Redemption Song (31 page)

It took several moments for Ethan to allow his eyes to shift to the small figure occupying the bed in the center of the room. But when he did, he felt his emotions beginning to get the best of him.
Pull it together Ethan!
He hadn’t even said anything yet. Now was not the time to go soft.

Ethan made his way a little closer to the bed and the sight of Ben only became more painful. It’d been a whole year since he’d seen little Ben. He would be eleven now, and he looked it in size, but his face appeared much older. His sickness had drained his skin of its color. Dark circles hung below his eyes and he was so thin, his skin clinging to his cheekbones.

“Oh, Ben.” The words escaped Ethan’s mouth as more of a sigh than anything else and he almost jumped when Ben’s eyes flung open.

The two boys stared at one another for a moment as if assessing if the other one was really there. Finally, Ben spoke in a voice much weaker than the one Ethan had heard from him last. The excited vibrancy was gone from Ben’s tone.

“Ethan? Is that you?”

Ethan forced a timid smile. “Uh, yeah. It’s me.”

Ben’s head cocked to the side and he gave a confused puppy dog expression. “What are you doing here? Did Alaina call you?”

Ethan took the fact that Ben hadn’t screamed at him or rolled over refusing to look at him as a good sign and moved toward the recliner. “No, Alaina didn’t call me.”

“Granny Mae?”

“Nope.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

Ben’s tone was sweet, almost as if absolutely no time had passed since the last time they’d seen one another. “You quit sending me messages. I got worried about you . . . so here I am,” Ethan answered.

“I thought you had people that checked your messages for you?”

Ethan managed a real smile this time. “You’re right. I did. But then this cool kid told me how my fans might appreciate me more if I took the time to actually read what they have to say. And I get worried when my biggest fan suddenly stops writing me with no explanation.” Ben didn’t respond. “Are you still my biggest fan, Ben?”

Ben scrunched his nose up in that cute little line that Ethan had never forgotten. “That depends,” Ben said. “If you were getting my messages all this time, then why’d you never write me back? Fans also like it when you write back, you know.”

“I know.” Ethan said. “I’m sorry I never wrote you. I just . . . I just felt really bad about how I left you and I didn’t want you to . . . hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?”

“Because . . .” Ethan found himself rising from his seat and making his way to the open area of the room. He didn’t even know why, but for some reason, the words seem to flow better while pacing. “Because I messed up, Benny Boy. I lied about why I was in Fairhope. I was mean to you when I first got there. Your sister hates me. And then I wasn’t even man enough to stick around long enough to give you the truth about why I had to leave.”

Ben didn’t smile or frown. He remained expressionless. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I . . . I don’t know, kiddo. It’s just that you’ve always looked up to me like I was some kind of hero or something and, at the time, I was so messed up inside. I was so ashamed of how I’d been acting that I was afraid that if I told you why I was really there you’d never look at me the same again.”

Ben pressed his hand down to his sides and attempted to rise a little. The ghost of a grimace that crossed his features made Ethan’s heart hurt. Ben was in pain.

“Can I do anything to make it stop hurting?” Ethan asked.

A faint smile tugged at Ben’s lips. “I like Popsicles.”

Ethan laughed. “Then Popsicles it is.” He reached for the control hanging from Ben’s bed and flicked the big red button to call the nurse’s station. After placing their orders for Popsicles, Ethan looked back to Ben once more and spoke slowly. “I’m sorry, Ben. For everything. For not being the person you thought I was. For not being nice to you. For lying to you. For leaving you. I’m sorry for it all.”

“Did you know there’s a video of you getting baptized on YouTube?”

Ben’s answer surprised Ethan. "Really?”

“Yeah. Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to wear jeans when you’re getting baptized? It soaks up the whole bathtub.”

Ethan couldn’t help but laugh. “But I got baptized in a lake.”

“Yeah, but normal people get baptized in bathtubs.”

“Ben, I don’t really think it’s called a bathtub . . .”

“Oh yeah?” Ben’s stubborn tone was back and for a moment Ethan felt a little life spring into the kid. “And what does it look like to you?” he asked.

Ethan smirked. “It looks a little like a bathtub.”

“That’s all I’m sayin.” Ben grinned. “So that note you left me; was that a song on the back of it?”

Ethan nodded. “Yep. My first single in my new genre.”

“That’s why I wasn’t mad at you,” Ben said, but Ethan didn’t quite understand. “I used to pray for you all the time when I’d lay down at night. You were my favorite singer but none of your songs were about God, so I prayed every night that someday you’d sing songs about God. Then when you stayed with me, you never talked about God. So I prayed that one day you’d talk about God all the time.”

Ethan’s eyes grew wider with each one of Ben’s words. Ben continued. “Then you left me that note. And I was mad at first. And a little lonely. But then I saw all the news online about how you quit your agent and went to sing Christian music, and I remembered all of those prayers. I knew then that you were just going to do what I’d been praying about. You were going to sing for God.”

Ethan pushed back the moisture in his eyes, refusing to let go of his emotions in front of the little tower of strength and courage that lay in front of him. There was no doubt in Ethan’s mind that Ben’s faith in him had been the turning point in his life. Ethan thought back to all those times in Fairhope when he’d feel this tug, like something inwardly pulling him to learn more about God and His word. He knew now that it was all because of Ben. God was answering Ben’s prayers and it had changed Ethan’s life forever.

“Thanks, big guy,” Ethan said. “I think you just might be my hero now.”

Ben grinned big, but exhaustion was creeping back into his eyes. Ethan could tell that the medicine was starting to kick in.

“So how long are you staying?” Ben asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Actually, I go back tonight,” Ethan replied. “My plane leaves at seven.”

“But you could stay and hang out with me?” Ben said.

Ethan wanted so badly to take Ben up on that offer and to hang out with him every chance he could get until it was too late, but Ben wasn’t his brother and it wasn’t his place to monopolize all of Ben’s time.

“I can’t stay, Ben.”

The understanding in Ben’s eyes far surpassed his age. “Because of my sister?”

“It’s just . . . complicated,” Ethan replied.

“She really liked you, you know. She always acts sad when someone says your name.” Ben sighed a little.

It was all Ethan could do to not ask little Ben a million questions about his sister, but this time was not about her. This time was for him and Ben. A time of reconciliation. A time of redemption. But there was one question he had to ask.

“Does she know?” Ethan asked. “About me getting baptized? About me switching to Christian music?”

Ben gave a slight shrug. “I don’t think so. The radio in mom and dad’s car broke down a while back and she didn’t have the money to fix it. And every time I try to show her videos of you online, she gets all quiet and goes to her room. She won’t even let me show her pictures.”

That was all Ethan needed to hear. Obviously, Alaina was still upset with him. He’d really done it good this time. The girl he loved wouldn’t even look at his picture.

“I wish you and my sister were still together,” Ben said, his eyes becoming heavier and heavier with each breath. “She was so happy. She’s never happy anymore.”

Ethan sat back in the recliner and stared at the ceiling. How could a simple conversation with a little kid possibly stir up so many emotions inside of a single person? Ethan turned his head slowly and met Ben’s bright blue eyes. “What do you want Ben? What would make you happy?”

Ben looked thoughtful for a moment, but then answered with words that Ethan would never forget. The most selfless thing that could have ever came from a child’s mouth. Ethan only hoped that he would one day become the kind of man that Ben had already turned out to be.

“I want Alaina to be happy,” Ben said. “I don’t want her to have to work all the time because I never get to see her. She’s always tired. She cries at night. She thinks I don’t hear her, but I do.”

“That’s really nice, Ben”

A calm silence fell between them and eventually Ben rolled a little to his side and reached for something that was stuffed beneath his pillow. When he pulled it out, a lump formed in the back of Ethan’s throat.

“Ben is that . . .”

“Your song,” Ben answered. “I saved it. I read it all the time.” He smiled. “I heard it on the radio the other day. It’s way cooler now that you’ve got music with the words.”

Ben let in another deep yawn. “Can you sing it for me?” he asked.

Ethan sucked in a little breath. “Like . . . now?” he said. “But I don’t have my guitar.”

Ben shrugged, his eyelids sliding closed. “That’s okay. I sing it all the time without your guitar.”

Ethan knew he didn’t have much time left with his buddy. Once Ben was asleep, Ethan would have to leave to catch his flight home. That would be it and Ethan knew it. He could tell by Ben’s current condition that his time left in this world was slim. So Ethan took hold of the paper from Ben’s hand and ran his fingers over the words. This was the original copy. He still remembered how each individual word had felt entirely inspired.

Ethan opened his mouth and allowed the song to flow. He was never nervous during a performance, truly an experienced professional, but this performance had butterflies swarming in the pit of his stomach. This performance was different. It was special. This was the only thing he could give Ben. And for the first time, he truly understood what Alaina had meant all those months back. The words he was singing meant something. They had the power to make a difference. And right now, all Ethan cared about was finding a way to distract Ben from the pain searing through his tiny little body, and lulling him into a sleep of peace.

So Ethan sang with everything he had in him. And when he was finished, he looked down to find Ben’s eyes completely shut, the grimace wiped clean from his face. Ethan sighed and leaned back in the recliner. He sat for a while, griping Ben’s little hand in his, and doing the only thing he knew to do.

Pray.

He prayed for God to take care of Ben. To lighten his pain. To give him strength. He prayed that Ben’s heavenly mansion would be stocked with all the Popsicles he could ever eat. And when Ethan was finally finished, he wiped his tear stained cheeks and rose from the recliner.

After peeking down both sides of the hall, he found no sign of Ted or Granny Mae. Deciding to go see if they were still hanging out in the Starbucks, he headed toward the end of the hallway where the elevators were. Ethan was lost in thought, reflecting on his time with Ben, as he neared the end of the hall, but when the elevator dinged open, the sound of a familiar voice blasted his mind back to reality. Could it really be?

He did all he knew to do. Three different hallways jutted off of the elevator corridor, and Ethan darted into the nearest one, crouching down behind a medicine cart. He realized it was pathetic, but if just the sound of her voice made his heart race the way it was now, he couldn’t imagine what would happen if he had to speak to her. And he also knew by Ben’s words that Alaina wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

What was she saying? Something about how good the food had been at wherever she’d just eaten. But who was she talking to? Granny didn’t mention anyone going to eat with her . . .

That’s when Ethan heard another familiar voice. One that was burned into his memory and just the sound of it sent adrenaline pumping through his veins. The voices were past him now, making their way down the other hall back in the direction of Ben’s room. Ethan creped out from behind the medicine cart and walked back to the elevator. He stood there for a moment, his finger frozen on the arrow button. He watched Cam and Alaina stroll down the hall, and just as they reached Ben’s door, Cam’s arm went around Alaina’s shoulders and he pulled her in for a hug. Her head rested gently in his neck.

The same place it had one rested on Ethan.

Ethan thought he might throw up. How could she be with Cam now? Alaina hated Cam! How could she have given into that loser? And better yet, how could she have gotten mad at Ethan for drinking and then forgiven Cam for the way he’d acted that night on the beach!

Because he never lied to her.

Ethan shook the words from his mind and pulled his finger away from the elevator button. He felt his foot pull out in front of him, about to take a step down the hall toward Alaina. So many things raced through his mind at once. How could she have picked Cam over him? What did Cam possibly have to offer Alaina? Ethan could give her everything. Could be her everything. He was
Ethan Carter
for crying out loud!

Suddenly, Ted’s words floated into his mind . . . popping back into his memory at just the right moment like they always did.

“Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.”

If Ethan were to stomp down that hall and throw a little tantrum, shoving his popularity and his money in Cam’s face, it would most definitely be to his downfall. The downfall of any hope of a future with Alaina and the downfall of his testimony. Ethan was not the same guy he once was. He was a new creation in Christ and he would not take the path of his old ways. He would take the new path. The right path.

He would be humble. And it was at that moment that Ethan figured out what he could do to truly shine without being seen. What he could do to not only help Alaina because he loved her, but to also give Ben what he really wanted.