Release: New Adult Sport Romance (Fire and Ice) (22 page)

Tears stream down my face as I climb out of the tub. I wrap myself in a fuzzy towel and crawl into my bed. The essence of lovemaking wraps around me, and I let myself sob.

I awake to the dim light of early evening. I roll over and see that it’s a few minutes after five. My hair is a damp, matted mess, and my stomach hurts from hunger. But my heart aches more. I want to be with Kaleb.

I climb out of bed and begin to yank off the dirty sheets to replace with clean ones. When the smell of Kaleb wafts toward me, I stop. I remake the bed for one more night. Tears prick my eyes, and my throat gets tight. I swallow and force them back down.

Dressed in yoga pants and a big sweatshirt, I pad out to the kitchen for food. The bright light of the refrigerator washes over me as I search for anything I can stomach. I grab a yogurt and peel off the foil top. Cool, creamy flavor coats my tongue as I gobble it down. Ravenous hunger sends me back for the lasagna. The memory of Kaleb eating in my bed just last night tugs at my heart, and I shut the door. My appetite is gone.

I reach for the hot water kettle and begin the process of making tea. I pick up my e-reader and search for a book to delve into. I need to stop the thoughts and lose myself in a fantasy. I tell myself I’ll see Kaleb in the morning.

* * *

With the aid of a Valium, I slept through the night, and as I drive to work this morning my spirits are high. Mountains gleam as sunlight bounces off the snow and adorns the deep blue sky. I’m free of Lucas! I do an inner fist pump at my ballsy move the other night that disabled him. A smile dares to creep onto my face when I think about how incredibly brave I was. I’ve come a long way, and I have Kaleb to thank for it. He’s taken a girl who barely made it down a short, steep section of a ski trail and taught her to carve up bowls and fly off cornices fearlessly.

I watch a lift attendant race to the locker room from the employee parking lot. I’ve arrived before most instructors, and apparently I’m early enough to catch the late lifties. My plan is to grab Kaleb before he goes out with anyone else. He needs to know how much I love him.

I step out into the cold. Wind whips my hair into my face as if to hide me from the world. I wonder how Kaleb slept and if he suffered any side effects from the trauma of being drugged and tied up. It had to have been a frightening and frustrating experience to watch, hoping I could save us. I know what helpless feels like.

As soon as I enter the warmth of the locker room, I kick myself. I should have brought him coffee. That’s what he would do for me. Tomorrow, I tell myself. I quickly get ready and go sit on the bench by his locker to wait.

I listen to boots buckle as other instructors prepare for their day. Nick and Megan walk by the aisle and see me. Both come over to talk.

Megan sits right next to me and gives me a hug. “Oh my God. We heard. How are you doing?” She pulls back to look at me. Her face is full of the empathy of a good friend and someone who knows more than most.

“I’m great. Megan, I took action. It was amazing. I feel so…”

Her eyes widen. “Free?”

“Yes. Exactly,” I say.

Nick is across from me and reaches for my hands. His strong, warm fingers wrap around mine. “I’m so glad you’re okay. How’s Kaleb?”

My heart clenches, and I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

Nick’s eyes cloud over with concern. “Give him time. It had to have been a blow to his ego to watch you kick butt.” He touches my cheek lightly, and the tenderness brings fresh tears to my eyes.

I suck in my bottom lip and bite it hard to keep from crying. This crying thing is getting ridiculous. “Thanks.”

Megan moves my braid behind my back. “Are you skiing with Kaleb this morning?”

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. “That’s the plan. I’m waiting for him to make sure he can’t miss me.” A dry laugh slips through my lips.

Megan hugs me again. “I’m here if you need me. Okay?” She stands to leave.

“Yeah, thanks.” I look up at Nick who is standing too. “Both of you.”

I wait until I realize I’m about to be late for work. I rush back to my locker and grab my outer gear. Now who’s the late one? Agony radiates through my shins as they pound against my ski boots while I jog to the Kids’ Castle. I make it just in time. I wonder if Kaleb will make it to lineup or if he’s even working today.

A day full of laughing children is a great distraction. Add a sunny day in Colorado, and it’s hard not to have a good time. The snow is soft by noon, and my skin is in danger of sunburn even with sunscreen on.

I rush to complete my duties and get to the locker room to catch Kaleb. Metal clangs under my boots as I jog down the steps to the back door. I search the ski and board racks until I find his snowboard dripping with melting snow. He’s here. I walk quickly to his aisle, and the jolt of heavy boots vibrates up my legs. I know I’m frantic when I ask everyone in the aisle, “Did you see Kaleb?”

Scott, an older instructor answers me. “He just left.”

Damn it. I sigh and make my way back to my aisle. Jason and Casey are in and embrace when I walk down it.

Casey sees me and breaks away. “Lori!” She races down the aisle and pulls me into a big hug. “I’m so happy to see you in one piece.” She steps away, and her eyes are full of questions. I know she wants to understand, and I’ll tell her everything. But not here and not now.

Jason touches my shoulder. “Hey, glad you’re all right.” His look is one of caring, and I feel blessed to have these friends in my life.

“Thanks.” I turn to Casey. “Let’s have coffee, and I’ll tell you the whole story.” I shake my head. “It’s so crazy it’s hard to believe.” I snort but don’t smile.

“How about another girl’s night? I know Gretchen and Megan will want to hear it too, and then you don’t have to keep reliving it.” She smiles out of habit. “Besides, a little Gretchen can cheer you up. She’s totally got your number, and you’ve got hers.”

That makes me try a smile too. “That would be great.” I open my locker and pull out my jeans. The denim is soft in my hands. It strikes me that more people probably know or will soon. I hadn’t prepared myself for this and wonder how Kaleb is dealing with it.

This is eerily familiar, and I flash back to the tabloids and the speculation over why I didn’t go to the Olympics. I remember the reporters waiting outside my house and my mother’s frustration over trying to get us simple things like groceries while people shoved microphones in her face and cameras flashed. I know it’s not the same, but I hate that Kaleb has to experience such an invasion.

When I’m ready to leave, I come to a decision. I have to find Kaleb at work.

Chapter 36

The bell jingles, and I’m greeted by the smell of dank earth. It was warm today, and a window lets a breeze suck through when I open the door. It makes me shiver. Gretchen is behind the counter, ringing up a sale. Her eyes get big when she sees me. She nods her head at the back to indicate where Kaleb is.

My stomach clenches with nerves. I’m not sure what to say, but I need him to know how much I love him. I can’t just let this fade. If he’s done with me, I need closure. I whisper to Gretchen when I walk by, “Thanks.” Her hand lightly slaps my butt, and it makes me jump a little.

Kaleb turns from the waxing machine. The smell of burning candles comes toward me, and I’m reminded of dinner at Megan’s on Christmas Eve. His mouth is even, and his eyes are dull.

“Hey.” I want to run to him and wrap my arms around his waist.

“Hi.” He steps away from the machine and leans a ski against the bench.

“How’re you holding up?” I step a little closer as if I can sneak up on him before he realizes I’m in his arms.

He tilts his head and shrugs. “Okay, I guess. You?”

“I actually feel pretty darn good. Lucas in jail for a long time is freeing. But…” I step close enough to touch him. “I miss you.” I touch his chest above the apron, and the sensation of flannel makes me long for his smooth skin instead. “Are you okay with people asking about what happened?”

Kaleb puts his hand over mine. The sadness in his eyes squeezes my heart. He barely speaks. “I’m so sorry.” He shakes his head, and I wish he would tell me more.

“I am too, Kaleb. I’m sorry I brought this whole mess to you. If I’d had any idea—”

“Don’t.” He flinches as if he didn’t mean to speak so loudly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You handled the whole thing really well.” He takes my face in his hands and kisses the top of my head. His breath is warm against my hair. “I don’t care what people ask or what they have to say. I’m so proud of you.”

I wrap my arms around his waist and raise my face to his. “Please tell me we’re okay.”

He sighs, and his strong shoulders sag as if underweight. “I can’t do that, Lori. I can’t.” He steps out of my embrace and waves his hand toward skis leaned against the wall. “I’ve got to get these done.” His eyes glisten, and my heart shatters into a million pieces.

I run out the back door as tears form in my eyes. When I get to the street, I have to stop because I can’t breathe. My throat hurts, and I can’t keep the tears from falling. I cease to try, and I let myself cry.

Damn you, Lucas! Damn you for ruining everything. The best thing that ever happened to me can’t live with the damage you did. I don’t blame Kaleb. Who wants to be with my kind of crazy?

Through blurry vision, I make my way to my truck. The sun has heated the interior, but the warm steering wheel fails to heat my chilled hands. I grab a napkin from my side door pocket and blow my nose. The rough paper rubs me raw. I pull myself together with a big sniff and drive home.

Chapter 37

Once I’ve turned off the alarm, I stumble to the bathroom. One look at my puffy eyes makes me sigh. Even though my heart bleeds, I know I have to go to work. I’m tempted to crawl back in bed and not come out for weeks. But I know that won’t solve anything. I need to find a way to move on.

My feet move slowly to the kitchen to force breakfast into my stomach. The chill of the fridge wraps around me as I stare inside. I should make eggs, but I can’t find the energy. Yogurt, that’s easy to shovel in my mouth. The silverware drawer rattles when I pull it open.

I eat quickly when I realize a ski run before work would be a good idea. The smooth, vanilla flavor slides down my throat easily. I want to time things right so I don’t run into Kaleb. If he’s skiing before work, he’ll be gone before I get there. And if he’s not, then I’ll be out before he arrives. His dimpled smile invades my mind, and tears threaten to escape. I squash them back down and go about getting ready.

When I get to the locker room, only a few people mill about. When I turn down my aisle, I see Casey. She sits on the bench and taps out a message on her phone. She looks up at me in annoyance. “You need to get a phone. I’ve been waiting a while for you.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I know. I will.” Truth is I never needed one. I didn’t have friends.

She lifts her legs to sit cross-legged and leans against a locker. “I heard about your breakup. I’m so sorry. I know you must be a mess.”

“I kind of am.” I sink down on the bench across from her and sigh.

“I wanted to make sure you still plan to come to dinner tonight. Instead of going out, I think we should do it at my house. Something simple, and you don’t need to bring a thing. We can eat ice cream and chocolate and drink too much wine if you want.”

I’m silent for a moment. I should go, but I don’t want to.

Casey leans forward. “I have lots and lots of tissues. If you need me to, I can even put on a sappy movie so we cry with you.”

I force a smile. “Okay, I’ll come.”

“Great. Why don’t you plan on a quick shower after work and come right over when you’re ready.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I say, “Casey?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for being such a great friend.”

“You’re welcome. I know you’d do the same for me.” She stands up. “Are you skiing?”

I may have lost Kaleb, but at least I still have great girlfriends. “Yeah, but I think I need to be alone.”

She nods her head. “I understand. See you later.”

We both get ready to ski in silence. Casey is ready before me and leaves with a quick wave. She’s sensed my anguish and knows even words hurt right now. I slam my locker door harder than necessary, and the metal clang echoes through the room like the pain in my body.