Remember (40 page)

Memories of her childhood flashed in Ashley’s mind, and she could hear her father saying the same thing a dozen years ago.
“We all need a Savior. No one can get to heaven by being good.”

They dropped their hands to their sides, and he wove his fingers between hers. She held on, dreading the fact that any minute she’d have to let go. She let her gaze fall to her feet. If Landon was right, if her father was right, then how did she move on from here?

“What am I supposed to do, then?”

“It depends on what you want.” His eyes held hers.

Everything around her faded except the sound of his voice.

“Do you want a friendship with God, Ashley?”

If he had asked her about becoming a Christian, she would have hesitated. The word
Christian
was so vague it was almost meaningless. Her father called himself a Christian, but then so did the girls at church who had shunned her when she came home from Paris pregnant and alone.

But a friendship with God? It sounded too good to be true. She gave a slow nod of her head. “I’d like that. If he would want me.”

“He wants you.” Landon’s voice dropped to a choked whisper. “All you have to do is ask.” He hesitated. “You know?”

“You mean pray?” Her heart was beating harder than before. She could hear the anxiety in her tone. “Now?”

“Not now.” Landon gave her a half-smile. “Later, when you’re alone with God. When the timing’s right.”

Relief flooded her soul.

All her life she’d avoided a moment like this. People had tried to get her to pray before. She had seen people go through some kind of practiced prayer thing—the sinner’s prayer or something like that. But it had always seemed forced and unnatural. If she was going to ask the Lord to be her friend, ask him to forgive her, she didn’t want to do it here with Landon. Not that he would ever try to force her, but this type of prayer was something that would have to take place between her and the Lord alone.

Landon looked at his watch. “I’ve gotta go.”

“I know.” The pain was so real, Ashley could barely breathe. “Pray for me, okay?”

“Always.” He leaned into her and kissed her once more, a long kiss that would have to be enough for now. Maybe forever. He hugged her. “I meant what I told Cole. I’ll call, and when my year’s up I’ll—”

She shook her head. “No, Landon. No promises. It’s like you said. Some things God doesn’t tell us until it’s time.”

His breath warmed the side of her face. “When did you get to be so smart?”

She angled her head, ignoring the fresh tears that pooled in her eyes. “I have this amazing friend praying for me.”

He kissed her forehead. “Good-bye, Ashley.”

“Good-bye.”

She watched him go, felt her heart grow heavier with each yard that came between them. But not until he was gone did she shut the door and fall to her knees. An ocean of tears had been building within her since the moment he’d told her his plans. Not just because he was leaving, but because he might never come back.

The sound of the patio door opening made her sit back on her heels and cover her eyes. Cole rounded the corner and stared at her. “Mommy, what’s the matter? Are you sick?”

Two quick sobs shook Ashley’s shoulders. “No, I’m . . . I’m just sad.”

“I know what to do.” Cole was at her side in a flash. “Grandma says you’re supposed to pray when you feel sad.” He slipped an arm around her neck and pressed his face against hers. “You want me to pray, Mommy?”

Ashley sniffed. “Yes, honey. Pray . . . pray that Mommy will know for sure that God loves her.”

Cole squeezed his eyes shut and, in beautiful childlike sentences, he did just that.

* * *

The answer to Cole’s prayer came first thing in the morning.

Before Ashley was even awake, Lu from Sunset Hills called.

“Hello?” Ashley crooked her arm across her eyes. She had a headache from crying so much the day before.

“Ashley, I hate to wake you, but something’s happened here. Something bad.”

Ashley sat up in bed, her heart pounding. “Is it Irvel?”

There was silence on the other end.

Ashley had to remind herself to breathe. She was completely awake now, adrenaline coursing through her like a drug. “Lu, tell me. What’s wrong?”

“It’s a long story,” Lu sighed. “I fired Belinda this morning. You’re the only person who can do the job, Ashley. Please come back to Sunset Hills.”

Ashley’s mind raced. What had Belinda done? She forced herself to concentrate on Lu’s offer. “I . . . I don’t want to be a bookkeeper, Lu.”

“I’ll hire someone else to do the books.” Lu sounded like she was ready to cry. “The residents here were different around you, happier. Nothing’s been the same since you left. Please, Ashley. Come back. Whatever you were doing, do it again—and train the staff to do the same thing.” She grabbed a quick breath. “Will you, Ashley? Please?”

Elation replaced every frightening thought Ashley had. Joy filled her heart, and she struggled to find her voice. She was going back! She would see Irvel again and hear about Hank. She would add to the wall of photos and cover the mirror for Edith and bring back the saddle and sawhorse. Tears spilled onto her cheeks as a peal of wonderful laughter slipped from her throat. “When do I start?”

They worked out the details, and Ashley promised to be there first thing in the morning. That way she could spend one more day with Cole before returning to Sunset Hills. Lu had assured her she could still be finished by three, so she and Cole would have afternoons and weekends together.

After she hung up, Ashley stared at the ceiling in awe. It was the perfect arrangement.

She dried her cheeks, and then it hit her. Cole’s prayer! Her son had prayed that she would know for sure God loved her. Ashley let her mouth hang open, amazed. She still hadn’t prayed the way she knew she should. And yet here God was, answering her prayers and the prayers of her little boy, just hours after they’d been uttered.

It was only then that she buried her face in her pillow and really began to talk to God. She begged his forgiveness for a lifetime of bad choices, and she asked him to be her friend, her Savior—then and always. After that, she told him every other thing that was on her heart. Thirty minutes later she stood up and stared out the window.

She was a new person; she could feel it. God’s mercy and grace flooded her, consumed her as they never had before. God loved her! He loved her, and nothing would ever change that.

Not because she was good or because she had finally prayed.

But simply because she was his.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Kari was finding ways to keep busy.

Pastor Mark had arranged for her to meet with Martha Oglesby,  one of the older women at church, a woman who shared Kari’s vision of helping others who might be suffering in their marriages. Twice a week they got together to talk and pray and work through the types of issues Kari might be dealing with once she began such a ministry. Between that and taking care of Jessie, there were whole hours every day when she could avoid thinking about Ryan Taylor.

The nights were something altogether different.

Whatever the future might hold for the two of them, right now God had them apart for a reason. And until they could be together, they each had a job to do.

Ryan’s was to honor his contract.

And hers was to honor God with the work he’d given her.

“I don’t know what tomorrow holds, sweetheart,” her mother had told her the last time they talked about Ryan. “But I have a feeling that somehow it involves Ryan Taylor.”

Her mother’s words played lightly on her heart as she made her way toward the church office that Monday afternoon. She rounded a corner and headed through the sanctuary toward Pastor Mark’s office. He had called earlier and asked her to come by. “There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.”

She entered the pastor’s office and found him on the phone. She took her familiar spot on the sofa across from his desk and waited. After a few seconds he hung up and gave her his usual greeting: “Hello, Kari. How’s your family?”

She smiled and gave a light shrug. “Good, I guess. Ashley got her job back. Erin and Sam seem to be doing pretty well. She’s glad they haven’t moved.”

The pastor nodded. “And I’ve been meeting with Brooke and Peter. They’re not quite to the point of committing, but they’re interested. It’s exciting to see how far they’ve come.” Pastor Mark’s smile faded. “I haven’t seen Luke.”

A heaviness settled over Kari. “He’s struggling.” She folded her hands. “I’ve talked with Mom and Dad, and they think it’s a phase—something he has to work through. But I’m worried.” She hesitated. “His faith took a real hit after September eleventh.”

“I’m sorry.” Pastor Mark sighed, his eyes still on Kari. “I’m praying for him. Have your dad keep me posted.”

“I will.”

The pastor hesitated and settled back into his chair. “Well, Kari. Martha thinks you might be ready.”

“Ready?”

“To meet with someone else, someone who’s having difficulties.” He wheeled his office chair around, dug through his file drawer, and pulled out a sheet of paper. “I have someone in mind.”

The sadness over Luke dimmed, and a surge of excitement welled within her. Of course, Kari had thought herself ready months ago. But if Martha thought so, maybe she really was. “What’s her situation?”

“I talked to her on the phone.” Pastor Mark studied the paper. It was covered with half a page of handwritten notes. “She called last week, and from what I gather she’s young, no children. Struggling in her marriage. She said she’s planning to leave her husband in the next few months. She needs complete confidentiality.”

“Does she know me?”

“I didn’t mention your name.” The pastor looked up from the notes. “And she didn’t give me hers. She was very timid on the phone, worried that someone might find out.” His eyes fell to the notes again. “I told her we had a woman here at church who might be able to meet with her, maybe listen and pray with her. I promised that no one would ever have to know her name or that she was meeting with anyone.”

“What did she say?”

“It wasn’t the answer she was looking for.” Pastor Mark gave Kari a sad smile. “I think she’s pretty set on a divorce.”

Kari’s heart broke for the woman. Marriage could be so difficult, especially with all the pressures that came from daily life. Yet, if she and Tim had worked through their problems and found unity and love again, so could this woman—whoever she was.

“What are her reasons?”

Pastor Mark lifted the paper so he could see it better. “There’s no affair, at least not at this point. Apparently the woman has a male friend at work who listens to her, but she says he’s not the problem.”

“What is?”

“Looks like the trouble started when her husband got a job transfer out of state. They’re supposed to move this summer. The woman told me she’s already decided to stay here. But I think she’s struggling with that. She’s been a believer all her life. Her family won’t understand. That kind of thing.”

Kari leaned forward and stared at Pastor Mark.

The description almost sounded like Erin—except Erin hadn’t been confiding in any coworker, and she certainly hadn’t made plans to divorce Sam and stay in Bloomington. Kari felt a splash of relief as she worked through the details in her mind. No, the woman must be someone else. “How’d you leave it with her?”

“She agreed to meet with you as long as no one else at church finds out. To tell you the truth, I think she’s looking for a way to ease her guilt. If she meets with you, at least she can say she tried. I think she’s hoping you’ll come alongside her, pat her head, and tell her it’s okay to break up her marriage.”

“Exactly what I won’t tell her.” Kari gave Pastor Mark a sad smile.

“Do you think you’re ready?”

Kari’s heart swelled with the thought of using her past, her pain, to help someone else. “I do.”

“Okay then. When can you meet with her?”

“I’ll call her this week and set it up.”

Pastor Mark scribbled something on a piece of notepaper and handed it to Kari. “Here’s her number. She didn’t leave a name.”

Kari took it, and as she looked at the seven digits, her eyes grew wide. She felt the blood drain from her face, and her heart skittered into an unrecognizable pattern.

It wasn’t possible.

Why hadn’t she said anything to Kari? And how would she react when she found out Kari was the person she was going to meet with? None of it seemed even remotely possible. When had she decided to leave her husband, and why hadn’t she told anyone else? And what about this male friend? Who was he?

Kari had no answers, no facts to go on except one—the one very undeniable truth that she held in her trembling hands.

The phone number on the slip of paper did not belong to a stranger.

It belonged to her sister Erin.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Irvel’s bruises were enough to make Ashley sick.

The old woman lay in bed moaning, her withered arms discolored with patches of deep purple and blue, streaked with lines of blood red. Her head rolled from side to side, her eyes wide and fearful. There was a strong odor in the room, as though Irvel hadn’t bathed in days. Not only that, but her hair was separated in oily sections, matted to her head. She looked like she’d aged ten years in two weeks.

Ashley barely recognized her.

“Irvel?” She crept into her room Tuesday morning, her stomach in knots. What in the world had happened to her? She went to Irvel’s bedside and took the old woman’s hand. “Hello, Irvel, how are you?”

Irvel stopped moaning and turned her eyes to Ashley. There was a moment when she looked like she might scream. But instead, her lids lowered, and she smacked her lips. Then she began singing. “Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father. . . . Great is Thy faithfulness . . . O God my Father. . . . Great is Thy . . .” The words were rusty and fast, and she spouted them over and over, completely out of tune.

They sounded like they were coming from a crazy person.