Redemption (Forgiven Series) (13 page)

Angie’s morning class was over the same time as mine and since my professor let us out early, I walked over to her building to wait. After a few minutes I saw Angie making her way out the front door.

“Hey, Lauren,” she called out as she made her way over.

I tried to put on a smile, even though I knew she’d see right through it. “Hi, Angie,” I said wrapping her in a hug.

After a moment, she pulled back but kept her hands on my shoulders so that she could get a better look at me. I tried to avoid eye contact, knowing she’d see everything I was feeling in them, but when I wouldn’t look up, she pulled me back into a hug. “Honey, don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine.”

“I doubt that,” I said, taking a step back. “Not that it matters, I’m not sure I could face him again anyway.”

“Come on, let’s get lunch and then we’ll talk” Angie looped her arm through mine and turned in the direction of the cafeteria.

We got our lunches and sat down at a table away from the rest of the crowd. I was glad Angie had chosen seats that were far away because I really wasn’t really interested in having the whole school know that I was the latest notch on Josh’s bedpost.

“Okay, so tell me why you think it doesn’t matter?” she asked before shoving a handful of French fries in her mouth.

“Does it really matter? I was just another conquest for him. Besides, I’m not sure that I could face him again, anyway.”

“What exactly happened last night?”

I winced. “I guess you talked to Emily.”

“Yes,” she said slowly. “But I want to hear it from you.”

Looking down at my tray, I played with my food. This whole conversation was making my appetite disappear. “Nothing more than Josh being the guy everyone warned me about. The guy who picks a new girl every night.”

I stopped to take a drink of my water, trying to wash the bitter taste from my mouth. “I just felt stupid all over again. I knew how he was, and yet I fell into the same trap.”

“You’re not stupid,” she declared loyally.

“You’re just saying that because I’m your friend and you want me to feel better.”

“I am—” she started to say, but I cut her off by holding my hand up.

“Yes, I was stupid. I was pissed about finding Ryan with that blonde bitch and decided to find signs where there weren’t any. I wanted someone to want me and guys like Josh know exactly how to make you feel that way.”

I glanced up at the ceiling. “It’s my own fault. I’m just glad I don’t see him around campus, and I think last night was a fluke.” I shook my head and looked back down at Angie. “My only hope is that was the last time I run into Josh Walker.”

Too late, I noticed the strange look on her face, but she wasn’t even looking at me. Instead, she was staring at something over my shoulder and I knew whatever it was, it was not going to be good. Slowly, I turned around in my chair. Holy shit! Josh was standing right behind me.

Great, how much of that had he heard? Moving my gaze up to his face I could see the hurt and regret in his eyes. I felt a flush break out all across my body, unfortunately it wasn’t from being overheated.

Angie reached over and squeezed my hand, causing me to turn back and face her. She pleaded with her eyes as she said, “Lauren, please listen to what he has to say. He came here to talk to you. I know what he wants to tell you, so just please hear him out.”

I couldn’t believe that Angie had set me up like that. How could she possibly think that I would want to see Josh, much less talk to him? Josh walked up to the table and watched me like he was waiting for me to bolt. Little did he know how much I actually
did
want to run. My eyes shot up to him and back down to Angie. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” I mumbled, too self-conscious to speak any louder.

“Please, Lauren,” Angie said as she stood up.

Josh took Angie’s seat and continued to study me. “Lauren, just give me five minutes,” he begged.

Angie bent over to whisper in my ear. “Just stay. You won’t regret it.”

There was no way I was getting out of this. I only had to sit there for five minutes. I could do that. Then I could walk out the door and do everything in my power to erase Josh from my memory.

“All right.”

Angie turned back to Josh and gave him a wink before leaving the cafeteria.

“How have you been?” Josh asked, looking nervous.

I kept my eyes down, not really wanting to look him in the face because that would just make this whole conversation harder. It was bad enough that thoughts of our night together haunted my dreams.

“Fine,” I answered. “Can we just get to the point?”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

I looked up, waiting for him to continue, and when I didn’t say anything more he started talking. “Look, I wanted to apologize for what happened last night.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Don’t worry about it. You can dance with whomever you want.” I grabbed my bag and stood up. “If that’s all, I’m going to go and get some work done before my next class.”

“Lauren.” Josh tugged on my hand to turn me around. “Please, don’t go,” he begged.

I looked down at his hand holding mine. What I wouldn’t give for him to be holding my hand for a different reason than to get me to stay and listen to his apology to assuage his guilt.

“Josh,” I started, but he stood up and covered my mouth with his hand.

“I have more that I need you to hear.”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and waited for him to take his hand off my mouth. He watched me, like he was waiting for me to bolt the first chance I had, but he dropped his hand and gestured for me to sit. When he seemed satisfied that I was going to stay and listen to what he had to say, he took his seat again.

“I’m really bad at this kind of thing, but just give me a chance.”

I watched him, but still said nothing as I waited for him to continue.

“I did want to apologize to you, but I also wanted to explain why I was apologizing. When I took you home last week… it was one of the most amazing nights of my life. For the first time, ever, I didn’t want someone to leave my bed. What I wanted was to wake up next to you in the morning.” He laughed nervously. “But ironically, I woke up to an empty bed anyway.”

At the reminder of my walk of shame, I focused my eyes on something across the room. I knew my face was bright red and I didn’t have it in me to look him in the eye. He reached out and placed his fingers on my cheek, turning my face towards him.

“Don’t look away from me. I heard what you said, but I don’t want you to be ashamed of what happened between us. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

He took a deep breath. “Lauren something happened that night, something I never thought would happen to me.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I finally found someone that I wanted to spend more than one night with. I tried to tell myself that wasn’t true, that nothing had changed, and I even went out last night to try and prove it to myself… but when I saw you talking to that guy at the bar, it took everything I had to not come over there and smash his face in.”

He clenched and unclenched his fist, as if he was trying to calm himself down. “I was still convinced that everything was still the same so I carried on dancing,” he winced, “hoping to feel something with her. But I didn’t.”

He was talking in circles and I had no idea what the point of the conversation was. Surely, his five minutes had to be up by now?

“Josh, I’m exhausted and I have no idea what this conversation is even about. Don’t worry about what happened last night, or last week. It’s fine. Look, I’ll talk to you later.” This time I stood quickly, turned, and practically ran to the exit.

The fresh air helped clear my senses. I was so focused on the relief I felt at finally being able to breathe, that I didn’t realize that someone was behind me until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and turned, throwing my hand over my heart when it felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

Josh threw his hands up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“What do you want from me?” I sighed wearily.

He took hold of my hands. The warmth of his hands on mine was both soothing and frightening all at once. I wanted to pull my hands from his grasp but I could only concentrate on the feel of his skin on mine. Years of softball meant that my hands were slightly calloused and I winced as he ran his thumb back and forth across my palm, wondering if he’d noticed that they weren’t smooth like he might have expected. Realizing I wasn’t paying attention, he gave my hand a squeeze and I looked at him. “I told you I wasn’t good at this stuff. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”

“What?” I breathed.

“Forget this,” he growled. He pulled his hands out of mine and I thought he was going to walk away, but instead he weaved his fingers into my hair and captured my lips with his.

The kiss started slow, but although I still wasn’t sure what was happening, it didn’t take me long to catch up. The feel of his lips against mine melted all of my resistance and I moved my lips, opening them and allowing him to slip his tongue along mine.

Time seemed to stop and everyone around us no longer mattered. After a few moments, Josh slowly pulled away to look me in the eye.

Did that kiss really mean what I think it did? Wait a minute, what was I thinking? Josh was a walking one-night stand and even if I was right and he did want me, it wouldn’t last long. Eventually he’d get bored and be back to his old ways.

“Lauren, I want to take you out on a date. I want to kiss you and make love to you, and I want to be the only man in your life. I realized last night that I compare every woman I’ve been around since Saturday night to you and I’m tired of fighting my feelings.”

I wanted more than anything to do exactly what Josh was saying, but I was tired of getting hurt by guys. I wanted a guy who was worthy of me, not someone who would throw me away at a moment’s notice, and I wasn’t sure if Josh could be that guy.

“Josh,” I sighed. “What you’re saying is everything I’ve wanted to hear since Saturday night.” He looked so hopeful that I had to swallow the lump in my throat to continue. “But I’m not sure that this is a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because for some strange reason today you want to be with me, but I don’t think it’ll be very long before you want to go back to a new girl every night.” It hurt to admit this and I felt the tears building up in my eyes. “I’ve been hurt enough lately. I don’t think I can take anymore, especially not from you.”

He looked down for a moment. “I don’t want a new girl every night.” He took a step towards me so that our chests were touching. “I only want you and I promise that I will
never
do anything to hurt you,” he vowed, brushing my tears away with his fingers.

The doubt must have been evident on my face because he resorted to begging.

“Give me a chance to prove myself. I’ve already tried pretending that I don’t want you, and it didn’t work. You need to let me show you that you are all I want. It’s more than physical. I’ve never enjoyed a conversation with a girl in a bar as much as I did the other night.”

Every beat of my heart was telling me to do one thing, but my head was telling me to do another. I wanted so bad to believe him, I just wasn’t sure if I could do it. Then again, I knew that if I
didn’t
give him this chance I would regret it for the rest of my life.

“Okay,” I said, before I had a chance to change my mind.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. Kissing me on the temple, he leaned down to whisper in my ear, “You’ve made me so happy. I promise to make every moment special.”

The words had hardly left his mouth when he pulled back and lowered his lips to mine. Just like the last time the world around us melted away and the only thing that mattered was the man standing in front of me with his lips on mine. There was no hesitation when he ran his tongue across my bottom lip. I opened and let him explore my mouth with his. After what seemed like forever, he slowly pulled back and we both panted, trying to catch our breath.

“Let me take you out tonight? Come over after class and we’ll hang out, maybe go out and grab a pizza?” he asked excitedly.

“I can’t,” I said, and when his face dropped I rushed to explain. “Not that I don’t want to, but I have practice till five thirty. But I can come over after that,” I offered.

He weaved his fingers through mine and brought my hand up to his lips. “With all of my nerves about whether or not you would listen to me, I forgot all about softball. Come over afterwards,” he suggested.

“All right.”

I played with the strap on my bag and my stomach churned at the thought of heading back to his apartment, but if we were dating it was something I was going to have to face. I looked down at the time. Damn, I had to get to class. “Josh, I hate to run, but I have to get to my next class. I can’t afford to be late.”

“Where’s your class?”

“Muller.”

He turned in the direction of the building and, keeping our hands linked, began to walk. “Do you have class this afternoon?” I asked, wondering if he was making himself late.

“I do. Actually mine is in the building right next door to yours, so I get to walk you to class and not be late for mine.”

I shook my head, still trying to process this whole turn of events. Last night I’d cried myself to sleep because I thought that this was never a possibility, but here I was walking to class hand and hand with Josh.

As we made our way across campus, I couldn’t help but notice the surprised and sometimes angry looks being shot in our direction, but I was so focused on Josh it was hard to pay any real attention to them.

When we reached the door to the building, Josh turned me towards him and planted a light kiss on my lips, making me feel warm and tingly all over. He pulled away. “I’ll see you tonight.” He winked before turning and walking to his own class.

It was hard to pay attention during class, since my mind kept straying to thoughts of Josh. After class, I made my way quickly to the changing rooms to get ready for practice. Tugging on my jersey I thought about Ryan. So far I’d been able to avoid him and I’d hoped my luck would hold, but I should’ve known better because as I headed towards the field, someone stepped into my path. I looked up and there he was.