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“Am I in danger?”

I rub my face and look down. Fuck, I don’t want to have this conversation with her. “To be honest I don’t know. Alisha was safe in California, but when people got wind she was in town they took action.”

“People?”

“Do you remember when Rico was killed?” Caroline nods her head. “Before that when Evan met Alisha he didn’t realize her connection with Rico and when she got pregnant that caused a lot of shit. We did everything to hide the pregnancy and the week she was due I flew out to California and with help we delivered Lila. No hospitals or doctors. Anyone who knew was under oath not to say anything and to keep Lila out of danger. We made sure Alisha’s death was in the papers and made it real. Everything was real and kept secret. But someone talked and now things are falling apart. The thing is Rico was Alisha’s brother and her betrayal to her family led to her death.”

“So Rico’s family is behind all of this?” I nod my head. “What does that mean for me?”

“It means I have to keep you safe at all times. You won’t be able to go back to your house and I’m sorry. I can send people there and we can get whatever you need.”

Caroline scoffs and shakes her head. “Anything that belongs to Evan you can burn. He’s dead to me. Everything we shared, all the memories, laughs, and shit is for nothing. I can’t believe I cried and mourned over him. And you knew, Mason,” she softly cries. “You knew and didn’t tell me.”

“I know.” I caress her face and pray she’ll forgive me. “I know and I’m sorry. I wish I could turn back time and tell you everything. I wish Evan never did that and I wish I never knew the secret, but there’s more.”

“More?”

“In Alisha’s purse there was an envelope and it was addressed to me. I didn’t read it yet and would like to read it with you if that’s okay.”

“I guess.”

“Okay.” Grabbing the letter from my pocket I carefully open it and take out the one page letter.

Mason,

If you’re reading this then I’m dead. I knew coming back was going to cost me my life and part of me didn’t care because no matter what, they were going to find me. Thank you for keeping us safe. I wish it didn’t have to come to this and maybe it didn’t. Sometimes bad things happen and we can’t change it.

Lila is with a friend of mine. The address is at the bottom. Please don’t put her in foster care. She needs a good home and people who will love her. Please don’t let her find out about Evan and me until she’s old enough to understand. My friend will have a box for you. Use it for Lila and please don’t argue.

Before I left California I burned everything belonging to Lila and me. No one knows about her and that’s the way it needs to stay . . . forever. She’ll never know the evil that surrounds her life.

Thank you, Mason, for everything.

Alisha

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I tell her while reading the letter again. “I can’t raise a baby and I can’t ask you to.”

“Tonya,” Caroline says. “Tonya will do it. She and Clarke want a baby so badly and I know this will make her happy. There aren’t any records of Lila and no one will have to know.”

When we get to Tonya and Clarke’s house and tell them what’s going on, Tonya eagerly takes the baby and Clarke stays behind. He watches them and then me.

“This is illegal and bullshit,” I mutter. Shaking my head I get up and go to the window. Alisha and Evan are dead. Lila’s an innocent baby with no one to care for her and I can’t ask Caroline to raise her cheating husband’s child. It’s wrong on every level. Everything in my body is screaming to go through the right channels, but then there’s that small part of me, the part Caroline created, that’s telling me I have to do what Alisha wants.

“So let me get this straight,” Clarke stands up and paces his living room. “Evan met Alisha who is Rico’s sister who is also Javier’s sister, the man we’ve been trying to arrest, and now she’s dead and you’re giving us Lila.”

“For the most part,” Caroline answers with confidence and strength. “She’s an innocent baby and has no one.”

“You’re shitting me, Ryan,” Clarke bellows. “Do you know what you’re doing right now?”

“She said no one knows about Lila,” I shout back. “What the hell do you want me to do?”

“Oh . . . I don’t know, maybe fucking tell me
before
any of this shit happens. Damn it, Ryan.” Clarke leaves the room and I fall onto the couch looking at Caroline while Tonya is lovingly carrying Lila. I made the right choice.

“Give him time, Mason,” Tonya says. “It’s hard and he’s still feeling what happened to Scott. He’s been through a lot. You both have. But this beautiful girl, she’s a blessing. I’ll talk to him. Can she stay with us now?”

“If that’s what you want. Yes.”

“Thank you again.” Tonya smiles and kisses Lila’s cheek.

I made the right choice.

Leaving Caroline and Tonya to talk I walk into Clarke’s office and shut the door. He looks up then back down at his desk.

“Lila’s not a secret,” he mutters.

“What?”

“Devin’s informant told me Javier knows about Lila. He wants her. You need to give that baby up. She can’t be in my house, Ryan.”

“Did you not see the look on your
wife’s
face? She’s happy. Fucking petition for custody of her. There’s no judge in the world that’ll allow a
baby
to be with a drug lord. Javier’s bad news.”

“They’ve already been playing clean up. Lila’s the last thing they need. Alisha, Evan and Scott are gone. Who’s to say you or Caroline aren’t next and all you can think about is that fucking baby?”

“Don’t do that shit. You don’t think I know a hit’s been out for me?”

“Then what the fuck are you going to do?”

“I’m not running. We have enough evidence to pin Javier and his crew. Why aren’t we moving in?”

“There’s not enough to hold him. As soon as he lawyers up we’ve lost. Don’t you get it? My fucking PD has messed up so many times with him. We can’t do that shit again, Ryan.”

“I’ll figure it out,” I finally say before leaving and taking Caroline back to my parents’ house.

Heading back home, Caroline’s quiet in the car. I give her time to process the day’s events and force myself to keep my hands on the steering wheel. Everything she’s ever known has been taken away from her.

“Do you want me to take you to your mom’s house?”

“No,” she answers and I let out a quiet sigh. I’d fight to keep her with me, but I want everything she decides to be her choice.

Since Mason’s working so many hours to find out more about Scott’s death and interrogating Javier, now that new evidence is coming up and people are coming in and confessing, I’m staying with Tonya to keep her company and help with Lila. When I look at her I see Evan and as much as I hate him and as much as I regret spending my life with him I can’t have so much hate in my heart forever.

The one year anniversary of his death was last week. I visited his grave with Tonya and Lila. We sat there for a while and talked. I held Lila and promised I’d help keep her safe. There was a breeze blowing through and I knew it was Evan telling me he’s sorry.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tonya asks while putting Lila down.

“Talk about what?” I don’t look at Tonya and continue knitting a sweater for Lila. Fall is here and winter is around the corner. Winters in Webster can be really bad or mild. Since we’ve had a pretty mild summer I’m thinking this one will be blistering cold and the baby should have nice, warm clothes. Plus, when I knit I don’t turn to anything that will harm my wallet or give me a hangover like shopping or drinking.

“Don’t play dumb. And honestly . . . knitting?”

“Yes,” I smile and continue, “it’s very relaxing and Lila will look cute in this sweater. See?” I lift up the sweater and see Tonya shaking her head.

“Oh, dear, you need a new hobby. So spill it. I know you have a million things on your mind. You didn’t cry at the ceremony and I’m surprised.”

“Why?”

“Don’t shut me out.”

“I’m not,” I sigh. “My husband cheated on me and continued to see this woman and fathered a baby girl. Now my best friend is raising my cheating husband’s baby and I’m supposed to not be upset?”

“You’re upset we have Lila?”

“No,” I immediately tell her. “No. I am so glad you have her. She’s going to be loved by you and Clarke. It’ll be amazing. How’s the process going to keep her?”

“It’s hard,” Tonya sighs. “The judge knows we’ll do a great job, but with Alisha and Evan dead it’s hard to say what she’ll decide.”

“Yeah,” I answer. Clarke did what he had to do and got social services involved. Since they couldn’t find anything wrong with the house or Clarke and Tonya they’re allowing Lila to stay here until a decision has been made. Each hearing breaks Tonya. Javier’s sister, Jayla, is petitioning the courts to keep Lila with her and the family. It’s getting hard to be at each court hearing and seeing the way their family is staring at us. I keep wondering if we really are on their hit list and what’s going to happen.

“Things are hard. I’m not trying to lose hope.”

“Then don’t.” I encourage Tonya to keep fighting and go with it until the end. “Clarke’s finally coming around so don’t worry. Everything will work out.”

“Don’t turn this on me,” she stops me from talking and goes on. “I don’t want you to close up.”

“I’m not,” I sigh again. “Really. I’m processing this as much as I can. I’m glad I know and I can really truly move on with my life. I have so much to look forward to. Walker’s extending my start date and keeps telling me to take my time so I’ll be teaching again in January and now I can really give myself to Mason.”

“Have you guys talked?”

“We do and he’s been open and honest about almost everything as much as he can be. I know he’s pretty stressed out about what happened to Scott and Devin’s tantrum, but I think I can handle it. Mason’s extremely safe out there and I have trust in us. I want to give him all of me and never look back. He’s where I need to belong.”

“Then make it special,” Tonya smirks. “Show him your dark side.”

An idea comes to mind and after Lila wakes up from her nap I get everything I need and have Tonya drop me off. With a text to Mason I get the room ready for my night with him.

Lighting the last candle I look around and feel pretty happy with myself. I’ve never done anything romantic or sexual like this. It’s nice to do something for Mason since he’s done so much for me. I want to show him how I feel and how he makes me feel. It’s time to give him what I’ve been dreaming about.

Just as I’m checking myself in the mirror the hotel door swings open and Mason stands in the doorway with desire and lust in his eyes. He slowly walks in, closes and locks the door, never taking his hungry eyes off of me.

“So I get this cryptic text message from my girlfriend.” He smirks and walks closer to me. “Telling me to meet her at the hotel and to be ready. Do you mean it? You’re ready? Because, baby, as patient as I’ve been I’m about to fucking explode.”

Doing my best seductive walk I run my hands over his muscular body and drink him in. His smell, his eyes, the way he holds me, and everything that makes Mason who he is and the man I want to spend my life with. My legs feel weak near him and right now panic is starting to surge because for the first time in over a year I’m giving myself to a man; to a man who loves me and wants me for who I am; to a man who I trust with my life and I want to stop being scared. Right now, in this moment, I feel free.

“Baby, do you want me?”

I continue touching him, memorizing each muscle, and slowly unbutton his shirt.

“I need to hear you. I know what you’re doing,” he says and lifts my face to meet his. “Say it,” he tells me with an authoritative tone. “I need to hear you say the words.”

Staring at Mason I understand his need to hear me tell him what I’m feeling. I understand his confusion because after all this time I’m ready. I don’t want him to think this is my way of getting back at Evan or that I’m doing this out of spite. This is the real me with my heart on the line.