Rekindled (15 page)

“I know, right?” He beams at me and I can see the pride shining through his eyes. “It took me years to complete it, but I finally finished it. I know it sounds silly, but I wanted to finish it for Rylee. In case she’s watching from somewhere and can see me, I want her to know I kept my promise.”

“It’s not silly,” I say placing a hand on his arm before quickly pulling back after feeling a shot of warmth shoot through my fingertips with the contact.

He moves around the car, showing me all the things he’s done, and telling me about how he found each part, and I follow close enough to breathe in the scent of his cologne. It doesn’t take me long to realize he still uses the same cologne brand I bought him for his eighteenth birthday. I’m so lost in thought, I don’t notice when he stops abruptly, causing me to bump into his back.

“Sorry,” I mumble, as he turns around and grabs my wrists to steady me. My heart beats staccato against my chest when his thumb brushes across my pulse point and I feel like I might combust into fragments right here.

He’s standing close. Too close. Our bodies are just inches apart, and I wonder if we still would fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, the way we used to when we’d curl into each other on the couch while watching a movie. I can see the steady rise and fall of his chest as I stare straight ahead at his body, not wanting to risk looking him in the eyes because I’m worried about what I’ll say if I do. That I’ll admit I regret not choosing him that one day. That I’ve missed him every day since. That I never stopped loving him. I can feel the warmth of his breath skim the top of my head, and when his Adam’s apple bobs in this throat, I know he’s as affected by me as I am by him.

But he’s not mine to have. Not anymore. He belongs to someone else now. Clearing my throat, I try to focus my thoughts on finding a neutral topic, but his proximity to me is making it impossible for me to think. I take a step back, and for a second I think I see disappointment flash across his face, but when I look again, it’s gone.

He turns away from me and heads to the other side of the barn, stretching his arm to grab a key hidden inside a broken birdhouse on a shelf. Letting it dangle from his index finger, he holds it up and smirks at me. “Whaddya say? Want to take her out for her first spin?”

“You haven’t driven it yet?”

He shakes his head. “It wouldn’t have been right. You’re the only person Rylee wanted to do this with. She had everything else taken from her, I wasn’t about to take this, too.”

He holds the key out to me, but I shake my head. “I don’t think I’m ready to be in the driver’s seat. Do you mind?”

He nods in understanding and walks around to the passenger’s side, holding the door open for me as I slide in, tossing my purse on the floor by my feet. The car roars to life as he turns the key in the ignition, and the vibrations tickle all the way up my spine and don’t stop until we pull out onto the main stretch of road.

“Where do you want to go?” I ask, watching him stretch against the newly upholstered seats, a position that used to be so familiar to me. With one hand on the steering wheel, and the other on the gear shift, he looks so much like the eighteen-year-old boy I remember that my heart aches remembering the last time I’d driven somewhere with him.

“Our spot?” He already knows my answer as he turns onto Lakeshore Drive and begins winding along the road that follows the water.

I roll down my window and stick my hand out, letting the breeze press against my fingertips as we drive along in silence. When he glances over at me, I can’t help but wonder if there were nights he’d laid awake in bed wondering about me, the way I did about him. When we reach the familiar clearing, he parks the car, but keeps the engine going as we both stare out at the thin strip of sand that runs into the water.

“Callie, were you happy?” Tate asks finally breaking the silence. “With Zach, I mean. After you left, and you got married, were you happy?”

“For the most part, yeah. I’m not going to lie and say that my life was perfect. I’d lost my parents and I’d lost you. But I had Jonah, and that was enough for me.”

He nods, but doesn’t look at me. “And what about now? Are you happy now?”

“Happiness comes in a lot of forms, but as long as I have my son, I’ll always be happy.” I don’t really know where he’s heading with these questions, but I don’t want to bring up the reason I’m back here. We’re just starting to mend our friendship, and I’m not sure that he’s ready to know the truth. “What about you?” I ask, hoping to deflect the attention off of me.

“Things have been good. It was rocky for a little bit after my dad had his stroke, but he’s doing okay, and he’s made a full recovery.”

“What? When did your dad have a stroke?”

“It was a little over four years ago. I was in South Carolina working at my Uncle’s firehouse when I got the call from the hospital. Matt was with me and he helped me get everything sorted so that I could move back here. It was his idea to become smokejumpers.”

“Wow. I had no idea. I mean, he doesn’t act—”

“No, I know, you can hardly tell. He still can’t lift heavy items, and he isn’t supposed to do anything that can cause his body unnecessary stress, but you know him, he likes to be independent. He wouldn’t even let me help him cook dinner tonight.” He gives me a faint smile.

“I’m sorry to hear about your dad, but I’m really glad that he recovered.” I find myself picking at my nail polish, racking my brain with something to talk about. I used to spend endless hours having conversations about absolutely nothing with Tate, and when we were separated, there were so many times I’d see a funny billboard or watch a movie preview and think about how much I wanted to discuss it with him. And now that I’m here, my brain decides to have a momentary bout of amnesia. “Do you like it? Being a smokejumper, I mean,” I ask deciding that the topic of his career should be a safe one.

“Honestly, yeah, I really fucking love it.”

“More than fixing cars?”

He’s quiet for a moment as if weighing his answer carefully. “There’s something about being caught up in the wilderness, working with a group of guys that have become like my brothers that’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Granted, the first time I did a practice jump, I almost pissed myself, but I’ve actually come to really like the jumping aspect of the job.” He laughs. “There’s this moment right after you leap out of the plane, where it’s just you and the wind. And even though you can hear the roar of the fire below, it’s the most peaceful place in the world. It probably sounds stupid, and doesn’t make much sense, but it’s one of those things you’d have to experience to really get, I guess.”

“Well, as long as you’re happy, right?” I grin.

“Exactly. Do you ever wish that you’d become a doctor like you used to talk about when we were kids?”

I shrug. “Not really. I mean sure, there are times I was contributing more to society. Not that cutting hair isn’t fulfilling, because I do feel like I make a difference in my client’s lives by listening to their problems and making them feel more confident by the time they walk out of the salon. But I remember I used to play hospital with my dolls a lot, thinking about how amazing it would be to save lives.”

“I remember that. We used to go through my dad’s entire first aid kit while you wore the stethoscope from your Cabbage Patch doll and pretended my bed was a gurney while you’d plaster me with Band-Aids and draw stiches with a Sharpie.” He laughs and the deep rumble causes warmth to bloom in the pit of my belly. “Why did you decide not to pursue a career in medicine?”

“Before I had Jonah, I thought my entire life could be planned out. I was going to attend the University of Texas, graduate in four years, go on to medical school, get a residency close to home, and then find a job working at a hospital nearby. Everything was decided for me, as if it was written in the stars. I never argued, because I thought it sounded like a good life, but the second I had Jonah, I realized just how much life can’t be planned. I tried to go to community college so that I could maybe attend USC later on, but quickly found how difficult it is to maintain good grades when I couldn’t find a sitter to watch Jonah, or when he would get sick and I didn’t want to leave him because Zach was in class or working all the time. My grades slipped quickly, and I realized that I didn’t need to become a doctor and spend all my time away from him. A friend of mine, Patty, mentioned beauty school as a good option, and I took it. I don’t regret a single moment of it.”

Tate doesn’t say anything as he stares out the window. Beneath the moonlight, the lake looks like glass, and the homes off in the distance look like paper silhouette cut-outs that my fifth grade teacher once made us use for a project.

“Can I ask you something?” Tate turns to look at me.

“I think you just did,” I say lightly, jabbing him with my elbow.

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “If my family had more money, would that have changed your decision back then?” A wistful expression crosses his face, and I’m sure he didn’t ask it to be cruel, but I can’t help but feel like he’s just shoved a dull knife into my heart, twisting it slowly until nothing remains.

“Maybe,” I answer honestly. “I was seventeen, and scared. My parents had just disowned me, and taken away everything. I didn’t know how I was going to pay for the baby, or where I was going to live. So when Zach asked me to marry him, I said yes, because I wanted to be able to provide my son with the life he deserved.”

“I spent years wondering why you chose him over me, always thinking it was because I wasn’t good enough,” he admits.

“Then why didn’t you respond to any of my calls or emails? Why stay away from me all this time? Was it just to hurt me?”

“Maybe a little bit, but mostly because I didn’t know how to just be your friend anymore. I didn’t know how to listen to your voice knowing I wasn’t the last person you said goodnight to. Or see your face, knowing it was someone else’s lips that would be kissing you. I deleted your number from my phone, but I still picked it up a million times after you left, dialing the numbers from memory, but always hanging up before I hit the last one. Callie, I—”

He stops when the shrill ring from his phone blares into the night. Pulling it out of his pocket, he shoots me an apologetic smile when he looks at the caller ID. “I’m sorry, I have to get this.” I nod, looking away. “Hey, Jules,” he says, softly. “Yeah we finished dinner…okay… no, that’s fine… it’s not a problem, I’ll pick it up on the way home… yeah, I’m heading home now… love you too.”

I wipe my hands on my dress, scolding myself for agreeing to take this car ride. I want to be his friend, but I need to make sure I keep a healthy distance, because getting too close to him could destroy me. He’s engaged, and I have a still-legal husband.

We drive back to his dad’s house without speaking, and I’m grateful that Tate puts the radio on so there’s something to distract me from my fraying sanity. We pull into the barn, head back to my car, and say a quick and slightly awkward goodbye. Feeling like Cinderella, I climb into my car and head back to reality. The ball is officially over.

“Ready or not, here I come!” Caleb removes his hands from over his eyes and begins to stalk around the living room in exaggerated movements. “Hmmm, I wonder, where could Jonah be hiding?” He lifts up each couch cushion and makes a large spectacle of checking in glass jars and behind the books on the bookshelves, purposely skipping the fireplace where Jonah’s covered himself with a plaid blanket.

“I don’t know,” I say loudly, as I pretend to help Caleb look around the house. “Maybe he’s under here?” I leap toward the side table and check underneath it, grinning when I hear the small chuckle coming from the fireplace. “Nope, no Jonah over here…”