Remember (42 page)

“We’ll be making some coaching changes.” That was how the Giants’ head coach had put it to him.

Ryan had understood what the man was saying. Because of his constant praying, he hadn’t been angry or disappointed. The turnover rate was higher in professional coaching than in just about any other field. It was the nature of the job—win or else. After the Giants’ losing season, coaching changes were inevitable, as were the offers from other teams. The moment Ryan was officially released from his contract with the Giants, half a dozen other teams had wanted to interview him. Denver, Oakland, Detroit, Chicago—for a week after the season ended, the list had seemed to grow each day.

Now it was mid-January, and Ryan had spoken with owners from every team that called. But only this afternoon had he made the decision to contact each of them with his answer.

Ryan sucked in a breath of freezing air and took one last look. Then he headed out the side entrance to his car and home to an apartment, where he planned to spend the evening packing.

After a year in the NFL, Ryan Taylor was walking away.

Not to a position with another team. Not to a spot in the analysts’ booth for one of the networks—another offer that had come his way last week.

But to Bloomington, Indiana, and to a woman who’d captured his heart when he was barely more than a boy.

* * *

Kari opened her door and smiled at the familiar young woman on her front step. “Hi, Erin. Come in.”

At first, Erin had been terrified to learn that the person she’d be studying with was her very own sister. But Kari had promised her anonymity—the same as if they hadn’t known each other. Now, several weeks since they’d begun meeting together, they were finally getting to the heart of the issues.

The problem wasn’t surprising. Erin didn’t want to move away. She didn’t trust Sam or love him enough to follow him to Texas. And when she and Kari first began meeting, she had no plans to change her opinion.

They had spoken about Erin’s male friend, and Kari had convinced her sister that such a relationship could only get her in trouble. After that, she had finally given Erin an assignment.

“I want you to remember why you fell in love with Sam.” Kari had handed Erin a booklet. “There are some examples in here, but let’s go over some simple things you can do.”

Kari explained that Erin could read cards and letters Sam had written her back in their dating days or watch their wedding video. Photographs could help her remember special times when love was new. Then, when the memories were fresh, Erin could write a list of things she’d appreciated about Sam back then.

“Remembering why you fell in love with your husband is like training your heart to look for those same qualities in him now.”

Erin’s response was fairly typical. “What if he’s changed?”

Kari smiled. She’d felt the same way back when she and Tim were in counseling. “Believe me”—Kari patted her sister’s hand—“those things you liked about Sam are still there. Even if you have to look harder to find them.”

“Then what?”

“Honor him . . . compliment him. Build him up so he knows you still love him.”

Erin had been skeptical at first. But now, as she stood on the step, a rare smile lit her face. Before she even came in, she opened her arms and hugged Kari close. “Thank you so much, Kari.”

Kari felt her heartbeat quicken. She pulled back and searched Erin’s eyes. “Thank you for what?”

“It worked!” Erin moved into Kari’s living room, pulling Kari behind her. “It was the best week we’ve had in years.”

“You mean because you remembered why you loved him?”

“Yes! I thought it was crazy—outdated, one-sided, whatever. It didn’t make any sense to me at all. But nothing else was working, so I figured I’d give it a shot. Two days later, Sam and I went a whole evening without fighting. He became a completely different person. Kari, I’m serious. Whatever else you have to say, I’m ready to listen.”

Kari couldn’t contain her joy. She giggled, grabbing Erin’s hands and squeezing them. “You know why, don’t you?”

“I don’t know why. I just know it works.” Erin blinked back tears.

“Because it’s from God.” Kari breathed a silent prayer, thanking God for Erin’s breakthrough. “God wants us to remember our first love—both with him and with our spouse. When we remember that way, we’re better able to honor the person we’re unhappy with. After that, everything else falls into place.”

Kari opened her Bible and spread it out on her lap. “Today we’ll go a little deeper. . . .”

* * *

Kari shivered as she walked out of church that Sunday morning.

It had been a moving sermon. Pastor Mark had encouraged the congregation to examine their lives and then move forward. “Aim for the high road, the place where God wants you,” he’d told them. “And don’t let anything get in your way.”

No regrets, he’d said. Make the most of every opportunity so that when life was over, that one statement would be true.

During the message, Kari had glanced down the row at Ashley. Her younger sister was nodding and taking careful notes. Was it possible that just a year ago Ashley would have laughed at the thought of even going to church? Yet here she was, growing in her faith—sold-out to Christ.

Kari’s study with her sister Erin had continued, and although Erin and Sam still had their differences, their marriage grew stronger every week. Erin had confided to Kari that she was pretty sure she would be moving to Texas with her husband when the time came.

Brooke and Peter continued to attend church—though Maddie had been sick again lately, and they’d missed some Sundays. Still, the impact of September 11 remained with them, convincing them they needed God.

All the Baxters were where they should be. Everyone except Luke.

Kari remembered the look on her father’s face when she’d asked him earlier that morning if Luke might be coming. Cole was going to sing a solo in church with the kids’ choir, and Ashley had invited Luke.

“I don’t think so.” Her father’s eyes were heavy with pain. “He told Ashley he didn’t think it would be appropriate.”

How had her brother’s views become so twisted? Kari didn’t know, but she would make a point to call Luke that week and talk with him. Maybe if she reminded him that he was loved and prayed for . . .

She reached her car and shifted Jessie to her opposite hip so she could use the keys. Her daughter was eight months old now and jabbering constantly. Although the rest of her life still hung in an uncertain balance, Kari was deeply grateful for her little girl. She opened the back door and buckled Jessie into her car seat. Then she pulled a bottle from her bag and handed it to her.

“There you go, sweetie. We’ll be home in a few minutes, and you can take a nap.”

Kari moved to the driver’s door but stopped short. An envelope was pinned beneath her wipers.

Strange,
Kari thought. She glanced at the other cars around her. Hers was the only one with something on the windshield. The envelope was damp, so she opened it slowly, careful not to rip the letter inside.

The moment she unfolded the paper, her heart skipped a beat. The handwriting was Ryan’s. But Ryan was in New York. In fact, he’d been so busy with meetings he hadn’t called her for several days.

Her eyes scanned the short note:

Dear Kari,

Meet me at Lake Monroe in an hour. I’ll be at our spot waiting for you.

There was no name, no signature, nothing but the handwriting to convince her that the note was from Ryan. Kari stared at the words again—the way the circles didn’t quite come together and the loops looked almost like straight lines. It was his, wasn’t it? Could it have been someone else’s?

No, it wasn’t possible.

Ryan was the only person she knew who wrote like that.

Kari was still studying the note, trying to figure out what to make of it, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped and turned around. “Dad!” She was breathless. “You scared me.”

Her father’s eyes held a twinkle. “Sorry.” He grinned. “Your mother and I were just wondering if we could watch Jessie this afternoon.” He cooed at the baby. “We, uh, thought you might need the help.”

Kari clutched the note but let her hand drop to her side. “Help for what?”

“Oh, you know,” her mother’s voice teased, “in case you need a few hours to yourself this afternoon.”

John nodded. “To hang out at the lake or something.”

At the lake? Kari looked at the note in her hand once more. “Wait a minute! You guys know about this?”

“Hmm.” Her father’s eyes grew wide with mock innocence. “My goodness, what’s that?”

Kari’s mom grinned. “Looks like a note!” Her parents nudged each other. “Wonder who could have left it on your car?”

Kari grabbed her mother’s arm. “Mom, if you’ve seen Ryan, you have to tell me. Come on! I need to know.”

Her dad shrugged. “All I know is a little bird . . .” He looked at her mother again.

“A big bird, actually.”

John nodded. “Okay, a big bird told us you might need help with Jessie this afternoon. Something about a visit to Lake Monroe—wasn’t that it?”

“Yes, I think so.” Her mom pointed to Kari’s car. “How about you follow us back to our house, get Jessie comfortable in her crib, and find an extra coat and some gloves.”

“You really aren’t going to tell me, are you?”

“Nope.” Her father made a zipping motion across his lips. “We’re really not.”

Kari laughed. There was no point pushing the matter. She did as her parents said, followed them back to their house, and changed into something warm to wear. When Jessie was down for her nap, she set out for Lake Monroe. The whole time, her heart soared with happiness. The note had to be from Ryan. Somehow he’d already talked to her parents and arranged for them to watch Jessie. But why the mystery? And why Lake Monroe, when they could have visited just as easily at her parents’ house?

She pulled into the parking lot exactly one hour after finding the note and peered down toward the edge of the water. There—sitting atop a frozen picnic table—was Ryan. She would have recognized his profile, his build, a hundred yards away.

The moment he heard her car, he turned and grinned. It was him! He had come and turned a cold, wintry Sunday into the warmest day in weeks. With careful steps she made her way down the slick bank. He stood and waited, his eyes fixed on hers.

When she was only a few feet away, she stopped and studied him.

“I see you got my note.”

“I did.” She took another step toward him. “You didn’t tell me you were coming.”

He held out his hands, and she came to him willingly, unable to wait another minute to be in his arms, to feel his warmth against her. “You’re really here. I can’t believe it, Ryan. I knew it was your writing, but still . . .” She snuggled her face against his shoulder. “I thought it might be weeks before you could get away.”

“Well . . .” He drew back, and their eyes met and held. “I had this question I couldn’t ask you on the phone.” His eyes shone with a love so real and true it warmed Kari to the deepest places in her heart. “I figured the only way to ask it was to come here and do it in person.”

Kari’s heart skipped a beat. She knew he’d been released by New York, but so far he hadn’t decided about the other teams. Had he made his decision? Was he moving to another state—maybe farther away than before? She blinked twice, her voice barely audible over the winter wind coming off the lake. “What question?”

Ryan gripped her jacket and eased her closer, kissing her long and slow. “The question I’ve wanted to ask you all my life.”

His grin faded, and a hint of tears glazed the surface of his eyes. Slowly he dropped one knee onto the damp shore and reached for her left hand.

“Ryan!” Shock danced across her heart. Was this . . . ? Could it be . . . ?

“I spoke to your parents earlier today, and they gave me their blessing.”

“Their blessing?” Her head was spinning, but she willed herself to concentrate.

“Kari, all my life I’ve been telling you good-bye, seeking after things I thought would make me complete. . . .” He paused, his words slow and deliberate as he struggled to keep a grip on his emotions. It had taken them so long to reach this point. She tightened her hold on his hand and loved him with her eyes. “When the only time I’m ever whole is when I’m with you.”

He looked straight to her soul. “You complete me, Kari. You always will.”

He opened his right hand, and there in his palm was a diamond solitaire. Not large or too flashy. But just right. Never breaking eye contact, he slipped the ring on her finger. “Marry me, Kari girl. Live with me here in Bloomington. Let me be a father to Jessie and whatever other children the Lord might bless us with. Please, Kari. There’s nothing in my life I want more.”

The tears came unbidden, streaking down her face and past the raised corners of her mouth. She dropped to her knees in front of him and circled her arms around his neck. “I’ve dreamed about this since I was a girl. Are you really here?”

“I’m here, Kari. I don’t ever want to leave you again.”

She leaned back and searched his eyes. “What about your coaching? I won’t stand in your way, Ryan. If that’s what you want, I’m willing to talk about it.”

He shook his head. Never in her life had she seen him more certain. “What I want is right here with you and Jessie. I’m not interested in traveling the country and giving my life to football. I want you, Kari. Only you.”

She laughed through her tears. The wetness of the ground was working its way through her jeans, making her knees cold, but it didn’t matter. She could stay this way in Ryan’s arms forever.

She held her left hand out and stared at the ring. “It’s beautiful, Ryan. How long have you been planning this?”

He hesitated, waiting until her eyes caught his again. “Since I was fourteen.”

“I love you, Ryan Taylor.” She kissed him, wiping her tears against his cheek.

“There’s just one problem.” Ryan sounded serious.