sister."

North looked back down at the letter, a frown of concentration on his face as he was trying to remember something . . . anything!

Slowly he reached out and took it from her. He read the name
Fiona Campbell
written above the seal. For a moment he seemed as though he wasn't going to open it.

Final y he lifted the seal and quickly read through the brief letter. "It is from my sister," he told her, his eyes stil focused on the paper. "She writes that al is wel in Melrose and for me not to worry about her. She says she has recently been cal ed upon by a local sheep farmer whom she knows I would approve of." North looked up at Helen with troubled eyes. "She urges me to write back as soon as possible, Helen, but how can I when I can't even remember her?"

Helen's heart broke at the misery pouring from his voice and the despair in his eyes. Reaching out, she put her hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. "I wil help you write it. There is no reason to tel her you've lost your memory. Just tel her about your church and the people living here."

He smiled at her and placed his hand atop hers. "I wil tel her about you, too," he said low and tender.

Helen thought that was the sweetest thing she'd ever been told. Unfortunately she would have to find a way to make sure any letter that was written would never make it to Fiona Campbel 's door.

She smiled at him, trying not to show how unsettled she was by this latest problem in her life. "Why don't I come by tomorrow and help you write it?"

He grinned broadly at her. "Why not today? Or are you just trying to come up with an excuse to see me tomorrow, also?" He tucked her hand in his arm and began to lead her to the door.

Actual y she needed time to come up with a plan. She did, however, like being with him any time she could. "I don't think I'l answer that, for I fear you are becoming too sure of yourself!"

North laughed as he opened the door and al owed her to enter first. "Ah! So that is the reason for the delay!"

She pretended to sniff at his comment as she stuck her chin up and looked down her nose at him. "Nonsense! Josie and I have lessons to finish, that is al ."

"Ugh!" Josie sounded with more than a little disgust. "She never forgets!" she exclaimed with marked disbelief as she set the skil et down noisily on the metal rack of the fireplace.

Helen exchanged a look with North, and her heart skipped a beat when he teasingly winked at her. "Perhaps tomorrow I can talk her into a picnic that would take up most of the afternoon and therefore most of your lesson time," North suggested to Josie but kept his gaze on Helen.

Helen pretended not to like that idea. "I don't know ...." "Oh, please say yes, Helen. A picnic sounds like such fun!" Josie pleaded, practical y jumping up and down with excitement.

Helen thought a moment and then smiled at Josie. "I know! I can teach you how a lady makes polite conversation during a picnic or some other sort of gathering.

I have so many-"

"Do you see what I mean, Reverend? She never lets me take a day off from my studies!"

North bent down to Josie and whispered in her ear, though it was plenty loud enough for Helen to hear. "Perhaps I can distract her tomorrow so you can play or go fishing."

He straightened and looked back at Helen. She hadn't even realized how much time passed as they stared into one another's eyes until Josie pul ed on North's coat and motioned with her finger for him to bend down to her.

With an equal y loud whisper, she told him, "If you could just keep staring at her like that for a few more hours, I might be able to miss today's lessons, too!"