Released (Eternal Balance) (5 page)

“I will consider it.”

Alarm bells should have been going off, flashing neon red and strongly worded warnings. Instead, all I saw was hearts and confetti. “Okay. Okay, I’ll try.”

The demon nodded and stood. “Get some rest. We’ll try a different kind of motivation in the morning.”

Chapter Five

Azirak/Jax

Silence wasn’t always an issue for me. As volatile as my life was, and with the cries of those I’d hurt echoing through my brain on repeat ten thousand times a day, I’d never had a chance to feel truly disconnected. But since the demon had taken over, the extended periods of nothingness had started to wear on me.

The demon might not have needed sleep, but my body did. Each time it drifted off, I ended up here—the white room. It was a weird place, even by my standards. Stark ghost walls were covered in framed pictures of Sam. Well, half of the walls. The room had an invisible line. The half I was on—the one I couldn’t seem to leave—had the pictures. Everything from our lives together growing up, to moments I’d spied after leaving Harlow, occasionally looking in on her life in secret. Once in a while I’d notice a new picture on the wall, a snapshot from something that happened after Azi took control. Those were different from the others. Encased in a black frame with cracked glass, they had an odd shimmer to them, like the canvas was dusted in super fine glitter.

The other half of the room was bare, for the most part. There were two things on the walls. A steering wheel—it looked like it’d come from a car—and a pencil imbedded halfway to the eraser. Like the thing had wounded the wall, it seeped blood, fresh pools of it trailing down to puddle at the floor. The puddle never seemed to get any bigger, spanning a space only about the circumference of a volley ball, but I could see it actively dripping down the wall.

But the worst part? There were no windows and no doors—and no sound. Several times I’d felt like something was watching me, but I saw nothing. I assumed it was Azi. Tonight was one of those nights, but it felt different somehow. The air was charged, and it was almost as though there was a cool breeze blowing across my skin.

I leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor. My gaze fell to a picture of Sam on my right, one from after I’d left home. She was wearing a sleek red dress—one of my favorite colors—and stood watching with a mildly bored expression as Chase pinned a single red rose to her strap. Prom night. I remembered it all too well. She’d looked amazing, the most stunning thing in the room, but her expression had been vacant. Dead. She’d laughed at Chase’s jokes, danced to loud music—even attended an after-party rave—but anyone with eyes could see she wanted to be anyplace else. I’d almost gone back that night. The pain in her eyes had cut deep enough to make me consider doing the unthinkable. In the end, though, as I watched her settle into her room in the early morning hours, I decided she was better off without me.

I was an ass.

“Whatever the fuck it is you want, I’m not interested.”

From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of something. The opposite side of the room had darkened, and tufts of black smoke wafted off the wall beside the pencil. “You must tell me how to gain Samantha Merrick’s cooperation.”

I scrambled upright as the smoke began to take shape. It took a few moments, but soon a black shadow stood before me, shaped like me, but not quite solid. Wisps of feathery black twitched around the edges, making the thing look like a dark cloud. I could barely make out my own features through the murk—which was creepier than I would have expected.

“Lemme guess,” I said. “Santa Claus?”

“You understand that we will both perish, do you not?”

“I understand that you made me a prisoner in my own fucking body!”

The churning smoke twisted and surged, racing at me with a horrible howl. Obviously the demon wasn’t restricted to a single side of the room like I was. “You killed my mate.” The words bounced off the walls, and I fell to the ground, ears covered as the sound reverberated through my entire body like ten thousand razors cutting into my skin.

A few moments later, Azi reformed in the corner and the pain faded. “We must work as one. If Zenak wins in any capacity, Samantha Merrick will die.”

I righted myself again and used the wall to stand. “And you care so fucking much?”

“If I was not concerned for her, I would not be forcing her to find the stone using such unpleasant methods.”

“Have you met Sam? No one can force her to do anything she doesn’t want to.”

“Not true,” the demon said with a laugh. The smoke around it cleared for a moment, giving me a quick glimpse of my own dark features. “You can.”

“I can’t—and neither can you.” I stalked forward, forgetting about the invisible wall. When I reached the barrier, it was like someone had kneed me in the face. “If you fucking touch her again, I’ll—”

“Fine,” it said with an odd sense of satisfaction. “Challenge accepted.”

The smoke exploded, and wisps scattered in all directions before dissipating completely. The force of it knocked me back into the wall. There was a rushing sensation and the white room fell away. A sound filled the air. It was familiar, but it took a second to realize that it was my voice.

The demon bolted upright, and my body went rigid for a moment as the last remnants of an agonized roar tore from my throat. I—
we
—were awake.

There was a thud on the other side of the room, followed by Sam’s bare feet slapping against the groaning, ancient hardwood. “What? What happened?” She flipped the lamp on and light flooded the room.

“It was—I—” The demon maneuvered my body sideways and Sam came into full view. She was still wearing her jeans and T-shirt, but it was immediately obvious that she’d removed her bra. The thin cotton of her shirt clung to the perfection beneath, shifting with tantalizing allure with each movement she made.

It was impossible not to notice—even in spite of my situation. I was a fucking man, after all, and this was the girl that had haunted my every wet dream. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one who noticed. My muscles flexed, my body reacting not only to my desire, but to the demon’s. Azi inhaled. The scent of Sam’s concern, tinged with just the smallest trace of lust, was like a drug. A drug we both wanted more of.

“Sammy,” it said, shifting a few inches closer. It brought my hand up and trembled slightly as it touched the tips of my fingers to her cheek. The heat from her skin was an inferno that threatened to singe the deepest parts of me.

Rage welled up as I realized what the demon intended to do, and I fought like I never had before.

Don’t you fucking dare!

I might not have been in control of my physical body, but I felt the ripple none the less.

Sam’s eyes widened. I waited for her to back away, to see though the bullshit, but she didn’t move. A burst of hope, bright pink and faintly acidic, lifted from her shoulders and into the air.

My fingers skimmed up her face, trailing lightly over the top of her ear before gently winding around the back of her head. “Is it—am I—”

Sam took a breath and held it, shaking her head slowly. “You couldn’t have—Jax?”

“I don’t know how long I can hold on,” the demon said, my voice coming out in a choked whisper. With everything I had, I fought to pull my hand away. I battled the demon, pouring all my remaining strength into putting distance between us and Sam.

You can take my body. You can take my fucking life. But I won’t let you take her!

For a minute I thought I felt hesitation. I could have sworn I felt the tug of resistance. But my body didn’t move. It didn’t back away. In fact, it moved a fraction of an inch closer.

The softest sound escaped Sam. She threw herself forward, wrapped both arms around my shoulders, and crushed her lips to mine. What little fight that was in me to resist dissipated, and I wasn’t sure if it was Azi’s overwhelming desire to touch her—or my own—that did me in.

The demon reached behind me and captured Sam’s wrists. In a single, blurring move, it had her on her back, and positioned my body above her. It swung my leg over, straddled her, and let go of her arms to yank off my shirt.

The separation was too much. Sam gasped and dragged my body back down, guiding my lips back to hers. The sensation itself was euphoric, but the spark it caused was like being dipped in liquid flame. A low growl came from deep inside my throat, and my fingers, under Azi’s command, reached for the hem of Sam’s shirt.

One simple maneuver and it was off, an expanse of creamy perfection laid out before me. The demon brought my lips down and trailed a line of nibbling kisses from the nape of her neck down to the valley between her breasts. It hovered above her right nipple, flicking my tongue out just once and sending Sam arching off the bed.

The sound she made, a cross between a hiss and a moan, brought me crashing back down. I wanted this—I wanted her—but not like this. Not without her knowing what was really going on. Not without getting rid of the demon first.

Stop!

It was like I hadn’t even spoken. Azi gave no acknowledgment of my command. It paid no attention to the fury I felt. All that existed was Sam and a hunger that desperately needed to be sated. It ground my hardened length against her, savoring the painfully building pressure.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” she said, breathless. “The stone—” Yet despite her words, Sam’s hands were at the button of my jeans, fumbling to slide it through the hole. When she had it open, she ripped the zipper down and pushed the material back as far as she could reach.

The response my body gave made me feel like a bastard. Part of it was involuntary, while a much larger part was the demon. But, in some small way, it was me as well. I wanted Sam so badly, so completely, that I would take her however I could. But that was me, and I’d be damned if that choice would be taken away from her.

“We might not get another chance,” Azi breathed, my lips lingering at her ear for a second. The demon straightened and brought my hands to her hips. It slid them roughly up and down several times before finally going for the button of her jeans. “If I—if it takes over again, you have to find the stone. You have to—”

With one last push, I fought. I couldn’t let the demon do this. I wouldn’t. My fingers gripped the button, but it didn’t slip through the hole. Instead, my hand shook, every muscle in my body igniting in horrible pain.

Sam tensed. “Jax?” She shimmied out from under me and shuffled herself into a sitting position.

“I…” My fingers curled tight—my doing, not Azi’s—and I sucked in a greedy lungful of air. It didn’t last, though. My fist uncurled at the demon’s command, and Azi lifted my head, gaze meeting Sam’s. It moved forward and reached out to her as its hunger spiked to an all-time high. In that moment, the demon had never wanted anything more than her. “We have to—”

“It’s not me!” The words were mine, and better than that, they came with actual voice. The shock on Sam’s face was powerful, but it wasn’t the thing that stole my breath away. It was Azi’s surprise—then unparalleled fury—that brought the house down.

One minute I was looking at Sam, seeing her with
my own
eyes, the next I was overcome by a spinning sensation. I closed my eyes and reached out for anything to keep from toppling over. When my hand touched something solid, I opened my eyes to find that I was back in the white room. The black shadow was on the other side.

“No one has ever done that,” Azi said. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I detected a note of admiration. “Forced me back.”

“I used to do it all the time,” I wheezed. Greedily, I pulled in a series of long, frantic breaths. Every part of me was tapped out. My pulse was a barely-there patter, almost as though it was about to come to a standstill, and my legs shook beneath the weight of my body—fucking hysterical when you thought about it. This wasn’t even a physical form. “What the—” I pulled in another deep breath. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

The shadowy figure seemed to shake its head slowly. “It truly is a pity. You are so much less inferior than your fellow man.”

“Fuck you.” My fists curled, and it took all the self-control I had not to lunge forward despite my weakened state. Sure, it wouldn’t have done jack shit. Even if I could have crossed to the other side, you couldn’t beat the crap out of smoke. But it might have made me feel better.

The demon didn’t respond. It stood in the corner, next to the pencil, and made a sound that was almost like a sigh. After a few minutes, it said, “I have lived a thousand lives, and not once have I felt regret.”

“Regret? What you almost did goes way fucking beyond that!”

“My regret has nothing to do with Samantha Merrick.”

“What then?”

Silence…and the longer it went on, the more I feared the answer.

Chapter Six

Sam

Jax stirred and, after a moment, opened his eyes. They were the same stormy gray I knew and loved, but that didn’t mean a thing. Since Azi had taken over, Jax’s eyes had remained the right color. Still, I had to be sure.

I swallowed and took a deep breath, but when I tried to push the question out, the words wouldn’t come. Really though, was there any point in asking? If it were Jax back in control, he wouldn’t be across the room. He wouldn’t be staring at me with that cold, clinical glare.

“It was you,” I said softly, tamping down the tidal wave of disappointment—disappointment that was followed closely by fury. “When I woke up.”

“I told you,” it said, sitting up on the bed. There was a smallest hint of a grin on Jax’s lips. “I can be him.”

Yeah, it could. A flash of guilt went through me. How could I have not known I wasn’t kissing Jax? What kind of a person did that make me? “You can act like Jax, I’ll give you that. But you can’t
be
him.”

It tilted Jax’s head and a small chunk of dark hair slipped into his eyes. I had to remind myself it wasn’t him, that moving to the other side of the room to brush it away, to feel its soft texture, wasn’t right. “You are angry.”

I bit down hard on my tongue and clenched my fists. My nails had grown a bit over the past few weeks and they dug tiny craters into my skin. “Angry? Why the hell would I be angry? You tried to rape me!”

It swung Jax’s legs over the edge of the bed, pausing for a moment before standing. In three long strides, the demon was standing in front of me, an imposing shadow blotting out what little light filtered in from the hallway. It sank to my level and crouched in front of my chair.

“I am a demon. A royal, no less. I take what I want when I want it.” It licked Jax’s lips, eyes raking over me from head to toe. The action was undoubtedly sexy as hell—which I was damn sure the demon knew. “And right now, I want you. As I recall, you were a more than willing participant. We could finish what we started.”

My heart stammered several times before kicking into overdrive. My muscles tensed, and I found myself involuntarily pushing back against the chair. “That’s not going to happen.”

“I do not understand why. Is it not his body you crave? His touch?” Azi rose and followed me. It placed a hand on either side of my head, against the wall, and leaned closer.

“What I
crave
is the person inside that body.”

The demon withdrew one of Jax’s hands from the wall and traced the outline of my bottom lip with his thumb. “That person is still inside this body. Besides…” The grin that never failed to melt me—inside and out—slid across Jax’s face. “I could show you pleasure the likes of which you cannot imagine. Things far more decadent than anything you would experience with him.”

While I had to admit I was intrigued—because, seriously, who the hell wouldn’t be—it changed nothing. “No.”

Expression darkening, it grabbed my chin and squeezed. “No one denies me what I want.”

“Maybe that was the case in your past lives.” I couldn’t keep the venom from my voice. “But not this one. Not with Jax still in there. He wouldn’t let you do it. That was him,
right
? For a second, he seized control.”

Azi released my face and pulled back a few inches. “His feelings for you give him remarkable strength. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“So, you’ve never seen love?”

“My past humans have loved.” There was a wistful expression on Jax’s face. “But human emotions are fettered by ulterior motives. They are selfish and dark.” The demon turned to me. “But his love is unlike anything I have experienced in the past. He is tainted, yet he loves unconditionally. There is nothing he would not sacrifice for you. No line he would not cross.”

I held my breath, unable to speak. This wasn’t new information. I knew how Jax felt about me. It was the same way I felt about him. But it was so strange to listen to the demon deconstruct it. Azi made it sound like magic, a fairy tale that didn’t exist inside reality.

“I wonder,” it said, letting go of the wall completely. “What would you be willing to do for him?”

I squared my shoulders and looked directly into Jax’s eyes. “I would do
anything
for him.”

Jax’s features softened. Azi held out his hand, and I hesitated a minute before taking it and allowing the demon to pull me away from the chair. “Then you need to concentrate.” It pulled a knife from Jax’s back pocket, and when I cringed away, it said, “Fear not, Samantha Merrick. I will not harm you.”

It dragged the blade across the palm of Jax’s hand, and a moment later, a thin line of red welled up.

“Take his hand,” it commanded, extending Jax’s arm. “It is my Brim Stone. Given to me in the moment of my creation by Lord Lucifer. My essence lives in the human’s blood. I believe it will help you focus on what we seek.”

I hesitated. I’d never fully trusted Azi, but after seizing control of Jax’s body, what little trust I’d felt diminished even more. Still, our goal was technically the same. It didn’t want to die—and I didn’t want Jax to die. We were on the same side. For now.

With a deep breath, I took Jax’s hand. His body temperature was much cooler since Azi took the wheel. I cursed myself for not noticing earlier. “Okay. Now what?”

“Close your eyes.” The demon tightened its grip on my hand. “Concentrate on the blood. Feel the stain on your hands. The warmth of it seeping into you. Now,” it said, voice deepening. “Picture the stone.”

I kept my eyes closed even though I was pretty sure this was a waste of time. “How can I picture the stone? I’ve never seen it.”

“You don’t need to have seen it, Sammy. I—”

My eyes flew open. “Don’t.” Without too much thought, I gave the demon a good, hard shove. “
Don’t
call me that.”

Jax’s brows knitted together and the right corner of his upper lip lifted just a hair. “Very well. I thought it would make you feel—”

“Well, it doesn’t.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed—probably tighter than I needed to, but definitely not hard enough to cause it pain like I’d hoped—and closed my eyes. “Let’s get this done.”

“Picture the stone,” it said again. “Its smooth surface like glass. Its fire pulsing with life. With power. Reach out to its core, the power within caressing every fiber of your being. Picture…”

I knew Azi was still speaking, but its words drifted farther and farther away until all I could hear was a faint hum. I focused on the sound, chasing it as it grew gradually louder until the bedroom floor of the cabin fell away and I was weightless. Panicked, I opened my eyes.

I’m in a bar, the bartender in front of me pouring what looks like vodka into an older man’s cup. I try to check out the rest of the room, but for some reason, I can’t turn.

There’s movement in the other corner of the room and the girl glances up. “Welcome to Comraderies. Be right with ya.”

I try to talk, but a wave of dizziness washes over me. The girl disappears, along with the bar—

—and with a jarring echo inside my head, I was back in the cabin with Azi. “Oh my God.” The world listed sideways and strong arms caught me just before I crashed to the floor.

The demon lifted me in Jax’s arms and set me down on the bed. “Did you see it?”

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. The edges of the room were watery, and Azi’s—
Jax’s
—voice was slightly garbled. “I saw a girl.”

“A human?”

“Probably? No way to know for sure.”

“Who is she? Does she have the Brim Stone?”

I rolled my eyes. “And again, no way to know for sure. I heard her voice, but when I looked directly at her, her features were distorted. Fuzzy. The only clue I got was the name of the bar she worked at. Comraderies.”

It nodded and took several steps backward, then pointed to the door and said, “Let’s go.”

“Whoa.” I twisted and swung my legs over the side of the bed. “We need to find this place first. You’ve been around long enough to know it’s a great big world out there. I don’t even know what state it was in.”

“Then find it,” the demon commanded. It reached out and hauled me to my feet.

“Sure thing.” I reminded myself that throwing something pointy at it would only hurt Jax. “I’ll just pull the location out of my ass and we’ll be on our way.”

Jax’s eyes narrowed and the demon folded his arms. “Do not toy with me. Humans can’t do that.”

I stared, wondering for a brief moment if Jax had somehow managed to steal back control. Of course, it wasn’t him. The deadpan, almost irritated glare fixed on me was a neon reminder.

“How?” I threw up my hands and reached the doorknob. “How have you made it through so many lives?”