Reckless (Renegades #1) (21 page)

Jax opened his door and climbed out, then took Tawna’s small waist and pulled her from the cab to set her on the ground. Instead, she wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck and smiled into his eyes. Hers were brown and beautifully shaped. Her hair long and deep chestnut. She weighed barely a hundred pounds and had a great, athletic body. She was funny and normal and sweet. She had a decent job, ambition for more, a normal family, everything Jax always thought he’d wanted.

Until he’d met Lexi.

Tawna kissed him long and hot, then whispered against his lips, “Come in with me, Jax. Stay the night.”

He had three excuses rolling off his tongue that he hadn’t used yet, but paused before answering. He set her down halfway up the walk and held her hand up to the porch. His mind pinged back and forth, telling him to go in, get what he needed, give her what she wanted. But it wasn’t what he wanted, or rather,
she
wasn’t
who
he wanted.

God, he was such an idiot. Lexi wasn’t an option. She hadn’t wanted him for any more than one night. He didn’t fit into her world—whatever world that was.

And, if her silence was any indication—no texts or phone calls since she’d walked out of his room—she certainly hadn’t changed her mind. It was over. Shit, it had never really started. He had to find a way to accept that. To move past it.

And then they were at Tawna’s door.

Holding tight to his hand, she unlocked the door, pushed it open, and stepped inside, pulling on his arm. When he didn’t follow, she turned a questioning gaze on him. Damn, she really was pretty. And as sweet and smart as Wes had promised. And…
damn
Lexi.
Damn her
for having some spark, some
something
that made it impossible for Jax to get her out of his mind.

The bright anticipation in Tawna’s pretty eyes dimmed. Her smile faded. She propped her shoulder against the doorjamb with a new look of resignation and stared down at his hand, still in hers.

“You’re not coming in,” she said.

He didn’t know what to say. He’d never gotten to this point with women and turned them down.

“What is it, Jax?” Tawna asked. “I thought we had something.”

“Me too.” Or could have. “The truth is… Before Wes set us up, I was with someone and—”

“I heard,” she said, sympathy turning her eyes sad. “It ended badly. What she did was horrible, Jax.”

His mind was so deep in Lexi, it took him a moment to climb out and realize Tawna was talking about Veronica. And he realized letting her think he was talking about Veronica might make this much easier for Tawna.

“I guess I’m more reluctant that I thought. I’m thinking you played it right,” he said, referencing their discussion about her breakup and why she’d waited so long to start dating again. She smiled a sad, understanding smile and nodded. “I’m…really sorry, Tawna. Can I, I don’t know, call you sometime? If you’re free, great, if not, I totally understand.”

“Of course.”

She leaned in. They kissed. Jax walked back to his truck alone.

And cursed the shit out of Lexi.

Inside the cab, Tawna’s perfume still lingered. Floral and sweet. She was a good person, and Jax hated himself for disappointing her. Hurting her. He slammed his palm against the steering wheel and laid his head back, closing his eyes.

Lexi instantly filled his mind like she did every time he closed his eyes. Which was stupid, because he’d never seen her. Not really. Yes, he’d seen shadows, silhouettes, glimpses of that one crystal blue eye, golden eyelashes, and full pink lips in the light of his phone. But that was it. And over the last three weeks, even those small details had faded from his mind. Now he was doing more imagining than remembering, because in reality, she was nothing more than a shadow.

He rubbed his face and swore. The tension in his cock was ridiculous, and he was getting tired of jacking off. “So fucking stupid,” he muttered. “Should have just fucked Lexi and left it.”

But no. He’d held on to her right up until she’d almost missed her flight. They’d made love all night—which he was sure was where his mistake lay. Once they’d made it into bed, the sex changed from wicked-hot fucking to…wicked-hot lovemaking. Sensual, deep, moving. The way she’d insisted on pleasing him touched a place he hadn’t fully realized existed and made the sex ten times as intense, ten times as good as it had ever been. The way he’d needed to please her had been, in hindsight, absurdly important to him. At the time, it had felt crucial, and the payoff, a delirious high.

Yeah, it had been that damn bed. It had changed everything.

He turned the key and pulled away from the curb, his mind turning toward home. An uncomfortable, heavy sensation coiled in the pit of his stomach. He loved that house, but it was so damned big. So damned empty. Usually, that worked for him. But tonight…

He’d go for a run on the beach. Yeah, that would help. Maybe jump in the ocean after. He could use a good cooldown after thinking about Lexi.

He’d taken far more swims than usual lately.

Forcing his mind toward work was easy. Business was great. He only wished he could clone himself. His guys were the best at what they did, real no-fear, no-shit, intelligent guys, but they all specialized in one area or another, making it difficult to schedule the work coming in. And Jax ended up spreading himself thin.

His work cell rang, and he picked it up. “Renegades.”

“Jax.” He recognized Russ Mathers’s voice instantly. “What the hell are you doing picking up the phone at this hour?”

The last time he’d talked to Russ had been the day he’d met Lexi. He was beginning to think he was cursed to live with her inside his head. “I have no life, Russ. How’s everything?”

“Good. What are you up to?”

“Just dropping off a friend. Headed home. Are you still in New York?”

“Yeah. The shoot’s going great. Those scenes you shot with Ty are
epic
. Seriously, Jax, wait till you see them on the big screen. You do such great work. And as much trouble as you and Ty are to have together, like two little kids loose in a damn candy store, what we got from it was worth the trouble.”

“Give it up, Russ. You love having us together. We make you laugh your ass off.”

“Speaking of, remember when you and Ty were screwing around and you poked him with the lance when he was looking at some babe over his shoulder and he fell off the damn horse? Then while you were laughing your ass off, he grabbed your lance and yanked you down with him?”

Just remembering the incident had Jax laughing so hard, he had to pull over before he took the freeway on-ramp. He put the truck in park and wiped his eyes. All the fun and happiness he’d had between working with Ty and Russ and being with Lexi came rushing back and filled him so completely, he hurt.

“The masters in the studio messed with that digitally,” Russ said, “and turned it into a gnarly fight scene.”

“Oh man,” he said, his gut burning. “I needed that.”

“I could hear it in your voice when you picked up,” Russ said. “I could tell something was bothering you weeks ago. What’s going on?”

Jax sighed, wishing he’d been able to talk to Russ about this when he’d tried—when Lexi was still with him. “Nothing, Russ. Life’s good. Work’s kicking my ass.”

“It’s not that Veronica shit, is it?”

“No, man, I’m way over it.”

“That’s not why I called, but did you hear—?”

“Woods got fired as the stunt coordinator on the Bond film? Yeah, believe me, I’ve heard—numerous times.” Jax had also been dodging calls from Veronica for a couple of weeks as well. “Looks like Veronica isn’t going to get that chance to drive after all.”

“You’re saving her life, Jax.”

“Don’t go all dramatic on me. She’ll just go fuck someone else, eventually get her ass in a car, and kill herself. She isn’t the kind to learn from experience.”

“You didn’t used to be that kind either,” Russ said, “but I do have to say I’m proud of the way your changes over the last few years have stuck.”

Jax’s throat tightened. It shouldn’t matter so much, but it did. And he couldn’t afford any more emotion pulling at him. “Thanks, Russ. I’m a work in progress.”

“Aren’t we all? Don’t be surprised if Rimer calls you,” he said, referring to the producer on the Bond film. “The director is trying to take over for Woods, and it’s not working out very well. They’re about twenty million over budget on stunts.”

“Christ.”

“No kidding. Rimer knows you can pull it into the black for him, but I think he’s trying to save face.”

“I don’t care what he’s doing. I’m not all that interested. Even less now that I know I’m going to be pulled in to clean up someone else’s mess.” Especially a mess that was Veronica’s making.

“Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, now.”

Jax laughed. “Haven’t heard that in…like… Well, I don’t think I’ve ever heard it used seriously.”

“Shut up. I’m old. I’m just saying that stuffing your pride and taking the job if he offers it, pulling it out of the fire for him will earn you one hell of a lot of gold stars. It could really shoot you ahead in an industry that’s already as competitive as it gets. Take it from someone who knows, Jax, you won’t be young forever. Build now, while you can. You may not need the money, but you’d be a hell of a miserable man sitting home in your old age with nothing to do.”

Jax grumbled a reluctant agreement.

“But, like I said,” Russ said, “that’s not why I called. Poe changed a few things around. He’s jockeying, repositioning, you know how he is.”

Jerry Poe was the producer of the
Robin Hood
remake. A really brilliant man. But brilliance, Jax had noticed, often came with eccentricities. For Poe, that meant rewriting the movie on the fly.

“He wants to run a few more fight scenes,” Russ said. “We were hoping to get you back here for a week. What do you think?”

His mind immediately darted to Lexi. He propped his elbow on the windowsill and slapped his palm to his temple.
Idiot. Lexi lives here, not in New-fucking-York.
Flying across the country would not get him any closer to her.

“I’m really tight, Russ. I’ll be running across speeding trains and fighting assassins for another couple of days, and I’m taking a hundred-foot fall in downtown Chicago first part of next week.”

“I heard about you getting dirty for Cruise on that Barcelona flick. Hear he’s pissed the insurance company’s keeping him on the ground.”

“You sure hear a lot for an old man. I’m letting Cruise do everything but run on the train. He knows he’s more valuable than I am. He’s dealing with it. But you can bet your ass I’m going to make it look as fun as fucking possible for the torment.”

“You sonofabitch.” Russ laughed the words. “Can you come play with us after you jump in Chicago—providing you live? You’ll make your brother happy. He gets sulky when you’re not there to entertain him.”

“I’ll live, and for you and Ty, I’ll make it work. How long do you need me?”

“Four, five, eight…ten days,” he said with a smile in his voice.

Jax chuckled and rubbed his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I can squeeze in five. I’ll call you later and let you know for sure.”

He said good-bye, disconnected, and sat there a moment, staring at the phone. Slowly, he slid it back into the case on his belt, moved his hand to the phone sitting right next to it, and pulled it into his hand.

One half of his brain was yelling,
Don’t do it. Dooooon’t do it.

The other side was laughing like a mad scientist and rubbing his hands together, whispering,
The perfect excuse.

He looked at his iPhone. Tapped into text messages. Lexi’s last note was still on his list of recents because he did a lot more talking than texting.

LEXI: On the plane. Miss you already. XO

He’d asked her to text him when she’d boarded so he knew she was safely on her way home. The rest she’d added on her own. And every time Jax looked at the message, he ended up reading twenty different things into the words.

Jax looked out the windshield. He almost wished she hadn’t done that. Maybe it would have been easier to forget her if she hadn’t left that
miss you already
dangling.

He watched the cars speed by on the highway, their lights blurring.

“…stuffing your pride and taking the job if he offers it, pulling it out of the fire for him will earn you one hell of a lot of gold stars.”

And Jax was considering. For the benefit of his company. For the men who worked for him. For the sense of accomplishment. The sense of validation.

Which was just what Lexi had been doing for her company. For her employees. For herself.

Granted, Jax didn’t like being her sacrifice, but he understood it. And he understood her. They were, in fact, a lot alike in a lot of ways. He believed they were even more alike in ways they didn’t even know yet. If he could just spend some more time with her…

He looked down at his phone and shook his head. God, he knew he was setting himself up for heartbreak.
Knew it
. Yet he was like a moth hypnotized by the flame.

“She’s not going to be in New York the same days as I am,” he told his phone.

Jax so badly wanted to fool himself into believing that was the reason he was going to text her.

“Great,” he muttered to the phone. “My subconscious has already decided I’m going to do it.”

His phone didn’t comment. Just stared back at him sending telepathic
Text Lexi, Text Lexi
vibes.

He shut off the engine and rolled down the window, letting the cool Los Angeles pollution roll in.

“Okay,” he told his phone. “It’ll be an easy way for her to brush me off, and I can stop thinking about her, right?”

He really was going out of his mind.

“Or it could open the door in case she’s been feeling the same way I have.”

Chances were not good. He’d never met a woman who had that kind of self-control. If they wanted a guy, they found a way to get the guy. Which usually included subterfuge, lies, betrayal…stealing six-figure contracts.