Released (Eternal Balance) (6 page)

Chapter Seven

Azirak/Jax

It took some convincing, but Sam finally managed to persuade Azi to take her to a library. We found one and waited till it opened, and she’d been sitting in front of a public computer for the last hour now. As hard as it was to believe, there were actually three bars in the United States called Comraderies. Based on what she’d seen in her flash, she was able to rule out one because it was a biker bar. That left two to check.

“Which of the remaining two is it?” The demon was getting restless. It was sometime after ten in the morning, and it was pacing my body back and forth. It reminded me of the way Sam stalked the kitchen as she waited on the coffee machine in the morning.

Sam pushed the keyboard back. She stood and tossed the demon a nasty glare. The woman at the desk on the other side of the room had been watching us. Every time Azi moved in close to Sam, she stiffened, a puff of gray rising into the air around her. “How the hell should I know?”

Azi looked from the computer to Sam. Irritation coursed through my body. “Do you not understand—”

An explosion of red burst into the air. Sam shot forward and jammed her finger against my chest. “I understand that you repeatedly whining in my ear about how important this is won’t do anyone a damn bit of good.”

“You dare use that tone with me?”

Brows knitting together to form a deep V, she poked me again, this time harder. “Oh, I
dare
.”

“Is there a problem?” The woman came around the desk and stopped a few feet from us. Her attention was trained mostly on Sam, but her eyes occasionally darted to me, full of suspicion.

Sam opened her mouth, then closed it with a snap. I knew that look. It was the
I’m about to go postal and shred your ass
look. With a deep breath, she shook her head and gathered the notes she’d made on the bars’ locations. “No. Sorry about the noise.”

Azi shouldered past the woman. Sam made a move to follow, but the librarian grabbed her hand. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to go with him.”

Don’t say a thing!

I felt the demon gearing up to attack the woman—verbally or physically, I didn’t know. Neither would be good for our cause, though.

Let Sam handle it.

“While I appreciate the concern, my boyfriend is an asshole at the moment. I promise he’s just going through…” She glanced back and narrowed her eyes. “A
temporary
phase.”

The librarian hesitated. Her colors swirled, a mix of fear and uncertainty, but she stepped out of the way instead of arguing, probably happy with herself for trying but thrilled to not get truly involved.

Sam forced a smile, then dragged my body out the door and into the cold air.

Azi let her lead us to the car before ripping my hand from hers. “No more distractions. We need—”

“The rock,” she finished with a sigh. “Yeah, yeah. Broken demonic record.”

It took the paper from her. “One of these places is in Virginia. The other is in New York.”

“The one in New York obviously isn’t a huge issue, but Virginia might be a problem.”

“We have a vehicle.”

“We do,” Sam agreed. “But it requires fuel to get from point A to point B, and last time I checked, I had about twelve dollars in my bank account, and Jax has even less than that.”

“If you need currency, then take it from someone who has it.”

“And who, exactly, should that be?” It didn’t answer her, but a response wasn’t necessary. She knew exactly what the demon was hinting at. Sam’s eyes narrowed, and she tensed. “You’re not going to mug random people.”

“It won’t be random. I will choose someone that I feed from.”

“The hell you will.” Deep red burst into the air around Sam’s shoulders as she came at us. With an impressive shove, she let out a growl. “What you do is bad enough—but robbing them, too? There has to be a line.”

Azi’s confusion was so thick that it nearly choked me. “I will stick to the human’s rules when I feed, as I have since taking control.”

“Rules?” Her face was tinted red, and the muscles in her neck stretched taut. Sam wasn’t normally high-strung, but this whole thing had to be taking a toll on her nerves. “What frigging rules?”

“I will only assault evil men.” A flicker of amusement flooded my system. “Unless you wish me to feed by other means.”

I will fucking kill you…

But, as usual, my threat went ignored. Not that I could blame it. I was about as dangerous as a three-legged kitten right now.

“Other means? As in let you put your grubby hands all over me?”

“They’re
his
hands.”

“And when he’s back in control, I’ll welcome them.”

“Fine then.” The demon chuckled. “Then perhaps I could find a volunteer.” Azi turned my body to face the truck. It straightened and gazed into the window, flashing a wicked smile at my reflection. “Human females find him appealing. I don’t believe I’ll have any trouble finding—”

A swirl of red and gray filtered into the air. “He’d never let you do that.”

My body leaned forward. “His body has…needs.”

“Yeah? Well as far as I know, no guy ever bit the big one from lack of sex.”

“If I wish to cavort with a willing participant, he has no way of stopping me.” Azi leaned in close. “He might like it. I wonder… Shall I tell you of the other females?”

Sam’s face paled, and she backed away a step. “Others?”

“He was merely seventeen when he left you. Do you think it truly conceivable that he didn’t fornicate before you?”

What the fuck are you doing?

“I—”

Azi laughed and I felt it. Intense satisfaction. Not at hurting Sam, that wasn’t its intent, but at hurting me. It wanted me to pay for what I’d done to Malphi. “In the beginning, it was how he fed me. I preferred the anger, the violence, but Jax resisted. He didn’t want to harm people. Would you like details?” It moved a step closer to her, now just a few inches from her face. “Would you like to know how many there were? What their names are? The sounds they made as he—”

I get it. You want to make me suffer. But can’t you see what you’re doing to her?

Sam tried to keep her expression neutral, but the swirling colors above her couldn’t lie.

At her pain, the demon sobered a little.

Now that’s interesting.

If the demon was more than ego and selfish desire—if it cared about someone other than itself—maybe I could find a way to gain the upper hand after all.

“Were you with no one other than him?” it asked.

“There was—there was one guy. Just once.”

“And did you think of him while you were with this one guy?” the demon drawled. I felt it—the bastard genuinely thought he’d make her feel better by continuing. “Because he thought of you. Each and every time he—”

STOP IT!

Sam swallowed but kept her expression neutral. “You’re trying to skirt the issue,
Azirak
,” she said, her voice soft. “But the truth is, he would stop you. He
could
.”

Just for shits and giggles, I pushed for control. Nothing happened, but I could feel the smallest glint of concern from the demon.

I did it once. You better believe I’ll fucking do it again.

“He is…extraordinary. I know now that I must be extra vigilant. It will
not
happen again.”

Sam wanted to argue. I could see it in her eyes, along with the pain the demon’s confession had caused. But she pushed it all aside, and instead sighed and pulled out the keys to Kelly’s truck. With a flick of her wrist, she said, “You’re leading this little expedition to crazy. What now?”

“If you saw this girl again, do you think it would be possible to deduce the location of the bar?”

Sam shrugged. “Who knows? I mean, if she’s not at the bar—assuming this thing works in real-time—then maybe a landmark or something might tell us which of the two it is.”

Azi rounded the car and slipped into the passenger’s side seat as Sam slid behind the wheel. It dug into my pocket and pulled out the knife it’d used to cut my hand at the cabin. With a quick slice, a new trickle of red oozed from the surface. Without saying a word, it held out my hand to Sam.

She hesitated. The struggle in her eyes made me hate myself. Sam hadn’t asked for any of this. Her life would never have been affected by the fact that she was a Pure. She would have lived and died and never been the wiser. Instead, I’d come back to town to see my uncle one last time before he died, and carved a path of death and destruction through everyone’s lives—the exact thing I’d left them to avoid.

Irony was a bitch.

With a sigh, Sam took my hand. And even though I was stuffed down, pushed to the brink of my own body, I still felt the warmth her skin gave off, still felt the spark that came just from being near her.

Her eyes fluttered closed, and she inhaled sharply. A second later, a scream split the air.

Chapter Eight

Sam

It’s dark and I don’t see the axe swing down until it’s too late. I scream and trip sideways in an attempt to avoid it. Two things happen at once. First, I remember that I’m not really here. I’m just an observer, incorporeal and safe from whatever hell is playing out. And two, the axe doesn’t actually come down.

A chorus of giggles and a flash of something—probably a camera—and I realize that the weapon is fake. Another flash of light and I catch a glimpse of our mystery girl. At least, I think it’s her. In dark, smeared makeup and a black robe, she’s standing to my right, a few feet ahead—and she has the axe in her hands.

“This is the lamest thing I’ve ever seen,” another girl says from somewhere to our right. She snickers and flips our girl off before moving farther into the darkness. Several others come through, groups of two and three, most squealing with delight as the girl growls and swings her fake weapon.

When there’s a break in traffic, she leans her axe against the wall, partially obscured by the shadows, and slips through a cloth-covered door. I follow. There isn’t much to see. It’s a small room full of pipes and wires. There’s a large circuit board on the far wall, and a rickety table a few feet from the door. Nothing overly telling—except for the small paper cup on the edge of the table. I go to reach for it, but my periphery grows hazy and dark.

“Whoa.” I grabbed the wheel with both hands as a wave of dizziness rolled over me. “I can’t decide if doing that is a rush or it just makes me sick.”

“What did you see?”

“Not a lot. I still don’t know who this girl is, but it seems she has a second job. There was a paper cup with the Bush Gardens logo on it.” Logically that meant she wasn’t in New York, which sucked. In meant a road trip we didn’t really have time for. “Looks like we’ll be heading to Virginia.”

…

Azi had gone to feed. When it came back, the demon handed me a fifty-dollar bill, assuring me that it hadn’t been stolen or obtained by violence of any kind. It was crazy, and maybe it was the stress finally taking hold and liquefying what little good sense I had left, but I actually believed it. We’d filled the tank of Kelly’s truck and headed for the Jersey Turnpike.

The GPS on my cell told me the amusement park was four hundred and sixty miles from where we were, just outside Poughkeepsie. It equaled about an eight-hour car ride, one I wasn’t looking forward to taking with a demon. But I was hoping it would give me some time to think. There had to be a way out of this mess. A way to get Jax back front and center.

“You are quiet,” Azi said. We’d been driving for about two and a half hours now. “He has been quiet, as well.”

“Jax.” It wasn’t a question. I mean, who the hell else would it have been talking about? But the sound of his name on my lips was a small bit of comfort.

“You still cling to senseless hope. I can hear it in your tone.”

“I have to keep hoping.” I hated how small I sounded. How even I heard the defeat in my voice. “Otherwise there’s no point to any of this.”

“Suit yourself. But it is wasted energy.”

I bit down hard on my tongue. What I wanted was to argue. What did a demon know about the human spirit? It couldn’t comprehend the depths of devotion people could have toward one another. “Have you ever cared about them? The humans whose lives you screw up?”

“I don’t understand your question.”

The response was basic, but I couldn’t help noticing the way Jax’s body shifted, almost uncomfortably, and Azi leaned it farther away. “Sure you do. It’s simple, really. Do you care? Do you give a shit? Do you feel even an inkling of guilt for stealing these people’s lives? I get that you’re impressed with Jax, but what about the others?”

“The others,” it repeated. “You do not see your species clearly. Humans are inferior. They are fragile and break easily. They are weak minded and in so many cases value foolish things. I will admit this particular human intrigues me. The strength of his will and purity of his emotion for you is by far the most potent I have felt in all my years on this plane. But the others? The answer is no. I do not care. They were insignificant and fleeting. A means to an end.”

The rage that boiled up in my gut threatened to blow my head apart. I had to maintain all my focus on keeping the truck between the lines on the road.

“I admit to feeling differently about this human. About you.” From the corner of my eye, I could see it looking at me. “It changes nothing, however. The eventual outcome was put into motion the moment I was born into this body. Even if I wanted to, there is no shifting the path we must take.”

I thought I detected a note of regret, but I had to remind myself that it was Jax’s voice I was hearing. I was pinning a familiar emotion to it, probably to make myself feel better about the situation.

“You’re wrong,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. A normal person probably wouldn’t have heard me, but I knew Azi could. “About all of it. You’re wrong.”

…

It was just before dawn, and we were just three hours from the park. Azi and I hadn’t spoken since it had deemed us all worthless piles of skin and bones. My anger had abated—a little—leaving me physically and mentally exhausted.

“I imagine the park does not open for some time,” it said, breaking the silence.

“Probably.”

“Then may I suggest you find a place to sleep for several hours?”

“You might, but I’d ignore you.”

“He wishes you to rest.”

I gritted my teeth and blew out slowly to gain control over my temper. “Does he? Well, then, let him tell me himself.”

“If you do not pull the vehicle off the road, I will be forced to make you.”

I snorted. “Make me? How the hell—”

Before I knew what was happening, Jax’s hand grabbed the wheel. With a brutal jerk to the right, the truck cut sideways, across two lanes of traffic. The sound of squealing tires and blaring horns filled the air as I slammed the brake, and a foul burning-rubber smell filled my nose. When the truck finally came to a stop, we were just past a break in the guardrail—thank God—and several yards into an open field.

For a moment I couldn’t move. Hell, I could barely breathe. My hands, white and shaking, were clamped so tightly that there was a noticeable vibration in the steering wheel.

“I know they probably don’t have cars in
hell
, but what the fuck!” I exhaled and let go of the wheel. “If you want me dead, there are simpler ways to go about it.”

“I wish the opposite. It is detrimental for your body to go without sleep. I am taking care of you, as per my agreement with my human.”

“Agreement?” This kept getting better and better. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“He wishes for me to keep you safe.”

I balked. For a second I had no idea what to say. Of course Jax would want me to be safe, but I couldn’t help feeling that by asking Azi to watch out for me, he’d given up. “I can keep myself safe.”

“You are capable. For a human. However, your disregard for natural body functions is troubling. Sleep is necessary for your kind.”

“And where would you like me to sleep? Last time I checked, we didn’t have money for a hotel.”

“Sleep in the truck. There is adequate room in the backseat.”

“I’d rather sleep on the hood.”

“Go to sleep,” the demon said with eerie calm. It twisted Jax’s body toward me and leaned in close. “Now. Or you won’t like what I’ll do.”

My response was simple, “No.”

Azi was quiet for a moment. I was tempted to pull the truck back onto the road and pretend the whole thing never happened, but just as I went to grab the wheel, it said, “I will return him to you.”

I froze. “You’ll—” That was its threat? Give me what I wanted? Bullshit. It thought I’d been born five minutes ago?

“For a short time,” it amended. “I will allow him partial control if you agree to sleep.”

I stared. I tried to answer, but no words would come. Bribery? The demon was bribing me?
To go to sleep
?

“Are we in agreement?”

“And what exactly does ‘partial control’ mean?” I asked, finding my voice. There was no flicker of hope at his words. No flutter of anticipation.

Without a word, Azi unbuckled the seat belt and threw open the door. Once out the passenger’s side, it slipped into the backseat in a single, fluent move. It closed the door and settled Jax’s body across the seat, leaning back. “He will have the ability to speak to you. That is all. I will permit him to stay conscious until you fall asleep.”

It was blackmail. Cruel, twisted blackmail. Yet a part of me, despite my original feelings, wanted to immediately latch on to the small crumb it offered and not look back. The ache that came with missing Jax grew each hour we were apart. I was desperate, and Azi knew it.

Without a word, I slipped from the driver’s side, partially ashamed of myself for allowing the demon to manipulate me, and crawled into the back. With a click, I closed the door behind me and kept my gaze down. I was afraid to look Jax in the eye. Afraid this was another trick. Maybe if I just pretended…

“Sammy…”

Sammy. Just a single word. A childish nickname I’d heard uttered millions of times. It sounded like Jax. There was a tremble in his voice that hadn’t been there moments ago. Yet I still couldn’t bring myself to lift my gaze. Not after what the demon had done at the cabin.

“I swear. It’s me,” he tried again.

This time I caved. I lifted my head, and my eyes caught his. All the air whooshed from my lungs like someone had dropped a two-ton weight onto my chest. I threw myself forward and brought my lips to his.

He returned the kiss, equally frantic. I ran both hands up the sides of his face, reveling in the newfound warmth and wondering how the hell I’d missed that at the cabin. He deepened the kiss, tilting his head sideways, but his arms stayed at his sides.

After a moment, I pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

His eyes squeezed closed, and when he opened them, there was fury there—indignant rage. “I can’t move. I can speak, but—”

“Shh.” I leaned in and planted the softest kiss against his forehead. I twisted and wedged myself between his outstretched legs and the seat and wrapped my arms around him. “I’ll take what I can get,” I said, resting my head against his chest. Hearing his heartbeat, knowing that it was
his
blood it pumped, was more of a comfort than I could have imagined.

“Are you okay?” His voice was so soft I almost didn’t hear him.

“No. I’m not okay.” I lifted my head so I could see his eyes, a part of me still worried that this was all just some cruel trick. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. But I’m here. I can’t always talk to you, or hold you, but I’m in here. Always watching.” He was quiet for a moment, and I could almost hear him grinding his teeth. “Look, I need to explain something.”

I knew by his tone what he was talking about, and it was the last thing I wanted to discuss now. But the guilt in his voice silenced me. If he needed to explain, I’d let him—not that it mattered. What the demon had told me about the time Jax was away didn’t sway my feelings. It’d hurt, sure, but it changed nothing.

“What Azi said was true. I did…there were other girls. It didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about—”

“Jax,” I said. “You left. You had no intention of coming back—”

“I didn’t,” he confirmed. “I wanted to. It just wasn’t safe. I believed you were better off without me.”

“Do you think I expected you to live like a priest—and no altar boy jokes, this is serious.” He snickered, but let me go on. “I get it.” It hurt like hell, but I did. I understood. I couldn’t imagine how he must have felt, being seventeen, scared of himself, of the world, of what he might do… How lonely he must have been. “It was a way to escape and feed the demon without hurting anyone.”

We could keep going like this, talking in circles. It wouldn’t change the past. He’d left Harlow, and we’d
both
moved on. The important thing was that we’d found our way back to each other. I had no intention of letting him go this time. “You fought your way to the surface. Back at the cabin. Keep fighting. Do it again.”

“It’s not that simple, Sammy. The few seconds I managed to steal my body back almost killed me.”

I leaned back against him, grabbing his arm and draping it across my shoulder. It felt like heaven and hell all at the same time—a tease of something I’d lost, coupled with the taunt of something I could no longer have. “Then what do we do?”

He kissed the top of my head. “We’ll think of something.”

As I closed my eyes and the darkness tugged me under, I couldn’t help feeling like he was lying—which terrified me. What could possibly be worse than what we were already dealing with?