Redeeming Justice (36 page)

“He’s an asshole for disconnecting the GPS on the truck. We’ll never track him without
it,” Cam bit out tersely. Picking up one of Zeus’s toys that laid nearby, Cam started
tossing the small rubber ball against the floor, angling so it then ricocheted on
a wood door. The rhythmic sounds drowned out the silence of their thoughts.

“What the fuck, man,” muttered Drae. “I actually thought we were beyond this, didn’t
you?” he asked with a look of sad disbelief all over his face. “He’s been so wrapped
up in Meghan these last few week. Guess it was wishful thinking but I really thought…
shit
.”

“I know
exactly
what you thought, and I was right there with you. She’s been good for him. First
time
ever
that he hasn’t been all up in everyone else’s grill about every little thing.” Cam
punctuating his words with a fierce toss of the ball, the angry sound echoing his
frustration.

“Wanna go track the back forty? See if he’s skulking out in the desert?” Drae knew
they were grasping at straws.

Cam thought about it for the hundredth time and came up with the same answer. “No.
He doesn’t want to be found. Alex knows damn well that’s the first place we’d look
which is why we’re still here, pounding sand. I can track anyone but him. The man
taught me most everything I know. He isn’t Tori, dude. He’s not gonna suddenly leave
a trail a mile wide that we can follow.”

Drae laughed at the memory of them banding together to track his wayward wife when
she did a flit after he’d fucked up one too many times. At least that drama had a
happy ending. This situation with Alex didn’t feel like it was going to be that easy.
“What do you think set him off, bro? Every other year he’s been a dick, yeah. But
this, I don’t know, man. This is different.”

“He’s got something to lose now that he didn’t before,” Cam murmured quietly.

“Meghan,” Drae added, nodding. “Did he ever tell you what the deal was with her fiancé?
Something must have gone down because one minute he was fighting the attraction and
the next she moved into his room.”

“Hmmm, good point. Somehow I think our wives may hold some clues on that score and
if they don’t, maybe we should just ask the lady. Whatever caused his explosion of
rage this morning has everything to do with her, I’m sure of it. And from what you
said, she’s unglued and seems stunned by his behavior so I’m betting they didn’t have
a fight or anything like that.”

Drae headed for the door and waved at him to follow. “Alright, Cam. Let’s go shine
an interrogation lamp on the women and see what we can flush out. Hanging around here
waiting for him to show himself is getting us nowhere.”

She might be sitting upright in a chair but internally, Meghan was in the fetal position,
overcome with anxiety as the awful day unfolded. Tori and Lacey were being sweet and
supportive, making jokes about men and how thick they could sometimes be—sharing their
personal stories with her. Bawdy tales of the tempestuous road their relationships
with their husbands took before each found their happily ever after.

Meghan didn’t need a guidebook to know her happily ever after just got wiped the hell
out. She wasn’t stupid. She knew that the years Alex spent in the Special Forces had
not been wasted on knitting sweaters for the underprivileged. Bad guys died. So did
his comrades. Civilians got tagged and bagged too, collateral damage.

Stuff like that never really gets forgotten, and if she knew anything at all about
her Major, it was that he carried enormous emotional and moral burdens about those
times. She thought about the architect she’d dated briefly who seemed so uncomplicated
and downright dull. He’d never had to make peace with double-tapping some enemy insurgent
or calling a raid on a village where women and children were used as shields.

With her brain working overtime Meghan was plagued with memories of David. She recalled
him sharing horrific stories about desperate firefights and the mental anguish knowing
the bullets he was firing would be taking lives. After a while though she noticed
the anguish was replaced by acceptance and finally by an air of nonchalance. Death
in a war zone was everyday.

In Alex’s case it wasn’t just about his own actions. It was complicated by what he
ordered others to do. And suffer through. And deal with. All sobering thoughts.

And then there was what today represented. She’d totally forgotten. How could that
be? What did that say about her? Her conscience was feeling itchy. Coming to Arizona
had been about honoring David’s memory and finding closure for that chapter in her
life. Over the last few weeks she’d been so wrapped up in the excitement and passion
of her affair with Alex that memories of her former fiancé had faded to nothing.

But Alex hadn’t forgotten. Or maybe he had and that was what this morning’s rampage
had been about. Had he been so caught up in their newfound connection that he failed
to recognize the day’s significance? It pained her that the one thing proving to be
Alex’s hard limit was something she was so much a part of. She didn’t know what to
think. Didn’t know what to do.

Around lunchtime Draegyn and Cameron arrived looking somber. Meghan’s heart sank.
Drae approached her asking, “Meghan, can we talk?”

She was numb and panicked at the same time but managed a weak nod. Everyone gathered
around her, the husbands exchanging meaningful looks with their wives and no one looking
comfortable.

Clearing his throat, Draegyn spoke in a gentle tone, while Tori stood at his side
with her hand upon his shoulder, “We don’t want to nose around your personal life
Meghan but you should know that Alex told Cam and me a little bit about his feelings
concerning your fiancé. We liked David. He was a great kid.”

“Thanks,” she murmured. “He spoke of Team Justice quite a bit.” She couldn’t help
but glance at Cameron when she said that. His movie star good looks were a reminder
of David’s man crush and what that had meant to Meghan. She was sure Alex hadn’t divulged
to either of his brothers what she’d admitted about her fiancé’s sexuality, and she
wasn’t going to let them in on it now.

“Well,” Drae said sounding uncomfortable as he questioned her, “the reason I’m bringing
it up is because Alex was pretty fucking conflicted when you arrived. But somewhere
along the way that changed. Can you tell us why?”

Meghan considered the question and rolled a shoulder. “As I told Tori, whatever you
may think, despite the engagement, David and I were
never
going to be married.”

Looking at Cam again she blushed and dropped her eyes. She knew what they were really
asking. It was a guy’s question, the one that dealt with honor and doing the right
thing. She didn’t have much choice but to blurt out what they needed to know so they’d
understand that she and Alex had gotten beyond his moral dilemma about sleeping with
her based on who David had been to all of them.

“Look,” she bit out. “David and I. We were never intimate if that’s what you want
to know. This is something Alex is aware of, and really – I don’t want to say any
more on the subject.”

She watched Cameron and Draegyn look at each other with what appeared to be relief.
Cross that assumption off the list
, she thought.

“Okay,” Drae murmured softly. It was clear he felt like a dick for asking. “We’ve
all noticed that you and our fearless leader have gotten unusually close.”

“This isn’t my fault!” Meghan threw at them anxiously.

“No, no, no,” Cam cut in. “Meghan please. We aren’t implying he took off because of
you. I think what my shithead brother was trying to say was, we’ve all been enjoying
watching you two get together. I don’t think any of us have ever seen him so happy.”
They all looked at one another and nodded in agreement. “We’re just trying to piece
together what may have caused this morning’s events. Everything seemed fine last night.”

Meghan groaned and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know what happened. I don’t
know what changed. Last night was…well, whatever, and then I woke up and he was gone.”

She leapt off her seat and started pacing like a caged animal. Restless, nervous energy
was invading her system. “Maybe I should have seen this coming. I don’t know! To be
honest, I forgot all about what today meant, and I feel horrible about that. Maybe
Alex feels the same way. Maybe what we were doing, or rather, what’s been happening
between us these last weeks was a distraction. Or a mistake.
Jesus.
I just don’t know.”

Cam and Drae looked at each other. “I think we got what we came for. Thanks Meghan.
We’ll take it from here.”

“Guys,” Meghan choked out as anxiety clogged her voice. “What should I do?”

Cam told her, “Don’t do anything for now. You’ve actually clarified a few things that
will give us a place to start.”

Going to his wife, he kissed Lacey on the forehead and smiled. “You ladies just hang
in there. We’ll be in touch when we know something, and I’m sure I don’t need to remind
you that if you hear anything from Alex to let us know immediately.”

After they left the house and were climbing into his truck, Cam turned to Drae and
said, “Bull’s eye. He’s beating himself up because for once in his fucking life he
was happy and actually living. Forgetting was an act of betrayal.”

Drae nodded. “I have an idea. Remember the house where his grandparents lived? I think
we should check there. It’s likely that he’d go someplace familiar if he was hurting.”

Alex felt like shit. His life was crumbling, and he didn’t know what to do about it.
He needed the world to slow the fuck down so he could get a grip on what was happening.

Pacing or rather prowling around the sprawling home that had been the scene of countless
happy family times, he was assailed with thoughts of his grandparents who counted
honor and integrity among a man’s most essential attributes. Right now, he had neither.

Dammit. With so many conflicting thoughts and emotions swirling inside him Alex thought
he might explode. He’d certainly already had one epic blow up today he thought cringing
at the recall of trashing his office in a blind fucking rage. He still couldn’t believe
that he’d forgotten what today represented. What the hell was wrong with him?

And that was what was really ripping him up. He’d done a lot of shit and seen so much
evil and depravity during his war years that the only way for him to deal with it
all and not lose his fucking soul was to condense every sick, bloody, deadly event
into one. A little like CliffsNotes – everything rolled into a single day where he
would remember and yeah, beat himself up. It was his burden to bear after all.

But he hadn’t remembered. In fact, he hadn’t slowed his roll at all the last couple
of weeks. It was as if the peace and happiness he’d gotten a taste of with Meghan
had wiped his pain and guilt clean. Alex knew it was fucked up to feel this way but
he couldn’t accept what that meant in the bigger picture. He needed to remember. Needed
the pain. Needed to do the penance. Without it, what had it all been for in the end?
To render so much horror inconsequential didn’t sit well on his conscience.

When he’d floored it away from the Villa, it seemed like the devil himself was behind
the wheel. It had taken endless miles of driving before he came back to the present
and by then he couldn’t turn around and go back. Alex didn’t want to face Meghan or
anyone for that matter. Not until he got everything straight in his head. That was
how he’d ended up at his grandparent’s house outside Sedona. It had been ages since
he’d been there but it seemed like the perfect place to go and lick his wounds.

He knew that Drae and Cam would find him.
Eventually.
It was their way, after all. Though he had a blood family he adored and cherished,
his battlefield brothers were the glue that held his adult life together. No matter
what fucked-up shit any of them did, they’d always been there for each other.