Redemption (Forgiven Series) (24 page)

“We’re going to Max’s,” I reminded her.

“I know, but I need to go somewhere else first,” she said calmly.

“Lauren, just take me to the restaurant,” I said in frustration. Done with the bullshit today, all I wanted was a beer and some food. She ignored me and continued driving in the opposite direction, turning the radio up loud enough to discourage any conversation.

A few minutes later we pulled up to Stewart Park. What in the hell did she need to do at the park?

“Lauren, what are we doing here?”

I turned to face her and noticed the tears swimming in her eyes. Before I could ask her what was wrong, she brushed them away and jumped out of the car. What could she be crying for? I was the one that had been shit on for the last twenty minutes, not her.

Even though I was still pissed, there was something about seeing the glisten of tears in her eyes that had me frozen to my seat. Why was I still sitting here? My brain was telling me that this was all a mistake. That her lack of faith in me was a roadblock we couldn’t overcome, but there was something inside of me that wouldn’t let me move. I sat silently, watching her walk over and take a seat on one of the benches to look out on the water, when suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I loved this girl.

It was the only thing that made sense. Why I’d been so drawn to her from day one. Why no other girl compared. Why the sight of her tears made my heart break.

Instantly, the anger drained from me and instead I felt like I couldn’t breath. Never in a million years had I expected this to happen. Deciding that I couldn’t let her sit all alone by the water anymore, I got out of the car and made my way to where she was sitting. The pounding of my heart in my chest made my stomach churn, and my legs shook as I crossed the grass. Knowing that I was in love with her didn’t make any of this easier. In fact, now that I knew, I was more lost than I had even been before.

What the fuck was I going to do?

Josh would never talk to me if I took him to the restaurant so I knew I’d have to take him somewhere he couldn’t avoid me. Stewart Park seemed like the perfect place. Honestly, I hadn’t been sure he was going to get in the car in the first place. Watching him out of the corner of my eye, I could see the anger radiating off of him. He was pissed and wasn’t going to give in easily.

How was it that my father always had a way of ruining things that I cared about? My eyes blurred and burned thinking of the way he’d treated Josh. Why hadn’t I just stood up for him? Wanting to calm myself down so I could talk to him, I leapt out of the car and walked down to the water to sit on one of the benches. Thinking about the way my father had treated Josh made me sick to my stomach. Why couldn’t Josh just have left well enough alone? I knew how my father would react. Nothing was ever about what I wanted. All he was concerned about was what was best for his image. Ryan was the all-American baseball player from a somewhat wealthy family. My father had taken one look at Josh and dismissed him as nothing.

When my father had ignored the fact that Ryan cheated on me, I’d wanted to scream. Were appearances really that important to him that he would want me to stay with a cheater? I guess in his mind cheating wasn’t a big deal. I mean, he’d done it to my mom, until she’d mustered enough guts to kick his ass out when I was eleven.

Asshole.

Every time I saw my father he reminded me why I usually avoided him at all costs. Now, in an effort to get my dad out of there, I’d pushed Josh away when he was only trying to protect me. Unfortunately, all of those thoughts did nothing to help control my tears, instead spurring them on to flow freely down my face.

Hearing Josh approach, I furiously brushed them away. I wasn’t a crier, but something about the thought of losing Josh over my father’s normal crap was ripping me apart. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Josh sit down next to me, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. Not brave enough to see what emotions were written on his face, I kept my eyes trained on the water in front of me.

“Jersey,” he said quietly. I was surprised to not hear any of the earlier animosity in his voice.

I lost it. I dropped my head into my hands and began to sob. “I’m so sorry.”

He reached his arm around me and pulled me close, letting me cry on his shoulder. “Shhh,” he whispered in my ear. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” I cried, shaking my head. “He had no right to treat you that way. It’s never about what I want or need, only what improves his position in life.”

He placed his fingers under my chin and titled my head back to look at him. “You forget that I’ve lived with an asshole father for most of my life.”

“It’s not just that. I shouldn’t have yelled at you when were trying to defend me,” I muttered.

“Can you tell me why you did it?” he asked in a manner that was calmer than he should have been.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I just know how my father is. In his mind, Ryan was perfect, and he thought so from day one. Arguing with him is pointless and I don’t see him often enough for him to matter,” I replied.

Dropping his arm and letting go of my face, Josh once again leaned his elbows on his legs. It was a few moments before he spoke again.

“Do you really think I care what your father thinks about me?” he asked without looking up.

“No—”

“But I
do
care what you think about me. When you didn’t defend me to your father, it made me question what you truly believe about me,” he admitted, raising his head to look into my eyes. “Do you still believe that I’m not capable of being faithful?”

“No,” I shook my emphatically.

“Then why not defend me?”

How did I explain this without making things worse? “It wouldn’t have mattered if I’d defended you or not, the minute you introduced yourself he made a decision about you. Then he heard you call me ‘Jersey’ and he was done,” I sighed. “After that, nothing you or I could have said would have made a difference, so instead of arguing I just tried to get him to leave faster.”

His brows drew in in a frown. “What’s wrong with calling you ‘Jersey’?”

“Well, you have to admit, it’s not exactly normal to call your girlfriend by the state she’s from,” I admitted. I’d always wondered why he couldn’t call me something sweet like “baby” or “honey”. For crying out loud, I’d even take “cupcake” because at least that sounded like something you’d call your girlfriend. “Jersey” sounded like something you’d call one of your buddies from the gym.

“You think that’s why I call you that? Maybe it was originally, but now it means so much more,” he said astounded.

“You mean, that’s not where the name comes from?”

He reached over to link our fingers together. “Calling you ‘Jersey’ has nothing to do with where you lived.”

“Then where did it come from?”

He cupped my face with his free hand and looked me directly in the eyes. “Lauren, you’re my Jersey. You’re my Jersey because you comfort me. You’ve wrapped yourself around me so tight that I don’t know how to be warm without you. Most of all you’re my Jersey because, no matter what happens between us or wherever you are, you are
always
close to my heart.”

Oh my God! I was going to cry. How was I supposed to respond to that? I did the only thing I could think of. Leaning up, I pressed my lips to his, loving the warm feeling his touch invoked in me. He slipped his hand around the back of my neck and up into my hair, holding my mouth to his. His tongue passed my lips to slide against mine and the taste of him, a mixture of spearmint and something that was all Josh, exploded through my senses. The only thing that mattered in that moment was the two of us.

Something was different about this kiss. It felt as if Josh put so much more feeling into it. Whatever it was, I just reveled in the feel of his lips against mine, thankful that my father hadn’t ruined this.

After what seemed like an eternity, Josh lifted his mouth from mine. We both were breathing heavily. The desire burned in his eyes as he kept his gaze connected with mine. “Promise me something,” he whispered.

“Anything.”

“Even if it means having to deal with your father longer than we want to, or having to listen to more of his bullshit, please don’t push me away next time. Let me deal with crap alongside you. Remember, this is nothing new to me. And…”

He trailed off and I knew there was something else he wanted to say, but after the afternoon we’d just had I didn’t want to push him, so I spoke instead.

“Trust me when I tell you I’m going to do everything in my power to avoid my father, but I promise the next time, and there
will
be a next time, we can stand up to him together,” I vowed.

All I wanted was to move on from this and be thankful that we were okay. My feelings for Josh grew a little stronger each day and I knew it wouldn’t be long before my heart was totally and completely his. Emotions are a powerful thing, and I had no choice in the matter. I couldn’t stop myself from loving Josh, and I didn’t want to. I had to hope that he shared those feelings.

Josh laced his fingers with mine and stood up, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Come on let’s go meet everyone,” he said, nodding toward the car.

When I stood up next to him to make my way back, Josh stopped my progress with his other hand. Slowly he leaned down and nibbled on my ear. “Don’t worry, we’ll make up properly later,” he breathed against my skin.

My breathing sped up as the blood rushed to my face at his suggestion. Just the promise of spending the night wrapped in Josh’s arms had me ready to suggest skipping dinner and going straight home. If only.

Unfortunately, everyone was there to celebrate my win, meaning we
had
to go. But that didn’t mean I had to like it.

I gave Josh the keys and we made our way back to the car. Josh moved around and opened my door for me, then quickly making his way back over to the driver’s side. Giving him a once-over as he started the car and pulled out of the park I noticed, not for the first time, how freaking handsome Josh was. How did I get so lucky that a boy like him wanted a girl like me? Then I realized that he was whistling.

“What are you so happy about?” I asked, laughing. I’d never heard him whistle before.

He chuckled. “Nothing, Just glad I listened to Caleb before he left the field.”

“Me too,” I smiled taking his hand with mine. He lifted our hands to his lips. I loved it when he did that. It was a reminder that his bad boy reputation with the ladies was all a facade. That underneath all of that bravado was one of the sweetest guys I’d ever met.

It wasn’t long before we reached the restaurant and luckily all of our friends were still there. We made our way inside to see that they already had a table in the back. Drinks for us sat waiting. Good. I knew that after meeting my father, we’d both need a drink.

“Hey, you guys finally made it,” Andrew called across the room.

I looked over at Josh with a smile on my face. “Yeah, we did,’ I whispered.

His eyes lit up with his smile but his attention quickly returned to where Andrew was sitting, Emily tucked into his side.

What was wrong with that?

“Everything okay?” I whispered to Josh as we made our way towards the table.

He glanced down at me. “Something’s up with those two. They’ve been acting weird all day.”

Gazing in their direction, all I saw was them snuggling like any other couple. “Okay. They look like any other couple to me,” I shrugged.

“We’ll see, Jersey. We’ll see.” He winked and led me to the two empty seats at the table.

Caleb was on my right, Josh on my left. Caleb put his arm around my shoulders. “Nice game, Lauren,” he pulled me into a hug. Lowering his head he whispered in my ear, “Everything okay?”

I nodded. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“Anytime.”

“Asshole, get your hands off my girl,” Josh joked, wrapping his arm around me while simultaneously pushing Caleb’s off.

“Yeah, like you always keep your hands off mine,” he laughed, throwing a crumpled napkin at Josh.

“Knock it off, you two,” Angie and I said in unison.

She looked over at me. “Boys,” she said, laughing and shaking her head.

When they both tried to act as if they were innocent, the rest of us busted out laughing. As we all finally began to calm down, Josh raised his beer. “Awesome game, Jersey,” he said, leaning down to place a kiss on my temple. I smiled, not because of the game, but thinking back to why he called me ‘Jersey’ in the first place.

Everyone else followed and raised their drinks. “To Lauren,” they cheered.

“Thanks,” I said slightly embarrassed.

“Who’s ready to eat?” Nick called out over the raised voices.

“I’m starved,” I answered. I hadn’t eaten much before the game because of nerves, a fact I hadn’t noticed with all of the stress after the game. But the smell of the food when we’d pulled up had woken my appetite.

We called over the waitress and placed our orders and after she’d walked away, we continued to chat about the game. Luckily, no one brought up my father’s deplorable behavior. I did notice Andrew fidgeting across the table from me and realized that Josh was right. Something was definitely up.