Reckless Secrets (9 page)

It was sound advice. But if the news was bad, a huge part of me didn't want to find out.
Ever
.

On Monday mornings I had chem at nine. If there had been any other section available, I would
never
have signed up for Chem 202 at that ungodly hour. As usual, I dragged myself to the dining hall and got a cup of coffee in an attempt to wake up. Dressed in yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt, I approached the lecture hall and chemistry with a certain amount of happy anticipation—goodbye, Dr. Rogers. Hello, funny, happy Professor Kim. Hopefully.

Dex waited for me in our usual seats. I loved my seat—it had a speaker in the row in front of it that I used as a table for my coffee. The lecture hall buzzed with anticipation and the mood was almost festive as we waited for our new prof to show up.

"I'm betting on Professor Kim," I said to Dex.

"Me too," he said as I settled in.

The bell rang and the lectern was still empty. People were looking at each other, puzzled. We'd all looked on our university accounts to see who the new prof would be. The university had not announced it ahead of time, but the administration had made it clear that class was not canceled. No one really knew what to do. I looked at Dex. He gave me a quizzical look back. And then the door to the lower level opened and a skinny, nerdy guy with an acne problem came out carrying a laptop and a chemistry book.

I looked at Dex again and frowned. "What's Byron doing down there?"

Dex held his hands up palms up like he had no idea. "Introducing the new prof?"

Byron approached the lectern and set his laptop and chem book down on it. "Morning." Byron's voice unfortunately cracked just as the mic squealed with feedback. He turned bright red.

"Sorry!" He cleared his throat. "As you know, uh, Dr. Rogers has, is, unfortunately unable to finish out the semester." Pause. "Yeah. Soooo." Pause. "I'm going to be taking her place and filling in as your instructor for the rest of the semester. Uh, yeah.

"For those of you who have me as your lab TA, you'll be reassigned another grad student, Bhat. He's very good. Yeah. You'll like him."

I felt the blood leave my face. "No," I whispered to Dex. Things had just gone from bad to worse.

"Looks like you're going to be going to that standing study session of yours after all," Dex said. "Or his new office hours."

"Shut up." I was in deep trouble now—my new professor had a crush on me. Ouch. Dr. Rogers having a thing for Logan had nearly ruined him.

GPA warrior that he was, Dex turned to me. "You need to step up our game. How are you going to top cobblestone bars now?" He leaned in and whispered directly in my ear, "Maybe you should reconsider my suggestion to sleep with him." Dex's voice was teasing.

"No. Way."

"Okay," Dex said. "But you're going to have to start flirting all over with Bhat."
 

"Byron is your new chem professor?" Nic looked at me, just as aghast as I was.
 

I nodded as I got ready for work.

"This is bad," she said, sitting on Bre's bed and leaning against the wall.

"Byron's a good guy," I said, trying to be optimistic about something. "He won't sabotage me."

She looked skeptical.

I blew out a long breath. "I wish I'd never looked at missed connections. Then I'd never know…about any of this stuff."

"Ignorance is bliss for a reason," Nic said. "But you're forgetting one thing—Byron doesn't know you saw the post or have any suspicions about him. So ignore it."

"That's true," I said, thinking the same thing was true of Logan. What if I just ignored it?

"Uh-oh," Nic said. "Don't go there. I see what you're thinking—that you can ignore the post you think is about Logan. That's not the same thing and you know it. That post could eat up your relationship. You don't have a relationship with Byron. They aren't equivalent. Talk to Logan at dinner tonight."

"I'm so looking forward to going to work now."

"Hey, work's work. You should be excited about having dinner with a guy who loves you."

"Maybe. Maybe he loves me."

Nic shook her head. "Insecurity is not sexy. Just remember that, Ellie."

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I grabbed it. When I saw who it was from, my heart plopped right into my stomach. "Uh-oh. How does he even have my number?"

"What?" Nic slid over next to me and read over my shoulder. "Byron. You never gave it to him?"

I shook my head.

"Then he abused his power and got it from university records. That's my guess." Nic frowned and read it out loud. "
What do you think of my new position? Exciting, isn't it? Stop by my office tomorrow and we'll talk about how to bring your grade up.
" Nic stared at me. "Sounds innocuous enough."

"If you don't know the situation," I said.

"What do you think he's going to suggest?"

I shrugged.

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing." I slid the phone back into my jeans pocket. "I have to run."

I grabbed my purse and left for work. I couldn't tell Nic the other reason I was nervous about work—now that I knew for sure Jason was my dad, I wasn't sure how I'd deal with it.

As it turned out, I shouldn't have worried. Jason was his friendly, boss-ly self. But now there was a secret between us that bound us and gave our relationship a new depth. Now that I knew he was really my dad, I was proud of him in a way that made me beam when I looked at him. He was a good guy. A really good guy.

We were swamped with emergency calls for tech support from almost the minute I sat down at my desk. The calls kept Logan and the other techs out in the field. Just before five, Logan texted me to meet him at the SUB. I was waiting for him when he came walking up the hill in the dark, the streetlights lighting his puffs of breath in the cold, tiny silver clouds of life.

He looked like a dark angel as he walked up the hill with his dark hair haloed by the light. A beautiful, darkly driven angel.
 

"El!" His eyes lit up when he saw me. He pulled me into a kiss—his mouth was warm. His cheeks were cold. I was totally hot for him, wishing the moment would last forever. "How was your day?" he asked as he broke the kiss and held the door to the SUB open for me.

I stepped inside. "Awful."

"Awful? Worse than mine?" He cocked one eyebrow, trying to make me laugh.

"Yours was bad?" I took his arm and leaned my head against his shoulder as we walked. "I'm sorry."

"It's better now that I'm with you."

I laughed, but I was nervous. "Do you practice lines like that to use on the girls?"

He winked at me. "What do you think?"

"Your eye looks better." I touched it gently.

He smiled and shrugged. Neither of us wanted to talk about what caused it.

"Do you want to tell me about your day?" I said.

"You know my motto—never divulge bad shit on an empty stomach. Let's get our food first."

"That's your motto?"

He grinned. "One of my mottos."

"Is it like on your family crest or something. If it isn't, it should be."

He grinned. "I'll suggest that to Dad."

I protested, but Logan insisted on buying dinner. We decided on pizza. I got one slice. He got three. We got our usual table by the windows, but it was already dark outside so there wasn't much to see.

"You go first," he said, picking up a slice of pizza. "Tell me about your crappy day."

"Byron is my new chem prof." I just blurted it out.

"No way." He laughed. "Your lab TA? The one you've spent the entire semester baking cookies for and flirting with?"

"I wasn't flirting with him."
 

"Sure you were." He wiped his mouth with a paper napkin.

"Was not."

"What's so bad about that?"
 

"I think he has a thing for me."

Logan laughed. "Really."

"You aren't jealous?"

He laughed again and his smile was infectious. Logan's moods were mercurial. He was having a crappy day one minute and laughing the next. It was part of what made him mysterious and sexy. "Do you want me to be? I can play the jealous boyfriend. Do you want me to take a swing at him?" He pointed to his healing black eye. "I can take another one for you."

"Shut up." I smiled at him. "You know how much I just love fighting and seeing you get hurt." But at that moment I loved him even more. I grabbed his hand where it rested on the table and squeezed it.

He squeezed back. "Don't think I can take him?"

"Don't think I want you in jail for assault."

He turned suddenly serious. "A prof having the hots for you is serious shit, El. What makes you think he does?"

We were on dangerous, delicate ground now. It was like walking on frost—so easy to crush it. I had to proceed carefully. A professor being infatuated with Logan had led to her using date-rape drugs on him. Yeah, guys can be raped, too, using drugs like GHB. Logan had been particularly vulnerable when it happened—he'd been addicted to prescription painkillers after his baseball injury, the one that ended his career.
 

I froze, caught in my own trap. I couldn't reveal why I suspected without revealing my suspicions about Logan from missed connections. "You mean besides the flustered way he acts around me?" I paused, wondering whether I should tell Logan about Byron's text. Finally, I gave in, thinking I was keeping too many secrets from him as it was. "He texted me. He wants me to come to his office and discuss how to bring my grade up."
 

"That sounds innocent enough…" He saw my face and then it hit him. "He texted you? He has your number? El, did you give it to him?" His brow furrowed like he was worried.

"No," I said softly.

"Shit!" He squeezed my hand tighter. "He's crossing a line. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Don't go. A grade isn't worth it. I should know."

My heart broke for Logan. If I could have taken his pain away, I would have.

"El?"

I shrugged.

"If you decide to go, I'm going with you."

"I should go. Make it clear I'm not interested in him that way. It's just his office. In broad daylight. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe it doesn't mean anything." But I only said that to put Logan at ease. I was pretty sure Byron was infatuated with me. I changed the subject. "Tell me about your day."

Logan stared at me and sighed, like he knew I was using a diversion. And like his day had been really bad. "I had a long phone conversation with my dad's lawyers." He held my gaze.

"Not about the fight?"

"No, El. About…
her
."

"Her" was Dr. Rogers. We never mentioned her by name. It was too embarrassing and painful for Logan.

"Okay," I said, not wanting to push him for details.

"I don't remember anything about what she did to me, only what happened after, but I want to testify." He took a deep breath and released my hand, balling his fist. "Against Dad's wishes. He's going to be so pissed. You know, I'll be bringing down the family name and all. But it's ridiculous. I can't be a coward. I wasn't the only victim. I can't let her get away with what she did. I have to make sure she's punished."

"President Lawrence said they have plenty of evidence against her without—"

"This is something I have to do, El." Logan pounded the table gently to emphasize his point. The look he gave me was a challenge—was I on his side or was I against him? Would I support him, or be embarrassed like his dad? Would I walk away?

I swallowed hard and nodded. "I'm here for you, Logan, whatever you decide to do." I paused, trying to get a grip on my emotions. It was hard to explain how I felt. "You're the bravest guy I know. A total hero."