Remember Jamie Baker (2 page)

Though I was in no mood
to fight with Tony—he was going to be furious that I went to see a doctor—I forced myself to go home. Sulking had never been my style. At least, I didn’t think it was.

It was time for plan B. Plan A had been the genius brain doctor. Obviously that was a bust, and that only left me with one other option. A desperate solution that was too far-fetched to even be considered a long shot. But I was now desperate. My condition was permanent. My memory was gone forever.

Bracing myself, I took a breath and pushed through the front door of our secluded desert home.

“April!”
Tony’s arms were around me in a tight hug before the word was finished leaving his lips. His relief didn’t last long. As soon as my safe return registered in his brain, he pulled back from the embrace and glowered at me. “Where have you been?”

Strong and defiant was definitely the best approach. He wasn’t my father. He didn’t own me—no matter how much he acted like it. I gave him a shrug and fell down to the couch. “I went to see a special neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins about my amnesia.”

“You
WHAT?
”

He’s so predictable. Ignoring the outburst, I leaned my head back and shut my eyes. My head hurt. “I needed answers. Don’t worry; I didn’t say anything about my powers or the accident.”

“It doesn’t matter!”

He looked crazed, as if he was contemplating strangling me. His anger might have impressed me if it were on a different face. Tony has the curse of being adorable. When we’re not fighting, he’s this cute little lovable geek that I adore. He’s no taller than me, and kind of skinny, but he has nice, dark Italian features. His dark eyes are beautiful and his black hair is thick and shiny with a nice wave in it, but his best feature is his dimples. They’re so big they swallow his face when he smiles. They’re also the reason he’ll never be hot. Or scary. Boyishly cute and slightly geeky with adorable dimples does not an intimidating guy make.

“We have no idea what your body is like, April,” he continued to rant. “They could have realized something was different about you.”

I decided not to tell him about the funky brain activity that had Dr. Rajeet so excited. Instead, I said, “I was right, by the way. My amnesia isn’t psychological. I have brain damage. The doctor said it’s permanent. I’m never getting my memories back.”

Admitting it out loud caused my chest to cave in. I met his angry gaze, and my voice cracked when I spoke my next words. “There’s no more hope. I’ll never know who I am.”

Tony’s rage dissipated in an instant. For all of his faults, the guy really did care about me. He sat down next to me on the couch and took my hand into his. “Of course you will. I’ve seen your notebook. You probably know more about yourself than most people do, because you’ve spent the last six months paying attention.”

That wasn’t the same thing. “Maybe I’ll know I like pistachio ice cream and old horror flicks, but I’ll never know my real name. I’ll never know my birthday. I’ll never know who my parents are or if I have brothers and sisters.”

My hand went to my neck, as it always did when I thought about my past. I pulled the little charm I always wore from around my neck and examined it for the millionth time. The necklace was, oddly, made of copper. The charm was cut in the shape of a sun and had a strange hole in the middle. I couldn’t figure out what it was for, but I could tell that it had a purpose.

The necklace itself was a mystery. I’d been wearing it when Tony found me after the explosion. I asked him about it, but he didn’t know what it was. When I asked him where I got it, his answer then had been that I’d worn it as long as he’d known me—since before the scientists had captured me.

Tony ground his teeth. His voice was strained as he fought to keep control of his temper. “Forget the past. It sucks that you’ll never know those things, but you need to get over it. Going to see that doctor was stupid. I hope, at least, you can let it go now. Move on. You’re April O’Neil now. You need to accept that.”

He may as well have slapped me. He was probably right, but he didn’t have to be such a jerk about it.

Too angry to speak, I left him alone on the couch and went to sit at the computer. As I turned the machine on and clicked open the Internet, Tony let out a hard breath. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to figure out who I am. If you’re going to be a jerk, then I’ll do it by myself.”

“What are you going to do? Post your picture on Facebook and start asking people if they know you?”

“If I have to!” I snapped.

“Visticorp would find you in two seconds.”

It was times like these that I wished my eyes shot actual lasers from the retinas. I didn’t have that superpower, but I still tried to develop it right then. When his head didn’t explode, I turned back to the screen. “For your information, I’m going to use my necklace.”

“What do you mean? It’s just a necklace.”

“The design is too odd. It’s unique. It has to be a custom piece. Perhaps a jeweler could tell me who made it, or at least point me in the right direction.”

As I googled custom jewelers in the closest city to our house, which happened to be Las Vegas, Tony scoffed. “Good luck with that. I wouldn’t get your hopes up too high.”

The lights flickered as my control on my temper snapped. “Well, it’s not like you’ve been any help. How could I not be on
any
missing persons database? You’re supposed to be a computer genius. How could you not find
anything? Someone
has to be missing me.”

Tony stuck his hands in his hair and yanked. “I told you, you were so little when you came to Visticorp. There wasn’t much I could do. I never knew your real name, either; just the number they assigned you. I can’t do a whole lot with
Subject 4281
in missing persons databases. But why does it matter so much? We have a good life now. We have each other, and we’re safe. Why do you need anything more than that?”

He was really asking a different question. He wanted to know why I needed more than
him
. He was frustrated that he wasn’t enough to make me happy, that he wasn’t family enough for me.

I tried to relax, reminding myself that this was a hard situation for him, too. “Yeah, we’re safe, but hiding out in the middle of the desert, never leaving the house, isn’t a life.”

“We leave,” Tony said defensively. “We’ve visited all the national parks in the country, and we go to the Grand Canyon all the time.”

Not the same thing.

The house we lived in was located in Middle-of-Nowhere, Nevada. It was over a hundred miles from any human life in any direction. There wasn’t even a road that ran to it. The only way you could find it was with GPS coordinates.

The outside was designed to blend into the landscape around it. It was dirt-brown and dusty-looking. It was depressing on the outside, but on the inside it was a cozy, welcoming home with all the conveniences modern technology could give you. It wasn’t a bad place to live, but when it was just the two of us, well, the company became a bit stifling at times.

We lived here in complete seclusion. For the first three months after the explosion, we never ventured out of the house once. We lived off the supplies in the house and never left. Ever. Tony told me it was because we couldn’t take the chance of getting caught. He said Visticorp would be scouring the globe for us, using high tech satellites and stuff. We had to disappear completely so that Visticorp would be certain we were dead. I understood, but I didn’t do well cooped up inside.

After about three months, Tony finally relented and we started leaving to go for the occasional walk in the desert to practice controlling my powers, or to visit some national parks. But we were completely sequestered from the world, never seeing another soul besides each other. Tony was a sweet guy most of the time, but not nice enough for me to want to spend the rest of my life with
only
him.

“It’s been six months,” I said. “I can’t live like this anymore.”

Tony’s face fell, and he collapsed onto the couch. “I’m doing the best that I can, April. I just want us to be safe. You don’t remember what it was like being a prisoner of Visticorp, but I do. If they found you, they would…I can’t let them have you. I love you too much.”

“I’m sorry.” I joined him on the couch, my heart pounding with guilt. “You know I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. And you know I care about you.” I picked up his hand and squeezed it in apology. “You’re my family. But I need more than this life we have.”

Tony met my gaze with a pleading expression, squeezing my hand back tightly. “So let me give you more.
Please,
April. I could make you happy if you would just give me the chance.”

My guilt quadrupled.

Swallowing hard, I looked down at the ring on my finger and tried not to let the tears burning behind my eyes fall. Tony and I had been engaged before the explosion. I called it off when I couldn’t remember him, but I still tried to make things work between us. He used to be crazy patient with me, but the more time passed without our relationship going back to the way it was before the accident, the more frustrated he got. I couldn’t really blame him, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted, either.

I don’t love Tony the way he loves me. I spent the past six months trying to fall for him because I didn’t want to hurt him, but I just don’t want him that way. I care about him. I kiss him on occasion because I feel guilty for letting him down, and I let him call me his girlfriend, but we’re not really a couple. I’m never going to love him. He’s my friend, my family, but nothing more.

I started twisting the ring as he waited for an answer. I should have taken it off the day of the explosion. Wearing it probably gave Tony false hope, but I just couldn’t let it go. The fact that I had the ring meant that at some point I’d accepted him. At some point I’d wanted to be his wife. I must have loved him. I thought maybe if I got my memories back, my feelings would change. Now that I knew that was never going to happen, the best thing to do was get the inevitable over with.

With a sigh, I slipped the ring off my finger. “Tony, my memories aren’t coming back. All this time I’ve been hoping, but it’s not going to happen, so I think it’s time to stop pretending our relationship has a future.”

Tony’s head snapped up in horror. The panic in his expression twisted my gut. I didn’t want to hurt him like this. After staring at me in shock for a moment, he began furiously shaking his head. “No, April. Don’t say that.”

He took my face in his hands. His voice shook as he said, “I love you so much. You know that, right?”

“I know,” I promised, “but I don’t love you like that.”

He sucked in a breath and continued to argue. “You’ll learn to love me. Just give it more time. Let’s take things to the next level. We can make it work.”

He pressed his lips to mine in a frantic, desperate kiss. He was trying so hard to convince me, trying to send some of his love into me with the kiss. I felt nothing but guilt and sorrow.

I pushed him back as gently as I could. Pain flashed across his face. Jumping to his feet, he backed away from me while fighting an internal battle against panic, fear, and devastation. Seeing his agony made my eyes well up. “I’m sorry, Tony. I tried so hard, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep forcing myself to be with you. Face it…” I held out the ring to him, all of my hope deflated. “Whatever relationship we had is as gone as my memory. It’s not coming back. This relationship is only hurting us both, and I can’t do it anymore.”

Tony glared at the ring in my hand as if he loathed it. “I don’t want that stupid thing. You keep it. I can’t stand to look at it.” He turned his head as though he meant his words literally.

“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. I’d just broken his heart.

After I tucked the ring into my pocket, Tony looked at my naked finger and finally accepted that this was happening. He stood and began pacing the room. Once he reached the front door, he whirled around and the lamp sitting on the end table beside the couch went flying, shattering into pieces.

I sighed. Tony likes to use his telekinesis to make his temper tantrums more dramatic. Super annoying. Calling him on it would make me a hypocrite, though, because I do the same thing a lot of the time. I can’t help it. Flickering lights and glowing eyes just make anger look so much cooler.

Actually, I might be a bit of a drama queen, but I haven’t broken down and added that to the list in my notebook yet. Somehow, I don’t think a real drama queen would ever admit that she is one.

I needed some air. When I rose to my feet and headed for the door, Tony stopped me. “Where are you going?”

“For a walk. I think we both need some space for a while.”

Tony’s eyes widened in disbelief, and then he glared at me in a way he never had before. “Why don’t you just leave, then? Go live on your own if you hate living with me so much.”

I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to get mad at him, didn’t want to start a fight. I understood that he was hurting, and I knew it was my fault. “You know I don’t hate you. You’re the only family I have. I don’t want to leave you; I just want us to stop pretending we’re a couple. I want us to be friends.”

“I don’t want to be your
friend
, April. I want more than that. I want to be your
everything
.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you that.”

Fire flared in Tony’s eyes. “Then I don’t want anything from you.”

I flinched, startled by his hatred. Yeah, I was breaking his heart—I’d basically been breaking it for six months now—but I was still hurt by his anger. He was being selfish. He was hurting, but so was I. I had feelings too, and it was as if he didn’t care about them. He just wanted what he wanted and thought it was all my fault that he couldn’t have it.

I folded my arms and had to work to keep my emotions in check so I wouldn’t send out a burst of electricity and short-circuit the house. “I’m not doing this on purpose. I’m not
trying
to hurt you.”