Red Zone: Boys of Fall (20 page)

Lorelie glanced around, chagrined at having drawn so much attention to them. Even though she was angry, she obviously understood why Sadie wouldn’t want the world to know what had gone down. “Joel and Oakley are like brothers to me. I love those two idiots. And you hurt them.”

Sadie nodded. It wasn’t like she could deny it. It was the truth. “How did you find out?”

“I was with them the other night. Here.”

Sadie was typically very aware of who was in the bar when. It spoke to her distraught state of mind that she hadn’t even seen Lorelie that night. Of course, it wasn’t that surprising. Whenever Joel or Oakley were within a fifty-foot radius of her, her line of vision tended to go fuzzy around the edges, the only things in focus being them. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” Lorelie leaned her elbows on the counter. “They were pretty upset after talking to you, so we left early. Once I got them in the truck, I made them tell me what the hell was going on between all of you.”

“Then you should know that I called things off.”

“Which brings me back to my previous question. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Sadie closed her eyes, unable to shield the misery. She’d been living with a perpetual stomachache for days. “It can’t work, Lorelie.”

“You’re wrong.”

Sadie placed her palms on the lower counter behind the bar, using her hands to hold her upright. She was exhausted beyond belief and seriously considering curling up in a fetal position in some corner of the room for a few years. “It’s done now. I’ve told them it’s over and it is. We just need some time to move on and in a few weeks, we’ll realize we dodged a bullet.”

Lorelie shook her head. “I used to look up to you. Used to think you were so cool. I mean, you always seemed to have your shit together. You were self-confident. You knew who you were and you never let anyone’s opinion keep you from doing what you thought was right or what you wanted to do. I guess that was all just a lie.”

“Lorelie. You don’t understand.”

“Apparently I’m not the only one. Joel and Oakley don’t get it either. So make us understand. Because you look every bit as miserable as them. Every bit as brokenhearted.” 

“Look, I get it. Okay!” This time it was Sadie’s voice that was raised, but she didn’t care. “I know I was wrong to get involved with them. Wrong to let it go on so long. I know that I hurt them. And I’m sorry about it. More than you know.”

“So unhurt them.”

Sadie grinned sadly. “Just like that?”

Lorelie gave her a small why-not shrug.

“I can’t.”

“They’re in love with you. God, Sadie. I can’t get one decent guy to fall for me. You’ve got two who would lay down their lives for you and you’re throwing them away.”

Lorelie’s words cut through her like a knife, but someone had to be the voice of reason. Someone had to remain strong. While their hearts may be broken now, they’d have time to heal, to move on. Better to get this part over with quick rather than deal with the fallout later when it would be that much more devastating.

“I’m not a good bet, Lorelie.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I went into this…” She paused. She’d started to say “relationship”. Then she realized that was exactly what it was. Not calling it by its name didn’t make it something else. “I went into this relationship because I thought it was just going to be a physical thing. The three of us having some fun between the sheets.”

“So what you got was something way better. Sex and love. Stop being an idiot, Sade.”

“People don’t live in threes.” It was the same lame excuse she’d offered Joel. Lorelie rejected it just like he had, her eyes rolling back in her head.

“You’re not the type of person who gives a shit what other people think, Sadie. That’s Joel’s hang-up and obviously he’s gotten beyond it. He and Oakley took you to that restaurant, to that very public place, to declare their love because they happen to believe the three of you can make it work. He got beyond his fears. So it’s your turn. Tell me why you’re really saying no.”

“I’ve never been in love. Not really.”

“That doesn’t sound like a reason to walk away. Love is staring you right in the face. What’s stopping you from grabbing it with both hands?”

Sadie had never spoken her fear aloud, never told another living soul the terror she harbored deep down inside.

“What if I can’t do it? What if I’m like her?” she whispered, her head bowed, her eyes closed.

Lorelie’s voice betrayed her confusion. “Like who?”

“My mom.”

“You’re not a damn thing like your mother.”

Sadie’s eyes flew open, landing on her father’s angry face. She’d been so upset, she hadn’t even seen him walk over. “Dad.”

“You really think that?” he asked.

She shrugged. She’d always believed it. Sadie had never found it easy to form close relationships and she had a wild streak inside her a mile wide.

Lorelie flushed as she stepped away from the bar. From her regretful expression, it was clear she knew she’d opened a can of worms. “I should probably go.”

“Not yet.” Sadie’s dad blocked Lorelie’s path. “Who’s in love with Sadie?”

“What?” Lorelie hedged, glancing over her shoulder at Sadie, horrified. Her dad was a pretty intimidating fellow, but something in Lorelie’s pursed lips told Sadie her friend wouldn’t betray her. Even if she was scared spitless. Sadie decided then and there Lorelie was going to be her first real, genuine girlfriend.

Lorelie had come here because she loved Oakley and Joel. Her intentions had been good and Sadie was glad the men had such a fierce little protector. A sister of the heart to stand up for them.

Sadie couldn’t make Lorelie stand before the firing squad for simply trying to help—so she stepped into the line of fire instead. “Oakley and Joel are in love with me, Dad.”

Her father scowled. “Both of them?”

She nodded. “It’s okay, Lorelie. Honest. I’ll call you later.”

Lorelie mouthed the word, “sorry,” then took her leave without another word.

Her father jerked his head toward the back, indicating he wanted Sadie to move. Now.

“Roscoe,” he called out loudly. “Take the bar.”

He lifted the hinged counter and Sadie stepped out, following him to the small office in the back of the building.

Once the office door was closed, he turned to face her, his arms crossed. “Talk.”

“I’ve been seeing Oakley and Joel.”

“And they both knew you were dating the other guy at the same time?”

“I don’t mean separately. I mean the three of us are together.”

Her father scowled. “What? Like one of those ménage a trois things?”

She nodded, struggling not to giggle. It was the absolute worst thing she could do, but she always found humor in things that were not funny. Talking to her dad about a ménage a trois struck her as absurdly comical.

“I’m going to fucking kill those bastards.”

Sadie stepped in front of the door, blocking his exit. “No. You’re not.”

“And why wouldn’t I?”

Sadie licked her lips nervously. Then she said what she should have said to Oakley and Joel. “Because I’m in love with them too.”

Her dad’s arms fell to his sides, and then he raised his hands, almost beseechingly. “You can’t be in love with two guys at the same time, Sade. That’s not how the world works.”

“I know,” she said, hating the way her voice cracked. “Which is what I was saying before. I can’t seem to conform, to do what’s expected. I do what feels good, I have a strong disregard for authority, and I struggle with commitment. Sound like anyone familiar?”

Dad shrugged. “Yeah. Me.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, Dad.
Her
. I’m like Mom.”

“Jesus, Sadie. You’re the polar opposite of your mother.”

Sadie didn’t agree, but wasn’t sure how to plead her case without reopening a wound. She had been very young when her mother left. So young that her absence became a way of life before she was old enough to ask why she wasn’t there. Why had her mom walked out on them?

Her dad sighed when the silence lasted too long. He pointed to a chair. “Sit down, Sadie.” His tone proved exactly how uncomfortable he felt. The fact that he was still here, still trying to talk it out, made her love her dad more than ever.

He was a man of few words, most of them gruff or foul and never anything that touched on feelings.

She took the seat closest to the door should he decide to make good on his threat to do bodily harm to Joel and Oakley.

Dad crossed behind the desk and claimed the larger chair, placing his arms on the smooth surface. He clasped them together tightly, betraying his nervousness. It was odd to see her father like this.

“How much do you want to know?” he asked.

Considering he’d never said one word about her mother—short of the brief conversation they’d had when Sadie returned home from first grade and her dad had simply said, “Your mom had to leave town. It’s just you and me from now on. Okay?”—she figured they were starting at zero.

Back then, Sadie had just said, “Okay,” and held on to every single one of the million and twelve questions she had.

She couldn’t do that anymore. “All of it.”

He grimaced. “Some of it might be hard to hear.”

After so many years of silence, she’d take anything. Not knowing was way more painful. She knew that for sure. “I don’t care.”

“Met your mom here at the bar. She was passing through Quinn on her way to Arizona. One thing led to another and we sort of hooked up. She took off the next morning and I didn’t really think about her again until she showed up three months later. Pregnant.”

Sadie fought to keep her face impassive for fear her dad would stop talking. Once again, she felt the overwhelming desire to giggle. She was the product of a one-night stand. Figured.

When she didn’t say anything, her dad forged on. “I told her I’d do the right thing by her, so we got married. I tried to make it work, Sadie. For you. And…for me. Saw you being born in that delivery room and I fell in love with your mom—right then and there. Never saw anything so incredible in my whole life.”

Sadie smiled. “You always told me I came out screaming my head off and the racket gave you a headache.”

Dad chuckled. “Yeah. That part was true too.”

His face sobered up and Sadie recognized the look in his eyes. Knew instinctively what it was because she’d seen it in her own this morning. Pain.

“She didn’t feel the same way about me. To be honest, she hung in there longer than I thought she would. But I’m pretty sure that was for you. Not me. Your mother was a free spirit and she was never meant to settle down and be anyone’s mom...or wife.”

“So she left.”

Her dad nodded sadly. “Yeah.”

His story had only proven her point. “Don’t you see some similarities there, Dad?”

His expression grew thunderous, but a lifetime with this man had numbed her to his grumpiness. “No. I don’t see one damn thing of your mother in you, besides her pretty eyes.”

She had her mother’s eyes? Sadie had a couple of pictures of her mom, but she hadn’t looked at them in well over two decades.

“What I
do
see,” her father continued, “is too fucking much of me.”

“You make that sound like a bad thing?” She adored her dad and was proud that he actually thought they were alike. He was a badass who didn’t take crap from anybody. He was his own man. She respected the hell out of that.

“In this instance, it is.”

Sadie felt the need to make it clear to him how wrong he was. “You, of all people, should understand this. I’m a bad bet. I suck at commitment. I don’t want to hurt Joel and Oakley.”

Dad shook his head. “No. You got it backwards. You aren’t running because you’re afraid you’ll hurt them. You’re running because you’re afraid they’ll hurt
you
.”

She sat frozen, her body suddenly cold as ice, her mind numb.

Her father stood up and walked around to stand in front of her, leaning on the desk. “I tried to raise you to be independent, Sadie. I wanted you to be strong enough to handle all the shit life was gonna throw your way. Guess I taught you the best way to do all that was to never let anyone close. Good intentions. Bad lesson.”

She grinned and stood up. Stepping closer, her dad was there, arms open to embrace her. “You raised me just fine. My problem is I’m a bum magnet.”

“No, you’re not. There were plenty of decent guys asking you out. You turned down the good ones because it kept you safe.”

Sadie couldn’t refute his words. She’d run through a long line of assholes, men who never had a snowball’s chance in hell of hurting her because she would never love them.

Her plan had fallen apart when she’d embarked on the affair with Joel and Oakley. She’d strayed from losers and accepted the advances of two really great guys. Her safety net had been the threesome. And it had failed her. Because it worked.

Then she’d held Jane in her arms and though it killed her to admit it, she realized how much she loved holding that tiny little life in her arms. It had started some yearnings that terrified her. She didn’t know the first thing about being a mom. The only thing she knew for sure was that she’d cut out her own heart rather than hurt a child the way her mother had hurt her.

“What do I do now?”

Her dad gripped her upper arms, holding her back so that he could see her face. “You really love those two men?”

She nodded.

He closed his eyes and blew out a long breath. There was no denying her father was not a fan of what her heart had chosen. However, he was her dad. And he was going to support her decision, going to defend her against anyone who dared to question it. He was going to have her back…just like he always did.

“Fine.”

She stood up on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t worry so much. There’s a pretty good chance I’ve already done irreparable damage to the relationship.”

“No. If they really love you, it’s gonna work out just fine.” Then Dad cracked his knuckles. “But if it
is
over, it’s still a win because I’ll be free to pound their asses into the ground.”

Sadie laughed. “I might keep that as my ace in the hole if they turn me down.”