Reflection (5 page)

Chapter 11

I hear voices and I squeeze my eyes shut, worried at what I might see now if I open them

“Olivia, can you hear me sweetheart? I’m PC Sonia Smith, its ok to wake up now, we’ve got you. You’re safe with me”

I feel her lightly stroking my left cheek with her thumb, trusting her I take a deep breath and open my eyes. Sonia must be about my age and she’s sat on my bed next to me

“Hello there Olivia”

I try to speak and then clear my throat “What happened?” I can’t seem to be able to catch my breath, my chest is still rising and falling rapidly

“Try to calm down Olivia, nothing happened. Your wonderful boyfriend turned up and heard Mr Langley he broke down the door and got here just in time”

“Adam? Where is he now?” I can’t believe Adam saved me, how did he know?

“He went to the Police Station to make a statement, we are just waiting for an ambulance to get here so they can take you to hospital, it won’t be very long”

“Ok” I can’t keep my eyes open a minute longer.

“Olivia, Olivia can you hear me? Open your eyes” It’s a male voice this time

“I can hear you”

“Good, I’m the Doctor you are at St Thomas’s Hospital, we’ve done some tests and we’re going to put you on some oxygen and continue to monitor you just to make sure that you’ll be ok.”

“He didn’t, he didn’t, you know?”

“No, you weren’t raped”

I feel the tears running down my cheeks as my breathing begins to even out

“Is there someone we can call for you?”

“Yes Charlie, Charlie Anderson” I tell the Doctor her phone number before falling back to sleep

I come too again and realise that I’m starting to feel better, my pounding headache is starting to subside and my breathing isn’t as frantic. I open my eyes and turn my head a little bit and there she is, my best friend asleep in the chair. I have to say her name a few times before she starts to come too

“Shit Boo are you ok?”

“I’m ok, I think”

“I can’t believe what happened, I never thought I would say this but thank God for Adam” she says

“Yeah well…it was his fault this happened”

“Oh alright, how you feeling? They said you could come home after they do their rounds in a while, we can’t go to your apartment so I brought you some of my clothes and other bits I thought you might want”

“Thank you, are you working today?”

“No I have a couple of days off, thankfully”

“Would you drive me home?”

“You will have to come to mine, you aren’t allowed in yours remember?”

“No to the train station, I need to go home to my Mum”

We wait a while and my Doctor eventually appears and decides that my stats are stable enough for him to let me go home, he told me to ring the hospital or come back if I feel as though anything has changed, I agree, hoping to promptly get out of here.  Charlie thinks going home to my Mum would be best, since home comforts is probably what I need right now. She makes some phone calls and speaks to the policeman in charge of my case and manages to get them to let her in and grab me some clothes and my handbag, I couldn’t go in there myself… I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go in there again.

Charlie drops me off at the station and agrees to let me disappear and try to heal for a week, then she’ll call me.

I arrive at my Mum’s house three hours later and after the most anxious train journey of my life, the slightest noise or movement makes me flinch, I had never been happier to reach my stop. Charlie had called ahead and explained what had happened and Mum was waiting to greet me on the doorstep. After a lot of cuddles and telling her in my own words what had happened, we sit and cry together, my Dad was not happy but he’s extremely happy about Adam arriving when he did. I go up to my childhood room which Mum never changed when I moved out, which, today I am very grateful for, it feels safe. I lie in my bed and go over today’s events in my head, in my selfish state I hadn’t really given Adam a thought and what had happened to him. I grab my bag and rummage through to find my phone and send him a text, it’s not in there… It must have been left it at my apartment. Now I don’t have any line of communication I realised just how much I want, not even want but need to talk to him. I could call him at work, perhaps I’ll do that tomorrow.

Chapter 12

I have been at my parent’s house for a while now and I’ve settled into a nice routine, I wake up early and go for a walk around the village, seeing and speaking to people I know and those I’ve never met before which makes me remember how friendly people are in the countryside, then I return home to have breakfast, I found a great counsellor close to home so I have been there a few times, sometimes I go horse riding or I take my book to the garden and I sit in my favourite spot, on a bench underneath a willow tree. I had forgotten how much I missed the countryside, when I left here I was so excited to get out, go to college, live and eventually work in the city, now I really, really miss it. Later in the day I visit Uncle Bernard who is now in a hospice, it’s really sad to watch a big proud man accept help to be sat up and fed. Luckily he still has a great sense of humour, him and Julie never had any children of their own and when I was growing up I spent a lot of time at their house, I had forgotten just how much I love him. 

I’m sat with Bernard and Julie, when Julie leaves to get us a cup of coffee Bernard asks “Why don’t you stay here instead of going back? The city isn’t the place for a beautiful young girl like you Olivia”

“I’m beginning to think that way but you know how it is, I have my business and Adam is there too”

“So tell me about Adam and where he is?”

“It’s been difficult, he’s been very busy at work and so have I”

“It’s no excuse Olivia, you’re never too busy for love. Find a man that wants to be with you and not in the office, did I ever tell you the story of me and your Auntie Julie?”

“No you didn’t” I say moving my chair in closer so I can listen to his story

“Well we were young and you know your Auntie Julie was and still is very beautiful. She had all the boys after her, anyway, she started going on dates with a young punk called Brian, ok so he was handsome but he was no good for her. You know he would take her out dancing one night and be out with his friends drinking and doing heaven knows what the next. Anyway Olivia I stood back and watched, patiently waiting for her to notice me. It took several months before she even so much as looked my way, then one day I was walking home from work and I spotted Julie sat on the bench in the park not far from here. I made my way over to her, coming up from behind her, I called her name and she turned to look at me with tears streaming down her face, so like any caring young man would I asked her what had happened. Do you know at that moment I made a pact within myself that I would never see her cry again and if I did it absolutely had to be for a good reason. She told me that the young punk Brian had been seen on a date with another girl, so I told her straight. I told her he wasn’t worthy of her, she needed a man to take care of her and to treat her like the princess she was. That was the start, Olivia. I took her out for a drink and we talked for ages, I would call round on my way home from work every day for three weeks before I officially asked her on a date, I will never forget how proud I was to be seen with her, I still am you know. I took her out every Friday and Saturday and on Sundays we would go out for the day. I think it roughly took three months for her to fall in love with me, I asked her to marry me two months after that and we got married the following year and let me tell you Olivia, not once have I ever doubted our relationship and I’ve never let her down… until now”

“You’re not letting her down, you can’t help what’s happening to you” I say swiping the tear from my face

“I know but I promised I would never leave her and I’m going to soon aren’t I?”

“Oh Bernard I bet she doesn’t think like that”

“I only wish we could have had children, we would have been great parents”

“I agree, I used to love coming to your house”

“Anyway she is coming back, I have written her a letter, I want you to keep it until I’m gone, and then give it to her, can you do that?”

“Of course I can”

We both stop talking when Julie walks back into the room carrying two coffees “Were you two talking about me?” she asks

“Of course” Bernard replies and smiles at her

Bernard is right Julie is my Mum’s sister and she is beautiful like my Mum, I only wish I was as pretty as them, my Dad always told me I looked like them but I know I’m definitely not a patch on them both.

Julie turns to me “When are you thinking about going back to work Olivia?”

“I’m not sure I will actually go back” now Bernard has put that in my head it’s something that I really need to think about “I just can’t afford a house around here, even if I do sell my half of the business and my apartment”

“I’m sure something will come up” Bernard replies

We leave shortly after and Julie gives me a lift home.

I walk through the door and I decide its time I speak to Charlie.  I check the time it’s just before six so she should still be at work, I take the phone outside and dial the number.

“Hello Charlie Anderson speaking”

“Hi Charlie it’s me”

“Fucking hell, God Boo, I have been worried sick. I’ve been ringing your mobile and sending texts but you haven’t answered any of them”

“I’m sorry I don’t have my mobile, it must still be at the apartment”

“Ok, it doesn’t matter… so how are you?”

“I’m ok, getting there”

“When are you coming back?”

“I’m not sure I’m coming back, I realise how much I love the countryside, I might stay here”

“Oh shit, I thought that might happen, can I come up and see you?”

“Of course you can”

“I’m the only person that knows where you are”

“That’s what I wanted…”

“Everyone keeps asking, I’ve been denying all knowledge”

“Thank you, I just need some time away you know”

“Boo, are you going to ring Adam? He was going out of his mind when he turned up here yesterday trying to find you”

“I don’t know, could you tell him I’m ok? How are things with you, in love with anyone at the moment?”

“No although I have my eye on someone”

“Anyone I know?”

“I’m not telling you yet anyway I can tell you when I come up and see you can’t I?”

“Ok, have you got this number if you need me?”

“Yeah, it’s showing on my phone, I wrote it down when we were talking”

“Ok take care I will see you next weekend”

“Ok and you Boo”

I end the call and walk around the garden thinking about Adam.
 

Chapter 13

I come to the next morning with a gentle knocking sound at my bedroom door, I gradually wake up, slowly opening my eyes

“Hello, who’s there?”

“Olivia its Mum”

“Come in”

I sit up in bed and watch as the door opens and my Mum walks in, I look at her face and I can tell that she’s been crying, she slowly walks to the bed and sits down, she takes my hand in hers and brings it to her mouth and places a kiss on it “Darling I’m so sorry I have to tell you but Uncle Bernard passed away this morning” she doesn’t say anything else, letting the news sink in

“No, no, no” I say over and over again as the tears fall down my face and Mum holds me as I cry

“He went peacefully in his sleep, Auntie Julie was with him”

“Why Mum?”

“You know why sweetie”

“Yes but why him? He was a good man”

“I don’t know that’s just the way it is”

I jump out of bed and grab my dressing gown and race down stairs and through the house out to the garden; I run to my favourite spot and sit on a tree stump. I must sit there for ages just crying and remembering Bernard, I hear footsteps and look up to see Auntie Julie walking towards me, I quickly stand and run into her open arms

“I’m so sorry Auntie Julie, he was a great man” I say through my sobs

“I know, he was the best husband and friend I could of wished for”

“I have a letter for you from him, he wanted me to keep a hold of it and give it to you when he was gone. Do you want me to get it for you now or another time?”

“Yes please, I knew he would do something like that”

We walk slowly back to the house, I leave Julie in the kitchen with Mum whilst I run upstairs and get dressed then get the letter from my bag. I look at the writing on the envelope

To my wife – Julie
, I slowly run my finger over the writing and make my way back down stairs, I reach the kitchen and Julie is sat by herself, I gently place the letter on the table in front of her

“Olivia, could you read it to me please?”

“Yes of course” I answer, I pick the envelope up from the table and very carefully open it, I pull the letter out and unfold it, I pull the chair out next to Julie and sit down, I gently clear my throat

To my dearest Julie,

If you are reading this I have left you and that is something I promised I would never do and for that I am so sorry. 

Now I want you to be strong, cry for a bit but please move on with your life, do all the things we always wanted to do together – you have to be brave and do things by yourself now but remember though I’m not physically by your side I am always, always with you in spirit.

Tell Olivia she has been a bright light the last couple of weeks, I love her and I know she will try her very best to help you through this.

I have left a lot of information with our solicitor – make an appointment with him as soon as you can so he can go through things with you.

I’m getting tired now and you will be back any minute – the only thing I have left to say is that I love you, my love has grown stronger for you every single day that I have had the privilege of being by your side. Thank you for spending your life with me, I have had an amazing journey with you, thank you for being my very best friend and the love of my life.

Goodbye for now Julie, until we meet again – I will be waiting for you at the gates

All my love

Bernard

Xxxx

By the time I reach the end of the letter both Julie and I are crying our eyes out, I gently fold the letter back up and place it in the envelope and hand it back to Julie, stand from the table and walk back out to the garden.

I sit there just thinking about all the stories and life lessons Bernard has taught me in the past couple of weeks, everything is flying round in my head and I decide to go for a walk to hopefully clear my mind, I grab my coat from the house and tell Mum I’m leaving.

I walk for hours just thinking about my life and I think I may have come to the final decision not return to the city.

I arrive home and read the note on the table

Taken Auntie Julie home to get some things will be back in a while

Mum x

I walk to get the telephone and take it to my bedroom, once I’m settled in bed I ring Clive and tell him that I would like to keep my share of the company but I won’t be coming back for a while. He was very understanding and said that he had left it to Hannah to run and she had seemed to really be enjoying it and was doing really, really well. Talking to Clive made me really happy, happy that I wasn’t causing any trouble and that Hannah has a chance to show off her talents. I make a call to a removals company to bring all of my belongings here, I do need to go back first to collect some of my personal things, I am sure Dad will drive me and come in with me. I book them in for the following week. Next I ring Charlie and let her know what’s happened and my plans, I put her off coming here at the weekend, I tell her I’ll call when I’m settled and she can come and stay then. My last call is to the estate agents to sell my apartment.

I’ve just finished my phone calls when I hear everyone arrive back, I wander down stairs and the three of them are sat having a drink,

“Everything ok?” I ask

“Yes dear, I’m going to be fine, come have a drink to Uncle Bernard”

I walk to the table and pick up the glass of wine poured for me; I raise it “To Uncle Bernard” and take a swig.