Remember Jamie Baker (8 page)

I cleared my throat, and Ryan climbed to his feet. His smile was still in place, but his eyes were a little droopy now. He was as tired as I was. “You ready?” he asked.

With one last glance back at my destroyed home, I shucked my bag over my shoulder and nodded.

“I called the major a few minutes ago. They just got to the base in Las Vegas and are holding the plane for us.”

“Plane?”

“Yeah. ACE headquarters is in Colorado, and Major Wilks wants you checked out by our doctor and no one else.”

“We have to fly? That’s so slow. Couldn’t we just meet them in Colorado?”

Ryan chuckled. “It’s a short flight. Come on; you can sleep on the plane.”

“All right.” I sighed. “To Las Vegas, then. You ready?” I held out my hand to him. When Ryan frowned at my outstretched hand, I said, “You’ve done this with me before, I assume?”

“Only a couple times. You used to worry pumping me full of mutant energy would hurt me. It took a long time to convince you it was okay.”

“Huh. Weird. I never noticed any side effects with Tony.”

Ryan’s jaw clenched. “You shared your energy with Teddy?”

“Of course. All the time. It was too convenient not to.” I didn’t understand the sudden jealousy. It’s not like a superrun was intimate or anything.

After a deep breath, Ryan shook off his irritation. “You’re right.” I think he was trying to convince himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay, then.” I held out my hand to him again. “You ready?”

Ryan’s stress melted away, and he gave me a shiver-inducing look. He took my hand and tugged me to him, slipping his arms around my waist. Laughing at my surprised gasp, he pulled me so close that there were only inches between our faces. His eyes fell to my mouth, making my heart kick into overdrive. “I’ve been ready for this since the second I got you back.”

When he started to lower his lips to mine, I finally snapped out of my shock and pulled my face back. “What are you doing?” I would have screeched the question, but I was too flustered at the moment, and it came out breathless.

Ryan tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and smiled. “Kissing my fiancée,” he said softly.

I almost let him do it. Heaven knows a part of me wanted him to. But he’d called me his fiancée, and it startled me so badly that I lost control of myself and accidentally shocked him. It was a baby zap, really, but it still should have been uncomfortable enough to startle him, or at least make him frown. Instead, after a slight wince, he took one look at the irritation on my face and laughed. “I guess some things never change.”

I wanted to ask what he meant by that, but there was a more pressing question I needed an answer to. “What are you doing? Why did you try to kiss me?”

His brow fell into a frown. “Um…because that’s how you pass your energy.”

Oh, that’s right. I forgot that when I first woke up after the explosion the only way I could ever successfully transfer my powers to Teddy was through a kiss. I hid my chagrin behind a scowl and clamped onto Ryan’s hand. Glaring the entire time, I pumped him full of energy until he started shaking and the hair on his head stood straight up. “Any questions?” I snapped.

“When’d you learn how to do that?” he asked. “You mostly just used to zap people anytime you tried that before.”

“Practice. I had a lot of motivation. Teddy kept finding reasons he needed to use my powers, and I was tired of kissing him.”

“Well, that’s comforting.” Ryan chuckled. “You promised me once that the superkisses were only for me.”

I smirked. Superkisses. That was the perfect description of them because they were so much more powerful—stimulating to the point of overwhelming—than regular kisses. Some superpower, huh? I wonder what superhero name Tyson would make up for me if he knew my special ability was the power to superkiss people.

“You know,” Ryan said, pulling me from my thoughts, “just because you have the control now doesn’t mean you can’t still do things the fun way.”

He laughed at whatever look I gave him and winked at me. “Just something to think about.”

Sending him one last eye roll, I grabbed his hand and took off for Las Vegas.

Flying is so
slow
. It was going to take us nearly two hours to go the same distance it would have taken me minutes. I was antsy as we boarded the small military transport plane. The ACEs were already buckled in for the flight, and they stared with open curiosity and excitement when Ryan and I boarded the plane together.

Major Wilks met us with an overeager smile and a firm handshake. “Glad you decided to join us, Angel.”

I shook his hand, but didn’t return the smile. “I haven’t decided anything yet.”

“Well, hopefully we can change your mind about that after a good night’s rest and a tour of the base in the morning. For now, just buckle in and take it easy. The men will leave you alone until you’re feeling better. Right, men?”

I nearly laughed when the answering round of nods and “yes, sirs” seemed so sullen. I couldn’t blame them for being curious, but I was grateful to the major for insisting on the peace.

Ryan led me by the hand to a couple of empty seats. I was surprised to feel his hand slip into mine, but was too tired to protest. “How’s your head feeling?” he asked as we buckled in. “The superrun didn’t make it worse, did it?”

I shook my head, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath as I massaged my temples. “It’s better than it was, but it’s still pounding like crazy. I’m sorry if it’s been making me such a grouch today.”

Ryan immediately shook his head. “I should be the one apologizing. I completely freaked out on you earlier and you didn’t need that. It won’t happen again. I promise.” He managed a crooked smile and said, “I’m pretty sure I got it all out of my system.”

Remembering that moment brought the awkwardness back, but my lips still quirked into a smile. “It
was
a rather impressive temper tantrum. I thought I held the title on those, but now I’m not so sure.”

Ryan laughed. “Oh no, babe, you definitely have me beat in the drama department. It’s just, if I have one weak spot in my otherwise unshakable calm, it’s Teddy.”

I blushed because he’d called me
babe
, but it had flowed so naturally from his mouth I didn’t think he even realized he’d said it. “Why do you call him Teddy?” I asked before he could comment about my red cheeks.

“His real name is Teodoro Vivenzio.”

“Tay-oh-what-o?”

“Exactly. You never could say it right, so you started calling him
Teddy
, and it stuck.”

I thought about it for a moment and nodded. “I guess I could see it.” I tried it out slowly, once, just to see if I could get used to it. “Teddy…” It didn’t seem any stranger than Ryan calling me
Jamie
after six months of my being April. Thinking about Teddy made me sigh. “I have to get him back.”

Ryan flinched. “You want him back?”

“Not like that. I’m so mad at him I could kill him, but it’s my fault he was captured. You said they could trace my phone, and that’s how they found me. Well, I’m assuming they could trace whomever I called, too. Tony, I mean
Teddy
, was always so paranoid. He warned me a million times that I couldn’t break the rules or Visticorp would find us. But I went to the doctor anyway, and now he’s gone. They’ve taken him to do who knows what to him. He lied to me, but no one deserves to be caged up and experimented on.”

I expected Ryan to be upset, but he had only sympathy for me. “We’ll find him, and we’ll get him back. We’ll get them all back.”

I got a little choked up that someone who had such a personal stake in this mess could put his own feelings aside out of concern for me. Tony had never done that. He’d always been selfish.

Before I could express my gratitude, the plane’s engines roared to life and we went zooming down the runway. I hadn’t expected to be afraid of flying, but when I felt the ground disappear under my seat, I sucked in a breath and gripped the armrests of my chair.

The plane shook a little and a small squeak escaped me, accompanied by a surge of energy that made the cabin lights flicker. All eyes immediately found me. “Whoa, Jamie, relax,” Ryan said, as if he just realized I was freaking out. “Babe, I’m not sure frying the plane would be the best thing to do.”

“Sorry.” I gasped. “I just lose control when I’m freaked out.”

“You’re a nervous flier?” Ryan sounded surprised.

“I guess so. I’ve never done it before.”

The ACEs all watched me with wide eyes. Their fear that I would fry the plane and send us all to our fiery deaths was evident.

“Hey, did you know that your favorite place in the whole world is the Grand Canyon?” Ryan said suddenly.

He was trying to distract me, and it worked. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, held it in my lungs until they burned, and then slowly let it out. The edges of my mouth curled into a small smile, and my hands relaxed their grip just a tiny bit. “I actually did know that. I used to go out there whenever I needed to get away from Teddy or our situation, or just whatever. The sunsets there are the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.”

That made Ryan smile. “Did you know that’s where we were the last time I saw you? It’s where I asked you to marry me.” He chuckled and then said, “Well, I guess, technically, you asked me first. You asked me to spend the rest of my life with you. But I was the first one to actually say ‘marry me.’ And I already had the ring, so I think I still win.”

His story hurt my heart. It sounded like a beautiful memory, but it was one I’d never have. I dug into my purse—the ACEs found it in the mess at the motel and had given it back to me minus my compromised phone—and pulled the engagement ring out of it. I was glad I hadn’t gotten rid of it now, but looking at it still made me sad. It was perfect, exactly the type of ring I’d pick for myself, and yet I couldn’t stand the sight of it. I should have loved it. It should have been one of my most cherished possessions, but, thanks to Teddy, I now hated and resented it. I handed it over to Ryan. “I think this belongs to you.”

“Actually, it doesn’t,” he said, smiling. “It’s yours.”

I shook my head and insisted. “Please take it.”

Ryan pushed my hand back to my lap without taking the ring. “We don’t have to be engaged, but I still want you to keep it.”

“I don’t want it,” I blurted, finally looking up to meet Ryan’s gaze. “I
hate
it.”

Ryan’s face went white, and he reared back as if I’d slapped him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to get ahold of myself. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but this ring means something entirely different to you than it does to me.” I hoped I could explain this right, because the pain in his expression was killing me. “This ring is a manacle for me—a prison. It’s the thing that’s kept me so miserable for the last six months, which, since that’s all I can remember, is basically my entire life. Now it’s also a reminder of how betrayed I was. When I look at it, all I see is a lie. All I feel is anger and heartbreak. Please take it back. I need to be rid of it. I need to be
free
.”

I’d been staring at the ring, but when Ryan didn’t respond, I looked up. His eyes were closed. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and he took a very long, deep breath. The way he let it out seemed almost Zen-like. He did this twice more and then tucked the ring into his front pants pocket. I thought he’d be mad, or maybe devastated, but if he was, he didn’t show it. When he finally opened his eyes, he looked at me with nothing but concern. “Will you tell me about it?”

My first instinct was to say no. I didn’t think I was a very open person by nature. At least, I’d always had a hard time talking to Teddy that way. But I needed to have this conversation. Ryan seemed like a very nice guy. I didn’t want him to hurt any more than he had to. If it would help him to understand my rejections, then I needed to be brave. “When Teddy found me after the explosion, I didn’t know who he was, but he knew me. He told me that I was his fiancée.”

Ryan sucked in another deep breath and asked, “And you believed him?”

I turned my face away from him, embarrassed that I could have been so completely fooled. “I was wearing his ring,” I whispered. “He brought me home to a house filled with clothes that fit me. He had my ID
.
He knew about all my different abilities—he was the one who explained them all to me and helped me regain my control of them. I
had
to believe him. My heart never bought it, but my brain had no choice.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I never loved him,” I admitted. “I tried to. I tried so hard to make myself want him the way he wanted me. At first, he was so patient and sweet. He was kind and sympathetic. He really helped me through the whole terrifying ordeal of knowing nothing. He was all I had—all I knew—and he wanted me so much. He loved me, and I just kept disappointing him.”

My eyes glossed over with moisture, and I tried my hardest to push back tears. “I tried to be the girl he told me I was, but I just couldn’t. He was my best friend, my family, but I could only ever love him like a brother. I let him down over and over again, until he started to resent me. I couldn’t understand why things had changed so much, but I refused to give up because I was wearing that stupid ring, and I thought that meant I’d loved him once.”

I don’t know if I collapsed against Ryan’s shoulder or if he pulled me there, but I was suddenly wrapped in his arms. He held me tight, and as much as I didn’t want to be in another relationship again—especially not with someone I had a history with—I didn’t have the willpower to pull myself away. I let him hold me, and greedily soaked up his comfort.

“I wasted so much time trying to be who he wanted me to be—who I thought I was supposed to be—and now I find out that it was all a lie from the start.”

I pulled my face back so that I could look at Ryan. My eyes brimmed over and a few tears ran down my cheeks. “He let me torture myself over his feelings. He let me force myself to be in a relationship with him. He lied to me about everything, and then he got
mad
at me when I didn’t love him back. How could he do that to me?”

Ryan shut his eyes and took a few more of those weird yoga breaths, or whatever they were. He pulled my hand into his, squeezed it tightly, and brought it to his lips. After a soft kiss that made me shiver, he held my hand against the side of his face and breathed deeply, as if he were soaking up my essence like it would soothe his heartache. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Jamie, but you don’t have to worry anymore. It won’t be like that with us. I promise you it won’t. You never loved him, but you did love me.”

His words hurt. “There is no us.” I pulled my hand out of his grasp. “I’m sorry. You seem like a nice person, but I can’t do that to myself again. I can’t live like that anymore. I can’t be the girl that you want me to be.”

Ryan met my gaze, and it made everything so much worse. “I can see how much you love me every time you look at me,” I continued, “and it makes me sick to my stomach with anxiety.” I tried to make my voice as gentle as possible. “My amnesia is permanent. I’m
never
going to remember you. I will just end up hurting you over and over again, like I did Teddy.”

“I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit,” Ryan argued. “You’ve never disappointed me. We were strangers once before and it turned out okay. We’ll be fine again.”

I shook my head. He wasn’t going to talk me into this. He didn’t understand. “We can’t go back to the way things were. That’s impossible. Please don’t ask me to try. Don’t pressure me to feel the way you do. I know from experience that it will never work. Try to remember that you are a stranger to me. You might love me, but I only just met you
today
.”

I sat back and steeled my heart against the look of anguish I knew was coming. I was no stranger to heartbreak. I’d hurt Teddy so many times I’d lost count. It never got easier to see. But Ryan surprised me. He looked me over with a calculating expression and then said “okay,” as if he’d come up with some kind of plan. “Let’s say—hypothetically—that some random guy on the street asked you out tomorrow.”

I couldn’t fathom where this was going, but he wasn’t sitting there sulking and heartbroken, so I decided to play along. “Okay…?”

“Would you go out with him?” Ryan asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Would you go on a date if someone asked you out?” He scanned the plane and pointed to the cute Hawaiian guy. “Eyes, for example. Eyes has never met you before. If you’d sat next to him instead of me, and over the course of the flight you got to talking and he asked you to get a cup of coffee together when we reach Colorado, would you go out with him?”

Eyes was a good-looking guy—though with Ryan Miller sitting next to me, it hardly seemed fair to judge anyone else’s looks. But his looks didn’t matter. I knew what Ryan was getting at, and, after thinking about it for a moment, I decided that I would.

“Yeah, I think I might,” I admitted. “It would be nice to get to know someone who didn’t know the old me and had no preset expectations. You don’t understand what the pressure is like to have to try and act like myself when I don’t know who that is.”

Eyes glanced up then and gave me a big, bright smile. The twinkle in his soft brown eyes made the nickname ring true. “It’s a date, Angel.”

Startled by the response, I glanced around the plane and realized that everyone was listening to our conversation. Nosy much? Though, I couldn’t blame them for their curiosity, and it’s not like this ride came with any other in-flight entertainment. Besides, I couldn’t really judge. I had superhearing. I was a master eavesdropper.

When I rolled my eyes at them all, Ryan chuckled. “It was
hypothetical
, Eyes,” he joked. “Don’t get any ideas.”

I looked back up at Ryan, and he beamed a smile at me so big and bright that it seemed to warm the entire cabin. Somehow, though my troubles were far from solved, that single smile and the sparkle in his eyes made my heart feel lighter. “So what we need to do, then,” he said, excitement creeping into his voice, “isn’t help you
remember
Jamie Baker. We need to help you get to
know
Jamie Baker.”